Inuyasha and the Holy Tama

By ArtikGato

This chapter contains the next two scenes, okay?

Part Two

D. The Black Knight

E. Witches weigh the same as ducks!

FADE IN

EXT. A FOREST WITH A CLEARING IN THE MIDDLE AND A BRIDGE

(INUYASHA, KAGOME, and SHIPPO ride through the forest, when they happen apon a little clearing in which two knights are duking it out in a bloody battle of epic proportions!! There is the BLACK KNIGHT and the NOT QUITE AS BLACK BUT STILL PRETTY DARN BLACK KNIGHT)

BLACK KNIGHT

YAAAAAAH!!!

(charges at the NOT QUITE AS BLACK BUT STILL PRETTY DARN BLACK KNIGHT)

NOT QUITE AS BLACK BUT STILL PRETTY DARN BLACK KNIGHT

YAAAAARRRGHHH!!

(charges at the BLACK KNIGHT)

BLACK KNIGHT

HIYAH!!!

(slashes with his sword)

NOT QUITE AS BLACK BUT STILL PRETTY DARN BLACK KNIGHT

WAAHHH!!

(runs in terror)

BLACK KNIGHT

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

(throws his sword, which somehow impales the NOT QUITE AS BLACK BUT STILL PRETTY DARK BLACK KNIGHT through his visor.

The NOT QUITE AS BLACK BUT STILL PRETTY DARK BLACK KNIGHT dies

KAGOME AND SHIPPO

EEEWWWWW!!!!

INUYASHA

(rides up with Kagome and Shippo cowering behind him in disgust)

You fight with the strength of many men, Sir...what's your name??

KAGOME AND SHIPPO

(facefault)

BLACK KNIGHT

(silent)

INUYASHA

Umm... I am Inuyasha, Lord of the

Hanyous, Humans, and Demons!

BLACK KNIGHT

(silent)

INUYASHA

(arches eyebrow)

I seek the finest warriors in the land

to join me in my court at Camelot.

BLACK KNIGHT

(silent)

INUYASHA

Come on now, won't you join me?

BLACK KNIGHT

(silent)

INUYASHA

You make me sad. Come, Patsy!

SHIPPO

IF YOU CALL ME PATSY ONE MORE TIME I WILL SET

YOU ON FIRE YOU BLOODY TWO-BIT

EXCUSE FOR A DEMON!!

INUYASHA

(ignores Shippo)

(sighs)

Oh well.

(makes a move to go past the BLACK KNIGHT)

BLACK KNIGHT

None shall pass.

(as a side note, the BLACK KNIGHT is NARAKU. ^_^)

INUYASHA

Eh?

BLACK KNIGHT

I said, none shall pass.

INUYASHA

I don't want any trouble, good man,

but I must cross this bridge.

BLACK KNIGHT

Then you shall die.

INUYASHA

That's nice...but I command you,

as King of the Hanyous, to stand aside!

BLACK KNIGHT

I move for no man or demon alive.

INUYASHA

But I'm neither, I'm a hanyou.

BLACK KNIGHT

I don't move for hanyous either!!

INUYASHA

Very well then!

INUYASHA and the BLACK KNIGHT engage in BATTLE. They FIGHT for a WHILE, but then INUYASHA slashes the BLACK KNIGHT'S ARM off.

INUYASHA

Now stand aside!!

BLACK KNIGHT

(checks himself)

'Tis but a scratch!

INUYASHA

A scratch?! Your arm's off!

BLACK KNIGHT

Yeah right.

INUYASHA

Well, what's that then?

(points at the severed arm)

BLACK KNIGHT

(looks at it, then looks back at Inuyasha)

I've had worse!

INUYASHA

You lie!

BLACK KNIGHT

Come on, you pansy!!

(charges at INUYASHA again)

INUYASHA

Eyaaaah!

(slashes his OTHER ARM off)

Yes! Victory is mine!

(kneels down to pray)

Oh great Lord I thank you for-

BLACK KNIGHT

(kicks INUYASHA right in the head)

Hah! Is that the best you can do?!

INUYASHA

...what in bloody heck?!

BLACK KNIGHT

Take that!

(kicks INUYASHA)

INUYASHA

Hey! Stop that! You are indeed brave,

sir knight, but the fight is mine! Now MOVE!!!

BLACK KNIGHT

What's the matter, had enough yet?

INUYASHA

Look, stupid, you've got no arms left.

BLACK KNIGHT

Yes I have!

INUYASHA

(points at the severed arms)

Then why are they on the ground over there?!

BLACK KNIGHT

(checks himself again)

'Tis only a flesh wound!! Come on ya PANSY!!!

(kicks INUYASHA again)

INUYASHA

Hey!! Stop that!!

BLACK KNIGHT

Chicken! Chicken!! Bawk bawk bawk!!!

INUYASHA

That's IT!!

(slashes the BLACK KNIGHT's RIGHT LEG off)

BLACK KNIGHT

I'll get you for that!

INUYASHA

What in Kami-sama's name?!

BLACK KNIGHT

Come here, I'll mess you up good!!

INUYASHA

(rolls eyes)

What are you going to do, bleed on me?!

BLACK KNIGHT

I am invincible!!

INUYASHA

You're a looney!

KAGOME AND SHIPPO

As if that's a new thing...

BLACK KNIGHT

The Black Knight always truimphs!!

Get over here now!!

INUYASHA

You annoy me.

(slashes the BLACK KNIGHT's LEFT LEG off)

BLACK KNIGHT

(looks around)

Fine, we'll call it a draw.

INUYASHA

Pfffsh. Whatever you say. Come on, let's go.

INUYASHA, KAGOME, and SHIPPO cross the bridge

BLACK KNIGHT

Oh, running away, huh!! You yellow bastard!

Come back here and get what you deserve!!

I'll bite your kneecaps off!!

INUYASHA

Shaddup.

FADE IN

EXT. AN OLD STYLE RENNAISSANCE VILLAGE WITH A LARGE PLATFORM

(A KNIGHT, aka SANGO, is standing on a PLATFORM in front of a LARGE ROWDY CROWD, who apparently have found a WITCH, aka KIKYO. SANGO is in the process of tying a COCONUT to a SWALLOW when the CROWD runs up.)

RANDOM PERSON #1

We have found a witch, may we burn her?!

CROWD

BURRRRNNNN!! BURRRRNNNN!!!

SANGO

How do you KNOW that she is a witch?!

RANDOM PERSON #2

She looks like one!

CROWD

Yeah! Yeah!

SANGO

(sighs)

Show her to me, then.

KIKYO is brought to the front of the CROWD. She is wearing BLACK CLOTHING, a BLACK HAT, and has a CARROT tied to her NOSE.

SANGO

(looks at her)

Well, she may not be a witch, but she's certainly

something that rhymes with it...

LET'S BURN HER!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Suddenly, a LARGE MOOSE drops from the SKY and lands beside SANGO.

MOOSE

That's not your line!!

SANGO

Aigh!! A talking moose!! God save us!!

MOOSE

I'll go away once you say the right line!

SANGO

Umm...okay.

KIKYO

I'm not a witch!

SANGO

But you're dressed like one.

The MOOSE, satisfied that it's JOB is done for NOW, EVAPORATES.

KIKYO

THEY dressed me up like this!

(points at the crowd)

CROWD

No no no! We didn't!

KIKYO

And this isn't my real nose either!!

It's a carrot!

SANGO

(takes off the carrot)

Oh, I see then.

RANDOM PERSON #3

Well...we did do the nose.

SANGO

The nose?

RANDOM PERSON #4

...and the hat. But she is a witch!!

CROWD

BURN!! BURRRRNNNN!!!

SANGO

Did you dress her up like this?

CROWD

No!! Of course not!

(silence)

RANDOM PERSON #5

Yes...we did.

CROWD

Well...yes...we did...kinda..

RANDOM DEMON #1

But she HAS got a wart!!

SANGO

But what makes you think she is a witch?

RANDOM PERSON #6

She turned me into a slug!!

(silence)

SANGO

A slug?

RANDOM PERSON #6

Maybe it was a newt...but I got better!!

CROWD

BURN HER ANYWAY!!

BUUUUUURRRRNNNNN!!

SANGO

Be quiet! There are WAYS of telling if she is a witch or not!

CROWD

There are? TELL US!!

TELLLLL UUUUSSS!!

SANGO

Now, what do you do with witches?

CROWD

BUUURRNNN THEM!!!

BURRRRNNNNNN THEEMMMMM!!!

SANGO

And what do you burn apart from witches?

RANDOM DEMON #2

MORE WITCHES!!!

(silence)

RANDOM DEMON #3

...wood?

SANGO

Right. Now, why do witches burn?

CROWD

Because...they're...made out of wood?

SANGO

Good! Now how do we tell whether

or not she's made out of wood?

RANDOM PERSON #7

Build a bridge out of her!

SANGO

But can you not also build

bridges out of stone?

RANDOM PERSON #7

Oh...right...

SANGO

Tell me this, does wood sink in water?

CROWD

No no!! It floats!!

RANDOM DEMON #4

Throw her into the pond!!

CROWD

YEAAAHHH!!

SANGO

All right, BE QUIET!! That's NOT what I meant!

Now, what else floats in water?

RANDOM DEMON #1

Bread!

RANDOM HUMAN #1

Apples!

RANDOM HUMAN #3

Uh...very small rocks!

RANDOM DEMON #2

Children!

RANDOM HUMAN #5

Flowers!

RANDOM DEMON #10

Mud!!

RANDOM HUMAN #14

Temples! Temples!

RANDOM DEMON #156

Lead! Lead!

INUYASHA

(sighs and rolls his eyes)

DUCKS!!

(Side note: INUYASHA, KAGOME, and SHIPPO rode up some time during the previous scene.)

The crowd is silent and everyone looks at INUYASHA

SANGO

Exactly!!

(turns back to the crowd)

So, logically...

RANDOM PERSON #87

If she weighs the same as a duck...

(brief silence)

CROWD

A witch!! A WIIIITCCCCHHHH!!!

SANGO

Now, I just need a duck...

SHIPPO

Here, I'll turn into one!

(SHIPPO turns into a DUCK with a POOF)

There!

SANGO

Right! Now we shall use the largest scales!!

CROWD

Burn the witch! Burn the witch! Burn the witch!

KAGOME

BURN HER!!! BURN HER!!

(everyone looks at her)

What? I've got a vendetta against her!

They weigh KIKYO and SHIPPO and, somehow, they weigh the SAME. The CROWD storms off with KIKYO to go BURN HER. KAGOME laughs DIABOLICALLY and the AUTHORESS SMILES because now ALL IS RIGHT in the WORLD. Or so it seems...

SANGO

Who are you, wise, one, who

knows much in the ways of science?

INUYASHA

I am Inuyasha, Lord of the Demons,

Humans, and Hanyous!

SANGO

My leige!

INUYASHA

Tell me, good sir--er, MADAM knight,

would you be interested in joining

me in my court at Camelot?

SANGO

I would be honored!!

INUYASHA

(takes out his sword)

Then I dub you Sir--er Madam...umm...

What was you name?

KAGOME, SHIPPO, AND SANGO

(facefault)

SANGO

Sango, my lord.

INUYASHA

Then I dub you SIR Sango!

A Knight of the Round Table!

SANGO

But I'm a girl!

INUYASHA

Just pretend that you're not.

SANGO

(shrugs)

Whatever. But you called

me Madam twice before so-

Suddenly, the MOOSE from BEFORE drops from the SKY again

MOOSE

From now on, we shall call her Sir/Madam Sango,

and NOTHING else!!!

EVERYONE

(nods)

MOOSE

Allrighty then!

(evaporates)

NARRATOR

The wise Sir/Madam Sango was the first to join King Inuyasha's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow. Sir Sesshomaru the Brave and Allmightily Good Looking (^_^''), Sir Miroku the "Pure", and Sir Kouga the Not-Quite-So- -Brave-Or-Almightily-Good-Looking-As-Sir-Sesshomaru, who had nearly fought the Gerbil Demon of the Forest, nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and had personally wet himself at the Battle of Badon Hill. And let's not forget the aptly named Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Script. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the centuries (or maybe the decades...): the Knights of the Round Table.