Inuyasha and the Holy Tama

By ArtikGato

The end!! Wahoo!! ^____^ It's been fun writing this, and I hope you all had fun reading it! Remember that reviews are good!

Part Seven

N. Bridge of Death

O. Raging Authoresses, Llamas, and the END!! (finally!)

FADE IN

EXT. A ROCKY CANYON-ESQUE LAND

AUDIENCE

Argh!

(INUYASHA, KAGOME, SHIPPO, SANGO, SESSHOMARU, MIROKU, and KOUGA walk out of the CAVE and find themselves in another CANYON-ISH AREA. Above, there is a rickety BRIDGE. As they get closer to the BRIDGE, they notice that KIKYO is standing at the foot of the BRIDGE)

SANGO

Look! It's her!! From scene Twenty-Four!

INUYASHA

Kikyo!

KAGOME

Kikyo...

(gets a murderous glint in her eyes)

SESSHOMARU

Well, what do you know.

MIROKU

I heard that she asks you five questions-

KOUGA

Three questions!

MIROKU

-right, and if you get all five-

KOUGA

Three!

MIROKU

Will you SHUT UP?!

(attacks Kouga)

(Sesshomaru and Sango restrain him)

INUYASHA

I think he was saying that if you get all five-

KOUGA

Three!!

EVERYONE

SHUT UP!!

(conks Kouga on the head)

INUYASHA

-correct you can go across the bridge.

SANGO

What if you get a question wrong?

MIROKU

Then you are cast into the

Gorge of Eternal Peril!

EVERYONE

(SILENCE)

INUYASHA

So...who's going first?

SESSHOMARU, MIROKU, SANGO AND INUYASHA

(Push KOUGA toward the BRIDGE)

KOUGA

Why me?!

EVERYONE

You're annoying!

 KOUGA

Awww....

(goes up to the BRIDGE)

KIKYO

Stop!

(KOUGA stops)

To get past me you must answer

these questions three, 'ere the other side ye see!

KOUGA

...a-ask me the q-questions bridge keeper,
I'm not a-afraid!

KIKYO

Coulda fooled me... but anyway,

Question #1! What is your name?

KOUGA

K-kouga the b-brave!

KIKYO

Question #2! What is your quest?

KOUGA

I...umm...I seek the Holy Tama!

KIKYO

What...is the capitol of Assyria?

KOUGA

What?!

(is cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril)

AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

INUYASHA

Well...I didn't really like
Kouga that much...whose next?

SESSHOMARU

I'll go! First, I'll faint to the left,
taking her by surprise, then try to decapitate-

INUYASHA

No, no, just answer the questions!

KAGOME

(snaps her fingers)

Damn.

SESSHOMARU

Okay then.

(walks up to the bridge)

KIKYO

Stop!

(Sesshomaru stops)

To get past me you must answer

these questions three, 'ere the other side ye see!

SESSHOMARU

Ask me the questions, bridge keeper!!

I'm not afraid!

KIKYO

Question #1! What is your name?

SESSHOMARU

Sir Sesshomaru the Brave and

Almightily Good Looking of Camelot!

KIKYO

What is your quest?

SESSHOMARU

I seek the Tama!

KIKYO

What is your favorite color?

SESSHOMARU

Blue!

KIKYO

All right then.

(steps aside)

SESSHOMARU

Well, that was easy.

(starts across the bridge)

INUYASHA

All right, let's go!

INUYASHA, KAGOME, SHIPPO, MIROKU, and SANGO walk up to the bridge.

KIKYO

Stop!

(they stop)

KAGOME

I'll 'stop' you, bitch!

(lunges at her)

(Miroku and Sango hold her back)

KIKYO

To get past me you must answer

these questions three, 'ere the other side ye see!

KAGOME

Or we can NOT answer the questions

and just KILL you!! Let's kill her, Inuyasha!

INUYASHA

...ask me the questions, bridge keeper!

I'm not afraid!

KAGOME

Hey!!

INUYASHA

I'm just trying to prevent
any needless bloodshed!

KIKYO

#1! What is your name?

INUYASHA

Inuyasha, King of the Hanyous,

Humans, and Demons, of Camelot.

SANGO

Sir/Madam Sango the Wise of Camelot.

MIROKU

Sir Miroku the Pure of Camelot.

SHIPPO

Shippo the Servant of Camelot.

KAGOME

I'LL MESS YOU UP GOOD, YOU BITCH!!

KIKYO

Question #2! What is your quest?

INUYASHA

I seek the Tama!

SANGO

 I also seek the Tama!

MIROKU

I seek someone to bear my child...

AND the Tama!

SHIPPO

Inuyasha made me come,

so I also see the Tama.

KAGOME

TO SEE YOU DEAD, BITCH!!

KIKYO

What...is the airspeed velocity

of an unladen swallow?

INUYASHA

Umm...what do you mean?

European or African?

KIKYO

Eh? I don't know that!

(Kikyo is suddenly cast into the Gorge of Eternal Peril)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

KAGOME

YAY!! THE BITCH IS DEAD!!

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!

INUYASHA

Well, now that THAT is over...

let's go across the bridge!

They go over the bridge, which takes a long time as they have to carefully make their way from plank to plank or

INTERMISSION!!

                                           they'll most certainly fall through to their dooms!! They finally make it across the bridge only to find themselves in a field.

INUYASHA

Sesshomaru?

SANGO

Sesshomaru!!

MIROKU

Hey! Are you there?

(Meanwhile, Sesshomaru is in the woods by a police car, but the cops are tied to trees with duct tape and Sesshomaru appears to be making out with a familiar looking girl...)

GIRL

HEY!! You get that camera out of here!!

I command you as the authoress!

The camera suddenly spins out of control and suddenly all that can be seen is grass.

FADE IN

EXT. A FIELD WITH A CASTLE AND STUFF

(INUYASHA, KAGOME, SHIPPO, SANGO, and MIROKU walk around aimlessly)

KAGOME

What's that?

INUYASHA

Why, it's the castle of Eurrghh!

They rush up to the CASTLE.

INUYASHA

The Holy Tama must be in there!!

Our quest will soon be over!

JEAN-CLAUDE (NARAKU)

Oooo sez?

INUYASHA AND THE OTHERS

EH?!

JEAN-CLAUDE

'Allo stupid human ku-ni-guts and

Monseiur 'Ee nuu yaa sha', who has the brain of a gerbil!

We French outsmart you a second time a!

INUYASHA AND THE OTHERS

NOT THEM AGAIN!!

JEAN-CLAUDE

How you humans say, "I unclog my nose at you once more", sons and daughters of window cleaners! So, you think you could out-clever us French folk with your silly knees-bent running about advancing behavior?! I wave my private parts at your aunties, you idiotic lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters!

INUYASHA

(Bangs on the door)

OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR

YOU FRENCH BASTARDS!!

JEAN-CLAUDE

Yeah right!! I burst my pimples at you!

Your silly door-opening request shall not be acknowledged,

you tiny brained wipers of other peoples bottoms!

INUYASHA

Argh!!

The FRENCH throw EGGS at him.

THAT'S IT!!

He and his POSSE retreat.

JEAN-CLAUDE

That's right! Retreat!!

Retreat and do not advance any further, or we shall make

castanets out of your testicles and

drums out of your skulls! Ha ha!

INUYASHA

Knights, we must prepare for battle at once!

(draws the Tetsusaiga)

SANGO AND MIROKU

YEAH!!!

(Sango draws her huge boomerang and Miroku unsheathes a sword)

Suddenly, a HUGE MULTITUDE of KNIGHTS appear on the HILL above, looking all KNIGHT-ISH and STUFF.

INUYASHA

French...people! Today, the blood of many a valiant warriors shall be avenged! In the name of God, we shall not stop until each and every one of you lies dead and the Holy Tama returns to those that God himself has chosen it to belong to!

All right, men and women! CHARGE!!!

They stampede at the CASTLE and STORM it despite the EGGS being thrown at them and the fierce FRENCH TAUNTING. They SLICE the HEADS off of the FRENCH GUARDS and the French DIE. They find the HOLY TAMA at the top of the CASTLE.

INUYASHA

Yes! The Tama is finally ours!!

However, just as INUYASHA and the KNIGHTS exit the CASTLE, a swarm of COP CARS show up and ARREST THEM. SESSHOMARU is in one of the cars, and the AUTHORESS suddenly arrives, SCREAMING at the COPS to RELEASE THEM. They REFUSE, and she drops TEN LLAMAS on EACH of their HEADS. They DIE, and GOD appears in the CLOUDS above.

GOD

Good job! You've defeated the French and

gotten the Holy Tama back from them!!

Now you can live happily ever after,

because this story is officially over!

EVERYONE

YAYNESS!!!

NARRATOR

And so, everyone lived happily ever after. Inuyasha and Kagome went off and lived in Camelot with all of the cooky knights. Miroku and Sango lived happily ever after as well. Shippo went to live far FAR away from Inuyasha. Sesshomaru and the Authoress also lived happily ever after. All of the other important characters were dead, so they DIDN'T live happily ever after.

THE END!!!