A/N: ZareEraz here! I was re-watching Ergo Proxy and decided to beef up my stories. I became fascinated by Monad Proxy this time around, as her love for Ergo Proxy threads through all her actions and through her clones. Enjoy this little remembrance of her!
Goodbye, My Beloved
I have loved my Ergo for a long time. I have loved him since the Creators gave birth to us and sent us out on our mission. I have loved him since I knew what love was. And he loved me. He has loved me dearly, for many centuries. Even with the thousands of miles between us, we were still in love.
He left his city for me. He abandoned his city and his creations, all in the name of his great love for me. It made me so happy. I was so happy to love him. I was happy that he loved me.
I sorrowed for his city, but he'd left it with a caretaker. One to wait for his return, should he ever decide to do so.
I thought that we could be so happy together, especially since he came to my dome, my home. I wanted to look out upon my city with him, share it with him and make him happy.
But it was not to be.
It pained me to see how unhappy he was, living with his grief, his failure, but I loved him for it anyway. I wished to see that sorrow vanish from his face, so I loved him all the more. He was all I needed to be happy, and he tried to do the same. We lived in Mosk for a time, together…always together. He laughed with me, smiled with me and loved with me. Our love was true. But even with that true love, the sickness, the weight of his duty was always there…lurking in the shadows and the dark places.
I am Monad, the Proxy of Birth. I love those who come into the world.
He is Ergo, the Proxy of Death. He sheds tears for those that have to die.
He grieves for himself, the flawed god. He weeps for those who he creates for they are flawed as well. Not only are they flawed, he also has to kill them, as all living things must die.
Even loving me did not diminish his sorrow, as much as he tried to let it. I know he loved me. I know he did. I know that he still does. His love is what allows me to thrive.
My Ergo. My beloved.
Sometimes, I would caress his hair while he slept. Sometimes, he would kiss my lips and call me beautiful. Oh, how sweet it was when he could smile.
But it was still there…the worry...the hate…and the grief. How could one live with such a burden? How could we, the Proxies, be expected to be anything other than what the Creators made us? How could any of us live, knowing that when the time came, we would all kill each other? Such a cruel fate, especially for one who oversees death and weeps.
I hold him in my arms at night. I brush away his nightmares. I soothe his soul as much as I am able. But it is not enough.
My Ergo. My Beloved.
I will be enough for you. How can I be enough for you? What must I do to make you happy?
If I found a way for you to be relieved of your burdens, would you take it?
I see…you would.
Because you would, and because I love you, I will find a way for you to be happy, at least.
You find the way. It will not be easy. It will not be without consequences. But…if it makes you happy, if this can put a smile back on your face again, then it has to be worth it.
And because it is worth it, I made a deal with the devil.
He is Proxy One, the strongest of us all. He thirsts for revenge against the Creators.
But…he can grant my wish. He can grant Ergo's wish…to forget. Ergo wants to forget, so I will help him forget. Because I love him, I will shoulder the burden. Even if it is a burden I will collapse under, succumb to. I will do it because it will eventually allow him to be happy. That is all that matters.
I wonder what will happen to me, when it's over. Will I still be strong? Will I open my eyes again? Will I be someone else? It does not matter. My wonderings are of no consequence. My beloved will forget, he will be free and he will be happy someday.
I will make him gentle. My love deserves kindness and peace. He will be happy someday.
He will forget me. I hope that he won't, but I know that he will. If this will make him happy, then I will do it. I will just find him again, fall in love with him again, and gain his heart again. We can always be together, even if he doesn't remember.
The time is coming, time is short. We have given Amnesia his task. He is safe, below the city. He will keep the memories safe. Soon, my Ergo will be free, free to live as a human. Free to forget the burden of death.
This will be my gift to you, my Ergo: Please, live and find happiness. Find me again, my love. And if you don't find me, find someone to love. Every creature deserves this kindness, this love, you most of all.
No matter what form I take, I will always love you. Forever and evermore.
Even if my eyes never open again. Even if I rot away and my city along with me. This is a testament of my love to you.
I love you.
I love you, my Ergo.
I love who you were.
I love who you are.
I love who you will become.
When you wake, will you love me again? I hope so.
Please love me, for I love you more.
I love you. So I will let you go.
Goodbye, my beloved.