Hunting Bugrom for Fun and Profit
Disclaimer: If I owned both Dragon Ball and El Hazard, you'd be seeing this on videocassette/DVD format, not written out like this.
Note: [ ] indicates Bugrom speech.
"Now this is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning." Winston Churchill.
As Gohan performed a dramatic transformation sequence off in the bushes, the three Bugrom hauling the unfortunate red-haired girl (who was scarcely two feet tall,) halted. They stood for a moment, the sun glistening off of their hard carapaces. Since Bugrom names are generally unpronounceable by humans, we shall call them, for reference, Larry, Moe and Curly. Moe was the one carrying while Larry and Curly flanked him on either side.
Moe cocked his head sideways. "[Hey, you guys hear that?]"
Larry piped in, "[Hear what, boss?]"
Curly repeated, "[Yeah, what, boss?]"
Moe poked Larry in the eyes. The unfortunate Bugrom shrieked in pain as his commander remonstrated him. "[Shaddap, ding-dong! I think it's a dramatic transformation sequence over in the bushes.]"
Curly stuttered, "[B-but doesn't that mean that some kinda magical girl is gonna attack us?]"
Moe thought about this. "[There is only one way to determine the truth! As your leader, I am prepared to make the ultimate sacrifice. Larry, climb up there and see what it is.]"
Larry shook his head. "[No, no! I'm a horrible climber! Send Curly instead!]"
Moe smacked Larry on the head. "[Oh, a wiseguy, eh? Get up there!]"
Larry rubbed his sore head, and then began climbing up the precipice. Upon reaching the top of the hill, he called out, "[He-loooo! Magical Girl! Are you done transforming yet?]" As soon as he finished speaking, he was grabbed by a gloved hand and pulled into the brush. Sounds of beating followed shortly afterwards, and after several moments of horrendous noises, a broken and beaten Larry fell to the ground at their feet.
Moe peered up into the foliage. "[What the heck is going on up there?]"
Almost as if on cue, the Great Saiya-Man leapt down and began posing. "Evil bugs! Release the girl, or suffer the horrible wrath of… THE GREAT SAIYA-MAN!"
Moe and Curly looked at each other for a moment, as if trying to decide how to respond. They chose uncontrolled laughter.
Moe whipped tears from his face carapace. "[Wouldja get a look at that guy! He's hilarious!]"
Curly tried to copy one of Saiya-Man's poses, but his efforts proved futile as a fit of laughter destroyed his balance. His laughter skipped a beat when he hit, but then he got right back into it.
Gohan was more than a little angry at this. "Look, did you see what I did to your partner?" He pointed at the fallen Larry. "If you stop laughing, I'll spare you from the same fate." I'm a superhero, dammit! I deserve respect!
Gohan's patience finally snapped as Alielle finally forgot her perilous situation and started laughing as well. "I know I'm going to die, but still! HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Gohan summoned a bolt of Chi and flung it at Moe. It flew in a laser-straight path, removing Moe's head from his shoulders. As the Bugrom collapsed, Gohan calmly flew over and caught Alielle before she was crushed under Moe's body.
Curly, carefully weighing his options in a risk factor/reward equation came up with one rational solution. "[Vwoop-vwoovwoovwoovwoovwoo.]" With that, he turned tail and ran.
Gohan set Alielle down. "Are you alright, miss?"
Alielle looked up (and considering he was more than twice as tall as she was, she had a long ways to look up) at her rescuer. "Um… sure… thanks to you, Mr… hey, who are you?"
Gohan decided to forgo his cool poses this time. Back home, I'm well known enough that the bad guys know not to laugh at me… here, it's just too clownish. "I'm the Great Saiya-Man, defender of the weak, preserver of liberty and freedom and all around good guy. And you are?"
She responded in a very perky voice, "I'm Alielle, handmaiden to the Rune Venus!"
Before Gohan could ask Alielle exactly what this "Run Venus" was, he sensed a major power spike from behind. "What the heck? Yipe!" In an instant, another redheaded woman was upon him, attacking him with a superhuman ferocity and speed. Although Gohan was her better in raw power, she wasn't giving him the opportunity to regain his balance; all that the surprised Saiyan could do was react to her attacks.
Finally, Gohan took a good one-two combination to the gut, followed by a spinning kick that sent him into the side of the rock beneath the forest. Gohan moaned. "Could someone please get the license number of that truck?"
Shayla Shayla floated above the ground with a very smug grin on her face. "That'll teach you to kidnap a citizen of the Alliance, Bugrom stooge!"
Gohan took off his sunglasses. A quick scan showed that the lenses of both had been shattered beyond repair. "Hey, that was my favorite pair!"
Shayla Shayla backed up a bit. This guy's unbelievable! I gave him my best shot, but he's more worried about his sunglasses than the smackdown I just gave him!
Gohan tossed the ruined glasses to the side as he extricated himself from the side of the canyon. He didn't notice that his read cape had come off because of damage to the clasps. Shayla Shayla started preparing for another attack as he started walking towards her. "Look, I don't know who you are, or where I am, or even what the hell a Bugrom is, but I just saved your little friend over there, so you better start showing me some gratitude!" I'm tired, I'm hungry, I'm hurt, I'm lost and I'm not taking any more!
Meanwhile, Curly had returned with reinforcements, with several hundred of the basic warrior bugs and nearly a dozen scorpion-like giants. In place of a stinger, these creatures had fitted to their tails what resembled medieval style catapults, with a load of rocks attached by a rope net.
Gohan looked at the Bugrom and then at his tormentor. "Truce?"
Shayla Shayla responded, "Truce."
Curly pointed at the pair. "[It's the ones what killed Moe and Larry! Get them wiseguys!]" With that, the horde attacked. The warriors charged in from all sides, hoping to encircle their victims with a wall of spears and short fangs, while the catapult bugs began lobbing volleys of stones at the pair.
Gohan and Shayla Shayla blasted forward and started cutting a swath through the army. Shayla noted that Gohan's movements were quick, but somewhat rough and unpolished, as though he was not in battle very often. On one occasion, a Bugrom snuck into his rear quarter and smacked him in the back of the head with a rock. To Shayla Shayla's surprise, he was completely unaffected by the assault. Who is this guy?!
Her attention was ripped away from Gohan as she was forced to dodge a barrage of rocks from the scorpion types. Shayla Shayla blurred above the hail and responded with an energy bolt. The massive insect exploded, spraying green ichor and chunks of flash-fried flesh in all directions. The gore splattered Gohan, utterly ruining his costume. "Ew! Could you try to vaporize these things a bit more cleanly?"
Shayla Shayla laughed. "You aren't from around here, are you? The shells of those scorpions are a lot stronger than they look! You're lucky if you can get through them at all."
Gohan smirked. "A challenge, eh?" Gohan brought his hands together and pointed it at one of the scorpions. "MASENKO!" The yellow bolt of Chi hit the scorpion dead on, blasting it down to its component molecules.
Shayla Shayla gawked at the display. "This guy isn't human…" Such was her shock that she didn't notice a hail of stone heading towards her, courtesy of the scorpion's cousin. She turned around at the last moment and shrieked at a stone larger than she was barreled down at her. "Too late to blast it!" Before she could be crushed, Gohan blurred in front of her glared at the rock.
Shayla Shayla uncovered her eyes. "Why aren't I dead?" She looked up and saw the alien boy floating in front of her, the rock suspended in midair by an unseen force. As more rocks were hurled at the pair, the same unknown energy halted them all.
Gohan smirked. "Time to end this thing." As he spoke, his eyes turned a bright teal.
Shayla Shayla was blown back as a wall of yellow flame enveloped the boy. She landed on the ground hard and bounced twice. When she managed to right herself, she sat and looked in awe at what Gohan had become. "What the…"
The Super Saiyan focused his energies, causing the stones to break into thousands of tiny pieces. Then the chunks were accelerated to several times the speed of sound. Although Gohan's aim was mostly atrocious, with so many missiles is was not long before rocks began to connect. More ichor flew into the air as Bugrom lost life and limb to the attack. Finally, Gohan ended his assault and reverted to normal. Not a Bugrom had survived.
Having defeated his enemy, Gohan floated down next to the sitting Shayla Shayla. He extended his hand to the woman. "Need some help?" Didn't need to go Super, but I hope that convinces this one that attacking me is not healthy.
Her normal cockiness blown away along with the Bugrom, she stuttered, "S-sure…" She accepted his hand, and rose to her feet. "Who are you?"
Gohan paused and briefly considered introducing himself as Saiya-Man, but decided that his costume was too shredded to continue the ruse. "My name is Son Gohan. And you?"
"I'm Shayla Shayla, one of the High Priestesses of El Hazard." Strong and cute… a rare combination around these parts. I can respect this guy. "And the lady landing behind you is Afura Mann."
Gohan gave the woman a once-over. The woman was dressed in a white, spandex-esque bodysuit that immediately confirmed that she was female, coupled with a few pieces of armor for the shoulders, over which flowed black hair and a cape of the same color. A lot less functional that Shayla Shayla's design, but I somehow get the feeling that she's a higher rank… she has a pretty arrogant look in her eyes.
The black haired woman viewed the battlefield. "Was it really necessary to rip them apart like that, Shayla? That seems even more overkill than your usual."
Shayla Shayla wrapped her arm around Gohan's shoulders. "Well, if you weren't so UNBELIEVABLY LATE, you would have gotten to see this guy in action. It was incredible!"
Gohan blushed. Heavily. In fact, he was surprised that his face didn't burst into flames. I can't believe it. I go for eighteen years without a steady girlfriend, and now three people are after me in one week! "Please, stop…"
By now, Alielle had caught up. "Shayla Shayla and Afura Mann! I can't believe it's you! Thank you so much!" She leapt up and glomped onto Afura's sizeable chest. She murmured to herself, "Ooh, warm and soft…"
Afura struggled to get the troll off of her. "This isn't necessary… get off!"
Gohan chuckled slightly at this. He touched a button on his wristwatch, switching to his blue training uniform. "Glad to get out of that suit. I don't look forward to washing that stuff out…"
Shayla Shayla approved of the design, as it revealed his manly chest. Stud alert… just have to make sure that no one else gets this guy before I've gotten my turn… "So, where are you from, Big Boy?"
Gohan stated plainly, "Earth."
Shayla played with the word. "Ee-arth? Is that a town or something?"
Gohan sighed. "Well, it's a long story…"
Narrator: "Yes indeed, it was a long story! And since you, the kind and gentle readers, have already heard this tale in the first two chapters, we shall spare you the effort of going over it again. Suffice to say, Shayla Shayla and Afura Mann have a hard time believing this unbelievable story."
Afura gave Gohan an incredulous stare. "I have a hard time believing that unbelievable story." After saying this, she went back to pry Alielle off of her right leg. This kid's like a limpet! What, did she use, super glue!?
Gohan gestured all around him. "What? You live on a world where giant bugs are everywhere and mice have hats! What's so unbelievable about me being a hybrid of human and alien who got lost after kissing a statue?"
Shayla responded, "All of it." Why do all of the cute ones have to be crazy?
Gohan considered for a moment. OK, how to prove that I am from an alien world… got it! "I'll prove it to you! I have wondrous technology not to be found upon your planet!" I hope… the fact that these people are having so much trouble fighting bugs with rocks should indicate a pre-industrial society. He rummaged through his pockets. "Let's see here… aha!" He pulled out a lighter. "Look, as I produce fire without flint or tinder!" He flicked it a few times, producing sparks, but nothing else. Seeing the annoyed glares of the priestesses, he frantically tried to get the stupid thing to work. "Look, as I produce fire… produce fire… sonava!"
He tossed the lighter over his shoulder. He went through his pockets again and found a digital camera. "Aha! Observe as I copy your image into this tiny box!" He pressed a few buttons, and, satisfied that the device was in working order, aimed the camera at Afura. "Smile!" He pressed a button and… nothing happened. "What?" He looked at the tiny screen on the camera. "Error 404 has occurred in kernel .900-897345!? Stupid Microsoft crap!" He pocketed the device again.
Afura was growing more annoyed. "I have yet to see any convincing proof."
Gohan struggled frantically. C'mon, c'mon, something… His fingers found something round a cylindrical. There! Please work… Pulling out the capsule, he pressed the button and tossed it to his feet. In a puff of smoke, the tiny capsule was replaced by a hovercar. Gohan breathed a sigh of relief. When I get back home, I am going to kiss Bulma for this birthday gift!
Alielle removed herself from Afura's leg and leapt up onto the door of the sports car. "What is it?"
Gohan opened the door for the little girl. "It's an automobile, also known as a car. Although primitive versions used wheels and combustion engines, this hovercar uses cleaner fuels to propel it into the air. I can give you a ride, if you like."
Shayla leapt into the front passenger seat. "Oh yeah! Let's see how fast this baby goes!"
Afura eyed the thing suspiciously. "That thing came out of the pellet? OK, I'll accept your story." She paused a moment. "For now," she added. I have never seen such lift technology beyond military skiffs… this boy deserves closer inspection.
Gohan climbed into the driver's seat. "So, where to?"
Afura climbed into the back seat next to Alielle. "I shall guide you."
Gohan placed his palm on a control panel, and the machine came to life. "Alright everyone, buckle up!"
Afura gave him a quizzical look. "What do you mean buckle uUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!" And with that, they rocketed into the sky, and onwards to adventure!
Or at least, the introduction of more characters…
End Chapter 3
Why is Shayla Shayla interested in Gohan? Unlike Makoto, who (in my opinion) she viewed as a worthless wimp, Gohan distinguished himself as a warrior, a very important thing in her eyes. Also, he's just plain more handsome. Makoto's prettier, though.