You blink.

You readjust yourself as your senses return from your recent scrying. Your disorientation quickly passes thanks to your robot body, one of the boons of abandoning your humanity for your ecto-father's creation. You sit up from your sleeping position, your body making a creaking noise as you do. Better get that checked. A quick glance around reveals the room is exactly as you left it.

The White Room, as you call it, is a stark white room, from its furniture including the bed you're sitting on to the very walls themselves. You smile as you remember Dirk's bewildered face when you said that you're going to modify one of the bedrooms of the spaceship into… well, this. He doesn't really understand why, but he let you do it anyway.

It was quite a stroke of luck when during one of your visions you discovered a way to narratively jam Dirk's control over you, since it weakens any narrator's imagination. In any case, now you have a room truly all to yourself to use as you see fit. Such as immersing yourself in your newly found Ultimate Self visions. With your new Robot Body capable of handling the near infinite streams of information going into you, the visions are actually rather informative and entertaining diversions.

Good god you need diversions, because YOU.



Being an Ultimate Self certainly has its advantages, and it's not like you miss your humanity... but transcending beyond your petty problems brought about a whole new one.


It's not as if this is the first time you've been stuck on a space vessel with limited options for socialization and entertainment, but Dirk is… not good company. Terezi is a much more pleasant person to interact with at least, but she's still coping with…

You shake your head. No, you're not dwelling on that particular matter. Instead, you prepare yourself for another immersion in one of your visions. You lie back on the bed and close your eyes. Hopefully your next vision is going to be better than the last one you had. You cringe when you remember that in that universe you were making out heavily with… Dave.


To make matters worse, in that universe you were an actual brother and sister, raised together, none of that ectoslime bullshit Skaia made. In any case, when the making out was going dangerously close to NOPE territory, you returned to your body immediately. But now you're ready for another trip.

You visualize yourself floating in an endless void of darkness. Then, light. First one pops up in the distance, then another, until what seems like a million points of light surround you. These are your windows into another universe, which you've been using lately to be rid of your boredom.

You briefly scan the random assorted universes laid bare before you. By focusing briefly on one of them, you can get a brief understanding of what it will entail, the last of which somehow glossed over the fact that you and Dave are lovers. Jegus, your powers could have warned you about that.

You pick a promising one that showed you and your friends going up against what you think is you wife- ex-wife Kanaya, except she's apparently a Mothman? Interesting, but perhaps later. You do your Light thing and make that particular world go brighter, allowing you to revisit it at a later date.

You scan faster now… a universe where Skaia didn't exist, where Karkat and his friends ran away from the Condesce and crash landed on earth… a universe where you and your friends are high school students trapped in a battle royale where only one of you can survive… a universe where the Black King and Queen won and killed its players… a universe about people you don't know about but seem to be a version of Earth playing SBURB...

You frown. No, you've had enough of Skaia and all of its renditions for awhile. Dirk won't shut up about his plans for the most important session ever and you're trying to get away from that for awhile. Perhaps you're in the mood for something more down to earth, less… heavy. You absentmindedly reach for some candy hidden in one of the compartments of your body before realizing you're in astral form. You mentally scold yourself as you scan further.

Older Dirk and Dave in a horrible non-romantic relationship? While watching a relationship crash and burn has its merits, so much nope. Maybe later when you're feeling particularly masochistic. Dave and Karkat replacing the roles of Jack and Rose from Titanic? Worth watching, but you are really not in a Dave mood right now. Whose life do you want to spy on now...

You pause for a moment, before using the name you're thinking of as a keyword to scan. Points of lights dim as universes without that keyword disappear from your selection. You randomly select one of the remaining ones and dive in.

… an old man sits in a chair in a living room, with a daughter he doesn't love cooking for him in his kitchen. He contemplates leaving to look for his missing wife once again…

You exit the universe. No, not that one. Another one. You select a universe at random again and dive.

… a boy sits in front of a computer chatting with his friends, unaware that he is caught in a time loop from which there is no escape…

You exit immediately and you keep diving in and out.

… a young man contemplates ending his life as he jumps between manic and demented phases of his life...


… a young man and a young woman say their last goodbyes as the Lord of Time laughs amidst a sea of corpses…


… a grim man has just finished killing the rainbow walker, second after his old friend the Seer of-


You sit up straight, panting, despite your robotic body not needing to. You're back in the room, forcefully ending your latest session. You hold your face within your palms, angry that you can't even cry.

There has to be at least one!

There has to...

He has to have a happy ending! Somewhere, somehow, because if not out there, then that means all he has is here, and here he is dead!


Because of you!

ROSEBOT: I'm sorry John.

ROSEBOT: I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy.

There. You finally said it out loud. You'd think achieving your ultimate self would let you finally come to terms with it. God knows you've made peace of your separation from Kanaya (never mind the sheer amount of visions of your ex-wife you have stashed for your viewing pleasure, and the fact that you sometimes keep track of her efforts to pursue you and Dirk)

But John…

No, you're being irrational. You've seen him happy in some of your visions. Like that one timeline where he never fought Lord English. Well, for a given value of happy. He's at least making amends with Roxy and reconnecting with his estranged son. That said, the planet is in the middle of a massive civil war so…

But the truth of the matter is, it doesn't matter how many happy alternate Johns there are out there. It does jackshit for your John, the one that you want to make happy. Your John, who sacrificed his life so that you can everyone else can keep existing. Your John, who got done dirty by Dirk's obsession with being relevant… and to a certain extent, your need to get rid of your headaches. The only John that truly matters.

Yes you've certainly played a part in all this. While it's true Dirk manipulated everybody, particularly you and your susceptibility to outside sources of information (a problem which you've since taken steps to eliminate), but you are definitely complicit in all of this. Nevermind your futile attempts in preventing his narrative death by Cherubim kind-of-Vore with the ring of Life (fuck you very much Meenah), you could have outright said "oh by the way John, make sure you FUCKING DODGE HIS GOLDEN TOOTH! TURN INTO THE WIND OR SOMETHING!"

You calm yourself. What's done is done. You still feel like imbibing massive amounts of Alcohol, but even though there's no Spiderbitch around to stop you this time, your inhuman body prevents you from being piss drunk.

You lift your head out of your palm, and you move out of the bed, choosing instead to seat yourself on the table. Much better. You rest your chin on one hand as your fingers make clanking noises as they tap your cheek.

It's not as if you can blame John either, as you recall your other self that fought Lord English died without contributing a single thing. Other than as a warning not to mess around and that Lord English is playing for keeps this time. The final pivotal battle was an absolute mess, he probably didn't have time to dodge the fatal attack. He did the best he could considering the circumstances.

Then again, maybe you should have written down wear the Ring of Life at all times on his instructions. But that's all in the past, and it was necessary to canonize yourself and everyone and everything. Whether it had to be done in that exact way it went down though… lately you've been having doubts about it.

You stew in your own thoughts for a few seconds more before suddenly slamming a fist on the table. Thankfully it was sturdy enough to handle your new strength. More importantly is the conclusion you reached that caused you to do that. Fuck Dirk. Fuck Dirk and fuck his bullshit most important SBURB session. He wants to control this session, fine, so do you, though for different reasons he won't discover until it's too late.

You are not, however, going to let John rot a second longer. He earned his happy ending goddammit. If it's going to take your intervention and making your plans more complicated, well, then so be it. Already your powers are working overtime, flooding you with information of several ways to resurrect him. You stand up suddenly, threatening to knock over the chair you were sitting on. A momentary check on Dirk confirms he's sleeping, and another check tells you Terezi is sleeping as well. You stealthily make your way from the White Room to Terezi's sleeping spot, for lack of a better word.

As usual, Terezi sleeps in a haphazard manner, though that's a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. Her shoes are once again laid out in disarray, assorted junk surrounds her thin frame and she's curled up on the floor clutching the...

The wallet.

Gingerly, you tiptoe closer to your fellow Seer, making sure to avoid stepping on something that would make too much noise. Once you're close enough, you spread apart the fingers that held your prize, and you claim it. Success! However, this is merely the first step of many, and by far one of the easiest. You retrace your steps exactly, and you were about to leave your perfect crime scene behind when a noise made you turn around.

You know that noise, you've spent many a sleepless night within earshot of that noise. That is the unmistakable sleep call of a female troll. A snore, in other words. You observe from a safe distance, and you see Terezi turning and slightly moaning constantly. Poor girl. She didn't deserve what life has thrown her way. It'll still be some time until she decides to answer Vriska's messages, but until then she'll be miserable. Unless...

You check Dirk once again to make sure he's still sleeping, and you begin.

Terezi continues to toss and turn, a restless sleep thanks to the nightmares she has. But then, she starts to calm down. After a few moments pass, she begins to smile, and if you listen closely, you can even hear her trademark H33 H33. What brought about this sudden change? Perhaps it's a change of dreams from a nightmare to a wonderful one.

But what, you may ask, is her dream that brought her so much joy and contentment? Dreams of her early days in Alternia? The times spent with her ex-matesprit Karkat? A What-If scenario where everything went right in their SGRUB session? Her long awaited reunification with Vriska? Or perhaps spending time with her newly found paramour John.

But for now, Terezi rests, and dreams a happy little dream.

Phew. Been awhile since you flexed your narrative muscles. Last time was… controlling the wind to move a bridal bouquet. Still, it's the least you could do for Terezi. Admittedly, you haven't been the best cohost for her, but once you're done, she'll be thankful.

You leave the sleeping Troll alone as you process your next steps in resurrecting your dead friend. You briefly ponder if you should be more upset holding his dead body, but crying in grief won't do him any good. Not that you can anyway. You will need everything you can give for this particular quest you chose to do.

One thing's for sure, you think, smiling all the way. You're not going to be bored anytime soon. With a renewed sense of purpose, you make your way to your next destination.