Title - Alone - Chapter 2 - A State of Being

Author - Jules

Rating - PG 13

Disclaimer - They do , I don't. The song is My Immortal from Evanesence's album Fallen

Summery - A quiet afternoon goes horribly wrong for the Twins of Imladris.

Authors Notes - ANGST FEST! Serious angsting ensues... you have been warned.

Dedication - To Sonbon and the Pakettes, to Katie my northern buddy, and to Minka, who has once again inspired me to angst!

A State of Being


Elladan rolled over in his bed, his dark hair catching under his face and forcing him to 
become semi-awake in order to flick it out of the way. His dark eyes cleared and he
 automatically glanced towards the other bed in the room. It was empty. His mind 
reaquainted itself with his consciousness with the force of a runaway oliphant, emotions 
crashing within him until he thought he could bear no more. Elrohir was dead.


A scream that would remain with all who heard it echoed around the spacious room. The cry 
similar to that of a wounded animal, too much pain to bear and no understanding as to why.





I'm so tired of being here
Supressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone




Many footsteps rushed towards the bedroom, Glorfindel had been resting in a large chair in 
the dark corner of the room was on his feet the instant Elladan had awoke. He had known 
this would not be easy on the elf, alas, Elladan would be lucky if he survived the 
experience. To lose a loved one was enough to send any elf to the verge of hopelessness, 
but to lose a twin, a mirror image in every way of yourself, must be too hard to bear.






These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase





The Twins of course had been inseparable throughout their now many years. Always joking 
together, scheming together or generally causing mischief. To see one without the other 
nearby was a rarity and few elves ever saw them apart, not counting the young maidens of 
the village who frequently caught the Twins apart in their antics of courting either one of 
them. 


From the time they had both picked up a sword to commanding the legions of the Rivendell 
Guard together, always bouncing ideas off each other, always there to pick each other up 
when one fell in battle or took a tumble from his horse. They had shared everything, a 
room, daily duties and even gifts, so it seemed only natural that they shared feelings as 
well. If one was frightened the other would undoubtably be as well, if one was giggling, 
the other was generally in a fit of laughter on the floor. Alas they were remarkable. Were.





When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me





Elladan sat bolt upright in his bed, his naturally pale face as white and stark as the moon 
on a starry night. He seemed unable to think coherently, and seemed to be warring within 
himself as to what was actually happening. Glorfindel rushed to his bedside, sitting on the 
edge and holding the shaking elf close, whispering comforting nothings in the delicately 
pointed ear until the shudders subsided. The dumbfounded look was slowly replaced by one of 
irreplaceable loss. Somewhere deep inside himself Elladan knew his brother was gone. Never 
again to grace the halls of Imladris with his contagious laughs and smiles.






You used to captivate me by your resonating mind
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me






The days blurred past in a haze of pain for Elladan. He had sat numbly through Elrohir's 
passing ceremony and he said nought to anybody, including his closest family, all but 
disappearing into the darkened dreams his mind had surrendered too.


Days turned into weeks with still no improvement in Elladan's condition. His muscle tone 
began to waste with lack of use and he had barely eaten time since he had returned, only 
taking slight food at the utmost begging of his distraught sister. Elrond had been nothing 
but helpful, aiding his almost comatose like son in the daily tasks of bathing and keeping 
himself at least looking clean despite the fact that the once fitting robes were beginning 
to hang from an increasingly skeletal frame. Elrond had pushed aside his own gnawing grief 
to see to the needs of his son, not allowing himself the time he needed to mourn the loss 
of a son due to the increasing probability of loosing another. But there came a time when 
even a grieving father must admit defeat. The Elf Lord had tried everything he could think 
of to bring Elladan out of his grief. Tales about the good days, talk of the future, 
bringing his close friends to be near him, and lastly blatant threats. Nothing had worked, 
Elladan sat mutely wherever his father had placed him, staring at nothing while the world
 seemed to turn without him.





These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time can not erase





It was as if Elladans' spirit had fled along with his brother's, leaving nothing but a 
broken shell amoung the living, but Glorfindel was sure there was something left. It may be 
battered and broken with grief, but there had to be something of the old Elladan somewhere 
within the wasted shell that sat in the chair by the window all day.


Having had enough of one-sided pleasantries Glorfindel decided to take matters into his 
owns hands. If Elrond knew what he were about to do he would assuradly be cast out of 
Imladris, if not executed on the spot.


With the aid of another house elf they carried the unresponsive twin outside, on 
Glorfindel's pretense of allowing the young elf to see the sky and trees. Once the other 
elf had left Elladan leaning against a large tree, Glorfindel pulled his sword from its 
scabbard and pressed it into one of the cold thin hands, making sure the other dark elf was 
not going to drop the weapon before reaching for one of his daggers. 


The blonde elf was hoping that the basic combat training he had instilled in both twins by 
himself from a very young age was in there somewhere. If he could coax any kind of response 
out it would be worth it. He bought his dagger to bear, brandishing it in front of his body 
with slow arcs, allowing Elladan to clearly see the weapon dancing in front of him. When
 the dark elf didn't respond Glorfindel arced the blade closer, stepping into attacking
distance and making his movements more threatening. Some cloud started to lift from 
Elladan's eyes, the tortured soul clawing its way a little closer to the surface. 
Glorfindel went one step further, aiming his blade towards Elladan's unprotected sword arm,
just enough that if the other elf didn't move he would only receive a light graze. It was 
enough.






When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me





The dark elf seemed to erupt, his eyes clearing completely and his left arm coming up to 
parry the incoming blow. He arced his own blade towards the blonde elf, intent on somehow 
hurting the one that was making him face his own angst. His blade struck with deadly 
accuracy, his anger lending his body the strength it lacked in muscle tone. Glorfindel 
parried and dodged with his own blade, matching Elladan's anger with pure skill and 
millennia of practice. 


The even match was short lived, the strain beginning to show on Elladan's face shortly 
after the bout began. Beads of sweat started to trickle down his face, matting his limp 
dark hair at his scalp before sliding its way down his neck. His sword arm began shaking, 
the sweat in his palm causing his grip to slip and sending the delicately curved blade 
crashing to the ground. His body soon followed, all strength seemingly leeched from his 
muscles as the grief he had been trying desperately trying to hide from within his own mind 
caught up with him.



Another great cry rang through the valley's of Imladris followed by great sobs. Glorfindel 
was by his side in an instant, holding the sobbing elf as he released weeks worth of 
bottled up emotion and thanking the Valar that he may not lose both twins. 



Several elves appeared at the commotion, rushing towards the two elves now on the ground to 
see if they could be of assistance. The blonde Elf Lord whispered several instructions and 
the elves hurried away, returning shortly with the provisions Glorfindel had requested. 
Elladan had calmed somewhat by the time the elves returned, glancing up through red and 
watery eyes at the items that were deposited nearby. A flask of miruvor was pressed into 
his hands, which it turn were aided to his lips. He swallowed several long drafts, 
savouring the feeling of the fragrant liquor as it gave strength to his weakened body. 
Blankets were wrapped around his shoulders and once he had drank his fill, some lembas 
found their way into his hands. He nibbled at the think bread, staring at the grass before 
finally working up the courage to look Glorfindel in the eye. Part of him still wanted to 
follow the path of his brother, to depart this earth and dwell in the Halls of Mandos. Yet 
what Glorfindel had just done and sparked a small glimmer of hope with him. He was not 
totally alone in his grief, others would be there to share it with him, to help him bear 
the almost impossible burden of carrying on when it felt half your being way missing. 
 Glorfindel seemed to pick up on the mixed feelings as they played across the twin's 
features. He murmured words of encouragement and words of regret, he spoke of the future,
 how Rivendel must have an heir to its throne and a leader for its people. Deep inside
 Glorfindel knew that if he lost Elladan to grief, the rest of Elrond's family would surely 
follow. 


" You must not give up hope my friend. You father needs you, your sister needs you, and 
Imladris needs you. You must show your strength and continue to be apart of this world." 
The blonde elf urged.


" My brother needed me, and I failed him. I let him die alone in the woods by the hand of 
men" the last word was spat out as though a word uglier than the foulest curse the dark elf 
knew. Glorfindel sat quietly, his arms still supporting the once again shaking elf as he 
started to tell his tale. He knew Elladan had to speak of what happened, only then would 
his healing begin.


" They came out of nowhere, he hadn't seen them or heard them. They had daggers, short and
sharp, and think hides of leather for armour. They were upon us, all of them at once, 
trying to steal our weapons, to wound us, rob us, then leave us to die. We were holding our 
own until a blow to the head made me fall. I stayed awake as long as I could, but when I 
awoke, the men were dead, but so was my brother. If only I hadn't fallen, if only I hadn't 
taken my eyes off him, if only..."





I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along





" If only's will not bring him back Elladan. You do not know what happened after you fell, 
nor should you speculate. It will only cause you more grief."


A muffled sniff was the only reply as Elladan tried to pull himself together. He swiped at 
his eyes, drying his tears on the sleeves of his robe and gulping down large lungfuls of 
air to try and ground himself. He took another sip of miruvor before trying to stand, 
staring down in shock at the condition of his body. His eyes held a million questions as he
gazed to Glorfindel for the answers.


" It has been nearly 2 months my friend since you returned. You have barely eaten anything, 
nor moved under your own strength since then. Come, let us go inside" He wrapped his arms 
around the thin shoulders of the now only son of Elrond and led him inside, relief coursing 
through his veins. He had achieved a small victory today, but the worst would be to come.







When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have all of me

To Be Contiued.