Title - Alone - Chapter 2 - A State of Being
Author - Jules
Rating - PG 13
Disclaimer - They do , I don't. The song is My Immortal from Evanesence's album Fallen
Summery - A quiet afternoon goes horribly wrong for the Twins of Imladris.
Authors Notes - ANGST FEST! Serious angsting ensues... you have been warned.
Dedication - To Sonbon and the Pakettes, to Katie my northern buddy, and to Minka, who has once again inspired me to angst!
A State of Being
Elladan rolled over in his bed, his dark hair catching under his face and forcing him to become semi-awake in order to flick it out of the way. His dark eyes cleared and he automatically glanced towards the other bed in the room. It was empty. His mind reaquainted itself with his consciousness with the force of a runaway oliphant, emotions crashing within him until he thought he could bear no more. Elrohir was dead. A scream that would remain with all who heard it echoed around the spacious room. The cry similar to that of a wounded animal, too much pain to bear and no understanding as to why. I'm so tired of being here Supressed by all my childish fears And if you have to leave I wish that you would just leave Cause your presence still lingers here And it won't leave me alone Many footsteps rushed towards the bedroom, Glorfindel had been resting in a large chair in the dark corner of the room was on his feet the instant Elladan had awoke. He had known this would not be easy on the elf, alas, Elladan would be lucky if he survived the experience. To lose a loved one was enough to send any elf to the verge of hopelessness, but to lose a twin, a mirror image in every way of yourself, must be too hard to bear. These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time can not erase The Twins of course had been inseparable throughout their now many years. Always joking together, scheming together or generally causing mischief. To see one without the other nearby was a rarity and few elves ever saw them apart, not counting the young maidens of the village who frequently caught the Twins apart in their antics of courting either one of them. From the time they had both picked up a sword to commanding the legions of the Rivendell Guard together, always bouncing ideas off each other, always there to pick each other up when one fell in battle or took a tumble from his horse. They had shared everything, a room, daily duties and even gifts, so it seemed only natural that they shared feelings as well. If one was frightened the other would undoubtably be as well, if one was giggling, the other was generally in a fit of laughter on the floor. Alas they were remarkable. Were. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me Elladan sat bolt upright in his bed, his naturally pale face as white and stark as the moon on a starry night. He seemed unable to think coherently, and seemed to be warring within himself as to what was actually happening. Glorfindel rushed to his bedside, sitting on the edge and holding the shaking elf close, whispering comforting nothings in the delicately pointed ear until the shudders subsided. The dumbfounded look was slowly replaced by one of irreplaceable loss. Somewhere deep inside himself Elladan knew his brother was gone. Never again to grace the halls of Imladris with his contagious laughs and smiles. You used to captivate me by your resonating mind Now I'm bound by the life you left behind Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me The days blurred past in a haze of pain for Elladan. He had sat numbly through Elrohir's passing ceremony and he said nought to anybody, including his closest family, all but disappearing into the darkened dreams his mind had surrendered too. Days turned into weeks with still no improvement in Elladan's condition. His muscle tone began to waste with lack of use and he had barely eaten time since he had returned, only taking slight food at the utmost begging of his distraught sister. Elrond had been nothing but helpful, aiding his almost comatose like son in the daily tasks of bathing and keeping himself at least looking clean despite the fact that the once fitting robes were beginning to hang from an increasingly skeletal frame. Elrond had pushed aside his own gnawing grief to see to the needs of his son, not allowing himself the time he needed to mourn the loss of a son due to the increasing probability of loosing another. But there came a time when even a grieving father must admit defeat. The Elf Lord had tried everything he could think of to bring Elladan out of his grief. Tales about the good days, talk of the future, bringing his close friends to be near him, and lastly blatant threats. Nothing had worked, Elladan sat mutely wherever his father had placed him, staring at nothing while the world seemed to turn without him. These wounds won't seem to heal This pain is just too real There's just too much that time can not erase It was as if Elladans' spirit had fled along with his brother's, leaving nothing but a broken shell amoung the living, but Glorfindel was sure there was something left. It may be battered and broken with grief, but there had to be something of the old Elladan somewhere within the wasted shell that sat in the chair by the window all day. Having had enough of one-sided pleasantries Glorfindel decided to take matters into his owns hands. If Elrond knew what he were about to do he would assuradly be cast out of Imladris, if not executed on the spot. With the aid of another house elf they carried the unresponsive twin outside, on Glorfindel's pretense of allowing the young elf to see the sky and trees. Once the other elf had left Elladan leaning against a large tree, Glorfindel pulled his sword from its scabbard and pressed it into one of the cold thin hands, making sure the other dark elf was not going to drop the weapon before reaching for one of his daggers. The blonde elf was hoping that the basic combat training he had instilled in both twins by himself from a very young age was in there somewhere. If he could coax any kind of response out it would be worth it. He bought his dagger to bear, brandishing it in front of his body with slow arcs, allowing Elladan to clearly see the weapon dancing in front of him. When the dark elf didn't respond Glorfindel arced the blade closer, stepping into attacking distance and making his movements more threatening. Some cloud started to lift from Elladan's eyes, the tortured soul clawing its way a little closer to the surface. Glorfindel went one step further, aiming his blade towards Elladan's unprotected sword arm, just enough that if the other elf didn't move he would only receive a light graze. It was enough. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears And I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me The dark elf seemed to erupt, his eyes clearing completely and his left arm coming up to parry the incoming blow. He arced his own blade towards the blonde elf, intent on somehow hurting the one that was making him face his own angst. His blade struck with deadly accuracy, his anger lending his body the strength it lacked in muscle tone. Glorfindel parried and dodged with his own blade, matching Elladan's anger with pure skill and millennia of practice. The even match was short lived, the strain beginning to show on Elladan's face shortly after the bout began. Beads of sweat started to trickle down his face, matting his limp dark hair at his scalp before sliding its way down his neck. His sword arm began shaking, the sweat in his palm causing his grip to slip and sending the delicately curved blade crashing to the ground. His body soon followed, all strength seemingly leeched from his muscles as the grief he had been trying desperately trying to hide from within his own mind caught up with him. Another great cry rang through the valley's of Imladris followed by great sobs. Glorfindel was by his side in an instant, holding the sobbing elf as he released weeks worth of bottled up emotion and thanking the Valar that he may not lose both twins. Several elves appeared at the commotion, rushing towards the two elves now on the ground to see if they could be of assistance. The blonde Elf Lord whispered several instructions and the elves hurried away, returning shortly with the provisions Glorfindel had requested. Elladan had calmed somewhat by the time the elves returned, glancing up through red and watery eyes at the items that were deposited nearby. A flask of miruvor was pressed into his hands, which it turn were aided to his lips. He swallowed several long drafts, savouring the feeling of the fragrant liquor as it gave strength to his weakened body. Blankets were wrapped around his shoulders and once he had drank his fill, some lembas found their way into his hands. He nibbled at the think bread, staring at the grass before finally working up the courage to look Glorfindel in the eye. Part of him still wanted to follow the path of his brother, to depart this earth and dwell in the Halls of Mandos. Yet what Glorfindel had just done and sparked a small glimmer of hope with him. He was not totally alone in his grief, others would be there to share it with him, to help him bear the almost impossible burden of carrying on when it felt half your being way missing. Glorfindel seemed to pick up on the mixed feelings as they played across the twin's features. He murmured words of encouragement and words of regret, he spoke of the future, how Rivendel must have an heir to its throne and a leader for its people. Deep inside Glorfindel knew that if he lost Elladan to grief, the rest of Elrond's family would surely follow. " You must not give up hope my friend. You father needs you, your sister needs you, and Imladris needs you. You must show your strength and continue to be apart of this world." The blonde elf urged. " My brother needed me, and I failed him. I let him die alone in the woods by the hand of men" the last word was spat out as though a word uglier than the foulest curse the dark elf knew. Glorfindel sat quietly, his arms still supporting the once again shaking elf as he started to tell his tale. He knew Elladan had to speak of what happened, only then would his healing begin. " They came out of nowhere, he hadn't seen them or heard them. They had daggers, short and sharp, and think hides of leather for armour. They were upon us, all of them at once, trying to steal our weapons, to wound us, rob us, then leave us to die. We were holding our own until a blow to the head made me fall. I stayed awake as long as I could, but when I awoke, the men were dead, but so was my brother. If only I hadn't fallen, if only I hadn't taken my eyes off him, if only..." I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone But though you're still with me I've been alone all along " If only's will not bring him back Elladan. You do not know what happened after you fell, nor should you speculate. It will only cause you more grief." A muffled sniff was the only reply as Elladan tried to pull himself together. He swiped at his eyes, drying his tears on the sleeves of his robe and gulping down large lungfuls of air to try and ground himself. He took another sip of miruvor before trying to stand, staring down in shock at the condition of his body. His eyes held a million questions as he gazed to Glorfindel for the answers. " It has been nearly 2 months my friend since you returned. You have barely eaten anything, nor moved under your own strength since then. Come, let us go inside" He wrapped his arms around the thin shoulders of the now only son of Elrond and led him inside, relief coursing through his veins. He had achieved a small victory today, but the worst would be to come. When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears I held your hand through all of these years But you still have all of me
To Be Contiued.