A/N: It will get worse before it gets better. This is what happens when I decide to write angst.
Warning: mentions of suicide and self-harm.
2 Years Ago
"This is a foolish idea!" Klaus shouted.
"I have no other choice!" Bonnie retorted equally as loud.
They were in her house. It was their meeting place as of late since his siblings were spending more time at the mansion. He didn't admit it out loud but he liked being in her home. Something about standing within the walls she grew up, being allowed into her space. Knowing that she trusted him enough to allow him into her sanctuary was an indescribable experience. Stepping inside her house always calmed Klaus down no matter what.
But tonight he felt anything but calm.
"You've risked your life enough for that girl!" He fumed trying to make her see reason. "When will it be enough Bonnie? When? You've lost your magic already. What else will you lose for Elena Gilbert. Your life?"
Earlier that day she went to Whitmore with Damon to meet the new occult professor who seemed to have ideas about a cure for vampirism, one they could use on Elena. He also offered to teach her another form of magic. She didn't take his offer just yet opting to tell Klaus about it first. He was not pleased.
"Oh, it's about my magic huh? That's what you're mad about. That you can't use my powers for whatever you want." The words felt wrong as soon as they passed her lips but they couldn't be reeled back even if she tried.
Klaus forced himself not to let his hurt show. He balled his fists, "I've told and shown you how much I love you several times. How many several more will it take before you believe me? That I want you as you are Bonnie?"
Bonnie sighed feeling remorse at her words. She placed her hands on his shoulders, "I'm sorry baby. I didn't mean that. I've been so on edge since I lost my magic and I –", she bit her bottom lip willing the incoming tears to remain at bay. "- I feel so useless. Like a part of me is dead."
Klaus hugged her tight to comfort her despondency. She held onto him tighter. They stood there in her kitchen just embracing one another.
"You are not useless. I am just tired of seeing you hurt my love," Klaus said softly, stroking her hair. "You've done more than enough for Elena Gilbert. You tried to stop her transition for goodness sake. It's not your job to cure her vampirism if such a thing exists. I beg of you, stop being their martyr."
She didn't say anything. Bonnie knew he wouldn't take what she had to say so she just held him tighter.
"I promised to take you away from this place. Let me keep that promise. We'll go to New Orleans and I will find someone who can help you. You can start University there. This place with ruin you if you remain." How could she not see it herself? Mystic Falls would stuck the life from her bones and leave the remnants to rot. Her friends would keep using her until there was nothing left before discarding her. They barely cared about her well-being until they needed something. He tried to stay away from them for her sake, to reduce their dependence on her but it was all for naught since Rebekah decided to kill the doppelgänger and turn her.
So came Bonnie to the rescue trying to defy the spirits who pushed back.
He hated how broken she was by all of this. In New Orleans, they could find a way to restore back her magic. Make her feel like herself again. He just wanted his girl back.
Bonnie sniffled, "I don't know if I can do it."
He was right and she knew it. She liked to think of herself as loyal to a fault and what a fault it was.
Ever since Damon and Stefan caused the death of her mother she pulled away from the group, interacting with just Matt on occasion. They noticed her withdrawal but with Elena occupied by her two Salvatore's and Caroline juggling her own vampirism and relationship it hardly seemed to really matter much. Not until Elena got turned. Then her old ugly sense of duty reared its head.
"If I leave, who will I have?"
He closed his eyes. "You'll have me."
He wanted to be enough. He hoped that he could be enough for her. Because Bonnie was enough for him.
She smiled. "Ok, ok I'll do it. I'll go with you to New Orleans."
Klaus lifted her up and spun her around in joy making her hold him tighter and squeal with laughter at the surprise movement. He kissed her, savoring the taste of raspberry from a tart she ate earlier in the day and a flavor that was exclusively hers. He inhaled her familiar lavender scent that was now a fixture in his bedroom. Soon it would be in their bedroom.
"I swear that I will make you happy all the days of your life," Klaus whispered with such burning sincerity that Bonnie nearly teared up again.
She pecked his lips chastely, "I believe you. You already make me so happy."
Klaus stood in front of Bonnies' house. His invitation was not revoked but he couldn't stay in for as long as he'd liked. At first it seemed like a welcome distance away from the madness at the boarding house. Kai was trying to fix the Ascendant despite having bludgeoned the thing. The cold fury he felt at the witch who caused all of Bonnies' misfortune was being expertly deflected until he managed to bring her back. Then all bets were off. He didn't care if she would object to his death, there were other ways to make one suffer than death. No, when he was done with Malachi Parker, death would be a mercy. He'd keep his word and give the grimoires but they'd be a nice compensation after he was done with the lad.
The noisome Gilbert's were of no use constantly shrieking in disbelief that Bonnie would debase herself with him and Damon did nothing but constantly glare in his direction. It would not surprise him to learn that Bonnie grew on the vampire. She had that effect.
He made his way here hoping to feel a sense of calm being in the same place she once resided. Instead it felt cold and distant. Without her presence, it might as well have been some other empty house. She was the warmth that set it ablaze with life.
She lit everything up.
He closed his eyes.
On his walk back to the boarding house he stopped just outside feeling irritation at the figure who followed him. "If you wanted to take a walk Stefan, you could have just asked. No need to follow me around like a lost poodle."
The ripper turned broody insomniac appeared from his hiding place to face the hybrid. He stuffed both hands into his coat pocket. "You weren't lying about being allowed into her place."
Klaus smiled mockingly, "I do manage to tell the truth once or twice in a blue moon."
Stefan wasn't amused. He'd been wracking his brain ever since the startling revelation came. Trying to remember any hints or tells that would reveal it to him. Anything Bonnie said without thinking or any offhanded taunting remark from Klaus. He came up short.
"Let me guess, you're wondering how long it went on for. How far did it go, what did Bonnie see in me? What did I see in her? What did I do to make her want me?" The hybrid listed rather bored.
Stefan shrugged, "Not exactly in that order but yes. As for what you saw in her, I already have an idea. Young powerful witch practically untrained. You were so eager to sink your teeth in her. Make her into whatever you wanted." Predictable. It was almost sad.
"If succeeded then I assure you she would be currently by my side sated with all the good things life has to offer and oblivious of this town and anyone from here," Klaus said rather drolly. "Not wasting away in solitude for a cause she had no hand in making. Tell me, if Elena was in prison world, would it have taken a year to get her out?"
That took Stefan off-guard. He opened his mouth to respond but no suitable answer would come out. The hybrid smirked.
Klaus knew he got him there. "That's what I thought. Bonnie would be running herself ragged trying to find a solution. You and your brother would have moved every rock under the sun searching for answers. Threatened every witch in the vicinity. You've colluded with enemies before just to save Elena so I doubt this would be any different. Maybe you would have swallowed your pride and maybe come to me for help. Within a week she would be out."
"It's not like that," Stefan weakly defended.
"But when it came to Bonnie." Klaus continued ignoring him. "You dragged your feet. Telling yourselves you were trying your best. Looking for solutions up and about when really you've continued life as usual, eating, drinking and fucking. Nothing's really changed and since there were no immediate threats, there was no use for a witch. No urgency to bring her back." He laughed bitterly. With friends like these, who needed enemies? Bonnies' loyalty was wasted on them. He knew he was lucky to have it for the short time he did and lost it for his foolish actions.
Stefan hung his head in shame. Imagine fucking up so badly that Klaus was the one who pointed it out. The worst part was how accurate he was. He was occupied with so many things and justified it to himself. He was worried about Caroline who lost her mom. About Elena who lost her memory of Damon. Of every minute and insignificant thing when a girl he called friend was locked away in a prison she didn't belong in.
Klaus walked up to him facing Stefan with cold emotionless eyes. "You want to know what she saw in me. Everyday I've wondered about it myself. But one thing I was certain of is that I love her. For the first time in her life, she tasted love and knew what it was. Understood what it was. Her life is worth more than gold to me. More than even the damned ritual was. Worth a lot more than a coin toss. Ironic that it came from the damned Original hybrid, a creature so incapable of anything of the sort. But I do."
Stefan noticed how he didn't say it in past tense. Love. He loved her. And for the second time that day, Klaus told him the truth.
"So mate, examine your faults first and ask yourself how you, her righteous do-gooder friends, couldn't love her the way a murderous vampire could." He turned his back and walked into the boarding house, leaving Stefan to stand alone with his thoughts and regrets.
"Then why did it end?" Stefan called out.
Klaus stopped in place and answered without turning back. "It ended because at the end of the day, I'm still a murdering bastard unworthy of her."
Lucy was making herself some tea when Elena entered the kitchen with a stormy expression putting an end to whatever good mood she managed to scrounge up.
Kai was still tinkering with the device under Damon's watchful eye in the living room along with Jeremy.
The Bennett witch poured herself a cup. "Can I help you with anything?"
"If you knew Bonnie was dating Klaus, how could you encourage her?"
Ugh. Not this again.
Lucy sighed, dumping a tea bag into her steaming cup. "If you'll remember, I was miles away at the time. Couldn't exactly ground her or put her over my lap for a spanking, now could I?"
Elena didn't relent. "He's a murderer Lucy. Do you know what he did to me? To us? He's the reason she was in danger half the time."
"Because good girls never fall for bad boys and vice versa huh? Yes, I do agree Elena." Lucy dropped some sugar into her tea. "And the other half was because of you."
Elena bristled at the accusation. "What exactly are you saying?"
"I'm saying that my cousin stupidly tried to halt your transition and stupidly followed some professor who taught her dark magic to an island all for your sake. Now normally I wouldn't be so inclined to blame you since Bonnie is a big girl and can take responsibility for her own choices but you seemed to think it was her job to make those choices for you and took her for granted." She stirred the tea.
Elena tried to speak but Lucy shushed her by tapping the spoon against the rim. "Your boyfriends killed her mother but they're still standing there. You still expected her to be alright with it all. Did you even feel a tinge of remorse or wonder what she was going through? Her mother left her as a child to protect you. She came back because your boyfriends wanted a way to defeat Klaus. She died because they needed you to live. You seem to be the common denominator here Miss Gilbert."
Elena did feel guilty for Abby's death. She told Bonnie so. Sure, they never really talked about it but Bonnie was like that. She kept her emotions to herself.
"What Damon did was wrong but they had no choice," She tried to reason. "I forgave them because of that."
Lucy snorted, "You forgave them? Like it was your mother who died by their hands? Your forgiveness is an easy thing to receive I've learnt. Not even the death of a loved one deters you. Damon snapped Abby's neck but you had the audacity to blame Bonnie for not saving him from Rebekah Mikaelson. He sits there acting all concerned now because they were forced to camp together for four months but did he ever apologize for the multiple things he did to her? All the pain he caused her? No, he just wants us all to forget it because he's being a good friend now." the word friend was said in a mocking tone.
She knew Damon could hear her and she wanted him to. This speech was for all of them.
"I didn't jump for joy when Bonnie started up with Klaus but he made no excuses for the things he did neither did he expect her to forget them. Instead he sought forgiveness with words and actions and she told me all about it. Why do you think he was so eager to help your brother gain his Hunter's mark? So that once you got your cure Bonnie would feel no reason to help or stay by your side." Lucy dropped the spoon in the sink with a clatter.
Elena stood meek and silent.
Lucy faced her sharply, "Did you ever wonder why his torment stopped suddenly? Why he no longer had any interest in you even before your blood became useless? It was because of Bonnie. He did it for her. He abandoned the thing he sought the most in the world for her but you couldn't keep your legs closed for the murderer of your best friend's mother. A murder committed to save you."
That shook Elena visibly. Good. Lucy wanted her uncomfortable.
"She died for a whole summer and you didn't care enough to send her a text. The supposed best friend from diapers told you she was traveling for the summer through your brother and it didn't even occur to you how wrong it sounded. It was only when you needed something you remembered her." Lucy had to look away because she was pissed just thinking about it. After the startling sight of her baby cousin as a spirit Lucy rushed to Mystic Falls, finally being the one to inform them of her demise.
Elena was now sobbing lightly and wiping her face with her jacket sleeve.
Lucy continued, "Do you know that Bonnie almost left with Klaus?"
Damon came into the kitchen at that little confession. Lucy eyed him too. "He asked her to leave for New Orleans with him after they located the cure. She wasn't supposed to go to that damn island or let that professor teach her Expression. I wish she left. But Klaus managed to fuck up all on his own and Bonnie ended up leaving him. It's amazing how I consider Klaus Mikaelson a better alternative to you guys. Amazing! She stayed because the man she loved left and she thought she had nowhere else to be. That she could belong nowhere else."
They had nothing to say to that. For the first time, Damon was rendered truly speechless by what he heard.
Lucy sipped her tea. "Too hot."
The front door opened and Klaus entered once again calling out. "Someone tell me progress has been made before heads start rolling."
Lucy left the kitchen to meet him in the living room leaving the vampire couple alone.
Elena cleaned her eyes, "I didn't realize we caused her so much pain. That I caused her so much pain. Gosh I hate myself."
"You can but it won't change anything." Damon sighed leaning against the kitchen counter. Those regrets were coming hot again. This time Lucy's words tipped them with stinging poison.
Elena sniffled, "If she comes back, I don't think she'll want to stay here any longer. Not when it's taken us so long to bring her back. Not when I've been such a hypocrite. I need to make it right with her."
Damon sighed once more. It wasn't about Elena for once. No one needed to do anything but let Bonnie do what she wanted for once. She deserved to have that for once at least.
"It's not an alarm clock you know," Kai muttered underneath his breath hovering a shard of metal.
"Less talk, more work." Klaus snapped.
Kai whistled gazing at the Original from head to toe, "If I knew Bonnie had a thing for psychos, I'd have tried harder in 1994." That comment earned him a hand to the throat and a bruised windpipe for his troubles.
"Klaus, if he's dead we don't get her back," Lucy said tiredly.
Klaus released him and went to take a seat. Kai breathed hard, "Man you don't relax at all, do you?"
"Kai, maybe shutting up might be in your best interest for once." That came from Stefan. He entered through the door and leaned against the wall both hands stuffed into his pocket. Jeremy stood beside him with a sullen look. It seemed that Stefan might have briefed him on the conversation he had with Klaus and the boy was not happy to know that Bonnie really did date with the hybrid.
"Maybe he blackmailed her with something," Jeremy whispered. "There's no freaking way she was with him of her own free will."
"Bonnie held back a lot of things from us so don't be so certain what she could or couldn't do," Stefan said. "For now, let's be grateful he cares enough to help us get her out."
"Let me correct you there Salvatore." Klaus spoke loudly. He'd heard them easily despite the short distance. "I'm not helping you. I'm helping Bonnie. Once she's back I might just burn you all in a fire."
"Klaus," Lucy warned. There was no need for threats. They were counterintuitive to their goal. Threats raised tensions and tensions caused fights and fights slowed them down.
He raised a hand in surrender, "I'm just kidding. Mostly."
Kai held up the Ascendant. "Ok, it's mostly functioning now which means I could get one person through the prison world to bring her out. Normally more than one person might be able to enter at once but this thing isn't exactly working at full capacity and I don't want to risk it. Unless you guys do."
Klaus immediately jumped up. "I'll go in."
"No way. Bonnie's my friend. We'll be the ones to bring her back," Elena and Damon returned from the kitchen challenging him.
Klaus glared at her, "Do you think this is a game little girl? I care very little what you desire. I will bring her back. Any attempt to get in my way will be met with very severe consequences." He wasn't asking, he was informing. It was a promise to be kept.
Elena gave an angry look of her own but Damon held her arm, calming her. She yanked her arm away from him and went to stand by her frowning brother.
"What do you need?" Lucy asked.
"Bennett blood," Kai replied. She immediately went to the kitchen to grab a knife, ready to slice herself for the blood.
Klaus stood over Kai, "This better work."
"It will." Kai stated confidently. "Keep in mind that you have a very short window of time to bring her back or else you might also get stuck in there and we'll have to go through this entire thing again."
"Noted," Klaus said tersely. He clenched and unclenched his hand in anticipation. Kai chanted, hands hovering over the Ascendant. Lucy cut her palm wincing slightly to allow the blood drip on the device. It began to glow.
Kai's chanting got louder until a bright light shot up in the living room. Without waiting for any warning or signal, the original walked into it and it disappeared. There was no trace of him any longer.
Everyone was silent once Klaus was no longer visible in the room.
"Now what?" Lucy broke the silence.
"Now we wait," The Gemini witch plopped himself on a chair and folded his legs. "I've been wondering all day, what was the point of Klaus coming here? I mean, he seems to hate all of you and we could have done it from pretty much anywhere in the world so I've got to wonder why he still came here."
"That's a good point," Damon piped up.
Lucy sighed, "He came for one reason only."
"What?" Jeremy asked.
She placed both hands on her waist. "Because he wasn't sure she'd want to go with him. As much as he does hate you people, he thought she might appreciate some familiar faces after a year of solitude."
Bonnie groaned lying down on the ground. The day reset once more and she was here again. Laying in a pool of her own misery.
The first time a supernatural creature tried to go through her after becoming an anchor, she wished she remained dead. The pain was indescribable. It felt like every vessel in her body was torn to shreds then ground up for shits and giggles. It was pain unlike she'd ever experienced before.
Many times, when vampires and witches made their way through her, she wildly considered asking Caroline or Damon to snap her neck. The welcoming darkness would take her away from the agony. She'd already been dead before. It was much better than being an anchor. But there was always the niggling feeling telling her that she had more to live for. Whatever it was. It was really just empty talk at the end of the day. She had nothing that made being alive feel worth it.
The only thing, the only man who made her ever feel alive was ironically undead.
Plenty of time alone meant plenty of time with her thoughts. Wretched little things wreaking havoc in her clunky head. But they were there nonetheless. A recurring question she asks herself was why she truly ended it with Klaus. Well the answer was obvious. He killed someone she specifically begged him not to.
Cried and pleaded to be quite frank.
If there was anything she could pride herself on was that Klaus always listened to her. Always sought her council. Her friends listened to her to a point but whatever loud suggestion Damon made drowned hers in the end. Or Elena jumped the gun and everyone had to improvise. It got very tiring. With Klaus, that problem never occurred.
Until the day it did.
"How could you?" the anger in her voice was palpable but it was the betrayal that shone most of all.
Klaus stood in front of her. His hands were still dripping wet. Carol Lockwood's body hung limply from the fountain. The woman who once made them sandwiches and drove them all to camp one summer when their parents couldn't make the trip. She organized bake sales and argued with Caroline about Founder's day decorations.
There she was.
Klaus walked forward but Bonnie erected an invisible shield in front of her. "Bonnie?"
She never cut off physical contact from him before. No matter what.
Tears fell from her eyes, "I told you what Tyler was doing to help you. I begged you to leave his family be and you killed his mother. Klaus, I begged you not to do this and you did it anyway. How could you? How could you?!" There was supposed to be a plan in place. She made a plan. All he had to do was listen to her.
"It's what I do Bonnie," He answered coldly. Gone was the man who showered her with kisses and poetry at midnight. Who held her tight when she talked about her mother leaving and her father's absence. About how alone she felt in the world. How she never had anyone to watch the sunrise with. The man who promised her a thousand sunrises by his side. Who loved her.
In his place stood a remorseless killer.
Tyler had been trying to help the other hybrids break their site bond to no avail. Then came Hayley with her suggestions and half-truths from the professor. Only for Bonnie to realize too late it was a trick to activate an Expression circle by killing 13 innocent hybrids. She rushed down to inform Tyler. She called Klaus to tell him about what was going on, to warn him not to react in his usual way, that she had a plan in place. But his anger and pride took the best of him. In revenge, he killed Tyler's last living relative. The last person he had on Earth.
This was the man she loved.
"I had to do it," Klaus stated. He was already too far gone. From the look on her face he knew what she saw in him. He knew what she'd never see again.
"We've been fooling ourselves all this time," She said morosely. "This can never work. We can never work."
Klaus wanted to plead and scream. To beg her. Promise her that it would never happen again. But that was a lie. This was who he was, who he would always be. The sweet bliss he tasted with her was more than he deserved. Men like him didn't get to have the love of women like her.
"I can't do this anymore," Bonnie whispered, shattering both their hearts into a thousand tiny shards.
The worst part was that she still loved him. She loved every bit of that monster. No matter how much she wanted to push down those feelings, ignore them, it never worked. Klaus Mikealson glued himself to her and that would never change.
The next day, she went to his house and handed him back her plane ticket for New Orleans. It was then she told him to never look back for her. To keep looking forward, that she would do the same. Although that was a lie on her end. She would never forget him. He didn't beg or plead for her to change her mind. No, he respected her too much for that. The moment those words left her lips all hope evaporated.
He left Mystic Falls that very afternoon.
Tyler ran to Montana and was there all through the Silas incident. He came back briefly to sort some things and met up with her. The guilt she felt made her break down and tell him all about her relationship with Klaus. How she told him about the plan to break the sire bonds and how she felt responsible for what happened to his mother. Even if she didn't drown Carol herself, her actions lead to the woman's death indirectly and that of the other hybrids.
That was more than enough blood on her hands.
Tyler predictably got angry which she welcomed. She wanted to feel that burning rage against her. Bonnie needed someone to blame her as much as she blamed herself.
But a few days later he told her that he forgave her, much to her surprise.
"You can't help who you love, Bon. I can relate to that as much as anyone else," He said over sandwiches at the Grille. "I might not agree with what you did but I know you just wanted to keep the man you love safe and help me in the process. If we're playing the blame game, I shouldn't have listened to Hayley. I shouldn't have been so cocky towards him. But what's done is done. To lay all the blame solely at your feet would be unfair especially since I can see you're ready carrying that burden yourself. I forgive you, now you need to forgive yourself."
Bonnie cried over his words.
How could she forgive herself when it felt like she was just as bad as Damon for killing her mother?
And despite all, still loving the man who did it.
"I love you Klaus," She whispered to the room. "I wanted to stop. Fuck, I really did. I wish I did. But I don't want to stop. I just wish that I told you this just once before now. That I stopped being a coward afraid that those little words would push you away when I did it myself. Because I was scared that loving a monster would make me one too. Now, I don't care!"
She stood up and screamed, "I don't care if you're a monster! I don't care anymore! I love you Klaus! I love you! I love you! I love you!"
Bonnie fell down to the ground in a fit of sobs, crouching in the fetal position.
There was a small brush on her cheek. Perhaps the wind or a draft from the windows she left open all night long. Then a familiar voice. Bonnie.
No, no it was a trick. Her mine finally devoured itself running her ragged with torturous sounds, knowing it was what she wanted. She screamed and sat up, grabbing the bottle and throwing it down to the ground to shatter.
She held the broken piece over her carotid vessel. "Stop it! Stop it or I'll cut it! He's gone! You don't get to taunt me with his voice. He's gone!" She sobbed.
No, it couldn't be.
A strong hand came from behind snatching the broken bottle from her hand and throwing it into the fireplace. It twisted her head backwards until she came face to face with those blue eyes she missed for what felt like an entire lifetime. It was too good to be true. There was no way this was. She didn't get to have dreams come true.
Klaus held the face of the woman he loved with both hands, tears streaming from her eyes and her entire body shaking. "Y-You're not real. You're not here. I'm dreaming again."
"No," He said roughly, feeling his own tears threatening to fall. "I'm here my love. I'm here for you. I'm taking you away from this place."
It was then it truly hit her. Bonnie released a painful sob, jumping forward to squeeze him in the tightest of hugs. If she let go he would disappear and she couldn't have that. She cried into his shoulder. "Klaus, you're here. You're really here. I love you. I love you so much and I'm sorry I never said it. I love you."
He kissed her forehead feeling a mix of joy and anguish. In those moments before his form materialized before her, she looked so broken. He never wanted to see her that way again. It didn't matter if she wouldn't take him back. He would do everything in his power to help her. "I love you too petal."
"Don't leave me again," Bonnie demanded. "If you leave me, I'll die."
"Never again Bonnie."
Nothing would separate them again.
I hope I delivered on all I promised. But a nice sweet final chapter is on its way so it'll be a relief from all that angst. If it wasn't clear, the reason Bonnie left Klaus was because he killed Tyler's mom when she begged him not to. Tyler is one of my fav characters and deserved more in my opinion. As much as I love Klaus, I hate how most Klaus fans *klaroline shippers* overlook this fact and make him out to be a bad guy for being mad about it. They made him the bad guy in TO.
Klaus deserved to face consequences for it and in this, that consequence was losing Bonnie for some time. But Klonnie can never stay down for long!