Title: Who Wants to Live Forever

Author: Tirya King

E-mail: Tirya56@hotmail.com

Category:  Angst, Horror Rating:  PG Spoilers:  Considering the ending, I certainly hope not! Feedback:  Of course! Archive:  As long as you tell me where it's going, you may put it where you wish!

Summary:  The Wizarding world is in a frenzy.  The infamous Sirius Black has been finally caught and awaits sentencing.  The only person who isn't worked up is the prisoner himself.  An AU from my Say Goodnight series.  What if he wasn't acquitted after all?

Disclaimer:  JK Rowling owns the books, I own all the little characters, 'Who Wants to Live Forever' belongs to Queen.  Suing me is rather pointless since all you'll get is my annoying little siblings… no… wait…please sue!

A/N: This is dedicated for Say Goodnight's 50th reviewer.  Every 50th person who reviews a story of mine gets a story dedicated to them and/or a story framed out by them.  In this case, it is both.  Alexa gave me a great idea by describing a dream of hers.  I'm so sorry this took so long in coming, but life has a funny way of getting in the way.

Who Wants to Live Forever By: Tirya King

It's amazing how aware one is when one knows that they have only hours left to live.  For instance, I never before realized just how sterile this building is.  No building should be so blinding white.  Who would ever work in such a building?  The halls smelled slightly of last night's floor cleaning mixed in with vanilla and morning tea.  I also noticed that the footsteps of my fellows were different from each others'.  The Auror to my left had light and springy steps: he was young and excited.  I was his first real Dark Wizard.  The man to my right had firm clicking heels.  He dragged his right foot slightly; a veteran.  He was the one who held the rope that attached to my bound hands. There were the heavy thuds of 2 orcs in front of me; their long yellowish-brown clawed feet made a slight chalkboard scratch against the shining tile.  A dementor glided behind me, making no audible noise as he walked, but you could still hear the whisper as he moved; a fearsome hiss that betrayed his hunger.

Wizards and witches who worked in the offices nearest to my courtroom peeked out of their rooms, holding their morning tea and a random scone.  All wanted to catch a glimpse of me before they went back to their boring jobs.  They each wanted to tell the tale of how they came face to face with Voldemort's right hand man.

I admit I looked frightening enough to fit the part of their second most feared wizard.  Whatever weight I had gained since my escape was now again lost.  My hair was again matted and unkempt and Merlin knew how long it had been since my last real wash.

Their whispers followed me to the courtroom where my fate awaited me.  Before I turned into the last room I knew I would ever see, I looked back to the windows that were placed in the hallway.  The sun was just rising and the light bounced off the coming rain clouds.  It was stunning to one such as myself, for as I said, my senses had awakened to their fullest that morning.  It was a beautiful sunrise, and I didn't remember ever seeing another sunrise before it.  The elderly Auror to my right tugged at my rope and pulled me from the view of the sunrise and into the sterile courtroom that was nearly vibrating with its excitement.  It seemed my reputation preceded me and half of the Wizarding World was waiting to greet me.

The sudden flashes of light blinded me temporarily as the reporters caught sight of me.  I knew that while half of the Wizarding World was in that courtroom, the other half would be reading all about it in tomorrow's papers.  Pity I wouldn't be there to see it…

As I was led to the section reserved just for me, my eyes, still dazed from the cameras, roamed the crowd searching for my few friends.  Just to see them one last time and my proud heart would finally be at peace.  I found my father among the crowd and felt my dirty cheeks flush.  Oh, dad, why did you have to come here of all times?  Can't your only son die without having your hateful gaze tear away whatever dignity he has left?  What are you trying to prove?  I looked next to my proud Auror father hoping against all hope that… oh, dad, you didn't!

I felt my breath catch in my throat as I saw my baby sister for the first time in 14 years.  Young Alexa, 12 years my junior, sat next to our father in mute fascination.  I saw her bright eyes widen as our eyes met.  Yes, Alexa, this is what you handsome and adored big brother has become.  Don't listen to dad, Lex, I didn't do it, you know I didn't.  I can't say a word to you, but please see it in my eyes.  Know I didn't do it!  How glad I was that my mother and older sister were not alive to see this day.  The war had been merciful in that regard that it took Rosie and mum away before they had to see me like this.

I tore my eyes from my once adoring sister and father to find even one friendly face.  I could see a small group of people from Hogwarts, the Headmaster among them.  The tension in my heart eased at seeing them.  I could see no child among them and for that I was grateful.  I did not need Ron, Hermione, and especially Harry to see me like this.  But Hagrid and the other professors were a welcome sight.  Even stuffy old McGonagall, who was now dabbing her eyes with a handkerchief, comforted me with her mere presence.  Not all in this room hated me after all and I would not die amongst enemy strangers.  But where was Remus?  He had promised he would be here!  The dementor behind me was hungry and would not wait for him.

I stepped into my box to he side of the judge's stand.  The judge, an elderly wizard, was already seated and waiting.  When I was seated and my hands retied so they were in front of me, he leaned over to speak with my captors.

"How was he coming up here?" he asked the older Auror quietly.  My captor shook his head in confusion.

"Quiet as can be," he answered.  "I thought he might be planning to pull some stunt, but he would have done it already if he were.  I don't know what happened since we caught him, but whatever fight he had in him is gone."

"Is he… coherent?" the judge looked over to me critically.

"I assure you, sir, that I am quite sane," I answered for the Auror.  They stared at me dumbfounded, but did not question me further.

"If your Honor will give your consent, the court would like to commence the sentencing."  Oh, I knew that voice.  I felt a canine growl threaten to emerge from my throat.  Fudge, while not guilty of damming me to prison without a trial, certainly lost no sleep over it.  Laughing away my explanations of Pettigrew and the dead Muggles, he sent me here straight away for sentencing.  That man's hands had my blood on them, and he wished to wash himself of it as quickly as possible.  He was among the unforgiven in my life.

"As you will, Minister," the judge agreed.  The court immediately hushed, even though their conversation was barely a whisper among the two men.  The room was packed to capacity and those who could not sit on the benches, sat on the floor or stood along the walls.

Fudge took out a large sheet of parchment and handed it to the judge to read.  He then took his seat in the front of the aisles; hands now fully washed of my blood.  The judge now held my life.  I wonder if he will sleep well tonight.  Perhaps only when the truth is known will he be plagued with my face.  So many things I would like to know and never will…

"Sirius Black," the judge began reading from the parchment.  He looked over his spectacles at me to be sure I was paying attention.  How could I not be?  His may very well be the last voice ever to reach my ears.  "Sirius Black," he began again, "You have been charged with most serious charges on top of those already convicted against you.  They are as follows: escape from a prison during a life sentence, evading authorities both Muggle and magical, trespass upon school grounds, 3 counts of attempted murder against one Harry Potter, 2 counts of attempted murder against one Ronald Weasley, 2 counts of attempted murder against one Hermione Granger, numerous counts of assaulted battery against these 3 children, authorities, and faculty of Hogwarts, 1 count of breaking and entering a home with use of fire, and 4 counts of aiding and leading Death Eater forces.  The sentence for these crimes requires nothing less than the Dementor's Kiss.  How do you respond to these charges, Mr. Black?"

All in the court looked to me as I answered.  "In all truthfulness, I must admit to being guilty on most counts against my name.  I certainly escaped and evaded capture.  I entered Hogwarts many times.  I broke Ron's leg and nearly choked Harry.  However, I certainly don't regret binding Snape for a minute.  I borrowed a wizard's fire to make a call as well."

"And the other charges?" he asked.

"I am innocent on all other counts.  I never wanted anyone dead and certainly never Harry.  If I ever caused harm, it was all to protect him.  And I would die before I joined with Death Eaters, let alone be the Dark Lord's Second."

"It is the impression of this court that you are guilty, Mr. Black," he responded, looking at me again over his spectacles.  "Have you any proof of your innocence?"

"None, sir, but my word," I answered truthfully.  "But if someone would just help me find Peter…" He shook his head immediately at this.

"Then you'll forgive me if I do not take you at your word.  Peter is long dead and discussion of his involvement in this has already been thrown out."  He looked at me intently before glancing around the room.  He shrugged half-heartedly.  "Very well, if the court has no further objections, I declare the prisoner ready for sentencing.  Sirius Black, kindly step up before the stand.  Do it slowly.  Auror Locke, get the dementor."

Facing my ultimate demise, one would think I would be shaky or thunderstruck.  In truth, my legs worked fine, and they carried me safely.  My mind had found its peace of mind last night, so I was fully prepared and thankfully indifferent.  However, in order to maintain this composure, I refused to look at my little sister.  Why couldn't someone have the decency to remove her?  Seeing me fall could not help the girl at all.  What did our father hope to accomplish by bringing her?

"No!" A harsh, desperate yell froze me in my tracks before I arrived at my destination.  I closed my eyes as I heard the small feet pounding on the tiled floor.  Remus, how could you?  Was my family's presence not enough of a punishment?  My shame and humiliation was now complete.

I looked over to the center of the crowd where an unruly clump of raven hair bobbed toward me.  Harry burst forth from the multitude of people and ran toward me.  Before anyone had the good sense to keep him away, he had leapt to my side, embracing me like any devoted son, clinging to me like a lifeline.

"You can't do this, sir," Harry pleaded to the judge.  "Please, sir, you can't!  He's innocent!  He never killed anyone!"

I could hear murmurs in the crowd about how I had manipulated and confused the boy to help me.  Only the numerous hit wizards and Aurors kept them from going into a frenzy.  The people from Hogwarts looked torn between relieved at him making it in time and distressed that he would have to face this ultimate defeat and watch it as well.  He was too young, why was I the only one to know this?  He should not be here.  He cannot fight my lost battle for me.  This had to stop; though I am guilty of enjoying his devotion to me.  Apparently, the judge agreed with my thoughts on his age and what he would be exposed to if he stayed.  Of course, it helped that he also thought Harry's well being was in danger if I remained with him for any period of time.

"Get that child away!" he commanded, not acknowledging Harry's pleas.  The two Aurors marched toward us to do just that.  Harry only clung to my robes tighter.

"I won't leave you, Sirius," he said fiercely.  "We've got to make them understand."

I allowed myself the luxury of relaxing from my stoic manner.  Before the Auror could reach us, I lowered my head to nestle against his.  My hands were still tied in front of me so I could not embrace him as I'd like.  How insufficient this small embrace was in acknowledging my affection for him.  How dear he was to me, the son of my heart.  I could not bear having him see me like this; garbed in my final shame.  And it touched me that much more to know that he didn't care what others thought of him if he publicly allied himself with me.  He thought only of his friends and nothing of his own sacrifices.

"Come along," the younger Auror said to Harry, trying to gently pull him away while holding his wand at me so I could not try anything.

"You can't do this to him!" defied Harry burying his face into my chest.  His grip tightened on me.

"Harry, you can do no more for me," I said quietly to him, my head still nestled against his.  I tried to let the peace I felt in my death seep into him, but he would have none of it.  "Let me go.  It will not do for you to be seen in my presence."

"The hell with what other people think of me.  They only caught you because you were trying to protect me from those Death Eaters.  It's my turn to save you."

I smiled down at him, touched by his protectiveness for me.  How could such an angel exist?  "You have saved me, Harry.  You don't know how much.  But it's my time to go.  I am sorry I must leave, but it cannot be helped.  Let me go."

"I won't!" he yelled vehemently.  "Why must everyone I care for be taken away from me?  I can't lose you too!  Not now!  Not after all we've been through.  Why are you letting them do this?  Why don't you fight back?  You could stop this!"

"You won't lose me," I argued.  His response was to bury his head in my robes again.  "Death cannot stop me from protecting you.  We discussed this before, last night in the cells, remember?  And nothing I try will matter to them.  There is no shame in submitting to the inevitable."

"Harry, please," pleaded a soft voice.  I looked up to meet the gently gray eyes of Remus.  He had managed to squeeze his way through the crowd and was also trying to coax Harry away.

"How could you bring him, Moony?" I scolded.  "He doesn't need to see me die."  I felt Harry tense at my words.  His grip remained like steel and would not budge to the Auror's prodings.

"Is it any less cruel to have him read about it tomorrow, Padfoot?" he reasoned.  "None of the other children are here despite what they wanted.  But he needs to be here.  For his and your own sake."

"Take care of him," I pleaded.  The Aurors were advancing again and I knew we were out of time.

"I'll do my best," he promised.  That was good enough for me.  I know he will give Harry all that I would have and more.

"Time to let go, Harry," I requested for the final time.  Regretfully, he did so with no small amount of prying from Remus and the younger Auror.

"Don't go, Sirius," Harry whispered as he backed away.  "Don't leave me here.  Take me with you."  His voice was so broken and small.  I wanted nothing more than to take him in my arms and protect him.  But I could not.  Those two large eyes were not mine to dry, yet I found myself the cause of his tears and unable to stop them.

"I'm not going anywhere that has a place for you, little one," I answered.  "I've given you my star, Harry.  Take good care of it while I'm gone.  As long as you take care of it and keep it close to your heart, I'll never really leave."

I looked to Remus then, unsure of what to say to a man who had been there for me since we were innocent schoolboys who thought that getting into real trouble was receiving detention in the trophy room.  No mere words could be sufficient or appropriate for our last goodbye. He saved me from trying to speak, though, for he merely bowed to me.  From a man such as he, this gesture was a symbol of the greatest respect and admiration.  I did not deserve it.  I bowed back as much as I could while being driven away.

As I was ushered to my execution, I managed to hear his soft voice.  "You're the bravest man I know, Sirius."

"And you're the wisest.  I'll miss you, Remus."

He smiled bitterly at my words.  "No you won't."

I lost sight of them as I was rather forcibly led to the center of the courtroom where the dementor waited impatiently, its hissing growing with every motion-sucking breath.  I stared into its hood, defying it to the last.  If it wanted my soul, it would have to conquer it first.  I had given up in trying to fight mankind, but I would never cease in my struggle against dark creatures such as that thing.

"Mr. Sirius Black," said the judge, obviously relieved that the previous disruption had now subsided.  "You are hereby sentenced to the Dementor's Kiss for your crimes against Muggle and Wizardkind alike.  Have you any final requests?"

"Yes," I answered, not taking my eyes off the horrid apparition before me.  "Everything that belongs to me, my estate, my money, my inheritance, everything… I leave it to Harry Potter to do with as he pleases."  See, Father?  You can gain nothing by my murder.

"It will be done," he agreed, obviously wondering why a boy's attempted killer would leave him all he owned.  Probably some inner musings of a mad murderer.

"Another thing," I said with a stronger voice than I expected concerning this request.  "Following the Kiss, I request that one of the Aurors take me to a back room and give me the Kedavara and dispose of my body.  I prefer to be buried properly, but it really doesn't matter."

"Sirius!" I heard Harry's horrified voice, but I would not allow myself to look at him.

"Why?" the judge questioned dubiously.

"Either all of me goes, of none of me," I explained as though it were obvious.  Indeed, it should have been.  Padfoot is no Padfoot at all without his spirit, his love for laughter and life.  "Everything that makes me Sirius will have already died.  Have no fear about the full extent of this punishment; I assure you it is more than sufficient.  Keeping my 'shell' alive serves no purpose, and if it's all the same, I'd rather be executed properly."

The judge considered this and finally nodded.  He looked over to the elderly Auror who in turn gave his consent to be my executioner, indicating to me the judge's office in the back.  I nodded my approval of the room and breathed a sigh of relief.  That decision had been foremost on my mind as of late and I was afraid that they would not go for it.  A weak moment of pity for me on their part, I'm sure, and they will be regretting it later.

"Proceed with the sentencing," the judge ordered.  The dementor needed no further encouragement.  It advanced on me greedily, pulling down its hood and letting me see for the first time what was hidden beneath that dark cloak.  The rest of the room remained deadly silent, but I could feel their terror as surely as I could feel my own.  I cannot describe it you, for its horror was not solely on appearance alone.  It didn't create fear, it was fear.  And it was older than Time itself.  It had had stronger souls than I face its Kiss, and I felt it when I was conquered by its whim.  I had not the strength to pull away anymore.

I heard Harry cry out for me and I heard his light footsteps again.  Then I heard Remus pulling the child away before he could come to my side again.  I wished the damned soul-sucker would hurry.  I could not bear any more of the beloved boy's cries.

"Goodnight, Harry," I whispered our personal farewell.  I had learned a while ago that the term 'goodbye' was abhorred by the boy and I would therefore not use it in front of him.  The dementor's icy skeleton hands wrapped around my frame with the intimacy of a lover.  I collapsed limp in its grasp, my strength fleeing before its power.  I closed my eyes as its face drew closer to mine.  Its strong and icy grip stabbed clear to my bones, more potent than any poison. 

I surrender to its power.  To the darkness and to the peace one may find soon after the initial pain.  Oh, please don't cry, Harry.  Everything will be all right.  Don't you see?  It's all just a memory now.  Just a bad dream.  Allow yourself to wake from it.  As for me, well, I'll never awaken from this nightmare.  Besides, who wants to live forever anyway…

Finis

There's no time for us

There's no place for us

What is this thing that builds our dreams yet slips away from us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever…?

There's no chance for us

It's all decided for us

This world has only one sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?

When love must die

But touch my tears with your lips

Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever

And we can love forever

Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Forever is our today

Who waits forever anyway?