based off of that tt!tas episode, cuz its so very yju
It was Tim's fault really. He shouldn't have thought to try to teach Cassie to walk like him out in the open. His bad for thinking his friends could behave. Like, just a little.
"No, like this," Tim said, hands on her hips as he guided her through a passable job of pretending to walk like Robin. She was in his costume to practice, everything done but make-up and wig, and he was in hers.
The idea was that if she, an invulnerable person, drew the bad guy currently trying to kill Robin's fire, then she would be unharmed. Best bait was the bait that had no weaknesses.
Tim was to be dressed up as her so he could be back-up, and no one would get suspicious if they saw him.
Cassie groaned and scowled at him, "that's what I did!"
Tim sighed and rolled his eyes, "no, what you did was more like this." Tim swaggered down the small aisle they'd cleared for themselves in the living room. "You're Robin, you have to stay here," Tim lifted to his toes, "on the balls of your feet."
Snickering interrupted them. Tim tried to ignore it.
Cassie crossed her arms over her chest. "But keeping that hurts!"
"Not like you're wearing heels! Here!" Tim tried to move her feet to show her when he heard more laughter.
Tim sat back on his heels and looked over his shoulder to glare at the boys sprawled on the couch, watching them.
"Yes, Kon? Ray? Anything to add?" He asked sourly.
Kon, Ray, and Bart had their feet up on the table.
"You look good as Wonder Girl, Tim!" Bart said cheerfully. He stuffed some chips into his mouth.
Greta came oozing out of the ceiling. "Oh, you're still at it?" She asked.
"Yes," Cassie grumbled.
Tim cut her a frustrated glare. "We wouldn't be if you could just get this right!"
Cassie stepped away from him. "Oh, I'm sorry. Who came to whom for help? Who begged whom for them to not be dead?"
Tim rubbed at the bridge of his nose. "Sorry, Cassie, I-"
"You're right you're sorry!" Cassie snapped. "You've been critiquing me all day. Nooo, Robins do this, Robins don't do that-"
"Because they don't!" Tim cried. He took a deep breath and counted to ten before he said in the most calm voice he could manage, "look. You don't have to fool Batman, but you need to fool them! And if you don't get even close to how I walk or talk or patrol, then they're going to realize that you aren't me!"
"Why does Cassie get to be you anyway?" Bart asked, crunching loudly on a handful of chips.
"Yeah!" Kon teased, lazily smirking at them from the couch. "I'm sure I'd be a much better Robin than you."
Just count to ten, Tim told himself. One, two, three-
"Dude, you'd look dope in the Robin undies," Ray said.
"Right? That's what I'm saying!" Kon replied.
Four, five, six-
"Blech," oh great, now Slobo was here with an opinion. "Too wussy if you ask me. Needs a good skull or two."
Cassie blew a lock of blonde hair from her face with a puff. "Be my guest," she said, waving to Tim. "He's such a pain to work with."
"Where'd you get the costume anyway?" Bart asked, licking chip crumbs from his fingers.
Cassie waved a hand flippantly. "Tim's room. He's got a whole closet full."
Tim realized Cassie's mistake less than a second after she said it. But the damage was done. Bart was already gone.
"Oh no," Tim said, only halfway through when Bart returned and tossed Tim's carefully folded and expertly pressed spare uniforms into the air.
"ROBIN FOR ALL!" He crowed. He grabbed some and in a tornado of motion switched into them comfortably.
Well, clearly not very comfortably, Tim noticed. His thighs were too thick for the tights, and the shirt hung off of him like his bony shoulders were a hanger. He couldn't fit into the boots (Cassie had, in fact, been chosen partially because she was the closest in size and build to Tim). Bart hadn't found Tim's spare belt but had uncovered his mask collection and was currently trying to figure out the glue-which Tim knew was a sticky situation that could only end in an eyebrow-less Bart and one or two pairs of super-glued-together fingers.
Kon picked up a robin tunic that had landed across his legs. He scrutinized the size carefully. "Huh," he asked, "does the armor stretch?"
"Put that dow-" Tim started to say when Cassie and Bart replied at the same time: "Kind of."
And then Kon and Ray were both undressing.
Yep. Definitely Tim's fault.
"Guys, take that off! Now I'll have to reorganize my whole room!"
Greta floated down from the ceiling and Tim heard the pitter-patter of what had to be the rest of Cassie's team coming to join them. He sighed and slumped onto the floor. Ready to give up.
Well, you had a good run, Tim. But this is it. This is the thing that makes Alfred finally kill you.
Greta solidified her hand a hesitantly touched the material of a pair of Tim's leggings.
"Wow!" She said, flushing a little. "These are soft!"
Tim shrugged helplessly.
Traya and Anita jogged into the room. Traya's hair was half-done up in braids.
"Oo! Are we dressing up as Robin?" Traya asked excitedly. She bounded over to the pile of clothes and dug in.
Anita stopped by where Tim sat. Cassie helped Greta fit a costume over her misty self. Kon was obsessed with lunging to test the stretch of the leggings, and Ray was trying to dive away from Bart and his mask-glue.
"Hey," Anita said, watching the chaos.
"Hi," Tim replied.
"So... it's bring your Robin to work day?"
Tim groaned in response.
"Robin time? An abundance of Robins? Rockin' Robin? Round Robin? Robin in a-"
"Okay, I get it." Tim let out a weak laugh.
Anita leaned down and for a moment, Tim wasn't sure what she was going to do until she reaching down his shirt and plucked one of the fake breasts from his bra.
"B cup?" She asked.
Tim lowered his voice. "I'm being generous." But Cassie heard anyway and stomped over and flicked him hard.
"Ow! Hey!" Tim cried, rubbing at his arm.
Cassie sauntered back over to Kon who had pulled his leather jacket out from somewhere (Tim had hoped maybe he'd never see that abomination again) and had slung it and his rose-tinted sunglasses on as accessories.
He caught Tim and Anita looking, lowered the sunglasses and winked. Both rolled their eyes.
"Hey, look Anita!" Traya cried, pulling a badly ripped tunic out from the bottom of the pile. "You could probably turn this into a crop top right?"
"Hell yeah!" Kon crowed. "Give Robin some style!"
Ray frowned and pulled on his black boots. "You should really think about changing the color scheme, Tim. I don't know how you can possibly camouflage yourself as well as you do in this."
"It's traditional!" Tim argued.
"It's a stoplight," Slobo grunted. He sat on the couch, helping Traya roll up the bottoms of the leggings which were much too long for her.
Bart raised his arms and waved them as if he was directing an airplane. "Look at me! I'm bait!"
"Well, I like it!" Greta declared.
"Me too!" Traya said.
Slobo made a noise that Traya took to mean that he was finished and she afixed a mask to her face. She stood on the couch and cried: "Superstitious and cowardly, beware!" And jumped off, giggling when Kon caught her and used his TTK to toss her higher into the air.
"What's this?" Bart said, suddenly in front of Anita and Tim.
Tim's eyes widened and he dove for, but missed, the fake breast still in Anita's hand.
"It's his boobies," Kon said, waggling his eyebrows. Then, "ow!" When Cassie hit him.
"Actually it's Cassie's-" Ray began but never finished when she stomped on his foot. Tim was sure he heard something crack.
Bart frowned at it. "Huh, it's squishy. What's it made of? Silicon? Is it a weapon?"
"How could it be a weapon?" Greta asked thoughtfully as she drifted over. Somehow she'd managed to get the Robin costume to stick, though the mask was askew.
"Silicon?" Slobo asked. He snatched it from Bart's hands. He squished it experimentally between his hands. "What's that?"
Okay, this was too much. Tim got to his feet to put an end to this madness. "Okay, guys this is all fun and games but can I please have my fake breast back. It's expensive and-"
Ray and Kon burst into laughter and Ray said, "what? The doctor you visited out of town this weekend?"
"Hey Tim!" Kon added, giggling, "you don't need implants! You're perfect just the way you are."
Cassie glared at them, hands on her hips. "Not funny, guys." And when they kept laughing she balled up her fists.
"I don't get it," Traya said to Greta who shrugged.
"Hey! Get that out of your mouth!" Tim cried. Slobo had his maw open and dangled the fake breast inside.
"Why?" He asked as he bit down. "Soumbds deliphious."
Tim lunged for him. "Give that back!" And tripped over Bart.
"Mon diou," Anita muttered from behind them.
Bart stumbled into Cassie and then everyone was on the floor as if they'd all just lost a really competitive game of twister. Tim couldn't hear himself think over the yelling. He made a grab for the fake breast which was still half in Slobo's mouth and tugged at it. Slobo wouldn't let go. When Tim brought his elbow back to yank some more he bashed someone in the face who yelled at him.
All of the chaos came to a halt when a new voice shouted a swear word and everyone turned towards the door from where the new voice had emanated.
Bart whispered "yikes," which was rich because Ray had his hand clutched in Bart's singeing hair while Bart had his hand clamped sound Greta's cape.
"You said a bad word..." Traya murmured.
Snapper Carr stared at the mess on the floor of the living room, from the multitude of Robins to Tim's Wonder Girl costume. He had a giant paper bag of groceries in his hands.
He blinked, said firmly to himself, "I do not want to know." Turned around, murmured, "I'm getting too old for this," and walked out. Closing the door with a click behind him.