Author's note: Ok…this is one of my very first fics, this idea struck me when I was listening to Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life". That song is soooooooooo cool! I THINK it was the theme song in DareDevil…I'm not sure…This fic is mainly about Zell, or to be precise, Zell and Seifer…*evil grin* I already told you that this is one of my first fics, so please be nice… Reviews, will be GREATLY appreciated, and reviewers, will be worshipped like gods…just kidding…^_^

Legend: Words in italics, are obviously thoughts, or to softly emphasize, whatever that means…while words in bold, are to emphasize, or for any other obvious reason. ~*~*~ means transfer of character, obviously enough…

Warnings: If you want to read something that will stimulate your mind and enrich your vocabulary, or probably anything that a sane person would write, stay far away, I mean FAR AWAY, from my fics, for these fics can cause permanent brain damage and most likely insanity. Well…other warnings are: Shounen-ai / yaoi / a bit of angst / lemon (note: none right now, probably in next chapters) / foul language / some MAJOR OOC / and some other stuff that might not be pleasant for children…if you don't like those stuff, I advise you to leave now.

Disclaimer: Do we even need this? I mean, if I owned Zell, Seifer and all the other ff8 characters, then I wouldn't need to write in, I would also be writing my own book by now! Anyway, Squaresoft, owns all those cool characters, not me, so don't sue me.

Chapter 1


As I opened my eyes, I saw none other than Fujin, one my trusted friends. And beside her was Raijin my other friend. I slowly got up and head to the shower.

"Do you mind leaving for a while? I prefer to shower alone."


"We'll be waitin for you at the cafeteria, it's usually crowded there at this time, ya know?"

"Fine, just wait for me there ok!"

I heard the door slam shut after a few seconds. I usually don't mind them being around but today is a special day and I need some time to think. For today is the day that I take my final exams to pass as a SeeD. You might be shocked, but after the whole Ultimecia and Sorceress' knight crap, they all forgave me and accepted me back into the garden on one condition: I don't cause any more trouble than necessary. Of course I agreed, what else could I do if I didn't decide to become a SeeD candidate again. Besides, my only 2 best friends are here and that someone is still here and I have no other place to go.

I finished my shower, quickly put on my shirt, pants, shoes and my infamous gray trench coat. I walked on the corridor…and I passed by him while he was shadowboxing…He looks serious every time he trains. I quickly walked by him as to avoid my urge to tease him. I promised myself that I wouldn't tease and annoy him for the entire day because it might mess up my thinking when I take my final exam.

I reached the canteen and sat between Fujin and Raijin. Raijin was already on his 5th plate of food while Fujin was just sipping some tea.

"Hey, so what's on the menu?"


"Well, there's ya hotdogs, some burgers and some soup, the usual, ya know?"

"Oh, I'll have some hotdogs and a cup of coffee. Get it for me, will you Raijin?"

"Uh, sure boss!"


You might think I'm taking advantage of my friends, ordering them around like that, but that's where you're wrong. We've been through a lot, they more or less know what makes me tick. They know everything about me… well, except that "thing" or should I say someone. I don't bother telling them about that… because…I'm… afraid of what they might think of me. Yes, you heard that right, Seifer Almasy is afraid of what his friends might think of him when they know he's gay. And yes, the Sorceress' Knight falls for guys.

Raijin gave me my food, I thanked him. He was staring at something when I turned to look what he was staring at, he was staring at him. And he was looking at me. I panicked and look the other way. Raijin saw what I did…

"Seif, we're your best friends, we know you like the back of our palms, we know about him, ya know?"

I looked at Fujin.


"We don't care whether you go for girls or guys, we're your pals! We're behind ya 100%, ya know?"

"I know…I just…didn't know…if I…" Fujin, stopped me in mid-sentence and said…



After I woke up, I went straight for the shower then to the training center. After beating the hell out of a couple of grats, I took it easy and went outside to do some shadowboxing. A few minutes went by, Seifer passed, Uh-oh! Not today…! And as if he read my mind he walked by me without saying a word. Phew! Thank goodness! Back to my shadowboxing! Selphie also passed by, I greeted her, she greeted me.


"Hey! Isn't it too early for you to be training?"

"Course not, its never too early to get my muscles toned up!"

*Yawn* "If you say so! Hey, you hungry?"

"Hmmm… ya, now that you mention it"

I went with her to the cafeteria, I was hoping to get my daily dose of hotdogs to give me the energy I need for the day! When I reached the cafeteria, I fell in line and I saw Raijin in line too, he was eyeing me curiously so I looked at him too. He gave the plate of food he was carrying to Seifer. And I saw Seifer looking at me too. When he saw me looking at him he looked away. There is something fishy going on…and I want to know what it is…hmmm… maybe I can make Selphie go on a gossiping excursion and find out what they're up to…

"Hey! How many hotdogs do you want?"

"Huh, what?"

"Looks like you're in deep thought, wait a minute… you don't use your brain, unless you're eating! Ok, tell me what's going on?"

"Fine, you go get a seat, I'll bring this"

I grabbed a lot of hotdogs when I reached our seat and as I sat down, I already finished 2 of 'em! I sat down next to Selphie and she asked me what that was all about.

"Ok, let's get straight to the point, what's going on?"

"Well, this may sound farfetched but I think Seifer and his gang are up to something…"

"What do you mean up to something?"

"I mean he and Raijin was staring at me back at the counter!"

"Oh, that" *giggle*

"What?! Do you know something that I don't?!"

*giggle* "You mean you haven't noticed?!"

"Haven't noticed what?!"

"Oh" *giggle* "You'll know when the right time comes"

"Come on Selphie!"

What the hell was she talking about?! I thought talking to her would help me out, but no, instead it pisses me of! Sure, Seifer didn't torture me today, but Selphie is hiding something and I want to know, NOW!


I can't believe Zell still doesn't know! Hahaha! Poor Zell!

"Come on Selphie!"

*giggle* "This is gonna be so cool!"


He saw me staring at him and now he's talking to Selphie about it. He is so predictable. And it looks like Selphie isn't helping him out as expected. It looks like as though Selphie is laughing her head off…No way…could she? Could she have noticed? Perhaps…but I don't think Selphie is the one who would go telling him, she's one of those type who wants to play cupid most of the time. Oh…I remember now, she caught me staring at him several times during class…when I would stop looking at him and I would glare at her, she would just wink at me…oh well, she obviously knows…

I glanced at my watch, 5 minutes till 9 am; I have to get to the classroom for my first test.

"Have to go, first exam in 5 minutes"


"Thanks! Bye!"


"Bye Seif! Good luck!"

I entered the classroom and sat on my seat. Quistis was already there and was waiting for the other students to arrive. I still find it hard to believe that Quistis fell for that horny cowboy. I thought she would have preferred Squall or something, but I guess with her whip and Irvine's thirst for sex…it doesn't seem too impossible. Speaking of Squall, he's happily married to Rinoa…even though most of the time Squall would ignore her constant rambling they get along pretty well. Fujin and Raijin, one of the most expected couples, are doing fine, Selphie is going out with this girl from Galbadia garden, and yes, she's a lesbian. Xu used to go out with Quistis, Nida used to go out with Squall and now, since Xu and Nida are both heartbroken they went with each other. Weird isn't it? You would never have expected that the commander and Quistis to be bisexual. Well, that's what makes the world an interesting place to live in. So, in other words, it's only him and me that are still loveless. The moment I saw him while we were fighting our final battle, I gave up all hope of ever finding love. I saw all the hate and anger in his eyes, it made me hate myself so much that I tried to commit suicide. But of course, the dear Sorceress wouldn't allow that, she still needs me to be her puppet.

Quistis broke my trail of thought when she handed me the exam. I browsed at it and found it to be easy. Finished it within 30 minutes. I passed my paper and had it checked. I got an A and was proud of it! Now, to my next test! I still had 30 minutes free since I finished my test quickly. I decided to pay a visit to the training center to calm my brain. As I walked down the corridor, I saw him running as fast as he can to the elevator. He was sweating and he looked very worried. Behind him was Selphie, she also looked a bit worried, I asked her what was happening…

"What's going on?"

She gave me some sort of look, she wasn't teasing or anything even though she knew, she even looked happy or relieved to see me, I was confused…

"Seifer, thank goodness you're here. You see, Zell was called to Squall's office, Squall said it was about his mom, he sounded serious so Zell became worried and rushed upstairs"

"What do you think happened?"

" I don't know, why don't you come with me?"

Before I can even answer she dragged me along with her. I don't mind coming but what will he think, I mean he's already suspicious of me… We reached Squall's office, we could hear someone sobbing. Without thinking I barged into the door and I saw Zell sobbing softly as he was talking on the phone. I saw a single tear come down from his eyes. At that instant I felt so sorry for him…Selphie and I talked to Squall, Squall beckoned us to go outside. He eyed me curiously as if wondering what the hell I was doing there.

"Squall, he's here to help, so tell us what happened?"

"Tsk, fine, the hospital in Dollet called and said that a train accident happened. No one was seriously injured, but unfortunately Ms. Dincht was at the wrong place at the wrong time, the train was having trouble with the brakes, so the train flipped and Ms. Dincht was the one crushed under the weight of the whole train. She went to Dollet to visit some relatives…the doctors are doing everything they can to save her"

I know I couldn't feel the pain he is feeling right now. I hope she pulls through, because if she doesn't I don't know how Zell's gonna take it, she's the only family he's got.

"Poor Zell… I wonder how he's gonna feel…"

"Pretty bad of course, how would you feel if a huge train crushed the only person you love?!"


"Stop it Seifer, it's already bad as it is, don't make it worse."

"But I'm not!"

I saw my watch and I remembered that I have another test in a few minutes. I rushed to our classroom, while hoping that Zell's mom is okay.


What did I do to deserve this?! I was good, I made some mistakes, but I'm only human! What's going to happen to me? I ran as fast as I can out of the office and out of the garden, I didn't care who I bumped into, all I cared was to get to Dollet as fast as possible. I took the Ragnarok without permission, I'll deal with my punishment later. I flew it until I reached Dollet. I hired a cab to take me to the hospital. I talked to a couple of nurses to show me the way. Her room number was 516. I knocked on the door softly. I heard a voice on the other side. I saw the doctor and I asked him about her condition…

"Doc…so… um…is she gonna…live?" I choked back on my last word. I was so scared of knowing what the answer might be…

He looked neutral, so I wasn't sure if it was a "yes" or a "no".

"I am very sorry to tell you this…"

"No…it can't be…no…I won't accept this…"

"I'm sorry but there was too much blood loss…"

I clutched her hand…her hand was still warm…

"Ma…you've got to live…I can't…no…I won't…there must be something I can do!"

"I'm sorry, it's just her time to leave…"

"No…Ma! Ma! Wake up! You've got to be kidding!"

The doctor just bowed his head in silence…

I couldn't take it anymore, I ran and ran…to where? I didn't care, I let my feet bring me to my destination. I stopped for breath in front of a bar, I checked my pocket, enough for a few…dozen bottles…


This is my last test. Since that event in Squall's office I've taken quite a number of tests, I mostly got A's I got 2 B's but I don't care. I have to concentrate and rush to Dollet.

After the test, I couldn't take my mind off him. I knew there was something wrong and it's not only because of his mom. I looked for Selphie, and I found her in the cafeteria.

"Any news? Have you seen him? Is he in Dollet? How is he? Does he need any help? What about his mom?"

"Slow down! I last seen him in the office but he ran away just after you left, he also took the Ragnarok with him. He didn't say where he was going but he's most likely in Dollet."

I didn't bother listening to her anymore as I rushed out of the cafeteria.


"What?! I'm in a hurry here!"

"I know…"

"Know what?"

"About you liking him"


"Don't worry! I know you can take care of him!"


After that I was sort of shocked… I already had a hunch she knew but I didn't know that she approved of me…but still I was happy. Stop thinking about what she thinks and start hurrying to where he is! I had to keep my mind focused on my destination. Let's see…A train from Balamb will cost…I'll probably get there by…midnight…that's too late…but I have to hurry…

Author's note: Ok…that's it for the first chapter…I know I may sound a bit… formal…well…I don't really know… maybe I'm just a little paranoid…oh well! I'm just new to the writing business. Reviews, as I said before will be greatly appreciated, while reviewers will be given a 10-foot statue in their honor. (Statue is void to all beings of planet earth.)