Why, Oh Why…
By Nichole (Neko-chan) Johnson
Written: June 2 – 3, 2003
Rated: PG-13 for language and plain old inappropriateness—bad me!
Disclaimer: Basically, I own nothing except for this fic. Honestly, I rip off so many things in here; it's like lawyer paradise! I'll try to note everything I ste—I mean, make homage to. Yes. So first off, I don't own the X-Men (sob) or X-Men: Evolution. I tried to own Kurt, but he didn't seem too keen on the idea so I had to set him free for fear of getting on his 'No Like' list. I hope the Prof. wiped his memory for that one…
Summary: It's summer vacation at the School for Gifted Youngsters… It's only expected that wild pranks, rude wake-up calls in the form of fuzzy blue elves, impromptu pool parties and general insanity should ensue—especially when there are teenage mutants involved.
Each chapter will most likely be from different characters' POV, with perhaps random non-POV chapters thrown in there just to throw you all off. I don't know. I just don't feel like following a set pattern with this piece…
Author's Note: First off, I'd like to thank Kiki, LeDiz, and InterNutter for inspiring this, especially LeDiz. I got the title idea (with the chapters) from her, so I wouldn't want her to flip out and send me tons of cyber cows to fill up my inbox. I love you, LeDiz! DON'T COW ME, 'KAY??
Anyway, to those of you I mentioned doing a silly fic to, I decided not to go with the Halloween idea. I may save that for later, but I came up with something better when I started writing, and I hope you guys will find it worth reading. I don't know why—it's a generally stupid, pointless, bad-joke filled piece of…uh, doody. But I still wanna' do it. I've had so many good ideas for Evo jokes and so forth recently and nowhere to put them! Plus, I haven't written a 'crazy' fic in such a long time—it's been all serious, introspective and angsty stuff for about a year now. I really needed to lighten up.
To all of my "Carol" readers, don't worry! I still intend to update that regularly! I had to sacrifice getting Chapter V out in order to get these first chapters of "Why" up & running, but I promise that it will get posted as soon as I get the chance! I don't want "Carol" to take backseat to this fic just as much as you guys. In the meantime, I hope you'll all give this piece a try, just for me (or out of morbid curiosity, I suppose)!
~ o O o ~Chapter 1: …Did I Stick Around For This Insanity?
Summer vacation. What a wonderful term. Kitty savored the very thought of it, trying very hard to focus on such happy thoughts those two words should bring. This year she would be spending most of it at the Institute with her friends; away from parents and studying and disappointment speeches. She was going to spend the days lounging by the pool, and the nights hanging out at the mall and seeing movies with her friends. It was going to be great.
But it was really hard focusing on the good points just now. She had only just woken up—the first day of summer vacation—and already the insanity had begun.
"IIIIIIIIIIIIII dream of Jeanie with the liiiiiight brown hair!!"
A muffled thump came from somewhere in the hall, presumably from something small and blunt being thrown, followed by further muffled sounds like someone being less-than-graceful and colliding with a wall and then perhaps the floor somewhere.
Kitty tried in vain to bury her head further under her pillow against the noise but there was only so far one could go.
"Dude, some of us are trying to sleep!!"
"Ja, und what's up with that?"
There was a brief moment of silence, which Kitty didn't trust one bit, and then a rather loud thump from one of the rooms next door followed by a shout of indignation on Evan's part.
"Aaaggh! What the—?!"
"Wakey-wakey, mein freund!"
"Dude, you are SO DEAD!!!"
Kitty groaned irritably as the argument moved rather loudly into the hall, where it was marked by even louder thumps and crashes than before, as well as angry shouting and a flurry of cheerful, German-inflected catcalls. Up and down the hall, doors were slamming open and closed and more angry voices were joining in on the din, adding some rather colorful language to the mix.
Kitty peered hopelessly out from under her pillow. The pile of bed clothes on her roommate's bed shifted, a pale hand emerging from beneath the mountain of covers to flop about on the floor in aimless exploration.
"Urrggh…" groaned Rogue irritably from somewhere beneath her covers, "Stupid little…squirrel-monkey…" Her hand fell at last on several discarded items of clothing, snatching them up listlessly and disappearing back beneath the folds of her comforter.
Probably wadding her ears with them, thought Kitty.
"Gonna'…kill…'im…" was the Goth's last muttered remark.
Mentally, Kitty adamantly agreed. Kurt may have been like her best friend, but there were just some things that couldn't be forgiven.
This being one of them.
Moaning to show her agreement, she rolled over beneath the covers, bringing her pillow down tighter around her ears. Outside the room, familiar sounds of destruction indicated the use of powers joining the fracas. If she had been what you'd call a 'normal' teenage girl, she might've thought a scene from Star Wars was being enacted outside her door. As it were, Kitty lived in a place where everyone defied the word 'normal' with a sense of pride, and the sounds coming from the hall were thought of as a normal occurrence, if not annoying.
She really wished Evan wouldn't throw his spikes around so carelessly. She was pretty sure Logan wished so even more. Patching 'spike holes' was definitely one of his least favorite responsibilities.
The next sound, a loud BAMF!, caused her to groan aloud, however.
"Kuuurt!" she wailed pleadingly, still buried beneath her pillow. "Like, get out! You guys are not trashing our room!"
She didn't need to look up from where her head lay buried beneath her pillow to know the blue mutant was grinning like a madman. He was always grinning like a madman in these sorts of situations.
"Aw, bitte, mein fraulein! Sanctuary!" he proclaimed dramatically. She heard a loud click, presumably the door being locked, and then he leaped nimbly onto the end of her bed, bouncing it slightly with his weight. "Is this not a house of God?! I seek sanctuary!"
"Well seek it somewhere else before my hands seek out your neck…" came Rogue's muffled threat from within the mountain of covers and clothing covering her bed.
His weight disappeared suddenly from Kitty's bed—to which she was eternally grateful—and she heard Rogue's squeal and then growl of annoyance as he moved onto the Goth's.
"Ah, mein Rogue! Sunshine! Liebling! Guten Morgen, mein schatz!"
A tense pause. Kitty visibly cringed in anticipation.
"Kurt, get your fuzzy blue butt off my bed before I hurt you in more ways than you can spell…"
"And a bright sunshiny day to you too, fraulein," was Kurt's nonplus reply. Loudly, he kissed the top of the pile of blankets, ignoring the noises of disgust and objection that came from beneath them and then leaped nimbly to the floor.
Kitty was slightly different in her methods; finally pulling her head out from beneath her pillow and fixing him with her most famous and powerful pout.
"Kurt, like, pleeeease? Let us sleep—its like, the first day of summer vacation!"
"And there is much fun to be had!" he exclaimed cheerfully. "So come on! Upsy-daisy, sleepy-heads!"
And as Kitty had foreseen, loud pounding broke out on her door.
"Found him, you guys!" came Evan's voice triumphantly, and then, "Dude, we know you're in there! Just give it up already!"
"All signs point to no! Try back tomorrow!"
The door handle jiggled violently, but remained locked, much to Evan's obvious annoyance.
"Dude, you are one dead elf when I get in there! Come on, Kit—open the door! You know you want us to kill him! Rogue?!"
"ALL OF YOU GO AWAY!!!" was Rogue's angry reply, tossing her head out of the covers to glare furiously at the door and then at the blue mutant who was now hanging lotus style from the ceiling; face the very picture of innocence.
"As soon as we get the elf!" chimed in Jubilation's voice angrily from the hall, followed by a chorus of 'yeah's and 'that's right!'
Kitty decided she was fed up with it all. Angry determination on her face, she threw the covers aside and climbed out of bed. "Alright, Fuzzy. It's come to this."
Pale eyes blinked guilelessly at her from the ceiling. She couldn't help but think how much like a harmless, fuzzy blue elf he looked in that position; like a guiltless little kid. Even so, she wasn't about to go soft. This was something that needed to be done, she reminded herself.
Small white fangs shown in a disarmingly charming grin. "Oh? Was ist das, Katzchen?"
Kitty's grin wasn't quite so endearing. In fact, in more resembled pure evil.
He was almost caught off-guard by the well-aimed pillow. With a small yelp, he flipped nimbly out of the way of the missile, righting himself in mid-air and landing in a crouch in the far corner.
"Oh, now I'm in for it," he muttered with a cheeky grin.
"Oh, you bet!" she confirmed, taking aim once again with another pillow.
Those out in the hall fell silent momentarily, listening curiously to the shouts and muffled thumps coming from the other side of the door in silent anticipation. With an unexpected jolt, something heavy fell against the door; and crying out in surprise, the spectator mutants jumped hastily back, eyeing the door warily.
"You wouldn't…" Kurt was saying warily from where he stood, pinned against the door in mock terror. The trademark devil-may-care grin was still on his blue face.
Curling her fingers threateningly, Kitty continued to advance on him, an evil grin of her own on her usually sweet face.
"Better believe it, Fuzzy."
She pounced, laughing evilly as he cried out in objection. And with the pretense of a playful push, she phased and shoved him unceremoniously backwards through the door…
…And right into the midst of a glaring and evilly grinning pack of young mutants.
"Heh-heh. Hey, guys…"
Grinning smugly to herself, Kitty dusted off her hands and turned indifferently from the sounds of carnage that ensued from the other side of the door; and sighing happily, crawled thankfully back under her covers for some of that much-deserved sleeping-in she had been so hoping for.
From underneath her mountain of covers, Rogue grunted thankfully.
"Don't mention it."
* * *
When the two girls had finally dragged themselves out of bed and down to breakfast, much of the mansion was already there, looking somewhat worse for the wear. Along one end of the table, Evan, Rahne, and Jubilee sat in grumpy silence, every so often shooting angry glares in Kurt's direction, who for his part sat contentedly packing it in as if there were no tomorrow. On the other side, Jean and Scott shared patient expressions; Scott occasionally shaking his head disapprovingly, but for the most part, ignoring the silent quarrel going on across from them. The rest of the newer mutants sat scattered amongst the two groups, looking perfectly content and unaware of the morning's events. Or pretending to be, at least.
If Kitty hadn't known any better, she would've sworn there was an almost amused smile tugging at the corner of Jean's lips. Occasionally, she'd glance in Kurt's direction, and Kitty got the distinct impression she was trying very hard not to laugh.
"Hey there, half-pints," grunted Logan in absent greeting from where he sat at the near end of the table with the other instructors. Ms. Monroe and Mr. McCoy looked up from their own places, smiling pleasantly in greeting.
"Good morning, Kitty. Rogue," greeted Professor Xavier from the table's head, brown eyes sparkling with what appeared to be amusement. He had an expression very similar to Jean's on his kindly face.
Kitty couldn't help but smile a bit at the idea of the Professor finding Kurt's antics amusing.
"Morning," greeted Kitty somewhat cheerfully, heading towards Kurt's end of the table. It was the only section of the table not yet occupied, after all, other than one untaken spot next to Scott and Jean.
Rogue merely grunted at the greeting, taking said empty seat beside the two eldest students.
Sliding into a chair next to the blue elf, Kitty shot him a somewhat smug smile. "You 'n the others have fun, Fuzzy?"
"Traitor," was all he replied, giving her a mock glare.
Kitty just grinned and began to fill up her plate.
At the head of the table, the Professor cleared his throat slightly, steepling his hands before him on the table; a warm smile still on his face.
"Now that you're all here, I'd like to announce a few things," he began. Everyone looked up from their plates expectantly, even Kurt, who very rarely turned his attention from his food.
"To those of you who will be leaving us and spending the summer with your families, we will surely miss you here at the Institute. I wish you all a relaxing vacation.'
In regards to your departure, please gather on the front lawn by the fountain after breakfast. Storm and Logan will be waiting there to take you all to the airport and bus stop in the Institute van."
Glancing around at the gathered students, his eyes glittered knowingly. "I hope none of you will cause any problems for them."
The newer mutants squirmed uncomfortably under the sudden gazes of the staff and a few of the older students; Jamie looking particularly lacking in innocence.
"As for the rest of you," continued the Professor, bringing their attentions back around, "I hope you will all keep the rules in mind over the next several months so that we may enjoy a pleasant vacation."
Kurt began diligently stuffing his face once again, ignoring the sudden glares that were once again shot in his direction.
The Professor smiled again, knowingly. "That's all for now. However, I would like to see all of you older students who will be staying for the summer in the library this evening. There is something I'd like to discuss with you."
"In the meantime, enjoy yourselves. You have the run of the mansion."
It was clear that Kitty wasn't the only one amused by the worried expressions on Logan, Storm, and Mr. McCoy's faces. Almost all of the younger students were looking particularly mischievous after those words.
Kurt was grinning wolfishly as he looked up from his plate. "In other words, 'go wild', my students…" he murmured mischievously.
Kitty merely raised her brows slightly, not bothering to look up from her own plate.
"You sure have a way with twisting words."
"It's not 'twisting', mein gut fraulein, it's 'interpretation'…"
* * *
"Like, be thankful you don't have to stick around here, Jean. It's gonna' be a madhouse."
The telepath smiled in amusement. "Isn't it always?"
The two girls, along with Rogue, were standing by the elaborate fountain just as the Professor had instructed, the Institute van parked nearby; doors thrown open invitingly.
All of the students who were supposed to be leaving, sans Jean, were decidedly absent, however.
Kitty cocked her head slightly, seeming to indicate the loud noises coming from the backyard with a wry expression. "Yeah, well, without school to hold anyone in check, I've got a feeling everyone's really gonna' cut loose around here, y'know?"
Rogue rolled her eyes darkly, looking her usual state of sour. "And we all know who's gonna' be leadin' that parade…"
All three girls shared a knowing glance. "Kurt," they all remarked dryly, in perfect unison.
Jean grinned again, looking supportively to Kitty. "Hey, I'm sure you'll keep him in check like you always do."
The brunette looked suddenly despondent. "Is it always up to me?! Like, I wanna' have a vacation, too, y'know!"
"Jean! Jean, wait up!"
All three looked up towards the mansion, to spot Scott hurrying desperately towards them, looking as if he were in a great rush. Jean smiled warmly upon spotting him, and Rogue and Kitty shared a knowing glance; the shadow of sly grins on their faces.
"I'm so glad you're still here!" exclaimed the leader of the young X-Men, panting slightly as he caught up to them. "I thought you might've left already."
More secretive grinning from Kitty and Rogue, as Jean looked suddenly shy.
"Nope. I think Logan's still trying to round up some of the newer recruits," exclaimed the redhead, clutching her overnight bag nervously. "So…still here."
Scott grinned sheepishly, clutching at his neck. "Uh, that's great…I…"
"Like, have fun this summer, okay, Jean?" interrupted Kitty hastily, beginning to sidle away. "We'll see you in a few weeks, alright?"
She grabbed Rogue's sleeve pointedly, tugging the Goth along with her, who grinned knowingly.
"Uh, yeah. See ya, Jean…" she added slyly, following Kitty towards the house.
"Thanks, you guys," the redhead called after them, avoiding Scott's gaze in embarrassment and waving after the two of them. "Bye!"
Once they were out of earshot, Rogue shook her head in dismay, grimacing slightly. "Never thought I'd say this, but its reeeeally gonna' suck around here without Miss Popular around."
"Why is that?" quipped Kitty curiously, jumping hastily out of the way as several of the younger mutants streaked by, embroiled in a minor power battle.
"Don't you get it?" drawled the Goth, glaring after the mutants in annoyance. "Scott's going to be a royal buzz-kill without her around. I sure don't wanna' put up with that all summer…"
"Huh…" mulled Kitty thoughtfully, phasing instinctively as one of Ray's power beams shot in her direction. "I see what you mean…"
Rogue ducked quickly, glaring after the laughing mutants. "Hey, watch it!" she snapped after them angrily.
Kitty couldn't help but grin a bit. "I don't think Scott's our biggest problem, though."
Rogue snorted irritably. "No kidding. Remind me ta hide in our room for the rest of the summer…"
Kitty giggled. "No prob." She frowned suddenly, looking after the trio of younger mutants thoughtfully. "Isn't Amara supposed to be heading home for vacation?"
"Yeah. I sure don't envy Logan none right now."
"Hunh. Wonder where he is, anyway? I'm not hearing any screams of terror coming from the mansion."
Rogue crossed her arms with disinterest. "Give 'im a few minutes. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off ta find the quietest corner in this place to hole up for the next month or so…"
"Good luck," scoffed Kitty with a grin. "I think I'm gonna' check out the pool."
* * *
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I don't wanna' goooooooo!!!"
Jamie was wailing at the top of his lungs, flailing his arms like a madman as he ran. Several of the younger mutants cheered him on as he ran past, only falling silent when the severe-looking man hot on his tail went by, glaring fiercely enough to render a person immobile.
It seemed not to be working on his quarry, however, who continued to dash willy-nilly about the yard.
"Knock it off, squirt! It's time to get in the car, already!" growled the Wolverine irritably, trying to remain as dignified as possible while chasing after the wailing youth. His hands clenched absently, just barely controlling the urge to release his claws in his frustration.
Babysitting was definitely not his thing.
"But I don't WAAAAAANT TOOOOOOO!!!" cried the youngest X-kid in reply, narrowly avoiding a tree. "I wanna' stay with the others!!"
Logan released a breath he hadn't known he was holding, thanking his lucky stars for how close he had been to having to chase after six Jamies instead of one.
"Kid, if you don't come with me right now, you will be staying with the others!" he growled fiercely, sounding exasperated. "You'll have so many chores and Danger Room sessions, you won't see a spot of sunshine all summer!"
Well, there's Logan…thought Kitty wryly as she came upon the scene, having changed into her swimsuit; a towel over one arm.
"How long has he been chasing him?" she asked to no one in particular, laying out her towel on one of the patio chairs.
"Dunno'," replied Bobby with a shrug from the pool, where he had his arms resting on the ledge, watching the spectacle with idle interest. "Jubes guesses it's been half-an-hour, at least."
"GET IN THE VAN!!" bellowed Logan suddenly, breaking through the idle speculations of the onlookers.
His command was rewarded by Jamie slipping on the patio in his haste to escape; landing on his butt and adding three other Jamies to the chase.
All four took off in separate directions, and Logan stopped his chase momentarily to give a primal cry of aggravation.
"Poor Mr. Logan," sympathized Kitty absently, settling down in her chair.
There was a loud BAMF! behind her, and a pair of furry blue hands fell over her eyes.
"Feh. He'll catch Jamie eventually," quipped a pleasant, German-inflected voice in her ear. "Guess who?"
"Like, Evan, you've got a terrible case of hairy palms," remarked Kitty in all seriousness. "You might wanna' look into that…"
The hands disappeared, and Kurt grinned wryly at her over her shoulder, quirking a brow in amusement. "He's also got less of a sense of humor than you, Katzchen," he commented sardonically.
Kitty rolled her eyes at him. "Gee, I wonder why…?"
The blue mutant merely flashed her one of his infamous thousand-watt grins, fangs 'n all, and came out from behind her chair.
"And speaking of zhat wonderful, understanding friend of mine, you haven't happened to see him around here lately, have you, fraulein?" he queried curiously, taking a seat on the edge of her chair.
"Isn't he supposed to be heading home today, too?" Kitty asked, nudging him slightly with her foot.
"Ja. Zhat's why I'm looking for him."
He pointedly ignored her attempts to remove him from her chair.
"Well if he's following the example of the others, he's probably around here somewhere hiding from Mr. Logan," was her reply. She gave up trying to shove him off her chair, knowing it was pointless.
So she tried asking him, instead.
"You gonna' get off, now, or are you just going to keep blocking my sun like that, huh, Fuzzy?"
"Mmm, the latter," he grinned, angling himself slightly so his shadow fell over her even more.
"Must…protect…mein Katzchen from…UV…rays…!"
She rolled her eyes at him, relinquishing her position momentarily to shove at him in annoyance. "Get out of here, you dork!"
"Ach, no, not the sun! Keep your rays to yourself, you cheeky knave!"
"Alright, alright!" he objected amidst amused chuckling, holding up his hands in surrender. "But someone's got to protect you from the sun."
He raised a bottle of suntan lotion for her to see, wrapped in his tail, and raised one brow devilishly. "Want some help, liebchen?"
Kurt jumped quickly away, narrowly avoiding the angry swipe she made at him with a smug grin. He was distracted quickly by something far out on the lawn, heading towards the van that was still parked out front to take those mutants heading home away.
"Ah, there's Evan now! Maybe next time, ja?"
Tossing her a quick wink and the bottle of suntan lotion, he disappeared in a sudden burst of smoke and brimstone.
With a relieved sigh, Kitty leaned back in her chair. "Dork…"
But she was silently amused, as always. She hated his ability to do that to her.
Out on the lawn, the four Jamies fell over in exhaustion, allowing a furious Logan to herd them in a dejected group towards the van at last; the genetically altered man growling obscenities under his breath and promises of punishment the whole way.
"Bye, Jamie!" called out Bobby cheerfully from the pool, several of the other younger mutants chorusing him.
"Give 'em hell back home, squirt!" shouted Jubilation supportively, shooting off a small shower of sparks over her head as she waved.
Yes, summer vacation had definitely begun…
~ * ~
TO BE CONTINUED… (WHY, OH WHY?)
~ Kurt's Wunderbar Glossary of German ~
bitte – please
Liebling – darling; favorite
Guten Morgen, mein schatz – Good Morning, my treasure
Was ist das – What is that
Liebchen – sweetheart
References, Homage's, etc. –
"IIIIIIIIIIIIII dream of Jeanie with the liiiiiight brown hair!!" : I guess this could be considered a very obscure reference to a wonderfully insane anime called Elf Princess Rane, which I will probably continue to reference in the future just because it's so chock-full of good gags and lines. Of course, the song is a real song—I just don't know who sings it or any more of the words.
"Sanctuary!" : slight reference to Disney's The Hunchback of Notre Dame, although claiming sanctuary isn't exactly a copyrighted practice.
"And a bright sunshiny day to you too, fraulein," : reference to lyrics from an old, old, song called "I Can See Clearly Now" by Jimmy Cliff.
…glaring fiercely enough to render a person immobile : hee-hee, another obscure, almost-reference to an anime. This one's an old joke I have with my friends based off of one of the attack techniques used on Pokemon, called 'Glare'. When a Pokemon uses this attack, it's supposed to freeze their opponent. Hence the joke about glares being strong enough to render a person immobile.
Well, that's all for now! Hope you'll all be kind and rewind! Er, I mean, read and review! (But do the former, too, because it's annoying when you rent a video and it's not rewound.)
Until next time! (Urrgh, hopefully next chapter will be better…)