I don't actually know anything about dogs, or types or breeds. so sorry if I cocker spaniel this up. Gnomes and Elves have tails and Lucretia is still fairly new to using magic

"Hey, guys?" Barry said. "How are we even gonna know when the Hunger is on its way?"

He had his head against the window and his elbows on the sill. It is a really quiet afternoon on the StarBlaster, around three months into their current year.

"What do you mean?" The Captain asked.

"Well, normally one of the signs John is on his way is that everything goes dull and greyish right? But here Everything's already greyish anyway." Barry replied, wondering aloud. "It all looks dull and washed out already."

"This from the guy who just wears blue jeans and a white shirt. All Day Every Day." Merle chuckled, not opening his eyes. "Every week. Every month. Heck, every year even."

Barry laughed not taking offence. "Well someone's gotta try NOT to blind the locals."

"Yeah. Alright torchy, you got me there." Merle replied. Barry frowned.


"He means Touché." Lucretia corrected, not looking up.

"Touch what?" Merle said.

"Can't touch this!" The other half of the crew chimed in with. Davenport rolled his eyes so hard it was almost audible.

"Touché." Lucretia repeated.

"That's what I said." Merle argued.

"You did not." Magnus said. Merle opened one eye and thought for a moment.

"Well it's what I meant to say then. Torchy touché, tomatoes potatoes."

"That's…that's not right either." Lucretia frowned.

"Could be on this planer system my dude." Taako mumbled, also not looking up more focused on picture on the jigsaw lid.

"Could be." Lucretia nodded, "I still say its 'Touché' though."

Barry agreed.

"Now it just sounds like you're saying 'Tooshie'." Said the dwarf.

"Merle?" Lup said, lowering her book. "I'm gonna stop you there because: Merle? Ew. Just ew."

Magnus also made a face.

"Lucretia said it not me." Merle complained. Lucretia protested. But Merle'd already given them a vague wave that might have been flipping them off, and snuggled back down in his beanbag to nap some more.

Barry was right though. And not just about the word.

Merle was wearing an eye watering patterned shirt open over a cable knit jumper. It's even more blinding then his usual choice. By contrast of the planet, he and the rest of the crew had taken to wearing the brightest thing in their wardrobes to compensate for, as Barry rightly put it, the washed out outside. Even the captain who was normally a stickler for uniform, had picked out the reddest of his red casual work clothes to wear.

It was dreary as fuck outside. Well, it was drearily then usual outside. Dreary as per, but wet. Which had scuppered most people's plans of exploring the nearest town some more or tinkering with the ship repairs. This world was a various degrees of warm greys and browns and everything else in neutral tones or muddy colours. The silver rain coming down and down in non-stop heavy shower, grey clouds on grey skies blocking out Tuesday's warm beige sun.

Yes, the thirty fourth year's planet was called Tuesday. It was currently a Sunday on Tuesday. And none of the dull quiet civilians got why that's weird or funny. It's not the most exciting or chill plane of existence. Even the capital cities are like every other place is, suburban, dull and uniform. A 'plain plane' as Merle had put it. (Taako had hit him with an Ivan's Itch cantrip for that, but secretly he was inclined to agree.) It wasn't exceedingly hostile and barren, at least. But it was as it was as if a bowl of porridge had been given personification and life.

The crew were piled into the small communal area of the ship. The conference/dining table was folded away and the sofas have dragged forward to be more central to a smaller coffee table.

It's not quite warm enough to be cosy, but it's nice. Jumpers and layers are a must on Tuesday and today robes are doubling as blankets and snuggles.

It's quiet in that compatible way too. Instrumental music, something classical and smooth The Captain chose is playing quietly on the cobbled together sound system. Everyone is doing their own thing. And the opening paragraph of this scene aside there's not much chatter.

Other than Barry, who finished up his skyline measurements and asked "I'm getting a snack, anyone want anything while I'm in the kitchen?"

He ended up writing a list in his notebook to keep track of the orders.

And yeah while they don't yet have the Light YET, they know where it is at least. And who has it. it's a case of:

"yes you may have it strange creatures, but we want to study it some more first. Next week good for you?"

All they can do is wait for now. keep an eye out. See if they get the Light or see if they plan a heist in order to save Tuesday.

Because of that, no one's seriously picked up a hobby or made any plans for the year yet. it's the seven of them again, which seems too long since that's happened. No one's died or gotten sick or injured. And Merle's declared 'fuck John' and that he'll parley next year, citing he wants a break from being barbequed for a bit after three years straight. Neither would ever ever EVER admit it, but Taako and Magnus in particular have missed the old bastard a lot the last couple years he's left them.

At the moment said old bastard's dosing off his lunch in a beanbag that he'll need help getting out of later and will be complaining about how it's not good for his back.

In the kitchen the kettle clicks and whistles. Drinks are made.

"Capt? there's no camomile!"

"Coffee then."

"Defeats the object, but okay!" Barry called.

Taako had spent morning baking, as no one likes Tuesday's bland locally made goods. (Tuesday bread is like cardboard and doesn't even have the decency to be heathy at the same time.)

He's now sat on one sofa, chilling with a jigsaw in fount of him one side of the coffee table while he waits for the dough to prove. He is layered up the most, topped with a hat indoors. In fact, he has one of Magnus' IPRE jackets over the top of his own look despite the dreadful clashing of red and lilac.

Magnus was sat next to him, darning his Tesseralia Winners jacket, as he'd ripped it last cycle. Or it's from he got shot at previously and only just noticed the hole last cycle, he's not sure. It was quite funny and adorable to see the big guy huddled over the tiny needle muttering under his breath.

Davenport is sat in the largest armchair with the very thick newspaper, muddling through the relatively new language as best he can. All that can be seen from behind the broad sheet of their captain are the tip on his tail, his legs sticking out from underneath, and his hands that are holding the paper.

Lucretia was sat on the floor (and several scatter cushions) on the other side of the table with a robe over her crossed legs. The journal for Cycle Eighteen is propped open in front of her as she sketches and copies something from it on to a small canvas board in her lap.

Lup's lazily sprawled across the other sofa, hair tail and legs taking up most of the cushion space and is the only one in short sleeves. She's been dipping in and out of a very dog eared choose your own ending whodunit novel for a good hour. Currently dipping out of reading to watch over Lucy's shoulder as she draws. It'll be making the scriber self-conscious but Taako decided not to interfere. It's much better than Lup's occasionally glancing up at the window with a dumb pining look on her face at Barry's back like she had been while he was stood there.

Speaking of Barry-

"Who's still taking sugar?" Bluejeans asked sticking his head out the galley. "Drinks charts out of date."

"One for Me." Taako said, raising his hand not looking up.

"and Me-!" Magnus yelled. Even though Barry is like right there.

"Cut the volume." Taako complained, giving Mags a small smack upside on the head. "You asked for a Fantasy Fanta, dummy."

"Oh, yeah." Magnus said. Then shouted, "Never mind!"

Partly because Magnus Burnsides does not have an indoor voice, but mostly just to annoy Taako. Barry rolled his eyes fondly.

"How many Lup? Lucy?"

"One and half." Lucretia said.

"Don't be awkward Kid."

Lucretia makes a face at him for being called awkward and kid but said "Two then."

"Same." Lup said. "Cheers hun."

"S-sure. No problem." Barry stutters. His ears have gone pink again. "Cap?"

"Half a sugar."

"You're not being deliberately awkward there are you, Cap?"

"Me? Never!" Davenport said and returned to his papers. But there was a definite twitch of mustace and a unsubtle wink to the archivist. Lucretia stifled a laugh.

"Right." Barry said unimpressed but didn't argue. "Merle?"

"Four please!"


"Four?" Lucretia frowned.

"Fucking hell Merle." Lup scolded. "Your teeth are going to rot."

"Yeah I thought I had the sweet tooth." Magnus teased.

Even Taako is applaud. "Four sugars. For real? My man that's not a drink, that's a syrup."

"I'm cutting down!" Merle argued.

"How have the seven of us not all been wiped out by diabetes?" Capitan Davenport sighed.

There's an odd pause as everyone debated pointing out they haven't been any where long enough to do so, but then collectively all chose to leave it for now. That's topic for another cycle.

"HEY BARRY!" Taako shouted as Barry disappeared again. "Use the sugar jar in the cupboard up first before you open the new bag! And go easy on the brown sugar, this place doesn't have an equivalent to restock."

"I will! I am!" he yelled back.

"Actually, Barry? Can I have sweetener if there is any?" Lucretia called.

"Too late, I already put sugar in. Sorry Luc."

"Never mind then."

"Take it from Taako, Luc. Life too short for sweetener, even ours." Taako said. then full on bellowed at toward the kitchen. "And BLUEJEANS Put That Tea Towel the Fuck BACK! Right now!"

Everyone jolted at that. Barry's head reappeared around the door.

"How'd you know-?" he started.

"Your curiosity. And your ability to find everything you shouldn't eat that's nearly on par with Maggies. Leave That Dough ALONE." Taako replied turning back around. And saw that everyone had perked up at the mention of the word dough. Even the Captain.

Taako had to put an arm outstretched to restrain Magnus who was about to jump sofa and rush in.

"Don't even think about it, dipshits." He said glaring at them all. (Barry ducks back in the galley to avoid it.) "It's bread dough, not cookie dough."

And if faced with a chorus of:



"Way to kill the mood up, brother."

" : ( "

"Wait how the fuck did you say that aloud?"

"What? :o "


"Yeah, how are you doing that? This is a verbal conversation."

"Got my hopes up for nothing." Davenport grumbled, ignoring them and returned to his paper.

"You can't eat raw bread dough Dav." Taako said. "I mean you can? And you won't die? But I won't allow it."

"Though Bread dough wouldn't be the worst thing Barry and Mags have eaten." Lucretia pointed out.

"Yeah but in the name of science! Taako's rights, Bread dough is gross." Magnus said.

"Thank you. See?" Taako said. Then thought about it. " ...Wait no hold on a second Bucko. You once ate a live slug because Merle dared yah to!"

"Hey, it wasn't poisonous." Magnus shrugged.

"but better then my dough? Ingrates. The lot of you." Taako sniffed.

"Boo, you whore." Lup replied.

"Captain, she called me a whore!"

"Ms Lup," The Captain warned in his captainy voice, not looking up. "Don't make Fantasy Mean Girls references at your brother."

"Yeah, Luuup!" Taako mocks.

Lup sticks her tongue out at her two hundred odd I've lost count at this point year old twin brother.

He does the same right back at her. If they were alone it would dissolve into various elf centric Ear wiggling tail flicking signed insults. Which it does. But they are playing up for their audience too. So there were extra elements.

For example, Lup calls Taako a Loser with finger and thumb in the shape of a L on her forehead.

Taako replies with the full 'Whatever minger, take a picture' routine he learnt at Magnus' rebound games.

Lup pretends to reapply her lip balm but turns it into rude gesture from the mushroom kingdom.

Taako does the two-fisted motion from fantasy FRIENDS.

Lup fake Coughs and gives him the finger.

Taako fake sneezes and gives her two fingers.

Lup Borrows one of Lucretia's hands momentarily to give him three fingers.

Taako uses madge hand to give her four birds. And Calls her a wanker in sign.

Lup also uses mage hand and calls him something worse. and mimes a jack off motion when-

"Ahhem. Enough." Davenport clears his throat. They both begrudging stop, and sulk.

"Heh… Dad-enport." Magnus whispers. Loudly. Because Magnus can't whisper.

The captain lowered the paper to give Magnus a, (what Lucretia refers to in her journals as,) hard stare.

"Like a cool Dad- nevermind." Magnus started, and then is suddenly very interested in his needle work. "… Sooo. are we not going to address the verbal emoji sad face thing then?"

"What sad face thing?" Barry asked coming back in with a tray of the big big mugs and a tinnie for Magnus. But its forgotten about as drinks are handed about. Lup sits up to take hers. A bag of crisps is ripped open and put on the table, along with a sharing bag of jelly sweets from Plane fifteen.

And a chocolate biscuit is popped into a still half-asleep Merle's open mouth.

" M-! 'ou're a doucfe B'rry." He coughs around the mouth full of crumbs. He swings a lame duck of a punch at Barry's shin and misses. "A Douce!"

"Call it revenge for having to hear you say the word 'tooshie'." Barry replied. Then stands, with coffee in one hand notebook in the other. as, (unless he takes a perch on the arm of a chair or also wants to sit on the floor,) there's only the one seat left.

On the sofa.

Next to Lup…

It doesn't help everyone (well everyone bar Lup) even Davenport from behind his paper are now watching and waiting for him to sit down. Taako and Magnus in sync move their elbows to occupy their sofa's armrests. And Lucretia makes a point of scooting unnecessary further forward to let him walk past her to the unoccupied sofa half. There's a moment of hesitation. But Barry bless him takes the hint and sits down on the sofa.

Lup has missed the entire two second spectacle. She is still reading, levitating her book to read so she can have both hands curled around her coffee. But she does, as casual as you like, shift around in her seat, very subtly so she's leaning a little against Barry, with her legs and tail tucked under her. Barry doesn't act like this all that unusual and starts going through his notebook of calculations. despite his face going beet red. And that all the others still clearly watching.

Magnus almost gets the giggles. Taako waggles his eyebrows at this development. Lup glances at them using a tiny mage hand to give his braid and Magus's nose a subtle but very warning tug. So Taako rolls his eyes at Lucy instead who also rolling her eyes smiles back. And shifts her pencil to her other hand because Barry's leg is jittering her too much to draw with that side.

The jittering calms. It goes quiet again for a while.

Some point Taako went to check on his dough. It hadn't risen much ("Fucking weather and cool indoor temperature.") but he puts it in the oven anyway and comes back. And found that Magnus has his legs up on the table blocking his path. Taako gives no shits and rather than stepping over them, stepped on Magnus's legs, to step off on to the floor the other side. Then blinks from there, into his seat.



Merle grumbled something in his sleep and rolls over. He wakes up fills a few numbers in his suduko puzzle book.

Davenport breaks the silence at another some point to read aloud from the paper. They are on page four again as nothing has changed for them to go back to be the top story. "Mysterious craft still here. Owners still seem nice says Pam, nearby resident."

The main headline today is something about the weather and that it might affect the state of the roads but then again probably won't. There's a chuckle, some comments.

Barry burns a fifth level spell slot to summon a big old book to him from the lab; rather then move from his comfy spot.

Merle dozes off again. Sometimes its hard to tell when he is snoozing or meditating. You have to wait for the snores.

Satisfied with the pencil work, Lucretia shakily casts 'shape water' to fill a jam jar and gets out her water colours and palette. Once they are all neatly laid out how she likes, she begins painting.

Once he's done the puzzle pages, Davenport tosses the paper over the arm of his chair and fetches a well-worn spell mechanics book from under his seat to read instead.

Lup flicks a cantrip around to keep their drinks warmed up. And finds a crisp that looks like something rude.

The afternoon glides slowly on.

"Hey, you reckon is this a piece of sky or sea?" Taako asked holds it up. Everyone looks up (and wakes up in merles case,) to see.

"Sky." Say Magnus and Davenport.

"Sea." Vote Barry and Merle.

"Point on the horizon where the sea meets sky?" Lucretia suggests.

"Grass." Lup said. And everyone goes back to their own thing.

"Excellent. Great help folks thanks." Taako said.

"Your welcome." Comes the reply. Times six.

Then it's quiet again for another while. Quiet, Bar Merles snoring. The rain outside. Brush strokes, The scratch of pencil rustle of pages. And Magnus…

Magnus had begun to fidget. Which isn't a bad thing in itself. It's just Magnus can be a bit of a dick if he's bored. And it's a very small space to be in with a bored magnus.

Magnus was supposed to be darning his Tesseralia Winners jacket. And has to be fair more or less finished three quarters of it. Sick of pricking his finger too, he puts it on and put aside the rest of his mending in a huff. He necks the last of his can. He watches Taako with his puzzle and starts interfering slash helping. Until he's bored of that.

Then he starts watching the rain. He gets bored of watching it from where he is sitting. So he gets up to look out the window for a bit watch it from a different angle. Breaths on the window an writes in the condensation. Pits raindrops against each other in tiny races.

Then he walks around the back of the other sofa watching Lucy work and having a nosy at what the others were reading for another while. He learns too much on the back of the sofa to the point the cusions sag and Lup physically pushes his head out her light.

Magnus takes the hint. He Sits back down in his seat, legs on the table. Yawns stretches and Reaches one arm around Taako's back. Waits a moment then taps Taako on the other shoulder then pretend it wasn't him. And again. Twice, till Taako ignores him.

Magnus starts throwing sweets at Merle trying to get one in his mouth. he keeps missing. The holy man grumbles awake when one hits his nose and shuts his mouth. And closes his eyes again. Magnus throws one at barry instead. Then another. And a third. Barry doesn't react even with it hitting him in the face.

Magnus changes target and throws a singular one at Lucretia. It falls short though, bounces off her canvas and lands in her lap. She pauses and slowly levels her own hard stare look at him. he meets her side eye with a "wasn't me" shrug. but he doesn't risk it again, even if she does pop the sweet in her mouth when he's not looking and goes back to painting. he wisely decides not to risk throw sweets at Lup or anywhere in the Cap. So He starts throwing sweets in the air instead trying to catch them in his mouth, still mostly missing in his lap or right over his head on to the floor. on the floor. One gets stuck on the ceiling.

He pretends it didn't happen either and just sits. just Staring at the ceiling for a bit. Making weird noises and humming. Pouting. Tapping his feet, kicking the chair.

All that stuff. Unaware the others have silently and all privately thinking he's going to very loudly himself bored, or Tuesday boring in Three, twoo one.

"You alright there Maggie?" Merle asked innocently.

"I'm boooored." Magnus sighs. "This plane is so booooorrrinnng."


"Only boring people get bored." Merle said sagely. As if he himself hadn't that morning said he was bored as hell.

"You're boring." Magnus complained back.

"Yah basic." Barry, Luc, the twins, and holy shit even Davenport chorus.

"oh I'm Basic? Lucy you're wearing a red robe like a snuglie," Magnus points out. "and Taako's dressed like a jumble sale."

"I'm dressed better than all of you." Taako said. "It's cold as shit my dude."

"I'm with Taako. It's cold as shit." Lucretia shrugs pulling the robe up to her neck. "But boring and basic is good sometimes."

"I like boring." Lup agrees.

"Yeah you do." Taako said. He gets four stifled snorts and Lup glaring Daggers at him. Barry is somehow bless him none the wiser.

"go find a vehicle to show off your proficiency with? Or ask the neiabours if there's a dog for you to go walk." Merle suggests.

"or try and smuggle one on board and give the rest of us a laugh." Taako agrees.

"don't encourage him. No dogs on-" Davenport starts, knowing where this was heading.

"On the star blaster." Everyone choruses.

"I can't." Magnus scowled.

"Why not?" Captain asks.

"its raining." Taako interrupted.


"It'll smell like updog." Taako says. But no one take the bait. Magnus gives it a moment then continues.

"Besides no one has a dog. That and I haven't seen any dogs on this plane." Magnus said. "so it suuuucks."

"…wait what?" Dav asked lowering his book.

"Planet suuuucks?"

"No the bit before. You've seen no dogs or eqivent."

"That's a point." Barry frowns looking up from his notes. "I haven't seen any either."

"none at all?"


"anyone else seen any dogs?" Lup asked. "or cats that matter."

No one had.

"We've seen what look to be some kind of cattle and farm animals. Maybe they don't have the notion of pets here." Lucretia said. She pulls this year's journal out to double check but a quick skim of the few pages show no record. So she puts it way again. "Hmm. Didn't think that would mean no dogs or equivalent of dogs though."

"Yeah, they're working animals, right?" Merle said.

"Not here. so there's no dogs here on this dumb plane to smuggle on board or walk!" Magnus grumbled. He's now gone form bored to sulking being remined one of his favourite things in the world doesn't exist here. "No wonder this place is boring."

"Maybe they're still wolves on this planet?" Barry suggests.

"Yeah. Would make sense we wouldn't see dogs I wolves haven't been domesticated." Lup agrees "And keeping away from the towns."

"huh…maybe go see if there's any wolfs in the woods bud?" Taako said, elbowing Mags.

"You could maybe find one of those?" Barry ventures. "or bears?"

Magnus shrugs. But he's gone quiet and you can see the cogs turning.

"No bears on the StarBlaster either Mags, how many times." Davenport said putting down his book. "Never mind a wolf!"

"He's fought bears before." Lup points out.

"Big ones…" Taako agrees.

"Yeah, fought them off at nightclubs." Merle said. He held out to get his hand for High-five from Magnus that nearly flings him from the bean bag.

Shaking the sting from his palm, Merle sat up and gestured to Lucretia's open journal.

"Hey, speaking of which, didn't that cycle you got there have them big dogs?"

"Big dogs?" Magnus frowns.

"yeah you know The ones that fought bears." Merle said. "Or was it another plane?"

"there were Dogs that Fought Bears?! What!?" Magus yelled leaping to his feet. But was ignored.

"I think you're right, Merle it was this one." Lucretia said. And she flipped though the Cycle Eighteen journal till she found the chapter. Then realised, "Oh shit Merle, you remembered a thing!"

"Shots!" the twins decreed. All took obligately swigs of hot drinks and key lime yogurt tasting drink.

'Cept Magnus. The boy is pissed.

"When did we go to a place with Giant Bear Fighting DOG?" he said.

"Cycle Eighteen. T'undërize? The plane with the twisty mountains and orange water. And all the people had four arms?" Lucretia said and hands him her open journal to see.

"Hey I did not see bear fighting dogs there!" Magnus complains even as he flops back into his seat reading.

Under the title heading of Mountain Shepherd Hounds (giant big ass Dogs), are big giant bear fighting dogs. There's a silhouette comparing their size to human elf dwarf and gnome. And brief description of them. a brief description how Davenport was honered by the head of one tribe and was allowed to ride a saddled one as his steed. Followed illustrations of fluffy faces from different angles, some paws. Plus a full page sketch that showed when one puppy on hind legs with its paws on a struggling Barry's shoulders, the dog standing taller than he was.

"Those look so cool!" he wines. "I'm PRETTY SURE I would have remembered if there were GIANT DOGS there."

"Yeah babe, but I think you'd already ... you know." Lup starts.

"Died again like a half a year before we got to that area of the plane?" Barry suggested.

"I was trying to be tactful."

"oh. Sorry."

"Okay then, why am I only just finding this out now?" Magnus pushes. And is met with Guilty looks all round. plus excuses galore.

"It never came up."

"Was I there? I think I was also dead by then."

"The next cycle started with a bit of a bang."

"I actually forgot."

"I didn't want to tell you you'd missed out on giant dogs. And then I forgot."

"I was in Parley." Merle said.

"No you weren't." Davenport corrects.

"No I wasn't." Merle nodded, then said, "hey where'd all these sweets come from?"

But Magnus is already ignoring them and is pouring over the description of these creatures. He's actually quiet for a minute and a half.

Taako gestured to the abandoned canvas. "Is that what you're painting, Lu-lu-mark Two? A giant dog?"

"Lucrica, dear, You know you can jinx him for that nick name?" Lup interrupts, scowling at her brother.

"I know." Lu-lu mark two said.

"Hmm. I loved the colours you have going on the book but What even is it?" Lup frowns.

"Not the mountain hounds, I'm afraid." Lucretia said and obliges turning around to show the picture for them to see. (it's a testament to her confidence as an artist to show them. A far cry from year four where she almost fell of the ships bow trying to hide her personal sketch book.) Against the base colours of greenery, a four eyed gazelle like creature with gnarly antlers was taking shape; the beginnings of its blue calf behind it. "I thought it'd look nice in the hall and-… aw beans."

Magnus is defiantly pouting now. At her. With a frigging lip wobble. And had been as soon as she said "Not the mountain hounds".

"No. Stop it. Magnus come on! that's so not fair."

"Lucretia you monster." Davenport mocks. "How can you say no to that face?"

"I can't. this is going to be a guilt trip isn't it?" Lucrietia sighed.

"Look at those puppy eyes!" Barry remarked. "And he says he's not a softy."

"Hey I am not!" Magnus snaps.

"It's like you kicked the defiantly big tough dog." Taako grinned, giving him a shove. "Use your words you big baby!"

"Yes Magnus," Lucretia teases. "Are you asking me to please paint you some bear sized dogs or nah?"

"Yeah!" He grins suddenly a lot more cheerful. "Not right now I mean but yeah could you paint me a big dog to go in my room sometime?"

"…Yes I suppose."


"Welp that's Mag's candle nights surprise busted." Merle laughs as Magnus bounces about in a victory dance. "Wait, how come he doesn't have to bribe you with cookies for art?"

"Or saying please for that matter?" Lup scowls.

"Favouritism." Lucretia deadpans.


"Hey Mags! Lean closer she could paint your face up like a dog right now." Barry teased, rescuing the journal.

"Last time you guys did that to Magnus's face with Lucretia's paints while he was sleeping, he had a sad clown face for three months." Davenport remembers, ever the voice of reason.

"Only because they used oils and gesso." Lucretia points out.

"you say that like it's a bad thing Capti'n." Lup grinned. "hey Taako, Polymorth him! Then he can be a dog."

"absolutely not." Davenport before taako can fully get his wand out. Magnus absloutly tries puppy eye routine again. It doesn't work on Captain Davenport. "No."

"knowing our luck bud You'd stay that way, and then we would stuck looking after you." Taako said, pocketing his wand anagin. "not to meantion doing your jobs on the ship for you."

"he's right." Merle nodded sagely. "Magnus would be a bear sized dog for three months if we let him."

"or You would rather," Barry asked. "be a dog sized bear?"

"ah what is a bear but a big dog." Magnus counters As he had many a time.

"what is a dog but a small bear." Lup countered back. Magus is qenulie stunned by this.

"Mags?" taako asked. And waves his hand in frount of the humans face. "…Shit you broke Maggie sis."

"that or your suggestion of poly-dogging him."

"I would. I totally would. Best of both worlds." Magnus laughed, flopping back on his seat so heavily it launches Taako airborne for a moment. "And no chores!"

"furry." Taako sneered.

"No I'd just make a great guard dog." Magnus insisted, flexing and barring his teeth. "big and viscous-!"

"Puh-lease!" Lup said. "Mags, you're a Teddy Bear."

"I am not!" Magnus scoffed. but the others are now laughing at him.

"You are."

"the softest of bears."

"Baby of the bunch."

"Baby bear."

"Big baby boy."

"Big soft galoot." Lucy hummed. "Especially where kids and small animals are concerned."

"so? That doesn't make guard dogs any less protectors or good at their jobs!" He argued. "I would be one of them bear sized dogs!"

"again, Furry." Taako repeated.

"Furry." Lup agreed.

"Hey! Well if I'm a bear hunting Sheppard hound you two would be short Borzois." Magnus said jabbing a finger at them both. "or corgis on stilts!"

"Rude." Lup huffed. "…I think?"

"yeah. I don't know dog breeds, mate, so you'll have described what those are." Taako said.

"Corgi's are little tubby fluff balls." Lucretia explained. "with big ears, I know that much."

There's a dramatic pause. then, the twins shrieked making everyone jump.


"wow. So Mags you picked us dogs that are just 'big ears'?"

"no-!" Magnus tried but was cut off.

"Why would we be both be corgis?"

"regardless of personalities?"

"Is it because we're elves?" Taako said with a most heart broken expression.

"That's so race-ist." Lup said, hurt.

This might have had more impact if the pair didn't use this stick at some point at least three times a year. Normally over the washing up.

"Are you done?" davenport asked after another half minute.

"No, I am not." Taako snaps sitting up and punches Magnus on the arm. It was like a gnat against a rhino.

"seriously Why would we be both be corgis?"

Magnus shoves him back. "why wouldn't you be?"

"why would we be the same?" Lup complained.

"You kinda would." Barry agrees.

"Barry you traitor." The twins say in creepy unison.

" 'Cos you're siblings!" he argued. Magnus agreed.

Merle didn't. "just because they're twins doesn't they'd would be the same type of dog."

"As twins You would be the same litter of puppies." Lucretia pointed out.

"Yeah in RELATIVITY." Taako said drawing out the word. "but Magnus's was based on personality as well as physical traits."

"so we wouldn't HAVE to both be the same dog." Lup agreed.

Everyone conceded that was a fair point.

"why corgis? Bar the big ears." Lup asked.

"loveable adorable bastards? " Magnus said.


"Okay So Corgi, chubby little ear balls.-" Taako started.

"phrasing." Merle cut in.

"Shut it." Taako said. "and what was the other?"

"Borzois." Magnus replied.

"Again, I don't know dog breeds you'll have describe what the fuck that is." Taako said.

"those weird grey hound things with long hair." Magnus explained. With a pointed look at Lup and the fluffy hip length. Even with the rebellious under-cut she's sporting on the one side this year, Lup's hair makes up a good forty percent of her silhouette.

"wait a minute you said a short Borzois earlier. A short werid grey hound? First the ears. Now you're attacking my height?"

"Well Natch." Taako pointed out. "he also said weird."

Lup threw a cushion at him.

"short refers to the hair type." Magnus explained. To a lot of blank faces. "like their fur, and what climate their suited too?"

"pffft. Whatever. Fine. I'm the werid greyhound one. sounds about right." Lup sighed dramatically.

"So is Taako a corgi?" Barry frowns.

"What do they even look like?" Taako asked. Luc took a routh scrap of paper and did a rough sketch of one. Taako wasn't impressed.

"Loveable bastard or not, corgi doesn't strike me as very Taako." Said Taako. "and I can't say I'm argo keen on the bozo one either."

"you're too grumpy and fancy for a corgi." Magnus agreed.

"aw fuck yeah, I'm fancy!"

"Poodles are in the similar family to Borzois." Magnus hummed. "They're fancy but were originally working dogs. Pretty firce and crafty. But chill too."

"And you do wear bows on your tail already." Lucrecia said holding up the paper. Next to the corgi sketch she'd doodled a poodle. It's wearing a wizard's hat, a wand in its mouth and a bow on its pompom tail. Taako gleefully snatched it out her hand and immediately ran to the notice board to pin it up.

"Then I vote that Taako is a poodle." Lup said. "if they're grumpy and fancy then they are perfect for Taako."

"Bitch." Taako said sitting back down. with no real malice. but he does flick a jigsaw piece at her.

"Oi! That's already down eight pieces." Merle scolded.

"yeah don't lose another one poodle boy." Lup teased.

"hey I did not agree to be called poodle boy. That is just homophobic."

"if he makes noodles for dinner he'd be a noodle making poodle." Davenport hummed.


"he's cooking for seven right?" Magnus asked Lucretia. Taako cuts them a 'watch it' glare. But is ignored.

"He is." Lucretia surmised. "So A poodle making oodles of noodles?"

"Watch this poodle put absolutely no seasoning in any of you oodles of noodles." Taako complained as Merle low fived her.

"That's what she said!"

There's a pause. Then,



"Barry what?"

"Barry…Barold. Barry look at me." Taako grins leaning forward. "In no way, on any plane, does that work."

"I know. I knew as soon as I said it. Clearly I rolled a two on that one." Barry sighed. It's very embarrassing. They're all looking at him. No worse considering him.

"Seeing as he made himself centre of attention." Lup said turning to face him. "what dog would you be, Bluejeans?"

"I dunno." Barry fumbles.

"He's Too chill to be corgi, but too young be to be a blood hound. " said magnus very seriously.

"dog breeds." Merle complains.

"character voices." Taako huffed.

"I reckon he'd be a working dog of some sort." Magnus said, putting more thought to into this then he does most of his actions.

"what kind? I mean I kinda multi class." Barry said rubbing the back of his neck.

"Someone has too."

"Isn't there a type of dog called a labrodour?" Davenport asked. Magnus nodded. "I belive their used for a varity of jobs. so that's kind of multi classing."

"that tracks." Taako agreed.

Magnus nodded again. "and it's got lab in its name, that's where he is like eighty per cent of the time."

"cool? I guess? So my mutt sona is chilled out Lab Then?" Barry said

"Please don't ever say mutt-sona aloud again." Lucretia frowned. "I am not writing that down."

"fine." Barry says. He then winks at Lup with his elbow (who blushed). and he gestured at Lucretia to the group. "I reckon Lucy would be a cat though. What do you think guys?"

"would i?" Lucretia asked, eyebrow raised.

"she would." Magnus agreed. So did the others. And then Pointing to them each in turn. "okay so far: me- bear fighting dog. Lup a Borzois. Tee, poodle. Barry is a Lab. and Luc, a cat. Cool so far?"

The others agree. Lup leant over Barry (who blushed) to ruffle and fluff the younger woman's hair and coos " 'Cretia the cat."

"what kind of cat?" Barry asked. Magnus looked at him blankly.

"there's different kind of cats?"

"Er, yeah?"

"But… cat's arn't dogs." Lucretia frowned, a bit bemused despite the scalp scritches. "I thought this was a dog talk."

"Now that he's said it way, I can't see you as a dog." Magnus said. "You are very much a cat person."

"Not strictly speaking. I like dogs too." Lucretia shrugged. "Taako's more a cat person then I am, aren't you?"

"Taako's a cat person who got a dogsona." Taako grinned. A shit eating grin. "Besides homeslice, for someone who likes dogs you got real mad when he brought that golden retiver home."

"I like dogs." Lucretia replied tartly. "what I don't like is waking up to a 'golden retiver' with air quotations being smuggled in through my window and jumping on my bed at six am!"

"That was one time. On one year!" Magnus said.

"When was this? Magnus why were you shoving a monster into the girls room?" Davenport frowned.

"I thought it was my window!" Magus said. And received another one of the captains hard stares. "I said I was sorry!"

"I thought we were keeping this a secret?" Barry frowned.

"So did I." Magnus sluked. "It was still only a puppy, Creesh."

"Still not what I want to wake up too ever again."

"It wasn't that big, he just wanted to play!"

"Not that big? Magnus, the thing had tusks?!"

"yeah. And it had six legs and horns, dude." Lup complained. "That was defiantly not a dog, no matter what the locals called it."

"I don't know how you slept through the racket Dav." Merle agreed. "so much yelling and screaming!"

"You'd have been yelling if you'd had that as an alarm clock." Lucretia grumbled.

"Screaming sure. But we did find you on Top Of The Fridge trying to avoid that thing." Merle remined her.

"It was big and loud. It woke me up and chased me. I thought it was going to eat me!" Lucretia huffed. Then shrugged. "Actually, when I say that aloud. Touché, yeah alright I'd be a cat."

"tomato." Merle corrected.

"potato." She agreed.

"It is Touché." Barry frowned. "Pack it in you two."

"Lucretia my dear," Lup said in her scary voice tipping Lucretia's head back to look at her. "Please don't enable the old man any further. Again."

"I can't make any promises." Lucretia said, in a very haughty voice. but ended up giggling at the end and grinning up at Lup.

"old man? FruitLoops you're older then me!" Merle splutters.

"how dare you? we're baby." Taako mocked. Least, he might have been mocking.

"No Magnus is baby." Barry grinned.

"Fuck off Barold I am big tough Bear Dog!"

"Furry!" Merle and Taako jeer.

"Still Baby." Barry insists.

"Big baby dog." Lup confirmed.

"You're still old!" Magnus shot back

"Not as old as Merle and I." Davenport points out.

Merle shrugged. "yeah toshie-"



"Its touché. Not touchy touch this potato or tomatoe."

"Didn't realise you all hated tomatoes so much." Lucretia said quietly.

Then realises to her horror her mistake as Merle starts laughing his ass off. Cries "Lucretiaaa!" came from all corners. Followed by louder complaits of "Merle!"


"Oh I love tomatoes-!" Merle started, in a voice his thought as his most sexy and seductive.

"Captain tell him!" Barry stressed.

"Don't even-" Davenport warns. but too late. Merle has launched into a spiel about velvety leaves, and vines and tender green shoots.

""I have to cook with those!" Taako yelled.

NOPE." Magus yelped clamping his hands over his ears. "LA LA LAAL ACAN'T HEAR THIS!"

"I've a few growing in the sundeck. I just love to watch them unfurling and ripening."


"shut up old man!"

Lup swiped at Lucretia's shoulder with paper back and papers and cushions whatever she could reach.

"I did not set him up for that!" Luc protested swatting her back.

"you so did!"

"Did not!"

"bad kitty-!"

"I have to say I really love the garden Varity."

"Merle shut up!"

"Did too!"

"Who doesn't love a little Solanum lycopersicum?"

"I don't!"

"so help me I will put poision in your salad!"

"Make him stop!"

"The girls are fighting!"

"Heat and Peat and that's all you need baby."


"that sweet sweet green green-"

"ENOUGH!" Captain snapped in a big big voice. Davenport is stood up on his chair, moustache bristling ears back and his tail flicking. The twins' too. Every one shuts up. Even Luc and Lup pause mid squabble. And Merle thank fuck stops his dirty dirty plant talk. Doesn't wipe away the look on his face though.

"if you say so." Merle chuckled, dirtily. he had a false as hell innocent smile plastered on his face despite six people glaring daggers at him at him. Taako is squashed on the sofa behind Magus where the big lad had scooted as far as could to physically put some distance from the dwarf. Lup had Pulled Lucretia up onto the sofa. but Lucretia had pushed back and twisted about so Lup and Barry are smooshed on the far end of two seater. A Barry who's looking as traumatized as Magnus, and also trying to put so distance. It's a very squashed Lup sandwedge.

Its Taako who breaks the silence.

"say, what dog would Merle be, big fella?" he asks elbowing the fighter off him.


"Ow uncover your ears dipshit. don't yell! I'm like right here, I said 'what breed of dog is Merle?'"

"No one can tell the breed it's just feral." Davenport scowled.

"A old good for nothing one." Magnus spat, letting go of his ears and still scowling at the dwarf. "The sort that digs up gardens and humps your shoes."

"And gets in to all your snacks." Barry grumbles.

"And smells like it's rolled in something DEAD." Lup adds.

"Oh the kind that always got sticks and twigs in its fur?" Lucretia chimed in. It's somewhat muffled by Lup's arm.

"Yeah that kind. it's actually got some white fur underneath all the mud and dirt." Taako agrees. "No one realises it 'cos its so crunchy."

"ha ha a-ha." Merle said, forcing him self up of the bean bag to rob one of Barry's crisps. "the sort that's not gonna be Magnus' best friend and heal him, if he carries on."

"would mean you actually have to heal someone in the first place for a change." Magnus said.

"I would if you'd stop rushing in." the dwarf shot back.

"never!" Magnus grins. Then considering something for a moment "hmm, actually breed wise border collies? I was gonna say a pug. but Collies are farm dogs and they're kinda crunchy but they're good herding flocks and very calm."

"good that's settled then. Now get your arse off my calves before you crush me!" Taako complained, thumping magnus on the shoulder.

"So I'm a collie?" Merle said as Magnus does as he's told.

"Looks like it."

"Well I'm glad that's decided." Davenport huffed, sitting back down and starts reading like it's the most natural thing in the world to do. He has his book and peace and quiet for two point five milli seconds. Then realised everyone is staring at him. "What?"

"well," Lutetia started, a little hesitantly. "we've all said or been told what dog we'd be. Or cat in my case."

"Yeah captain. get on this fantasy buzzfeed quiz." Taako encouraged.

Magnus agreed. "Any idea's what you'd be? I know lots of breeds otherwise."

"I would say that I…" The captain started. "…I am clearly the poor sap of a handler holding the leads."

"Boooo." Lup and Taako say. Lup is still squashed between the two humans. She's has Luc like a teddy bear. Or better, a human shield against Merle lest he start and more sexy plant talk, while practically sat on Barry's lap. Neither seem to mind.

"Come on Dav." Merle says. "Gotta have a complete set."

"Pack." Lucretia corrected.

"Set, Pack Touc-" Merle said.

"DON'T!" Barry and Lup cut in.

"Jinx!" Lucretia says then dissolves into a fit of the giggles. Though that might just be the way Lup jostled her.

"Come one then Mags," Barry says. "Bring on the dog trivia."

"Capenport… no wait Capendogort-"

"I don't agree to that." Davenport complained but was ignored.

"Cap would be…." Magnus says thinking very hard. Ignoring the warning look over the top of the paper from the gnome, his tail flicking dangerously. And a shit eating grin from the twins. "a Terrier. Small. A bit barky. But they are super focused. And have Great facial hair."

There's a pause. Then Davenport huffs an affirmative, clearly had been expecting something worse. And his moustache twitches indicating of a smol smile.

"Great! So CapenPort's CapenDog is a terrier. Cresh is our ship's cat, Twins are a Poodle and a Borzois. Cruncy collie for Merle. Barry is a Labrador and I'm the big bear hunting dog." Magnus said getting to his feet. And finished with a clap of his hands. "so. If we find dogs on this planet, Can we get a dog?"

Theres a beat. Then absolute annoyance, laughter and shrieking break out.

"oh for crying out – No dogs on the Ship." Davenport Complained.

"How-! how did we go from psychoanalysing what dogs we'd be to another smuggle one ship." Barry laughs.

"It was my plan all along!" Taako says, in his best worst magnus impression.

"im going to get a dog one day." Magnus said. "or a bear, or a wolf, or a monkey-!"

"you're not keeping it in my room!" Lucretia insists.

"we don't need a dog now," Merle grins. "Magnus is totally a bear dog now, remember?"

"Polymorth him!" Lup agreed

"Taako No!" Captain said.

"Taako yes!" Magnus grinned bouncing in his seat.

"Don't need to, he's already a furry." Taako said. "Watch this. Hey magnus my dude , sit! Speak!"

Magnus sat, well knelt on the floor as commaned, opened his mouth and barked.

"Shit he even knows commands!" Merle laughed. And grabbed another crisp. "Hey want a treat boy?"

"Should dogs even have crisps?" Lucretia asked as Magnus begged, gave paw and even let merle balance the crisp on hirsnose, waited waited then flicked his head and tried to catch it in his mouth.

"Good Boy!"

"what the fuck you guys?" Lup asked laughing. Magnus just barked louder and jumped up against the already overcrowded sofa. The girls shrieked and giggled. Barry laughed and Swatted him off with a cushion.

"watch it Burnsides!"

"hey! Don't hit dogs!" Merle mock scolded. "that's Magnus abuse that is."

"Yeah!" Magnus agreed, bounding up again on Barry.

"He shouldn't jump on the furniture then. Bad dog!" Davenport said. There was a flicker of magic and a clear vets cone around magnus neck. "Cone of shame!"

"Nooo!" Magnus cried. "Not the cone of shame! I do not like the cone of shame!"

He started shaking his head back and forth trying to get it off. Even going as far as to try and bat it off.

"Can he chase his tail?" Merle egged. "Taako show him how to chase his tail!"

Taako did so, causing hysterics.

"Hey hey magnus!" he then grinned Conjuering up a ball of light in his hand and yeeting across the space. "fetch!"

"race you!" Magnus grinned and bounded after it. Merle scuttled after him with an yap.

Needless to say, the joke quickly descended in to mayhem that only taako magnus and merle can cause. Mostly because two of the three start

Jumping over the furnatiure On all fours. And Magnus is a big Boy to be jumping on anything. The Jigsaw is scattered, the table over tips.

Lup cackles wriggling out from her seat leaping on Magnus's back

"Look at me, I can ride the Bear dog!"

Magnus Grinned even broader, swinging her around howling and barking. The others try and get out the way. Most managed. Davenport scrambles up and over the back of his chair. Lucretia shots off behind a sofa, her new painting in tow to protect it, while Barry leaps over the back of the sofa. Well. Barry got up on to the back of the sofa, then fell back on the sofa with an 'Oof'.

"Fuck it. Lab incoming!" He yelled before standing back up and tackling Taako around the legs, almost bringing them both crashing in to Lup and Mags.

"Ooooh captain! Here Boy!" Merle laughed bounding at the arm chair Like a dog might bark at a squiel up a tree. Given the way the captain was crouched on the wing back, it wasn't a far off annolgy.

"Back off!" Captain yelped, as the chair toppled backward. Dav parkoured off as it fell and bounced off the sofa and went rolling under the table trying to dodge Merle. Narrowly Avoiding being squashed as Magnus chucks Lup on the bean bag that somehow don't bust with the force. He does not however avoid getting flipped over and his hair mussed up by Taako's mage hand.

"Don't you dare!" captain said. then relents and joins in, even throwing in some illusions of balls and squeaky toys at Magnus. "Here, Fetch that!"

"You're all nuts. Barking even!" Lucretia quipped in an ooie gooy gravitas tone, standing up above it all. She had just pulled out this year's journal again to record this as it happens. Only to get tackled by Lup on her back with a yowl and tickly fingers, back into cushions.

After that all bets were off. The whole thing just became a chaotic aliened bunch of shenigans. Including but not limited too: Chasing Tickle fights, pillow fights, and just plan jumping on Magnus fight. And all the while yelling things like,




"that's Miss bitch to you!"

"Magnus put him DOWN!"

"Dogs should vote!"


"And have swords!"


"Did you just fucking lick me?!"

"Psst Psst Psst!"

"Fetch this!"


"Magnus put ME down!"


"Stop trying to make fetch happen!"


"Here Kitty Kitty!"

"Bad dog!"

Round and around iyt went. Until exhausted they almost as one, collapsed in pile, panting and laughing. Or more accurately, piled on Magnus who'd sprawled out on the floor and the scattered scatter cushions. Magnus always made the best pillow anyway, they agree. With Barry coming a close second. Magnus just laughed harder scooping up his friends into a friend zone floor hug. It was almost a cuddle pile really, in that overly familiar a person can be with six other goofballs, even Taako.

And like all cuddles, it's all well and good. Until someone had to go to the bathroom and someone else's foot went to sleep. And you realise hard floors still aren't any easier on the neck, no matter how quesi-immortal you are.

Stiff and still giddy, they clambered to their feet, and set to work righting the furniture.

Lup helped Barry up. No one mentioned the hand lingering, though several pointed looks were exchanged, and eyebrows waggled as Barry straightened his glasses.

Magnus 'helped' Taako and Lucretia up. One over each shoulder. And Then didn't set them down. Instead he tried to 'help' Merle up too and all four nearly fell back in a heap. With several huffy words exchanged Magnus put them down, gently. Then lifted sofas while the others swiped underneath for things like books, notes, crisps and Lucretia's brushes. Davenport cast locate object a few times to find lost puzzle pieces. Lucretia practiced her Prestidigitation to mop up any spilt paint water and got a double mage hand thumbs up from the twins for the effort.

The dining table was ignored, and the bean bag dragged closer as Taako with Merle's help sets out a pickie meal on the coffee table. Afternoon began to turn into evening. And for the rest of that Sunday on Tuesday the IRPE crew set Pack was spent much in the way they had been spending their time so far today; reading, painting, goofing around, napping. Only now with more picking up puzzle pieces, eating fresh bread and making increasing bad dog jokes.

Even if there are no Dogs on Tuesday.