Beavis and Butthead Port-Key to Hogwarts. Some Drabbles

DISCLAIMER: Beavis and Butthead was created by Mike Judge and is the property of MTV Viacom. Daria was created by Glen Eichler and is also the property of MTV Viacom. Harry Potter is the creation of JK Rowling and is the property of JK Rowling, Wizarding World, and Warner Brothers. I do not own either the franchises or the characters and this piece is written for personal entertainment, not for profit.

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Advisory: Crude Language. With the boys, it's as contagious as dragon-pox.

Beavis and Butthead: Port-Key To Hogwarts. Some drabbles

"Hey, Butthead, dig this!" said Beavis, picking up the black thingie with the square part sticking out. It looked like a lid to something.

"Like what is it?" said Butthead.

"I don't know," Beavis replied.

"Looks like a lid or something," said Butthead. "Some dumb-ass lost his cover."

"Like his head or something," said Beavis.

"Put it back, dumb-ass." said Butthead, "We'll get nachos instead."

"I think it's cool," said Beavis.

"I don't," said Butthead. "Give it here."

"No," said Beavis. Butthead grabbed the other side of it and tired to yank it away.

The port-key activated, dumping them in Hogsmeade.


Daria Morgendorffer and her friends were walking back to Hogwarts and saw the two idiots materialize in front of her.

"What the Fuck?" she said.

"Hey, Butthead, where are we?" said Beavis.

"In Highland, Butt-munch," said Butthead.

"But there's trees-and chicks," said Beavis. "And I'm freezing my ass off." He looked over the witches then grinned.

"Look, Butt-head! It's Diarrhea!"

The boys started chanting "Diarrhea, Cha-Cha-Cha! Diarrhea, Cha-Cha-Cha!"

Daria blushed bright red. The other witches' eyes bulged.

"Daria, do you know those two boys?" asked one of the other witches.

"Oh, yeah," Daria sighed. "Those two and I go way back."


"So what were you and Parvati discussing in The Three Broomsticks?" asked Harry.

"We were talking about a problem we were both having with some spell-work in Professor McGonagall's class," replied Hermione. "I think I've got it worked out."

"You usually do," said Ron. "Doesn't she, Harry?"

"Coming through," said a voice behind them. The trio turned around and saw Morgendorffer and several Ravenclaws herding two boys with the largest heads they had ever seen towards the school gates.

"What are those?" said Ron.

At that moment Hermione decided that there were certain things she was better off not knowing.


"Guten Tag, Cousin Daria," said Egon Morgendorffer. The Durmstrang wizard wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, but he was tall, handsome, and a secret part ofher was flattered by his Old-World courtsey. They weren't really related; although most descendants of Morgendorf emigrees pretended that they were. Daria found it amusing. "These two boys are—?"

"Boys from my home town in Texas," Daria replied. Egon looked at the two idiots, scowled, then shifted his shoulders. He looked more intimidating. Beavis and Butthead looked at him and started shuddering. Maybe the Morgendorf pretense was useful after all, she thought.


Herding the two idiots was—difficult. The Boys acted like they usually did: talking to them was useless, they were still as gross as ever, and they'd already hit on a couple of her friends. Her friends got offended even faster than she did and drew: that was when she learned that most hexes bounced off the Boys like water rolling off a duck.

Resolution was waiting at the gates of the school: tall, dark-haired, scowling, and dressed in billowing black robes. Professor Snape saw the Boys, looked Daria in the eye, then said "What. Are. Those?"


Author's Note: I was inspired to write these drabbles after reading another author's Beavis and Butthead/Harry Potter crossover. I wondered how the boys would react to being suddenly transposed from Highland, Texas to the Scottish Highlands, borrowed from my ongoing Daria Ravenclaw series (A Daria / Harry Potter crossover), then started typing.

An advisory for those who are following my Daria Ravenclaw series: These drabbles are NOT part of the Daria Ravenclaw story line.