EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT

TOMMY, a boy wearing a skull mask, rings the doorbell. It is
answered by LINDSEY, a girl wearing a jack-o'-lantern mask.
Tommy holds open an empty pillowcase.

TOMMY
(unenthusiastically)
Trick or treat.

Lindsey drops a container of Tic Tacs into the pillowcase.

LINDSEY
(halfheartedly)
Happy Halloween.

Tommy takes the Tic Tacs out and hands the pillowcase to
Lindsey as she steps out of the house and he walks in,
shutting the door. She rings the doorbell, and he answers.

LINDSEY
(tepidly)
Trick or treat.

Tommy drops the Tic Tacs into the pillowcase.

TOMMY
Halloween is so boring now that
real trick-or-treating is canceled!

LINDSEY
At least we get to stay up late.

The ground starts shaking.

LINDSEY
Oh no! Earthquake!

CAP'N CRUNCH'S ship erupts out of the lawn, the Cap'n himself
at the helm.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Cap'n Crunch here, comin' at ya
straight from Hell!

TOMMY
Hey, it's that guy!

LINDSEY
Does he have candy?

CAP'N CRUNCH
I'm here to save Halloween 2020
with my delicious Halloween Crunch
cereal! And with my new delivery
system, I can maintain a six-foot
distance!

A cannon on the ship fires a flaming box of Halloween Crunch
that slams into a tree and shatters into a mess of burning
cardboard and sugary cereal.

LINDSEY
So, not exactly candy.

CAP'N CRUNCH
It's better than candy! Halloween
Crunch is the only cereal haunted
by the crunchitized souls of the
damned!

Eerie, echoing wails start emanating from the remnants of the
burning box.

CAP'N CRUNCH
They turn milk green!

Tommy shrugs.

TOMMY
Eh, I dunno. What do you think,
Lindsey?

LINDSEY
Mom said she was bringing home a
bunch of candy that goes on
discount at midnight. I think I'll
just wait for her.

TOMMY
You're right. I think I will too.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Wait, is it almost midnight? Kids,
you gotta eat my cereal right now!

TOMMY
Why?

Cap'n Crunch points up at the full moon.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Don't you understand? That's not
just a full moon, it's a blue moon
on Halloween! If you don't eat this
shit I'm screwed!

TOMMY
I don't know what you're even
talking about, dude.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Just go get a goddamn bowl! You
don't need any candy! Why's your
mom even out when there's a virus?

TOMMY
She has an essential night job at a
grocery store.

LINDSEY
And since you're such a jerk, now
we really won't eat it!

CAP'N CRUNCH
I will pay both of you ten dollars
to eat a bowl of Halloween Crunch.

TOMMY
Twenty.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Fine!

In a burst of flame, a DEMON appears behind Cap'n Crunch.

DEMON
It's too late, Crunch.

The Cap'n spins around.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Ah shit. Dan.

DEMON
It is the stroke of midnight. The
deadline has arrived, and you've
failed to meet your quota.

CAP'N CRUNCH
You're such an asshole, Dan. I've
done my job just fine. Plenty of
blood from the roofs of mouths has
been sacrificed.

DEMON
Not enough, and the contract must
be honored, so now you shall burn
in the pit of -

Clawed, monstrous hands rip up through the deck under Dan the
Demon and drag him down below. Cap'n Crunch jumps back.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Holy crap!

KRAMPUS leaps from the hole in the deck and lands in front of
the Cap'n.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Oh, Krampus! What's up, man?

KRAMPUS
I pulled some strings to get you
off the hook.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Really? Awesome!

KRAMPUS
In return, you must sell double the
amount of Christmas Crunch this
year. See you in December.

Krampus bounds off the ship into the night.

CAP'N CRUNCH
Shit.
(to the kids)
Who wants some early Christmas
Crunch?

LINDSEY
Fifty dollars!

THE END