Sometimes I wonder if it was all worth it to him. To leave me in the woods like he did. For his family to leave me like they did. My life was about Edward and the Cullen's. I wanted to be one of them, but Edward would not hear anything about that. He wanted me to be a fragile human. Now thinking about it almost a year later that this is the way he wanted me. So, he could control me. So, I could be his possession. Not an equal. Never an equal.
Over the last year yes, I went through a rough patch. Yes, I was depressed and did not really do anything but sit in my room wishing they would come back. At one-point Charlie wanted to send me to my mother but I refused to go in hopes that they would come back. He was fed up with me. Well, that is not exactly right either. He did not know how to help me or fix me. Charlie even tried to reach out to Carlisle, but all their phone numbers and e-mails were not working.
About six months after they left Jacob started coming by to see me. I guess Charlie thought it would help and asked Billy if Jacob could start coming over to see if he could get me out of my depression. It seemed to work for a while. We hung out mainly down on the reservation. I did not want to be around anything that remined me of them. Jacob and I started to get close. Close to the point where people thought we were together. After while of people assuming that we were together it just happened. We went out on dates and it seemed like we were attached at the hip. Every waking moment that I did not have school or plans with Angela or my other friends I was with Jacob. We got serious quickly after that.
Jacob was my first. I was his first. It was amazing and unexpected. I t was painful, but Jacob was gentle and made sure that I was all right. Shortly after that our relationship changed and I did not understand why. We started drifting apart. Soon I was depressed again because I thought I did something wrong. But I was not going to be like I was when they left.
Now 18 and a high school grad. Now on my way to college. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life or what degree to get. I decided the first year I will be undecided and check out different classes to get a feel on what I want to do. To see what I am passionate about. I decided that I will still go the university of Alaska and it is not because of him. It is because it was the only college that accepted me, and I needed to get out of Forks.
My mother came to Forks with Phill and they spent a couple of days with me before I left for Alaska and I spent some time with Charlie. On the last day before I left, I went down the reservation to see Jacob. I did not know what we were anymore, and I did not want to go away not knowing. Did I love him? I am leaning that way, but did he love me? Or leaning that way? I needed to know. I parked my truck in front of his little red house and got out and walked to the door. Before I could knock on the door, I heard some clanking coming from the make-shift garage. It had to be Jacob. Billy would never go out there unless to get Jacob. I tapped on the entry way and Jacob shot up from under his Rabbit.
"Bella… what are you doing here?" He asked confused.
"What do you mean? It's my last day before I leave for Alaska and I wanted to see my boyfriend." I replied as I walked towards him. He whipped his hands off on his jeans as he sat down on a wooden crate.
"Oh." Was all he said as he looked away from me. He has never done that before.
"I needed to talk to you. You have been acting weird since…. You know that time we, ya know. Did I do something wrong? Did I make you mad or something?"
"No, Bella, you did nothing wrong and I'm not mad. It's just there's a lot going on right now and I have a lot on my mind."
"You know if you need me, I'm only a phone call away, right?"
"Sure, sure. I am sorry that I made you feel that way. That was not what I was aiming for. Do you forgive me?"
"Of course, I do. You are my best friend… and more. "I replied as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into his lap. Then our lips crashed together. Our hands moving over each other's bodies. It felt like we knew each other's buttons and where to touch even though we had sex the one time. I knew every scar and freckle. And it seemed like he knew mine as well.
Jacob started kissing down my neck which cause a slight moan from my lips. Then he made a trail of kisses down my neck to collar bone to my cleavage. He then removed mt shirt to reveal my white bra. While he was kisses me breasts, he un-did my bra leaving me bare chested. He began sucking on my nipple, swirling his tongue around it. His hand went up my side to my other breast, kneading it.
"Jacob." I moaned. Then I took my hand and tugged at his shirt to take it off which he gladly did. I ran my hands down his chest and then down to his throbbing member. I rubbed on it over his pants and a moan escaped his lips. Jacob then had me laying on the floor, taking off my pants and then his. He then nestled between my legs and I could feel his tip against my clit making me want him even more. Jacob kissed me while he slowly entered me. It was not as painful as the first time but just a little. Jacob paused and looked at me for the ok to start moving which I gave him a slight nod. He started moving slowly inside me making me moan. He then leaned down and kissed me while he began to move faster. He then broke our kiss and grabbed my hips while I wrapped my legs around his waist. He was now pounding his member hard and deep inside me. I was now arching my back, moaning loudly. I was now grabbing at his back, scratching at him. It seemed to turn him on more because this made his movements more frantic. More animal. He was fucking me so hard now that it was beginning to hurt.
"Jacob…. Not so hard." I managed to get out, but he did not seem to hear me.
"Jacob, stop, you're hurting me." I said, but he acted like he did not hear me.
"Stop, Jacob!" I yelled while slapping at him, trying to get attention.
"No." Was all he said.
"Please, Jacob… you're really hurting me!" still slapping at him. Trying to get him to stop. That was a mistake because that just made him go faster and harder. It felt like I was going to split in half.
"Please…. stop…. Jacob…." I pleaded with tears streaming down my face.
"No, you are mine." He growled, still moving fast and deep. I turned my head. This was not the Jacob I knew. This was not MY Jacob. I let my mind leave my body and found it in a peaceful place. The meadow. I always found it soothing there even though he had brought me there. I found someone else there too. And not the first person I would think of. His golden eyes looked sad. His diamond hands reached out to me to come towards him and I did.
"Bella." His voice rang out.
Then I felt a smack across my face that brought me back to reality.
"Bella." Jacob said. "You will feel all of me." And he smacked me again. I still would not look at him. I just do not understand why Jacob would do this to me. And why did I think of Carlisle? I went back to the meadow in my mind, but no one was there. Then I felt my body rack in pain and went back again to reality to find Jacob shoving himself so deep inside me, shooting his seed inside me. He then climbs off me. I felt a little of blood on my face. It was either from my nose or my lip. I think he split my lip.
"Bella, get dressed and then go into the house and clean yourself up before you go home." Jacob said. I just sat there for a moment then got up and slowly put my clothes on. I walked into the little red house with Jacob right behind me. Billy was sitting in the living room watching T.V.
"Jacob? Is that you?" Billy asked when we came in the door.
"Yea, Dad. It is me and Bella. She came by for a visit before she left for college." He replied sitting down on the chair next to him. "Bella fell in the garage and face planted into one of the toolboxes so she's going to use the bathroom right quick."
"Bella, are you, all right?" Billy asked concerned.
"Yea, Billy, I'm fine. Just clumsy me." I replied while he looked at my face, which I knew was already swelling on the right side.
"Are you sure? Do you need me to call Charlie for you?"
"Yea, it looks worse than what it is. I just want to clean up and head home so I can finish packing."
"Ok Bella. Let me know if you need anything."
I nodded and walked over to the bathroom.
"Bella, let me help you." Jacob said while getting up.
He shut the bathroom door behind us and just watched me take a rag and put water on it and washed the blood from my face. My lip was split on the right side and a bruise was forming as well.
"You are NOT going to tell anyone. You are NOT going to be seeing anyone else but me. You are not going to be sleeping with anyone but me. You ARE mine, Bella." He whispered in my ear when I finished. All I could do was nod. We walked back out to the living room where Billy was still sitting.
"Hey Jacob, can you go out and my toolbox from the garage please? It's somewhere in the back." Billy asked, not looking away from the T.V.
"Sure, Dad." He replied
"You remember what color it is, right?"
"Yep. Bella, call me when you get there." Jacob said and kissed my swollen cheek. I winced and nodded.
"Bye, Billy, I'll see you later." I whispered as I started to walk towards the door.
"Good luck, Bella. Call if you need anything."
I walked out the door and paused because I thought I heard something.
"Charlie, it's Billy." Then a pause. I guess he called my dad and is listening to his response.
"Yea, Bella is out here. She just left. I wanted to give you a heads up." Another pause.
"Not that bad, but her and Jacob where out in the garage and fell out there." Pause.
"She said she's fine and it looks worse than what it feels like. I am just not sure if she actually fell though. No, I am not saying someone hit her. I'm saying I think they are playing it down and whatever happened to her is worse than what I'm being told."
Oh, God! Charlie is going to ask questions now. I will have to figure out what to tell him. Just as I started to head for my truck Jacob popped out of nowhere. He had a strange look on his face.
"What did you tell him to where he felt like he needed to call Charlie?" He growled low.
"Nothing. I swear. I left as soon as you walked out the door."
He grabbed my arm and gripped it tightly and pulled me close to his face.
"You better be telling me the truth, Bella."
"I am, Jacob. Chalice is going to ask questions when I get home. What do you want me to tell him?" I thought by asking him he would believe me and would stop hurting me.
"Nothing." He let go of my arm and walked back to the house.
I drove home and when I got to the driveway and I turned off the truck. I sat there for a moment and started to cry. When did I become that girl? The girl who had a boyfriend who rapped and hit her? I had to collect myself because Charlie was already home. I already knew what I was going to tell him and made it embarrassing because I knew if I did, he would not pry anymore. I walked up to the front and opened it and walked into the house.
"Hey, Dad! I'm home." I called out.
"In here, Bells." Charlie called from the kitchen.
I walked into the kitchen and sat down at the table across from him.
"Is there anything special you want for dinner tonight?" I casually asked. Charlie looked up to answer me and saw my face and his started to turn red with anger.
"What happened to your face, Bella?" He asked sternly.
"I fell at Billy's when I went to see Jacob."
"That looks more than just a fall. Did someone hit you? Did Jacob?"
"No, Dad. It's really embarrassing and because of that I don't think you want to hear the entire story." Thought that may be enough but it was not.
"Bella, tell me what happened. If someone hit, you I want to know."
"God, ok, Dad. Jacob and I were in the garage and when I told him I was leaving tomorrow for school things started to get heavy between us and when we went to move I tripped over some tools and landed on a piece of the engine he had been working on."
"What do you mean by 'heavy'?"
"You really don't want to know." I said trying to blush. It must have worked because his expression changed.
"Oh… Well, you should put some ice on it. It looks really swollen."
"I will. Again, what do you want for dinner?" Thank God he backed off. I did not know what else to say.
"Whatever you want. Bells. I'm going to watch the game and let me know when it's ready."