So if you want the truth
Blaine was inconsolable after the attack. He pretended otherwise, he pretended that he was fine and calm and confident and cool as always but he was distant. He remained a completely perfect gentleman and went through the proper motions with Kurt when others were around or what they expected from Blaine, but that was it.
Kurt missed those secretive smiles that weren't all that secretive that let Kurt know that Blaine was thinking about undressing him and doing naughty things. Now it was only polite smiles and proper greetings and goodbyes. Yet through it all, when Blaine was present, he was overly helpful and protective. If it looked like Kurt was going to fall or drop something or bend awkwardly to get something and Blaine was there to grab him, pick up whatever object he needed or guide Kurt into a seat, he'd do it before Kurt could even start to move.
"I'm not going to break with a slight wind." Kurt said gently when Blaine wrapped his blazer around Kurt's shoulders as they walked out to his SUV. He was chiding Kurt for not parking in the garage. "It's nice out." A tad cold but that was to be expected of the end of March.
"You should have parked in the garage, no matter how nice it is. You could slip on a slush pile or water patch."
"Is there another reason?" Kurt asked carefully.
"Of course not, I just want to walk my boyfriend out to his car." He eyed the Escalade wearily but then when he saw Kurt's eyes on him he forced an overly bright smile. "Drive home safe."
When Blaine sent his car that kind of look, one would be forgiven for thinking it was Blaine who got pulled out of the previous window roughly and then beaten up and was a little gunshy of riding in it. It was still the safest vehicle anyone could be in.
That was the other thing, he didn't know why but he thought for sure Blaine would have been neurotic and overly concerned for his safety and he would have to be beating Blaine away to have a moment's breath to himself. Yet... no. Blaine waited for him to arrive in the morning, walked with him to his first class and then disappeared until lunch where he would sit with Kurt and the others but wouldn't drag him into his lap or sit on Kurt's or put his leg up on Kurt's lap or hold his hand. Granted, he probably didn't do most of those things because Kurt was hurt but he could still hold his hand. He didn't kiss Kurt hello or goodbye and didn't insist on coming home with him daily nor even on the weekends, he just waved goodbye to Kurt at the car lot and watched him until he was out of sight and then... Kurt didn't know what he did. He didn't call or text Kurt while he was off campus either unless it was in response to Kurt's text or calls. He only asked for a text from Kurt to let him know he got home safe and one on Saturday and Sunday each to let him know that he was alive.
Blaine stood there long after Kurt was gone, wishing for a single word from Kurt but held himself back until he heard it. Until he heard it, he was terrified of overstepping, of being too much and driving Kurt away. Kurt seemed fine with the current arrangement while he was dying inside and could think of nothing else but Kurt and wonder how he was really doing. Blaine would just stare at where he last saw Kurt's taillights and would stay there until someone grabbed his attention, asking if he was ok.
Kurt breathed deeply through his nose and his nostrils flared, he was tired of this, he'd had his entire car ride to think about it and get riled up. He had already been annoyed but he worked himself up, going over everything out loud while he drove, something he couldn't do at home without being over heard. He met Blaine at the front door 2 weeks after the attack and waited until they were marginally alone. "If you're going to break up with me, just do it already!"
"That's preposterous, why would I break up with you?" Blaine's eyes flashed black momentarily and Kurt's lower lip wobbled slightly, he'd never seen that look of panic on Blaine's face before, not when he woke up in the hospital, not when Blaine was spiraling about prom but the thought of breaking up with Kurt was terrifying to the shorter boy.
"Then what the hell, Blaine?"
"Careful, don't over exert yourself." He'd put a hand out that stopped short of Kurt's arm.
"I can do whatever the hell I want!" Kurt snapped back and Blaine's eyes flashed green momentarily, awake for the first time in weeks, and that just pushed Kurt to keep going. "What do you care? Why would what I do matter to you? You don't spend any time with me other than what you're forced to endure. What happened, did my face change in the accident and you can't bear to look at me anymore?"
"No, damn it, you're as beautiful as ever!" Blaine roared back and Kurt took a step back and Blaine sighed. "This is why I have been keeping myself back, I don't want to scare you."
He had been boxing again, Kurt had noticed that, the hands were red, black and blue and sore and raw and he had wanted to kiss them better so many times since he returned to school. "That's not entirely true, is it. You're over me, done with my drama."
"No." Blaine was pained and he held out hands beseechingly toward Kurt and Kurt came forward and took them. "No." He repeated and looked at Kurt and decided to hell with it, it was only one day's worth of classes and he brought Kurt outside and away from the main building. There was a little sitting area that he wanted to sit with Kurt in. It was empty except for the two of them. "I am trying to make it easier on both of us."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're going to leave me now that the threat is over." Blaine rubbed the back of his head. "It's the same old story."
"I'm sorry, I don't think I read that one, mind telling it to me?" Kurt reached out to hold Blaine's hands but he pulled away and stood up and paced the grounds in front of Kurt. "This seems familiar but I think the roles are reversed."
Blaine sent him a look and Kurt made a motion to zip his lips and he turned the key and put it into his pocket. It caused Blaine's lips to quiver with a ghost of a smile and so Kurt was glad he'd been so flippant. His eyes were lightening just a little in color too, like the dark cloud was lifting. "The story... right..." He looked away because like Kurt, he couldn't concentrate on anything else when looking at his love. "The story goes – traditionally it's boy and girl, so- girl meets boy when she's in trouble, falls in love with boy, has wild raunchy sex with boy, danger passes, some time passes and she's done with boy, realizing that it was only fear that kept them together for so long. You're going to leave me too."
Kurt snorted and laughed so hard that Blaine whirled around and went over and grabbed his shoulders. "Careful!"
"I'm fine!" Kurt pushed the hands away but did moan a little as it stretched his tender flesh. "I'm fine!" He repeated when Blaine sent him a glare. "That's such a ridiculous story and not our story. First of all, we're both boys so automatically we're a different story even if the rest were similar. But it's not, dummy, I met you before I was ever in any danger and fell for you then. I had been in danger, sure but the danger felt like it was over months ago, this was just the reprise." Kurt waved it off. "So some time had passed and I fell even more madly in love with you every day and we've yet to have wild raunchy sex! So, not the same story!"
"You're stronger now, you don't need me. Even after the attack, you're pushing away all of my attempts to help you."
"Blaine, I'll always want and need you and yeah, maybe sometimes I do want your help but not always but sometimes." Not that Kurt thought that he'd been pushing help onto him to be able to rebuff.
"You haven't asked for it." He did hear the word he was looking for finally though, help.
"You haven't been around to be able to ask or hear when I did." Kurt criticized and Blaine paled. "Nothing major, just couldn't lift my arm up enough to reach for one of the text books in the library last week." He tried to reassure and Blaine bowed his head over Kurt's knees in self-disgust for not being there. "Hey, it's ok." Kurt ran his fingers through Blaine's hair. "I just wanted you around more and felt like you were pushing me away. I missed being able to touch you."
"You could have touched me." Blaine whispered to his shins, his forehead was resting on his knees now.
"You pulled away the time I tried." Kurt countered, no longer angry, they were touching now, that was a step in the right direction and a balm to his hurt emotions.
"I'm sorry." Blaine lifted his head and his eyes were filled with tears as he looked at Kurt. "I was trying to be strong for both of us when all I wanted to do was fall apart."
"We all fall apart sometimes." Kurt bent forward to kiss Blaine on the forehead but Blaine's hand were on his shoulders suddenly and forcing him back. "I'm not going to right now."
"I know but that's a bad angle for you to be in."
"Says who?" Kurt rolled his eyes.
"The internet." Blaine admitted sheepishly.
"Didn't anyone ever tell you not to believe everything the internet says?"
"It was the Mayo Clinic's website, I'm sure it's trustworthy."
"Every injury is different."
"Yeah but better safe than sorry."
They were just flinging responses at each other as if they'd planned this conversation and Kurt gave in. "Talk to me next time you're feeling insecure, ok?"
"I wasn't feeling insecure-" Kurt just raised both eyebrows at Blaine and he sighed. "Ok, maybe a little. Sorry, you're right and I will." His hands covered Kurt's and Kurt loved being touched by this guy. "How are you feeling?"
"Better now that my boyfriend is actually paying attention to me." Kurt grinned and squeezed Blaine's hands and moved it off of them for a bit, they both needed a breather from that heady stuff. "I'm f- doing well, Blaine, honestly. I'm a little annoyed that my solos got taken away though at Nationals."
"You still have the duet." Blaine scratched the solo Kurt was supposed to do and decided to do 2 solos himself. "It was for your benefit."
"Taking away chances to shine?" Kurt asked skeptically.
"So you didn't over exert yourself before you're fully healed." Blaine shook his head, he didn't like Kurt thinking that it was punishment or meant in any way to harm him. "It takes a lot to carry the group."
"Don't think I can handle it?" Kurt asked carefully and Blaine opened his mouth, closed it and thought about how best to answer it.
"Normally, you'd have no problem doing so, it'd be something you could do in your sleep but you've been hurt and we don't want to set your recovery back." The ground was starting to get cold and so Blaine moved to sit beside Kurt.
"I've been hurt before." Kurt countered. "It never stopped me then."
Blaine slid his arm around Kurt to keep warmer and to hold him, he missed holding Kurt the last couple of weeks. He just missed Kurt and it was his own doing, he would flay himself for that later. "How about we work on these songs like we have for now and when it gets closer to Nationals, we'll reassess when we know how you're doing with more time to heal and recover?"
Kurt's nose twitched, he wanted to argue but it was actually a really good plan, because he didn't know how he would do either, he hadn't tried to take a full breath in for awhile, much less one that he would need to sing a solo. "You should thank your lucky stars that you're so cute."
"I thank them for a lot of things, mostly for you."
"Flatterer." Kurt snuggled into Blaine's side, he missed Blaine too much to be annoyed at him any longer.
"Only with you." Blaine dropped a kiss onto Kurt's head. "We should head in soon, it's actually still fairly cold out here." Early April and it still had a chance that it could snow.
"But you're so warm." Kurt protested and Blaine gave in for awhile longer and just held Kurt to him. "Dad missed you this weekend." Kurt finally said after a moment of peace between them.
"I missed him too." Blaine sighed, leaning back against "I missed your entire family, even your annoying brother."
Kurt's giggle was muffled by his shoulder and Blaine smiled in response to the sound. "He asked about you too."
Blaine settled in again, this he could handle, this he liked. "What did he say?"
Kurt shrugged slightly. "Just that he wanted to tell you that you under-estimated him. Whatever that meant."
Blaine rolled his own eyes at that comment. "I'll have to tell him what I think about that at the next visit." Finn didn't exactly prove himself all that much to Blaine, Kurt still got really hurt and he hadn't seen the attack coming, he should have been aware of the danger before it was on them. 3 big guys were easy to spot. Granted, Finn had put himself in the way to get hurt too but they'd held back some of their hits because they still needed Finn next year. "Still doing ok?"
"Yeah but we can head in now." Kurt was getting cold too. They headed in and Blaine's hand found itself onto the small of Kurt's back under his jacket and Kurt's toes curled in his shoes at the touch. He didn't even bother telling Blaine that there was an incredibly big black bruise there, the warmth of Blaine's hand was well worth any pain.
Kurt stopped at the door of his classroom and turned to Blaine, they were inexcusably late but neither would apologize. "You know, dad is out of town this week again and in D.C. He said I could stay on campus until Friday after school if I wanted to..."
"Finn and Carole won't be upset?"
"Nope." Kurt slipped into the classroom before Blaine could say anything and when the door closed, Blaine felt like he'd been the one with a fist to the gut. He wanted Kurt to stay, so badly but he was also terrified of hurting him with the wrong touch, getting carried away...
It would just have to be ok because Blaine didn't want to send Kurt away when he could have him close. He'd already lost so much time with him foolishly.
That night, Blaine undressed slowly for Kurt and then came over to undress Kurt even slower, being extra careful and gentle and taking the time to fold everything and put it where it belonged on the desk. Kurt purred at the fleeting touches and was so turned on by Blaine taking care of his clothes for him, meanwhile his own were hung up too so they didn't crease or get dirty. High approval came from Kurt, he'd seen Kurt's love of fabric and had acted appropriately.
They were down to just their underclothes and Kurt reached for the shirt and Blaine shook his head, dancing out of the way. "Not that, not tonight, please."
"You don't want me touching you?" Kurt asked a little surprised, he thought they'd already sorted everything out when they talked.
"When you touch me I unravel and I might not be able to touch you in the way you deserve if you touch me today."
"That's fine." Kurt didn't care but Blaine shook his head, he did. "What is it?"
"Remember how I said that sometimes things might be ok and the next day not? Right now I'm asking you to respect my boundaries and accept that I'm not ok with you touching me."
Kurt was put out. "But I need to be ok with you touching me?"
"Are you not?" Blaine stopped in front of him, sure Kurt wasn't going to push now and he looked down at Kurt sitting on the bed, suddenly fearful of misunderstanding the situation, that Kurt just hadn't wanted to drive back home- Kurt cut off his spiraling thoughts.
"Of course I'm ok with you touching me." Kurt looked up at him like he'd lost his head. "Why else would I be staying here tonight?"
A great big whoosh of air left Blaine's chest in relief. He bent so they were eye level. "I want to touch you tonight and touch only you, ok? I almost lost you and I need this to reassure myself that you are actually here."
"You didn't almost lose me." Except maybe by his own stupid actions but Kurt wouldn't just let him push him away without a conversation. "It was never touch and go. I was always going to be fine."
"Maybe, maybe not, but I felt a very real fear when you didn't wake up for several hours. Even if it was a paper clip, it could have become infected and gotten worse, I know that's just an over-exaggeration, don't say anything about that, please. I was reminded of my own trauma and hospital stay and this was a lot worse because it had happened to you."
He didn't add 'while I knew you' because that part didn't matter to him, he would have hated it if it happened to Kurt the day it happened to Blaine well before they even met and he'd forever feel that loss, Kurt's loss, if he'd stopped living even before they met. If he never met Kurt – well, he'd always be missing a big part of himself too. Having met Kurt and falling in love with him, and fearing that loss then and there – it would have been too much if it came true. "I need this Kurt."
Kurt gave in, he was a little puddle of goo right then, anything Blaine needed to help him through this, he would definitely give it to him. His eyes were tormented, Kurt could see that now, knew all along that the smiles were faked and he was just pretending to be ok. Now he was letting it loose and letting Kurt see his very real grief even though Kurt was alive and well. Even his father hadn't reacted this way. He didn't hug Kurt while he was in the hospital but once he was given the all clear, he did and he didn't let go unless he feared that he was hurting Kurt again. He removed the restrictions about traveling around town on his own, the worry was now behind bars in jail. He didn't crack down on Kurt's return time anymore or programmed any alarms, trusting Kurt to return home before dinner or calling if he wouldn't be.
Kurt still text him to let him know that he was driving somewhere and when he got to his destination safely and that's all Burt asked for now. It was a concern any parent would feel and he asked Finn to do the same. Kurt even text Carole, knowing she was also probably worried but wasn't Burt and didn't feel it appropriate to put her foot down and demand things from Kurt. She was grateful that he did it anyway, between the texts, pitching in with cleaning and cooking.
She approached Kurt cautiously, not sure how to handle him yet, and asked for things from him, not demanded and he seemed more than willing to do so right then and there or would get to it when it was a better time for him and would tell her that he'd get to it once he finished X, Y or Z. Burt was the authority figure with both boys but also one great big sap. Finn though, he listened to Carole as if she were the fist and not the padding. Finn listened to her over anyone else. Between Burt being a sap and Carole feeling out her new role with Kurt, it was why he was allowed to stay tonight, to let the two boys heal together.
Kurt looked to Blaine then and held out his hands for Blaine to take. "Do whatever you need to."
"And you'll let me know if something hurts or you don't like it?" Blaine held his gaze and Kurt nodded, that was in part what Blaine needed and so he wouldn't hold back. Blaine reached out slowly and slid the shirt up Kurt's chest until it was under his armpits but didn't have Kurt tip forward or raise his arms, Kurt still needed to bend his head but his back was still straight as Blaine helped remove it. "I want you to lay down but I want you to lay in the most comfortable position you can at the moment. The one that won't hurt you, how you've been sleeping ever since the attack."
Kurt laid on his uninjured side and was as straight as he could be while laying there like that, he did want to move his knees up to his chest all the time but was told not to by the doctor if he could help it. He was facing Blaine just then but Blaine moved around so he was behind Kurt and there was a shocked intake of breath. "Oh, my beautiful angel, what did they do to you?" Fingers gently caressed the dark spot on his back.
Kurt didn't say anything but Blaine was waiting and wasn't moving on from the spot. The touch was feather light and there was expectation in the air. "Karofsky kicked me hard. You'd have thought he was the kicker or on the soccer team." He was trying to be flippant again but Blaine's mouth found the spot now too.
"Don't- don't do that." Blaine begged and Kurt accepted finally that Blaine didn't like it when he took his heath and injuries less than seriously.
"Did you call me your angel?" Kurt asked, not sure if he heard correctly.
"You call me a god."
"Yeah, like mythological god, like Ares or Poseidon. Maybe Thor." Kurt turned his head to look at Blaine but he was out of Kurt's view as he kissed every inch of that bruise better, and for some reason it seemed to be working. "Or Achilles or Hercules, half-gods."
"That's more like it." Blaine agreed. "Half god, half mortal, much more fitting for me."
"No, you're full god." Kurt argued. "But Angel? You do know I'm not religious, right?"
"I do but I am and that's how I view you." Blaine's mouth pressed just a bit firmer now on that bruise. He wondered if cupping would be beneficial but he wouldn't go against what the doctors said or their game plan. "Purer than snow." He ran his hand over Kurt's arm, where there were still white flesh poking through. "Both physically and otherwise."
"Maybe not otherwise as much anymore." Kurt said gently, they'd seen to that together but Blaine disagreed.
"You could have slept with 10 different guys but your heart is still pure, your mind is still pure, your soul is still pure and your flesh would be too, will be again." He would have kept it clean, there wouldn't have been the possibility of an STD unless a condom ripped but even then, that's not what Blaine was talking about and it was a moot point because Kurt hadn't been with anyone, Blaine was just making a point.
Kurt wasn't sure if he fully understood what Blaine was saying but he was trying to keep up. He hoped religion wouldn't be a big problem between them, others had tried to convince him of the benefit of religion or spirituality but he hadn't seen the point. It kept the mind from thinking of real, practical solutions. Even the Greek Mythology he was referencing was just more about the physical, beyond imagination gorgeousness of Blaine, not that he actually thought he came from Olympus, another... world? He wasn't even sure where that was supposed to be. Greek Mythology was one of the worst offenders, shrugging off what happened as if a god had been at fault because they were bored, not because it was a fault line or a rational explanation behind it.
"I'm not perfect."
"Neither are angels but they try to do their best."
"Are you sure I'm not a fallen angel?" He didn't mean that he was trying to tempt Blaine into sin, but that he was not perfect or even close to it.
Blaine shook his head. "You don't have to be perfect or even understand what I'm saying. I know what my thoughts are about you, just like you know yours about me. If it makes you uncomfortable, I will try not to say it out loud. But I'll always be religious."
"I- I'm not sure how I feel about it, being called an angel." Kurt answered honestly and Blaine nodded, he wouldn't say it again if he could help it. "I am ok with you being religious and I hope you are ok with me not being so. Are you ok with me calling you a god?"
"A god in bed is a very nice thing to be called." Blaine teased. "Likened to the statues of Ares and whatnot, that's a little more daunting, makes me desire to keep fit for you."
"I told you- you could be fat, balding and old but as long as we got there together, I don't care about the age and the other things- well – you'd still be you and so I would love you and find you desirable, always."
Blaine found each and every bruise that was exposed to him on the three sides of his body that he could have access to without once turning him so he could finish the job. His other side wasn't as bruised or cut up, he'd laid on the ground on that side while curled into a ball. Kurt was feeling like a failure and very loved at the same time, it was an odd feeling. Blaine had kissed every single spot that was bruised or tender better.
"So, I was thinking," Kurt mentioned when Blaine finished and just wrapped his arms lightly around Kurt and snuggled up against his back without pressing too hard into him. "I think that I should probably know how to do more than just lie there and take it."
"No." Blaine replied firmly and Kurt turned his head to look at his boyfriend, this man had told him again and again that talk wouldn't get him anywhere with some people. Blaine met Kurt's eyes and read the look correctly. "Look at what happened to Finn, he fought back and he still got beat up."
"I didn't even get a chance to try and talk them down but when I did talk it only made it worse." Kurt argued.
Blaine kissed Kurt's shoulder. "Not every case will be like this one. Talking is the best thing you can do in a situation, using your head, staying calm and trying to rationalize your way out of a situation is better. You said it yourself, sometimes fighting back will only make things worse, if you had fought back, you might now be dead or at least have more broken bones. You were right to protect yourself and lessen the impact the hits had on you."
"You said that there were techniques I could use to protect myself and my inner organs." Kurt shot back, wondering at this about-face change. "You fight."
"I box and spar, there's a difference." Blaine's mouth was trying to distract him as he ran it from his shoulder to his neck and up the side of Kurt's face, kissing over his ear, his hairline and temple. "I will take you to learn those techniques though, if that's what you want, when your rib is fully healed." Blaine laid there with Kurt and thought about it. "Maybe some self-defense classes too, I'll have to see what they teach first."
"You know I'm older than you, right?"
Blaine chuckled and Kurt could feel Blaine's chest move against his back. "Yes, we've discussed it before."
"Why are you treating me like I'm an invalid child?" Kurt asked. "Needing your approval to do anything? I'm nearly an adult, legally." He already felt like one in a lot of ways.
Blaine sighed and flung himself onto his back and didn't take Kurt with him. "God Kurt, first I'm not touching you enough, and keeping too much of a distance and hands off approach and now I'm too clingy and needy and controlling."
Kurt carefully shifted over onto his other hip so he could face Blaine who instantly sat up and pulled Kurt into a seating position too, terrified that Kurt would hurt himself just because he wanted to be able to see Blaine. He hadn't wanted that. At least sitting they were taking pressure off of an injured body part and facing one another. "Blaine, that's not what I meant and you know it, you're just trying to twist my words."
"What are you trying to say, Kurt?"
"I guess I'm trying to figure out what you're trying to say, Blaine."
"I don't want to fight with you." Blaine really didn't, he didn't know why he was so touchy right now.
"Then don't." Kurt responded flippantly and Blaine couldn't help but smile.
Blaine took Kurt's face into his hands, being very careful not to aggravate a bruise or scratch. "I know you can go out there and find your own classes, I want to do this for you though because I already know this world and I want the very best for you. I don't want you getting bad advice and getting hurt again. No two lessons are the same, even if they're taught by the same school of thought. I like that you're a pacifist and I don't want this to change you. Let me do the fighting for you if it comes down to it but you are so good at talking your way out of things, I don't want you to be in any further danger."
Kurt bit his lower lip. "I've been doing a pretty poor job of talking recently, if you're so confused about what I want from you." His eyes looked up at Blaine through his lashes and were slightly hooded and Blaine laughed, he got it now. He came forward and kissed Kurt. His eyes had done all the talking for him.
"I love you too much to bare anything more harming you." Blaine explained slowly. "If you're hurt and you try some of these classes you could get hurt more. I can't stand the thought of it."
"I don't want you to ever get hurt either, I don't think you should be the only one who knows how to fight. I want to be able to defend you as well, if it ever comes down to it."
"For me, my rage at what happened to me, to you, is expelled through my fists hitting those bags, for you, that release is something else. You won't find the same benefit from it." Blaine tried to explain gently. "Because we're different people. What does Finn do?"
Kurt's lips twisted, Blaine had a fair point. "He plays video games."
"Do you want to do that?"
"Not really." Kurt shook his head, that seemed like a total time suck to him, incredibly pointless. "He probably doesn't want to clean either."
"Exactly, neither do I, not really." Blaine teased. "I'm not the neat freak."
"No, you're definitely not. Should I sing that line about I hate mess but I love you?"
"I'm not a mess either." Blaine's eyes shone green at him, willing him to say more.
"No, you're not. I live with that one." Kurt shook his head. "But you're maybe half and half." He made a see-saw action with his hand and Blaine's eyes sparkled before he came forward for another kiss.
Kurt asked his first request when it came to the bedroom, a preference. "Do you mind sleeping on this side of me." He patted the side of the bed that was in front of him. "I like you behind me and everything but I prefer to be able to see you and curl into you, not just spoon and I can't do it if you're over there because I can't really turn like that."
"Oh! Of course, of course, sorry!" Blaine jumped off the bed and ran around to be on the other side of Kurt and took his hands in his. "Better?"
"Yes." Kurt didn't feel like he was twisting as much to see Blaine now either while they sat and breathed a sigh of relief as it took pressure off his spine and ribs.
"Kurt you can always tell me things like that, thank you for doing so now." Blaine wished Kurt said it earlier but he'd take what he could
Kurt blushed a little. "You spooning me was nice. That wasn't the issue." He liked feeling Blaine pressed completely against him. "I just like to see you too."
"Did you want to lie back down again?" Blaine asked overly concerned and Kurt shrugged it off and nodded and let Blaine coddle him for awhile, it felt nice, why fight it? Especially as it seemed to be something Blaine really needed.
They fell asleep with Kurt holding Blaine's undershirt in both of his hands and pressed up against him as much as he could. Blaine for his part held Kurt close as much as he dared, his legs were intertwined with Kurt's and his nose was in Kurt's hair and he breathed the familiar scent deeply. It would have taken a winch to pull him away.
Blaine walked with him to all of his classes, ignoring Kurt's protest that they usually went back and forth and kissed him at every door each time they split or came back together. Kurt was very bemused and distracted by lunch time and he rested his head on Blaine's shoulder, daydreaming about the body underneath his touch. Last night's conversation had him imagining Blaine in a red toga with a wreath of flowers around his head and the sexiest lace up shoes. He smiled at his image, all Blaine needed now was a steed and some sort of weapon and shield. He was going through his memory banks trying to remember what the options were from that time period. He settled on a bow and arrow. But... wouldn't it be awfully uncomfortable riding an animal with so few clothing items and bare skin? Kurt giggled at his daydreaming thoughts and when Blaine moved slightly and said something to him and not the others he looked up to realize that everyone was looking at him. He turned bright red and everyone knew where his thoughts had been without asking and they still teased him, not letting up until lunch was over and he gathered his things and jumped to his feet, ready to flee when Blaine caught him with two gentle hands.
"Woah, steady." Kurt turned even redder as that would be something he said to his mount and turned redder still with that word choice. Oh my, his brain was in the gutter today. He took a moment to realize why Blaine stopped his escape and winced when the pain returned to him now that he was focusing on something else other than his embarrassment. "Ok?"
Kurt nodded and looked into those amazing hazel eyes and was expecting them to be on the concerned brown spectrum right then but they were pure green and dripping with suggestions and Kurt gave a small nod of approval before Blaine's lips were on his and Kurt slid his tongue against Blaine's lips and he opened his mouth willingly.
"Uh, you guys know you're in the lunch room, right?" Wes asked with an amused expression on his face. Blaine and Kurt obviously didn't hear him as they kept kissing.
"Guess they made up." Nick commented.
"Why were they ever fighting?" Jeff asked loudly. "It's not like Kurt did anything wrong, so it must have been Blaine's fault."
"Definitely Blaine's fault." Nick agreed. "Didn't you see how crushed Kurt was the last few weeks?"
"Maybe that's why we shouldn't interrupt their makeup session." David commented sliding his hands into his blazer and shuffling out of the room, the other three could do what they wanted.
"Still in the lunch room, guys." Wes reminded them. "Still have the rest of the day to get through."
"Oh yeah." Kurt pulled away, totally forgetting that, he forgot all sense of time or day with Blaine. "School... Why I'm here."
"I thought you were here for me." Blaine pouted, the other three guys had left when Wes shuffled the other couple from the room.
"You're just a lucky bonus." Kurt slipped his hand into Blaine's and pulled him from the lunch room, or he would have, had Blaine let him extend himself like that, but he kept right at Kurt's side easily. "Or rather the one who told my dad about this school, giving him the option of sending me here."
"You were here first scoping it out. He already had all the information packets." Blaine reminded Kurt. "You're the architect of your own life."
Kurt stopped and looked at him with a faint frown. "Is that from the Good Place?"
"No?" Blaine didn't think it was, he thought the phrase came from a lot earlier than that show, but maybe that expression had sparked the show now that he thought of it.
"Did you watch episodes without me?" Kurt asked with narrowed eyes.
"No?" Blaine had but he wondered if he could get away with it.
Kurt flicked him on the nose. "Jerk."
"Your jerk." Blaine smiled at him charmingly and Kurt's scowl only deepened. "Sorry?"
"That's better." Kurt wanted to throw his arms around Blaine's shoulders but it was too much pull on his side and so he settled for wrapping them around his waist. "You are my jerk, never forget it." Blaine nodded happily. "And don't watch our shows without me." Blaine grinned sheepishly. "What else did you watch?" Kurt asked with a sigh. He had purposefully kept Finn from watching one of the rare shows that the three boys had all agreed upon and they usually watched the episodes over the weekend together and sometimes their parents watched with them.
"Not that one, but..." He listed the episodes he watched and Kurt shook his head and just rested his head on Blaine's chest. "I won't do it again."
"You better not." Kurt though had a smile on his face, he just wanted to be in Blaine's embrace, it didn't matter what they were doing. Blaine's arms were linked around Kurt in return, resting above the small of his back, not touching him there though. A mischievous look crossed Kurt's face as he pulled back. "Maybe I should go home after class and catch up so we're on the same page."
"I'll watch them again with you." Blaine didn't want him going, or at least going without him.
"Why waste the 3 hours?" Kurt shrugged. "We can just watch them here and over the weekend we can watch all three episodes with Finn."
"I'm still invited over?" He got an eye roll in response, because of course he was. "We really have to get to class."
Blaine reluctantly let him go but that night Blaine found Kurt in his dorm room after Warbler practice and dinner. Blaine had been talking to Wes about... something... if it wasn't something about Kurt then he always forgot what it was as soon as it was discussed. He had looked for Kurt around the room, expecting him just to be chatting with one of the other boys but he wasn't in the room. He searched all the regular places and a frown growing as he walked the grounds. His final destination was the dorm room and he was relieved when he heard Kurt's voice on the other side of the door. He had hoped that Kurt hadn't decided to go home after all.
Except as he let himself in, he saw Kurt in his pajamas and face-timing Finn. He leaned against the door watching his boyfriend talk to his brother, he didn't mean to eavesdrop but Kurt had sent him a quick smile when he came in and didn't falter in his conversation with Finn and so he didn't feel like he was breaking any privacy lines. "Are you sure you have to stay there this week?" Finn sounded grumpy, it was the usual tone Blaine associated with him.
"It's easier than coming home every day. I'll be there over the weekend."
"With Blaine?" His tone sounded even grumpier.
"With Blaine." Kurt agreed, keeping his own tone upbeat. "He's part of the package, Finn, that's not going to change."
"You really love him, don't you?" Finn's tone adjusted a little, almost wistful.
"I really, really do." Kurt confirmed and his eyes lifted up to Blaine again for a brief second and Blaine grinned back, he felt the same way.
"He's in there with you, isn't he?" The grumpiness was back and Blaine rolled his eyes and pushed away from the door.
"Just came in, actually." Blaine said and sat down on the bed behind Kurt to greet Finn properly. "Hello."
"Hi." Finn nodded towards him and they both saw Kurt's frown in the little icon in the corner for Blaine and Kurt and the big screen for Finn. "How are you?" He adjusted his tone and forced himself to ask.
"Better now." Blaine hadn't seen him since the first weekend after the attack and he had been a mess then, and they hadn't really talked but Finn had seen how devastated Blaine was.
"I'm glad. You scared me more than anything else did, actually." Finn looked away from both of them with his eyes, unable to look at either of their reactions to that comment. He cleared his throat. "Well I better do some studying. I miss you Kurt."
"I miss you too." Kurt offered a smile and Finn returned it bashfully.
"Good night, Kurt... Blaine."
"Good night." They both chimed back and the connection was cut. Blaine kissed the side of Kurt's neck and then turned to look at Kurt. "Have you called your dad yet?"
"We texted. Finn had just asked if he could face-time me tonight and so I agreed. I wasn't expecting him to call so soon. Sorry I didn't tell you where I went. He just seemed... like he needed to talk and it couldn't wait."
"Anything important?" Blaine asked his hands sliding around Kurt's sides and resting on his stomach.
"Not so you'd know." Kurt frowned. "He was holding it back but he did seem better by the time we got off the phone."
"You mean he was even grumpier earlier?" Blaine asked surprised, he'd never seen Finn that grumpy.
"No, just quiet and sad. Mmmh, do that again." Blaine's lips went back to that spot on Kurt's neck that he had grazed earlier and Kurt arched back into his chest. "What were we talking about?" Kurt tried to keep his head but it was impossible.
"About you going home tomorrow night to spend it with Finn." Blaine's voice was firm but sad and Kurt shook his head, trying to argue. "He needs you too. This is the longest you've been away since the attack."
"You're coming with." Kurt laid his head back on Blaine's shoulder, his head tipped up and Blaine's mouth grazed his cheek.
"That was never in question." Blaine agreed.
Blaine decided not to bring the attack up with Finn. He'd done the best he could and there was no reason to antagonize his boyfriend's brother more than he already had. He didn't know why Finn didn't like him and it was easy to poke the bear and push the buttons that seemed to make Finn like him less, but that wasn't the end result that Blaine wanted.
They had gotten on well enough for a little while and Finn's attitude toward him bothered him, he just had to let it go for sake of harmony between all involved. Finn was protective of Kurt, that was obvious and he was slowly realizing he loved Kurt as a brother too, he'd already gotten there as a friend. Blaine was the odd one out and he would be if he didn't work harder to maintain an at least polite relationship with Finn.
So Blaine wore his best 'straight guy' outfit which was just a dark wash jean that was fairly loose legged but not baggy and a black short-sleeved polo and he almost put on a pink bowtie but thought better of it at the last minute.
Kurt meanwhile was wearing skin tight red pants and a gray striped button down with a pattern and a brown belt. Blaine didn't know how he did it but he was able to take things that didn't traditionally go together and made it work. "No bowtie today?" Kurt didn't miss anything and Blaine shook his head no. "I suppose it wouldn't work that V-neck anyway." Kurt's outfit while totally him, was also a little quieter than what Blaine was used to seeing, especially as he exposed more skin on the chest than before with one less button buttoned.
"No scarf today?" Blaine asked, wondering about the lack of tie, belt, scarf, jacket, vest, etc with just that one word.
Kurt shrugged. "Wasn't feeling it today. We're just hanging out at home."
"You look sexy." Blaine reassured, his hands begged to touch every inch of those tight red pants and Kurt sent him a look that promised him so much, later.
Kurt slid into his spring jacket, a darker gray leather jacket with straps and buckles and buttons that didn't button anything up and an extra wide red scarf that had to be wrapped several times otherwise it would drag on the ground and Blaine thought and there he is. He reached out to help Kurt with the scarf, he was bending over to try and reach around his neck and Blaine wondered how he was getting dressed every day. "Thank you." Blaine asked him and Kurt blushed. "Well, it was probably a good thing you weren't around those first few weeks. Dad, Finn and Carole helped at first and over time I learned how to do it in a modified way."
He didn't tell Blaine that he'd been in so much pain that he'd heaved up whatever he ate and couldn't even keep the painkillers down. Burt had seriously thought about pulling him out of school until he could at least do that. Kurt had argued and said that he wasn't going to stop living his life because some bullies got in some lucky hits.
"I'm sorry." Blaine ran his fingers along Kurt's jaw. "I wanted to be." He had been there the first couple of days after Kurt got out of the hospital but Kurt had been wearing sweat pants and a button up sleep shirt so hadn't witnessed the struggle and Burt had gently suggested that he go back and Finn had glared at him and his presence and told Blaine to leave, that this was a family matter and that they got it, his presence was just a nuisance.
Kurt hadn't asked him to stay either, he said it was ok if he wanted to go back to Dalton. Kurt shrugged. "Next time." Blaine was seized by waves of panic at the idea and Kurt turned to him in shock. "What?"
"There's not going to be a 'next time'." He would make sure of it and Kurt made an 'oh' face as he realized what he'd said.
"I didn't mean – of course I don't want a next time like that – I just meant the next time I was sick or something you could be there for me. I just meant that it's ok that you weren't there this time, that there were a lot of misunderstandings and it's in the past and I wasn't upset about it." Kurt reached out and held Blaine's hand. "I didn't want you around that, not after you'd gone through something so similar yourself. If you felt like you had to leave because of something I said or did, I'm sorry."
Blaine shook his head and wiped at the tears that started leaking out of his eyes in frustration. "I just – I can't handle the thought of you being hurt again. I wanted to be there but at the same time I was worried you'd get sick of me hovering and didn't want to be a pain. I wanted to wrap you up in cotton wool and not let you leave the house ever again and I knew that was crazy thoughts and obsessive behavior and you would hate it. You would hate me being in your space 24/7."
Kurt reached up and cupped both of Blaine's cheeks into his hands, in this position it was ok, it didn't pull so much. "It's ok Blaine, it really is. We're together now and that's all in the past. I'm not angry about it and we both did what we needed to, to be able to get through it and breathe. In the future if you feel like you need to encroach in my space, do it. I'll let you know if it's too much."
"If you don't think I'm around enough-"
"I'll let you know that too, didn't I do that already?" Kurt lifted a brow, daring him to argue and Blaine laughed and accepted that as the truth and Kurt leaned forward to kiss him and Blaine let him take control of that kiss too and didn't deepen it if Kurt didn't want to. His lips pressed firmly but briefly against Blaine's, starting at one corner of his mouth and working his way across to the other side then he dropped his hands and grabbed Blaine's instead and tugged him gently towards the front door.
They stopped in front of the Escalade and he watched the tension ripple across Blaine's shoulders. "Did you want to drive?" Kurt asked, wondering if that was the problem and Blaine shook his head quickly. "What is it?"
"I can't help but imagine the scene every time I look at the car. I don't know how you do it."
Kurt looked at the SUV and just didn't see it in the same way. He was the one pulled through the windshield, had been terrified the second the brick hit the windshield but... he just didn't really associate the vehicle with what happened after. It was just a vehicle, it hadn't done anything to hurt him. But he was also always in the driver's seat, always in control since it got repaired. Burt had asked if he wanted to exchange it, drive something else entirely, also associating the vehicle with the night terrors that first week from both boys.
They were in jail and Kurt and Finn didn't even have to testify in court, it was all on film, there was no need as it was very clear what happened and who did what. He hadn't been forced to relieve it. Blaine hadn't seen it, hadn't seen the video and had only seen the aftermath of the vehicle and what little he'd garnered from Finn and Kurt and their testimonies to the police privately. Kurt reached out for Blaine. "Do you want to take yours instead?"
"Do you mind?" Blaine asked and Kurt shook his head, he really didn't care and they headed towards the garage instead, where Blaine kept insisting Kurt should park but except in the winter that year, never did and only had because Blaine's red Prius was hard to miss as he drove through the lot and knew his hand had been forced, the spot in the garage would have sat empty otherwise.
They arrived in the red Prius and Finn looked out at the car in the driveway with a scowl. That boy was so flashy. Then he snorted at his thoughts, Kurt was flashy but he at least drove a semi-conservative vehicle. Except Finn hadn't dared drive it since the attack. He didn't even take rides in it and hated that Kurt kept it. Slowly, slowly, he was starting to get used to seeing it in the garage, slowly, slowly he was getting over the fear every time he saw it. He hadn't even been the target of the attack, how had Kurt been able to get in it several times a day? Maybe the more you did it, the easier it became. His brother was so strong, stronger than Finn, stronger than Blaine, stronger than all of them.
He had the strength of character and an inner strength that no one else could touch, no matter the adversity he faced, he kept getting back up. Finn wanted to protect that, he didn't want there to be one day where he just got pushed just that bit too far, hit that one time too many or too hard and never recovered from it.
Kurt's heart was the weakest part of him, it was so big and open and vulnerable and kept opening it up to those around him, kept hoping that people would improve and accept him for who he was. Many times he was right, he'd made lasting friendships with Puck and Santana. They were both people who were so guarded and jaded and had resisted Kurt for so long, had been some of the worst offenders in tormenting with words or actions. It was Puck who tried to put Kurt's head in the toilet and threw him into dumpsters and even body-checked him into lockers but Finn had told him not to and he'd stopped that soon enough. Santana had lashed out at him, mocking him and his sexual orientation so many times, yet they were now his biggest defenders, had been worn down, let him in and now he was locked forever in their hearts. Nothing Kurt could ever do would break that bond, not that he would and they were his biggest supporters. They'd fight, get dirty, would die or go to jail for Kurt if it came down to it, but Kurt wouldn't let them. He had their backs too.
There were times though where he wasn't right in keeping his heart open. He'd given Karofsky so many opportunities, had tried to help guide him, had tried to make things better and he'd been beaten down, quite literally by the other boy. Finn wanted to protect him, wanted to keep him from getting hurt again.
Blaine wants the same thing, a voice whispered in his ear, he's not the bad guy you're making him out to be. He hasn't done anything to hurt Kurt.
Yes he had, Finn tried to argue back, but he was just arguing with himself and it was of no use. Blaine hadn't actually really hurt Kurt, not in word, deed or intention. At least nothing that wasn't just human error. But Finn knew that Blaine would be the one who could hurt Kurt the most and that terrified Finn. If he ever did, then there would be no consoling Kurt and he was afraid of what that would do to Kurt's heart, to his strength, to the younger, smaller boy that Finn had grown to love like a brother.
So why fight him, why not embrace him and make sure he stays right where he is? That voice taunted him and Finn just didn't know. He supposed he worried that if he got attached to the other guy as well, then it would make it that much harder to be angry with him, to put him in his place when he did inevitably hurt Kurt, would hurt to lose Blaine himself, so he kept him away as much as he could because he didn't want to like the other guy, didn't want to make himself vulnerable too to the hurt that would undoubtedly come his way. He needed to be able to defend Kurt when it came down to it, he didn't need split loyalties. He already had one guy who he had never expected to take residence in his heart, he didn't need another. Puck had always been there and kept hurting him but Kurt hadn't. He didn't know what Blaine would do, but at least Kurt was now his brother.
The one thing Finn knew though, was what it was like to go through a breakup with a girl you thought you loved, who you did love and still did even after that breakup. He wished someone had been there saying 'well, I knew all along and I told you,' but then again, he may have just punched that person in the face if they said so. He just wanted someone there who took his side completely, agreeing with everything he said about the other person. Kurt had been there for him with Quinn and he'd been there for him with Rachel too but somewhere along the way, his scathing remarks about Rachel had faded and he started hedging what he said, spoke carefully, then even started defending her or supporting her or telling Finn that he may not always feel that way about Rachel if he ever listened to her side of things. He hated that Kurt had fallen under the 'Rachel Trap' as he liked to call it and he'd never thought that Kurt would. He was friends with her, yes, had slowly gone from competitor to friend to good friend and now maybe even best friends with her, she was the one who dragged him in to practice for Glee in the first place and then got him to join the group that had become his family, so he could never fully resent her. Still, Finn wanted to be like Kurt for Kurt if Blaine ever hurt him, he wanted to be the one in his corner going 'yes, I know, I saw that too and I wanted to tell you but I didn't want to poison your view of him, didn't want to hurt you or push you away from me while you were so in love with him. He's got major flaws'.
Finn kept coming up with reasons not to like Blaine and Blaine kept knocking those reasons aside or down or obliterating them. It was getting harder and harder to find something to dislike about the boy. Although the one he hadn't been able to knock over until today was the fact that he was stealing Kurt's time, attention, presence away from Finn. Now he was driving Kurt home so Kurt could spend more time with Finn, the fact that Blaine was along for the ride as well was both a bonus and a detraction but Finn would have to get over it, he got to see Kurt before he thought he would.
Perhaps Blaine's only major flaw was how much he loved Kurt and the extents he'd go to for him, but then they were all guilty of that. Kurt was guilty of that as well, not just for himself but for those he loved. Finn was sure Kurt would do some shady things if it was for someone he loved and it was the only viable option.
One thing though that Finn had yet to fully realize in his resentment toward Blaine – while he was there and able to protect Kurt, his sheer presence was also putting him into danger. Nobody could think these two were anything other than in love with each other and were acting on that love. It may not be a problem right now, but Finn would fear in the future that these two being so out, would cause harm to befall one if not both and he knew which one would get hurt more. This wasn't Blaine's fault though, Kurt deserved to be happy and Blaine could at least protect him – how much was yet to be seen, but there was a promise in his eyes and stances and Finn knew he was scrappy if nothing else and would sacrifice himself for Kurt if it came down to it.
Blaine was trying so hard to ease his way into the Hudson-Hummel household and to make things as easy for Finn as possible. Blaine was wearing all dark colors today as he walked up the path with Kurt but before they mounted the stairs, he spun Kurt toward him and kissed him. Kurt looked bemused back at him. "What was that for?" Kurt asked wearing bright red with his scarf and pants- he was supporting their high school team even if he didn't realize it. Finn was pleased that he still had some loyalties, even if red was the piping color on the Dalton uniform too, and gray... Finn tried to ignore that it was also Dalton colors. He wasn't sporting mostly blue after all, that had to mean something at least.
"I just couldn't help myself, you're so cute." Blaine kissed him again. "And I'm sorry but I'm going to try really hard not to kiss you while we're here tonight and tomorrow morning in Finn's presence, I think he's having a hard time adjusting to me in your life. I'm going to try and make myself more... palatable... and that means making him more comfortable with our relationship, not broadcasting who I am as much."
"Finn doesn't care-" Kurt caught himself up short and he thought about it. "Well, he never did like me hitting on guys before, but they were all straight. I guess he doesn't have a lot of reference for a same-sex couple. We shouldn't have to hide it though."
"Not hide, just... make it more G than PG-13."
Finn shouldn't have been able to overhear them but he had his windows open to let some of the warm breeze in from outside, it was a fairly nice day today and so he'd seen the red Prius drive up and overheard their conversation and he frowned – he wasn't – that wasn't – he supposed he hadn't been exactly welcoming to the only other gay kid especially because Kurt was right too. Damn it! He thought he'd apologized about his earlier behavior but he realized now that it was just the basement scene that he'd apologized for and the wording, not for his entire behavior.
It would be too obvious if he apologized to both of them tonight that he overheard and it wouldn't seem genuine to them. He could see where they both thought he was still wigged out about their actual relationship. He wondered if he could go out there and make a gay friend and bring him around just to show them that he was cool with it – but no, that was a really dumb idea for so many reasons and he could see that clearly without having to make it. At the very minimum Blaine might think that he was trying to box him out and set Kurt up with another guy, or maybe the guy would think that Finn wanted more than friendship because he wasn't good at explaining himself and more than that, it was a very stupid thing to do because it would be obvious that he was just using the guy rather than being genuine friends with him and that would just hurt everyone involved. It would have just been morality signaling and not truth. He wouldn't mind being friends with a gay guy, that wasn't the problem, it was just going out there with that singular goal in mind was just dumb and terrible.
Besides, that would just bring yet another person in to his life that could hurt him in the end.
God, Rachel's infidelity was really messing with him badly and it'd been months. He ran a hand through his hair, he needed to get over it. Rachel's song at prom was just eating away at him. Every week now since then she sang the same type of song Say Something by Great Big World was this week's. He groaned and dropped his face into his hands. Was it even all that bad? Puck had kissed her, and she'd had her hand in his hair – had she really been responding to him or was she just looking for something to grasp to pull him away? Puck had slept with Quinn and he'd gotten back together with Quinn and had forgiven Puck for that. He had even forgiven Puck for kissing Rachel, why couldn't he forgive Rachel?
Because you care about her the most. That annoying little voice in his head taunted him. When you care, it's a bigger deal, when you don't care, you don't care. It made sense and that little voice was making a lot more sense today than it had ever before and the voice sounded different to him today too. Before it had been his voice but now... now it sounded strangely like Kurt's voice in his head, guiding him, rationalizing what Finn normally couldn't in quite that way. Maybe it's because Kurt was usually right and he knew he should listen to him a lot more; even if he didn't understand it at the time, it usually made him stronger too.
Finn growled at himself and his thoughts and looked down at the blank paper in front of him. He was supposed to be writing about the causes of the Civil War but it was blank and it was just a normal piece of paper, he could get another one out to write that paper. Right now, there was a song burning in the back of his mind, begging to be let out. He titled it Pretending.
He trotted downstairs and almost spun on his heel to go back up when he saw Kurt lying on top of Blaine on the couch, kissing him and Blaine's hands on Kurt's hips. "I thought you were too sore to do anything physical?" Finn called Kurt out on it, he'd asked him to play basketball in the backyard this weekend and had always gotten a resounding 'no thanks' in the past but Kurt had recently started using his injuries as an excuse, even to get out of playing video games.
Kurt looked up at Finn with an almost whip-lash movement and hissed as it did cause him pain and Finn winced, that hadn't been his intention. He supposed Blaine had said in Finn's presence, not when they were here altogether. Blaine pushed himself up onto his elbows and wrapped an arm around Kurt's waist and tried to maneuver them so they were both sitting up and he made sure Kurt was in a comfortable position, them chatting for a second, tension radiating off of him at Kurt's indrawn breath of pain, wanting to make sure he was ok.
"Sorry bro, I didn't mean to startle you or cause you pain." Finn said belatedly and once Blaine was reassured, he turned to Finn with a hesitant smile, already he'd failed in what he set out to do. "I can see that you're the stronger of the two, pinning Blaine down like that." He joked and laughed at his own joke but nobody else had and settled into the arm chair near them, trying to show them both that he was cool with it.
"I didn't know you were home." Kurt said slowly, watching him carefully but found no artifice on his face at his amusement over the position he and Blaine were in.
"Sure you're ok?" Finn asked instead.
"Yeah, just moved too fast, no harm done." He smacked his chest like the movies of cavemen did and winced as that hurt him too.
Finn couldn't keep the smile off his face as Blaine tried to hover and mother him with the second look from Kurt. Kurt was pretty funny most of the time and trying to act tough and manly was pretty humorous too. He knew it was totally possible from Kurt but this was different, this was just an act that he was putting on for Finn, intending to get laughs.
They caught up on all the shows they'd missed while Blaine had been gone and while they sat next to each other, they didn't touch or curl up on each other like they normally would, for Finn's sake and he felt guilty about that. He did notice them holding hands however.
Soon though Kurt was yawning and couldn't hold them back or hide them because they would bust through the determination to keep his mouth shut and not make a sound. "Go up to bed." Blaine urged. "We've got an early start in the morning."
"But-" Kurt glanced between him and Finn and then at Blaine again.
"It's fine. I'll see you in the morning." Blaine reassured and Kurt reluctantly left them, probably already making plans to sneak down to the basement.
Once he was out of earshot, Finn kicked up his feet onto the coffee table and pretended to be disinterested in his words. He couldn't apologize to either today but he could make efforts to show his approval and that they didn't need to be so cautious around him. "Thank you for bringing him back today and for taking such good care of him. It's easy for me to tell how much you love him."
He wasn't expecting the scowl to cross Blaine's face. "Then why send me away when we needed each other the most?" Blaine was surprised himself, he hadn't been planning on bringing anything up tonight, if ever. Finn had just opened the door though.
"I- uh-" Finn had forgotten about that actually. He hadn't wanted Blaine around, he wanted to be the one to help Kurt this time because he'd been the last to know and the least trusted to help him with the head injury. "I'm sorry about that. I guess I was partly jealous and wanted to be the bigger brother with Kurt for a change." Kurt was often offering him advice and suggestions and listening to him complain and he was always there for him. He wanted to be there for Kurt for a change. "I didn't think I would be able to if you were here." He remembered again how wretched Blaine looked while Kurt was in the hospital but he seemed so much better by the second night while Kurt was at home, he'd thought it was the hospital doing it to the darker haired boy. "I didn't realize how effected you were, even when he was home." Truthfully Finn was surprised Blaine listened to him at all instead of fighting for his place beside his boyfriend.
"I got it from both you and Burt, for different reasons but you both wanted me to go back to Dalton and when I mentioned it casually to Kurt, he hadn't tried to convince me not to. I felt like I was being pushed out by all three of you."
"Kurt would have liked you here. You just instinctively know what to do with him, to make him feel better. I made him mad more often than comfortable. I felt like I did everything wrong with him, just hurt him more." Finn rubbed the back of his neck. "Part of it I'm sure was him missing you, lashing out at the rest of us because you weren't here." He blushed a little. "I suppose I shouldn't have told you that, I'm not sure what the dynamics of your relationship is."
"We're completely honest with each other, in all aspects." Blaine nodded though as he had already known an extent of that, Kurt had told him so. "We both understand there was misunderstanding all around and we're better again." Blaine's eyes slid up the stairs with a soft look. "He's so good at this relationship thing. I feel like I'm always a step behind him, even though I'm the one with a past."
"He just gets people." Finn nodded in full agreement. "Though I think you're doing an amazing job too. You've been very patient and kind to him."
"Really?" Blaine was surprised Finn had seen passed his nose to have an opinion on the relationship and had actually seen something positive in Blaine's actions rather than just paint him as the devil. "I don't feel like I've had to behave any differently than how I would anyway nor want to with him."
Finn nodded. "You're just a very patient and kind person."
"You keep using those words but I love Kurt and I just want him to be comfortable, I just want to be comfortable." Blaine was wondering how much Finn actually knew.
"Patience and kindness are usually a vow that people make when getting married and you have that already with him. And he with you."
"He's a kind person regardless; and his patience comes and goes depending on who he's dealing with." Blaine recalled Kurt snapping his fingers at the restaurant the last time they went trying to get the waitress's attention so they could get service faster, faster orders placed, the faster they'd get their food. He hadn't loved that character trait but he did know that sometimes you had to be a bit more pushy.
Finn laughed. "Oh yeah, I know that too well." He did too, it hadn't really been directed at him, but with some of the other students in McKinley when he was just over their attitude. He'd been extremely patient with Finn, even though he'd been annoyed at Finn's behavior with himself and Blaine in equal measures, he hadn't said anything or let it show, having taken Finn's feelings into account and trying to be gentle and patient with him as much as possible. More patient than Finn probably deserved. Had Kurt been privy to the conversation or Finn's thoughts, Kurt would have told him that Finn had earned it when he was nice to him first. Or at the very least, less of a douche than the other guys. "I am sorry for pushing you away. I wasn't thinking about anyone but myself I guess." Finn was guilty of that far too much recently, maybe always but again Kurt would have argued the opposite.
"It's over and done with. Just don't do it again and I won't hold it against you." Blaine didn't say he would forgive Finn and Finn supposed he deserved that qualification. He hoped some day though Blaine would. "It's my fault too, I didn't push hard enough to stay or come back. I let myself go down a bad thought path and made it worse for myself."
Finn nodded, he didn't totally understand what Blaine meant but he'd done it himself with Rachel, maybe just a different thought path though and situation. "Don't do that again?" Finn suggested helpfully and Blaine just rolled his eyes. "Why don't you go upstairs and join him? Carole won't mind as long as you leave the door open."
Blaine hesitated before he looked over at Finn. "Is this just a ploy to get it to backfire and hurt my relationship with Kurt?"
"As much as it may seem to the contrary, I actually have no problem with your relationship with my brother. Did I think it too early when he was so vulnerable? Yes. But he's always going to be vulnerable in some way. It's just the nature of things, unfortunately. I may have had a problem with you once upon a time but I'm learning to get over it and that the problem I had with you was more to do with myself and the idea of you than you as a real person."
"Because I'm gay?" Blaine asked carefully, the anger had started before Finn even understood that but Blaine had to ask. Finn honestly didn't know if he would have ever been friends with someone like Blaine, whether or not he'd known he was gay prior to Kurt being in his life; even if those two never dated.
"No. If Kurt was straight and you were a girl, I may have still disliked you for the same reasons. I was gaining and losing a brother at the same time because of you. I didn't know how to handle it. I behaved poorly to everyone." Finn knew this, he was able to see it now. "I didn't even realize how hypocritical I was because I had been dating Rachel for a lot longer, long before our parents got married so I didn't even think that it could be tossed at me too for doing the same thing. It didn't help that he also had to go to another school and I lost him there as well. You were just the target of my annoyance. And I thought you were a prep school jerk."
Blaine sighed. "Kurt warned me that you guys would think that about me. I'm sorry I ever gave the impression."
"Nah, it's cool, it's who you are and you're not a jerk, just a bit more posh then the rest of us, even on our best days, even Kurt." Kurt would have thrown a fit had he heard, but it was true, he had too much Lima eye roll annoyance in him to be totally posh, especially when he dealt with people who weren't, his origins showed a little (and might do those who were true prep school douches to get a little Lima attitude from Kurt, might think twice about messing with him). Maybe in the future when he was away from it, then he might lose more of it. The same could be said of Rachel, she was too Lima public school too to be entirely posh or as put together as she liked to pretend, and with Rachel, that was totally far from the real mark; Kurt could at least get away with it most of the time. Finn hoped they didn't though, it kept them both grounded and he could then still relate to them, be relatable to others.
Kurt had watched it and had tried to match it, whereas Blaine had been born within it. Blaine stuffed his hands into his pockets, wishing he had a sweater or something on, a small comfort and ability to hide, that his current outfit didn't afford him, what his uniform did, as he laid himself open to someone who hadn't always been receptive of it. It was so much easier baring yourself when you had layers on, when you trusted those you were talking to, even if you just met them, like he had with Kurt. With Finn it was a gamble, a risk, but for all of their sakes, he would try. "You know I wasn't always so posh. I used to have a stutter and mispronounced things and I still do that sometimes and I still make mistakes with the things I say, the wrong adjective or expression or just shove my whole foot into my mouth."
"You're talking to the king of the latter two things, I say the wrong thing all the time when I mean it a lot nicer or kinder and I totally blow expressions all the time." Finn shrugged. "Tina used to have a stutter too at one point in her Freshman year, it went away."
Sometimes, Blaine thought, he did the wrong thing too, especially when he'd been drinking. Kurt had been hurt because of him and royally pissed off before that had even happened. Blaine didn't feel so perfect, not like everyone else seemed to be making him out as, not the way Kurt saw him. He didn't want Kurt to stop thinking that but he also wanted him to realize that Blaine was human and to love the full human Blaine. He didn't know if he made these little mistakes on purpose to show Kurt that he wasn't perfect, that he was fallible like the rest or he would have made these mistakes anyway and still just felt badly about them. One day Kurt would wake up and realize Blaine was human and not a god and made mistakes and would leave him then.
"We are all capable of making mistakes, whether or not we're consciously aware of our decision to do so or we think we rationalize it out, but we're human, we can rationalize all we want and in hindsight realize what a colossal mistake it was, but at the time it made perfect sense and nobody will ever understand the reasoning behind it. Even ourselves, when we try to think back on what we'd done." Finn said very wisely and Blaine realized that Finn wasn't such a stupid jock either, he had his moments where he totally understood what was going on with his finger on the pulse and could say wise things.
"What are you talking about, just now?" Blaine asked, knowing it was a lot deeper than just the conversation between him and Finn.
"Well, the three of us, for sure, but also Rachel and Puck and Quinn and... well, others." Finn didn't know if he wanted to get to it with Blaine and then he decided, no, he really didn't. "Go on up to bed, Blaine. I won't tell, even if you were to close the door."
"Good night, Finn." Blaine did head upstairs with his bag over his shoulder.
Kurt jumped and spun on the ball of his foot, when his door opened and he turned towards who came in, thinking it was Finn, waiting for him actually. Except he'd been surprised to hear the door without Finn's heavy footsteps on the stairs first. Finn had seemed so sad the night before, but no, it was Blaine and a slow smile came across Kurt's face when he saw his boyfriend in his bedroom with the door now closed behind him. "Well hello, what are you doing up here, Mr. Anderson? And with your overnight bag..." He tsked. "Naughty, naughty."
"I'm thinking the only naughty one in this room is you." Blaine laughed and dropped his bag onto the floor where he was standing and surged forward toward Kurt. "I am going to have to discipline you for such thoughts."
Kurt giggled and went willingly into Blaine's arms. "No, but seriously, what are you doing up here?" He asked when they separated for breath.
"Finn said it should be ok."
"Finn said?" Kurt was more shocked by that than anything else.
"Why would any of them be surprised actually?" Blaine asked, warming up to this idea. "We share a room at Dalton when you spend the night and if they think we're not sharing a bed, that's on them because they should know better than that."
Kurt laughed again. "I think if they actually thought too hard about that then I would never be spending the night at Dalton except for weather emergencies."
"Hmm... those are nice, aren't they?" Blaine's nose brushed Kurt's neck and he tipped his head back to let Blaine have access, then shook his head. "They're not?"
"No, I was just thinking that you always do this to me. I'm never the one seducing you into a fog of desire."
Blaine snorted. "You do that with just a look."
"Seriously Blaine, this time I'm going to be the one brushing my nose against your neck."
Blaine moved back and spread his arms wide with a glow in his green-brown eyes and a silly grin on his face, excited for the prospect. "Go right on ahead."
"When you expect it like this, it makes it a little less natural and not at all romantic." Kurt pouted. "It's going to be incredibly awkward for me to do so now."
"Then next time." Blaine's hands reached out for Kurt and gathered him close. "I have spent far too many hours in your presence already unable to touch or kiss you!"
"Horny aren't you?" Kurt teased but he was already wrapping his fingers into the fabric at Blaine's waist, wanting to touch so much more.
"For you? Always."
Blaine liked taking the lead, but he liked it even more when Kurt did it. Which he'd done on the couch earlier when he'd pushed Blaine over the arm of it and had practically pounced on him. This time Blaine was taking charge and lowered Kurt carefully onto the bed. "Let me change real quick." Kurt was already wearing his pajamas, full length pants and sleeves again but silky smooth and warmed by Kurt's body under Blaine's seeking hands.
Blaine changed quickly, he wore plaid cotton pants and a white T-shirt. "You know..." Kurt commented, running his finger along the band around Blaine's upper arm. "You'd fit in with the boys at McKinley easily on pajama day..."
"Well I can't match you, can I?" Nor did he want to wear nearly as much clothing as Kurt did. Kurt was almost always cold while Blaine was always a furnace.
"I didn't mean- I just-" Kurt was flustered all of a sudden and Blaine kissed him.
"I know, I was just teasing." Blaine was but he'd put his foot in it again.
Kurt pouted and Blaine went after his lips again, settling over him but not letting any of his weight crush Kurt. "Hmm, you're terrible, you just distract me so easily." Kurt didn't sound like he was complaining and so Blaine didn't take any of it to heart.
"Are you sure you're ok like this?" Blaine realized that Kurt was on his back.
"Mother, please stop henning around me." Kurt pulled him down so more of his body was touching his. He wrapped a leg around Blaine's waist to lock him there. "That's better." When Blaine's mouth still hovered over his, he sighed. "I've let you know before when it's too much, right?" Blaine sighed and kissed Kurt again, he had and Blaine would have to be assured that he would again. Kurt's other leg wrapped around Blaine's waist and instinctively pulled him closer and Blaine let himself be tugged into that warm heat and he lost himself for awhile, forgetting that he was supposed to keep his weight off of Kurt as much as possible as he sank into Kurt's body.
Kurt tore his mouth away several minutes later. "Oh, oh, ok, let's change positions." He was breathing heavily and sweating a little too and Blaine instantly tried to pull away but Kurt had him locked. "Not- not because of that."
He didn't elaborate and Blaine was still confused about whether it was because they were too heady or if it was painful on his back like that for so long. Blaine carefully turned them so they were both on their sides, the side that Kurt had laid on yesterday and he snuggled in closer to Kurt who was now kissing his neck. "This ok?"
"Perfect." Kurt ran his nose up the side of Blaine's neck and he shuddered in pleasure. Blaine's head fell back and allowed him even more access.
"Hmm, you're right, this is nicer when you do it." Blaine's words got hm a little nip in response against his neck, not enough to bruise or break skin though. Blaine was a bit disappointed that he didn't get a very obvious hickey from Kurt. That nose though – it was going to be the death of him. He purred low in his throat as Kurt continued brushing his nose along the side of his neck followed by kisses and then back to his nose or a brush of his lips. Kurt rewarded his response with a kiss on the mouth before his lips pressed their way across his cheek and then toward his ear and Blaine's eyes rolled back into his head. He was breathing hard and wanted Kurt so badly at that moment, more than he had given him so far. He held himself very still though, not crossing any lines or even allowing himself to be tempted.
Kurt huffed with his mouth on Blaine's collar bone. "You're not feeling it." Kurt rolled over onto his back and winced slightly as Blaine's arm was still there and it pressed up against the bruise but the rib felt fine. Blaine curled Kurt back over and against his chest and kissed Kurt lightly on the lips.
"That's the exact opposite actually." Blaine tried to reassure. "I want you so badly that I'm afraid of what will happen if I let go of my restraint even a little."
"But we've done things before." Kurt protested. "Neither of us lost control to the point we hurt the other or went past any previously decided barriers."
Blaine made a small sound of protest and agreement at the same time and held Kurt closer to him, kissing his cheek. "I know, but what you were doing to me – it made me lose my head and if I didn't hold back then I would probably be having a different conversation with you right now and Finn might have been involved too."
"Oh." The face Kurt made when he realized what Blaine was talking about was too adorable and Blaine kissed him gently on the lips. "What do you want to do instead?" Kurt asked carefully.
"Lay in each other's arms and chat?" They hadn't done that for awhile and Kurt snuggled in, he would have wrapped his arms around Blaine if he could do so without hurting.
Finn walked by Kurt's room and heard the low tones of the two just talking and he smiled and shook his head, he'd never understand those two, here they were practically given free reign in a house that was nearly empty and only Finn was present and had given his blessing and they were using it to talk. He headed to his room and ignored the fact that he was going to dream of Rachel yet again that night.