When the door of my truck slammed shut behind me, I was at the same time relieved and sad.
Relieved because I wasn't quite sure about how I wanted the situation to turn out and sad because I instantly missed the heat his body produced.
My clothes were by now damp, not wet but not quite dry either. Coldness began to slowly wrap me and I shivered.
"You should go inside before you catch a cold." His voice sounded... Well, I couldn't really place it. Regretful? Sad? Disappointed? Angry?
I nodded without turning back. I couldn't face him, not now, not after what had happened just minutes before.
His arms wrapped around me, his face coming closer and closer, his eyes closing ready for the kiss... A branch breaking outside had pulled us out from our own little world. Immediately my mind switched back on and I backed up. It was a small gesture but enough for him to let me go, the expression on his face unreadable.
When I reached the door, I reached for the handle without turning it. Didn't he deserve at least an apology? Or a thank you? After all, it was him who had pulled me from the cliff before I could jump and who drove me home, making sure I got there safe and warm.
I turned my head just a little, ready to talk, to speak, so say something but when I looked at the truck, he was already gone.
Inside, I switched on the lights. Charlie wasn't home yet which I was thankful for. I wouldn't have to lie about where I had been and why my clothes were damp. I practically ran upstairs, nearly falling only twice. I nearly ripped the shower curtain off in my attempts to get to the hot water as quickly as possible. My damp clothes went straight into the washer.
The warm water hitting my face felt almost too good to be true. I moaned and for a few minutes I merely stood under the hot stream, letting the water raise my body temperature. After all these months with Edward, I should have been used to the cold by now and I had been until Jacob had arrived. The weeks I had spent at his side since his transformation into a werewolf had erased every memory of the coldness.
After I had washed my body and my hair, I stepped out. The hot water had heated the room up and steam had clouded the mirror. I wrapped a towel around my body, letting my wet hair fall loose on my shoulder.
I stepped up to the mirror to brush my hair and wiped it clean.
The same old, boring face looked back at me. Brown eyes, brown hair, white skin... An image of Jessica, my once good friend, came up in my mind. Jessica with the gorgeous curves, the blonde hair falling in waves down her back, her red, curved lips, her sparkling eyes... No wonder every second guy in school was in love with her. I knew I could never compete with that and so I didn't even try. No make-up, no sexy clothes, hair just straight down my back. I had always wondered what Edward saw in me, the plainest girl in Forks but until recently I didn't ask. I had thought he loved me and that erased all the bad thoughts I had about myself. But in the end, it all had come down to that.
I wasn't enough.
Not pretty enough, not interesting enough, not strong enough, just... not enough.
I forced myself the turn around and leave the bathroom, heading towards the safety of my bedroom. I put on the first thing I saw (baggy pants and a loose T-Shirt) and went straight into my bed. Pulling the covers over myself, I closed the eyes, letting the exhaustion finally claim my body. It had been a long day, almost too long and now, in the darkness and safety of my bed I could let go.
Just... let go.