Chapter 2 – California Rain
It's been two years since that morning Buffy called me from Vegas. She hasn't left yet but sometimes, sometimes, like this night I feel the restlessness in her. And I wonder why I'm not good enough to give her everything she needs. My dreams are tucked away in a corner of my soul, I'm too afraid to even look at them. Afraid that they'll disappear like I know she will one day. I just don't know why this time it's lasted so long. Maybe nothing else to hang onto now that Dawn was married and didn't need her anymore. I don't want to just be convenient to her. I want to be her everything; like she is to me.
It's the middle of the night and I watch the rain from the old couch in our living room. I hear her moving toward me but I don't turn around as I wait for her. Buffy puts her arms around me and runs her fingers through my hair.
And Buffy sings as soft as the California Rain
Comin' down easy on a window pane
"Baby, let me dry your eyes," she croons in my ear. "You mean by now, you still don't realize that everything I want is what I got. So, stop thinking about all the things you're not."
I want to believe her. I really do. Everyday now she tells me how much she loves me and it's me that is too afraid to let go and let her in. There are just too many good-byes between us and I'm always afraid that there's going to be a next one.
Buffy sings warm as a late night summer breeze
Hummin' some faraway tune to the willow trees
There's a trailer by the sea down in Mexico. We dreamt about it a lot but we never did go. After I picked her up in Vegas, we returned to Los Angeles for me to finish packing and I never did. The days slipped away as I continued to work with Angel for Wolfram and Hart. Eventually she started taking classes again. We took a chance and moved to a little house on a side street here. It's got hard wood floors and a big front porch and trees all around the place. We've been slowly adding personal touches to the place as time goes by and we become a little more secure. I don't think we'll ever get to Mexico but I guess some dreams are better from afar, that's just how things are.
"Come back to bed, Spike," she whispers, tugging on my hand.
I follow her back to our big brass bed with the quilt we found in an antique shop one Saturday when we had nothing better to do. She holds her arms out to me and I curl into her. Listening to her heart beat and to her still humming some tune, I begin to drift to sleep. One of these days I'm just going to have to realize that life is everything God meant it be. But for now…
Everything is all right
cause Buffy's singing me to sleep tonight