Outside Looking In: Watching Over Him
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I've loved him more years than even I can remember. He and I always had a special friendship. Even when he was being a git with James, I loved him and when I didn't want to love him, I did anyway because I couldn't help myself, and I still love him. I will always love him. It's a love he will never feel. It's not a romantic love, it's a protective love. I watch over him from a place he isn't ready to go to. Everyone thought he did when he fell through the veil, but those of us here in the realm beyond death knew it wasn't his time. He still had so many things to do and even at his age, he didn't have a chance to really live an enjoyable life. He was sent back to do what still needed to be done. One of the major things he needs to do is be there for Harry, our son since we can't. He is the only person we trust with our most prized possession. James watches over Harry and I watch over James' best friend, and Harry's Godfather, Sirius.
I've watched him over the past two years since he was released from the veil. I've cried with him when he found out he had not only lost eight more years of his life, but Remus, his other best friend, who had died in the war. I know he felt at that time he had only Harry. He fell into a depression and began to drink to much and spend too much time with women he shouldn't. All I could do was watch and love him. I was happy when that came to a halt. I'm not sure what changed him, but it happened suddenly. He stopped sleeping around, drinking and begun helping Harry and the others with the renovations on Grimmauld Place. He became the father figure Harry needed and took George Weasley under his wing. Both Sirius and George had lost their best friends. They both needed a friend who could relate to their loss, they found each other.
I'm watching over Sirius as he is finding love. He doesn't know it yet, but she is his soulmate. She was when she was thirteen and she is now that she's an adult. I feel part of the reason he stopped his drinking and carousing, is because of her. One day he noticed she had grown up and become a beautiful woman. He didn't know how to handle what he was feeling. I watched him as he sat on his bed looking at a picture of James and me. He was talking to me. I knew he couldn't hear me, but I tried to get through to him.
"What am I going to do Lily?" Sirius asked the picture. When I fell into the veil, she was just a child. Now she's a grown woman, a beautiful younger woman. How can I be having feeling for her, she's Harry's best friend? I know you would tell me that it's not right for someone my age to have these thoughts for someone so young. Besides, Lils why would she want and old dog like me when she can have any man she wants? I really wish you were here Lils."
The whole time I'm telling him, "I'm here, and no Sirius I wouldn't. Hermione's just what you need, and she is crazy about you". I can't get through to him so maybe I can make her see they are meant to be together. It was a few weeks ago, she was sitting on the steps watching the final coats of paint being put on the foyer and the renovations would be complete. She was talking to George about her feeling, or more George was telling her how she felt. Then she and Harry talked, him giving her the green light on pursuing his Godfather. Everyone knew that Sirius would never make the first move, he has always gotten in his own way. Once James and I were gone, be lost that carefree attitude and began to let his head overrule his heart and feelings. He was now the lone Marauder and I wanted to help him find some of that Marauder spirit. Hermione Granger was just the person to do that, though she didn't know she had a bit of Marauder in her until the day she made her move.
She couldn't sleep, part of it was her brain not shutting off and part of it was me in her ear hopefully. She went down the stairs to start her day and he was standing at the bottom of the steps. Something in her went back to the thoughts George had planted in her brain. Just take the bull by the horns and kiss him. As she stood there looking at his lips, I whispered just do it, place your lips on his and kiss him. As if she heard me, she leaned in and kissed him. He didn't respond. I wanted to slap him. Then she deepened the kiss and he still didn't respond. I was here yelling at him. "Sirius this is what you want, kiss her back." Hermione pulled away and started to retreat up the stairs when our boy came to his senses and pulled her back to him. He kissed her. I watched as he kissed her in a way she'd never been kissed before. I knew she was feeling this kiss all the way to her toes. I've watched Sirius kiss other girls before, but I never seen him put so much of himself into any kiss as he did when he kissed Hermione that morning. I think he thought it would be the only chance he would have to show her how he feels. He was wrong.
I watched them that day as the talked about those kisses. I watched as they spent the day together, just the two of them talking. Talking about their fears, hopes and dreams for this relationship. I watched as he told her she was in control. Nothing would happen that she didn't want to happen and that they had all the time in the world. I watched as they watched old movies on the muggle telly, they worked as a team to make meals and clean up. I watched as they sat quietly together reading or kissing like teenagers. I watched as they began a relationship that those of us on this side of the realm knew was meant to be.
That day was a few months ago and I still watch over him. My task is much easier now because she watches over him as well. It's nice for me to sit back and watch as they love each other, and their relationship grows. He's learned many things in loving Hermione. I watch the way he is with Harry; the way Sirius loves him and is there for him. Helping when he needs it but letting him learn on his own. They have become friends as well. Harry and Ginny, Sirius, and Hermione have become a true foursome. Doing most things together. I'm honored also the way Sirius loves our Grandson, James. I watched him a few days ago telling James all about his grandfather and me. I see the love in his eyes for not just James, but Remus' son, Teddy. I see a man I never thought I would see.
I was watching over him the day he told her he loved her. They had both been busy with their jobs at the ministry. They hadn't had any time together and I know he missed her and the time they had together. Sirius knew he loved her but wasn't sure she was ready to hear it. They were sitting quietly in the library reading. She was leaning against him and he had his arm around her. I could see the wheels turning in his head. He reached over and took her book, laid it on the table next to his.
She asked him, "Is something wrong? Are you okay?" I could see the concern.
"As far as I'm concerned things are fine." He leaned in and kissed her softly, letting her feel through his lips how much he cared for her. Once the kiss broke, he took both her hands in his. "Hermione, we've been together for a couple months, and there is something I need to tell you."
"Sirius, you know you can tell me anything." She said laying her hand on his cheek, before placing it back in his hand.
He looked at their joined hands for a long time, then looked up into her eyes, "Hermione, I love you."
I watched as she smiled and leaned into him. "I love you too. I have for a long time but wanted to wait until you said it first."
The way the love each other tells me that they will last. He told me the other day when he was talking to our picture that she is the only woman since me other than Andi, that can carry on a conversation with him. She, like me calls him out when he's being an arse. I am glad he is finally living a life he is meant to live a life that brings him, joy and love not pain.
I'm on the outside looking in on his life, watching over him. I still watch over him and will continue to watch over him until he joins us in this realm. Yes, he has those here in life that watch over him and love him, but he will always be mine to watch over. He has so many people now who love him and help take care of him, but I loved him first and I will always love him. Even when I didn't want to love him, I did. Sometimes watching over him is hard, but I will always watch over him, because he is Sirius Black, my friend, my son's Godfather, he touched my soul so many years ago with that Black smirk. I honestly love it when he whispers to the picture he talks too, "I miss you Lils." I can't wait to see where his life takes him and see how his love for Hermione grows. No matter what happens in his life and what turns it might take, I'll be right here loving him and watching over him.