This isn't normally the type of crap I dish out, this is some old crap. I will do a serious, thoughtful slayers fic later. For now, TIME FOR A FREE FOR ALL!!!
Disclaimer : I do not, in any way shape of fashion, claim owner ship to Slayers and am not responsible for any insanity or pain following the reading of this text. Thank You.
(Copy Rezo Scene)
Rezo looked on the gang of his opposition. "The Question isn't really if I am the real Rezo, it is did you ever kill me in the first place?" His expression was smug.
Lina's eyes faded out in thought for a moment. Then she shouted adamantly, "Of COURSE!…I remember…He had to be dead."
Rezo said, still looking smug, "So you are saying I'm a copy?"
"Yes," Lina replied. That was the only sense she could make of it.
Zelgadis was incredulous. "How could he be that strong though, " he mused.
"Who said there ever was a rule that the copy couldn't surpass the original," stated Rezo as he mocked his intelligence.
Rezo casted a fire ball at their direction. All the characters, Zelgadis, Lina, Goury , and Amelia(better known as the Klutz of Justice) jump out of the way.
Zelgadis charges at his former master, Rezo, and casts a Bram Brazer. Rezo, with a flick of his wand, disperses the attack and goes in for the kill, Zelgadiss dodges…
Meanwhile, Lina is going after Eris...
Lina casts levitation, because she knows you can't cast other spells during Ray Wing because it takes too much concentration to fly like that. Lina then charges at Eris.
"Die you little slutty bitch!!," Said Lina as with her arms outstretched like claws, and her face in a snarl.
"Shut up you Flat-chested whore! Just calling you a whore, insults whores everywhere…cuz at least whores could get some, " said Eris arrogantly as she stood holding the tablet defensively.
Lina screeched in reply, her voice reaching even more annoying octaves, "You bitch, I can't believe you just said that!!
"Well I just did," Eris says as she snaps her fingers in the air 3 times ghetto-style.
Lina screeches again, and tosses a fire ball viciously at Eris while she uses the Claire bible to absorb it.
"Put that damn thing down and fight like a real sorceress. You third rate bitch," Lina spat as she landed in front of Eris, hands poised to cast any spell if needed.
"I could take your ass, anyday, any way" Eris turns towards Rezo. Rezo was in a battle of spell strength with Zelgadiss and their energy was clashing in a dragonball z style in between them. Rezo shouts irately over the noise of the battle,
"What…don't you see I'm playing?"
Zelgadis spat, "Jerk! Pay attention to me like I'm a real threat!"
Eris ignores his tone and says, "Hold this," throwing the tablet to Rezo who lifts one hand from the spell battle they are engaged in and he catches it. Even though he removed one hand, the battle of magic rages on, unaffected without any true attention from Rezo. He is effortlessly holding Zelgadis back with his magic, single handedly.
"What the hell…I'm here waiting for my rebirth as the most powerful being and you are stuck in a silly cat fight…," Rezo sighs exasperatedly.
Zelgadiss spat again, "Jerk!"
"What? I don't see any cats, " spoke Gourry. He looks around like a child, failing to find any cats.
Rezo ends the power struggle by blowing Zelgadis away. Rezo turns toward Eris, "Will you
hurry the hell up? I want to ascend and all, sometime today."
Lina and Eris ignore Rezo's words, and get close, looking like they are about to attack…and suddenly there is a sprawl of hair pulling.
"Zelgadis!," Amelia screams when Zelgadis was sent sprawling across the room.
"And there goes the Klutz of Justice," Rezo stated nonchalantly.
"We all know what goes on between you and Zelgadiss."
Amelia blushes. She tries to sound believable, but fails miserably, "What are you talking about?" She decides to effectively change topic of something so sensitive to herself, "What about you and Eris…it is written all over your face!"
Eris hears, and intelligently says, "huh." Her attention on the battle effectively shattered, she is thrown by Lina. Eris lands flat on her face, bottom in the air, and cape over her head. She hopped up, trying to play it off.
Eris nervously replies says, "I don't know what you are talking about!"
Lina, now flying at Eris…loses concentration and flies into the wall when Eris says, "And Lina, what about you and the dumb brute…they've got something to hide!" Yet another effective topic change from one couple to the next.
Rezo exasperates, "Oh brother!" Rezo runs his hand over his face.
Gourry stops searching for cats to respond, "Huh? With that flat-chested little walking hell demon!"
"GOURY!!!" Lina screams as she begins to lift up her sleeves….
"Yeah, she is pretty sinful, and believe me, I know."
Lina stops dead in her tracks. "What??" She did not think he would remember anything from that time she cast that spell that was like an aphrodisiac. Hey, she needed it real bad. And Muscular dumb brutes where her bedding type.
Suddenly Syphiel popped up. "What!? Gourry-sama!?"
"Don't worry, there is enough of Gourry to go around!" All now know the extent of Gourry's ego. The only thing of which fills his head, seeing how there is so much room.
Syhpiel lets herself fall to the floor and tears start to hit the floor. The tears made light sounds throughout the room.
Seems she cast it right this time. Syhpiel and Lina run to his aid at the same time and realize this. They both shout at each other. "Hey!!!"
"I'm the only one that can abuse him!" Lina shouts adamantly.
"And use him," Sylphiel continued for her, "…just because he was kind enough to give you some!"
"Kind? He wasn't kind in be—oops…." Lina caught herself, but not before slipping.
"You whore!!! I'll beat your flat ass!"
Following thus statement, classic pulling of hair commences. Gourry takes this time to slide away to watches in dumbfounded awe.
"CAT FIGHT..YEAH!!" Zelgadis shouted. He sits down to watch.
"I don't see any cats!!!" Gourry is still clueless. Nothing new there. Zelgadis just glances at him with a funny look and continues watching.
Amelia turns on her heels, and tries to pull Zelgadis by his arm. "Come on Zegadiss, we'll come back when this is over with."
Zelgadis pouts , "But I wanna watch this."
Amelia clears her throat. "Eh-hem"
Rezo coughs out a ,"whipped, whipped." This cough was not so silent.
"I don't see any whips!" Yet another word taken at dictionary definition and not connotation by Gourry. That's two.
"Rezo! And you are trying to talk…." Zelgadiss suddenly cuts through the air, zooming past Rezo and slices his head ornament with his sword during the trip.
"Thought you had added some jewelry, must be a present for your affections to Eris, and proof you are whipped worse than I am."
"Errrrr….There is nothing going on," Rezo said evasively.
Lina states, with her mouth being held on opposite sides by Syhpiel "So he IS a fake!"
"But better than the real one….hehe," said Eris as she blushed lightly.
There was a collective "Ewwwwwww" for her troubles. Rezo blushes and tries to hide it.
Gourry says in response to Eris' statement, "Well I'll sure say." He thought they meant he was stronger. Everyone gave him a funny look.
Syhpiel stops beating on Lina to say, "That was not an appropriate thing to say…"
"Well what can I say…I am better then original Rezo…aren't I?"
"Damn straight you are."
" I meant stronger Eris."
"Well you sure were stronger in bed."
"Damn it woman, quit twisting everything I say!"
"You sure twist it just the right way."
"Forget you, I'll do it myself…" Rezo sends an arrow of energy through Eris, she falls to the floor in a bloody mess. Rezo takes out the gem in his head and crushes it.
"Now who is whipped?"
They all look at him in fear. Gourry says, not realizing the situation at hand, "Zelgadis?" Seems he finally figured out the connotation of being whipped.
Rezo sighs. "It was a rhetorical question."
"Oh. What's rhetorical?"
Naga comes running in through the door. "Prepare yourself, Ranma Saotome! I mean, Lina Inverse!"
"We already filmed the movie…now GO HOME," Lina firmly stated in response.
Lina points at the exit, and taps her foot.
"Ok…," Naga said sadly. Defeated, she walked slowly toward the exit, then looked back one last time.
"DIEM WIND!!" says Lina as she blows her out of sight. "AND STAY OUT!!"
Amelia blinks and begins to tear up. "Is that my sist-" (For those of you who don't know. Naga fits the description of Amelia's sister from the series.)
"SHUT UP," Lina broke in, "Now where were we?"
Eris began to speak her last words. "I tried to make him like the real Rezo, but no matter how much I tried…He could never be him. But at least he was better in….be--" Eris finally went to rest.
Syhpiel attempts to prevent her death. "I can save her… RECOVERY!!!"
She got a Rezo's staff in her forehead for her troubles. Rezo smiles evilly.
Gourry screams in agony, "OH NO!!! I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS REZO!!! SHE CAN"T MAKE DINNER IF SHE IS UNCONSCIOUS !!"
"The strongest force in the WORLD!! GOURRY"S HUNGER!!" Lina said in awe. Only second to hers, she thought privately.
Zelgadis added on under his breath, "only surpassed by Lina's Hunger" If Lina heard it. She did not try to protest it.
"Light come forth!!!" Gourry brought his light saber, errr, Sword of Light to bear.
"Damn it…," Rezo sighed, "I have to become all powerful by myself…." He jumps out of Gourry's decapitating slash and flies up to the slot for the stone and inserts it.
"HOW COULD YOU, BASTARD!!!" Obviously it goes without saying that Sylphiel was still unconscious and Gourry quite hungry.
Rezo starts screaming and gaining power.
"He…he…," Lina began before Zelgadis finished, "Is getting stronger!!!"
They all run away to avoid the electric bolts… A little while later…well a long while later, he is done.
"The rebirth of Zanafar!?" Lina said in awe and questioningly. She was expecting more of a transformation.
Rezo "What, you were expecting a more grandiose form?" Rezo then starts pelting at them with magic energy.
"You can't expect us to fight fair in a closed in space like this, can you?" Lina looked on expectantly.
"Yes I can and will," Then he remembers the unspoken rule of powerful evil beings where they don't feel they need the advantage and even give it to the heroes to be defeated in the end. "Ok, I'll take us to a place that is more convenient to you."
Power surges as the scene is reminiscent of Gohan's Super Saiyan transformation from dragonball z. Rocks and chunks of earth, fly around them. The group gets together and forms a shield.
Lina shouted over the noise, "He lied!"
"No, take a closer look!"
Rezo shouted maniacally, "Now you will witness something truly spectacular!"
Suddenly they find themselves not below ground anymore. They looked down. There was a huge crater, where they had been. A crazy laugh is heard.
Every thing goes as it does in the series from this point...
Just another of many possibilities, in the Fanfic Zone, "DUDUDUDU, DUDUDUDU"
This fic has been revised from it's first horrible looking content. Now it is more readable, and humorous. Hope you enjoyed. There will by future scenes posted.
What's the point? This whole fucking thing is an omake!