If you asked me whether I'd rather go to the movies, or be exorcising cursed spirits… Well, the answer should be clear. This was not how I wanted to spend my nights, and yet I had an obligation.
"Shit!" I shouted as I blew through the sheet rock wall. Smashing through the wall itself didn't really hurt, old age had made it brittle. What did hurt though, was the punch that sent me flying into it like a looney tunes character.
At this point I was regretting not bringing my actual weapon. The stronger spirits, like this one, were typically found far from civilization. Mountainous regions, dark spooky forests, caves and the like. So I naively figured a pair of holy hand wraps and a simple prayer would be enough to pound whatever lurking spirits were here out.
As you can tell by now, I was wrong.
Although I shouldn't have been surprised, Greendale was surrounded by dark creepy forests, and even had a freaky mining cave. It was complete with the cliche terrible accident that left dozens trapped and many dead. I'd even exorcised a few myself.
Not only that, but Greendale practically prided itself on being spooky year round. What a bizarre place.
"See now, that I am he. There is no God, but me," I began to recite a prayer. A much lengthier one than planned on, but it was necessary.
The marked hand wraps I wore began to glow a brilliant blue, the Hebrew engravings seeming to shine with power. "I shall go kill, and I shall let live. I harm, and I heal."
Out of either pure aggression, or realizing that I was up to something. A grotesque humanoid figure launched itself at me, zipping straight through the hole it created with my body. Despite its incredible speed and long arms, it wasn't able to hit me.
"There are none who shall escape from my grasp," I circled the monster, delivering a tight hook to its warped body. The deceptively heavy blow tore straight through whatever it made contact with, burning my target upon contact. "And none who shall escape from my sight."
I kept close, ducking under the long arms and swayed away from the terribly sharp teeth that snapped at my neck. "Be crushed!" My hands were practically bathed in blue flames by this point in the prayer and I waited until the very last moment to slam a punishing uppercut into the cursed creature as it once more aimed to take a bite out of me.
The blow was so powerful the beast did a full backflip before crashing to the floor. It hissed and writhed on the floor in pain as holy flames began to sear away at its flesh.
"Those defeated, those grown old… I welcome you." I mounted my target, catching a desperate swipe of its claws at the forearm. With my extra hand I grabbed hold of its head, subduing in such a manner that it looked like I was blessing it.
Well, technically it was a blessing.
"Devote yourself to me, learn from me, obey me and you can rest." The blue fire grew more intense, spreading down the restrained arm I had in my grasp and engulfing the head of the screeching best beneath me. "I am light, and shall relieve all your burdens. Ask forgiveness, I the reincarnation shall swear. You are forgiven."
By the end of my prayer, there were only ashes beneath me. The struggling and screeching stopped long ago, but finishing the prayer was absolute. It was the only way for this poor soul to move on. Their only chance at rest.
Standing up straight I breathed out heavily and dusted off the casual clothes I wore. The inscribed hand wraps I wore had dulled until they were finally nothing more than marked cloth. Despite the action they'd just seen, they couldn't be any more pristine. Same couldn't be said of my regular clothes.
They were dirtier than all hell.
"Welp, jobs done. I think I deserve a reward, if I do say so myself." I walked myself out of the building and stretched my fingers, letting my hands feel fresh air. It was chilly out but my jacket pockets were a better way to keep warm, more discreet too.
I briefly contemplated going home to change before shrugging. If it was on the way, it'd be a different story but I couldn't be helped to care. After having a fight to the death with an unholy spirit, if I wanted my milkshake from Dr. Cerberus's now then I'd get it now.
The walk was peaceful, enjoyable even. Greendale was certainly a mystery, an epicenter of the occult it felt like. But for the year that I had already been here, I'd never felt more at peace. Sure school was boring, and the jocks were bullies, and I didn't have much friends…
When I really thought about it, maybe it wasn't so great?
Generally speaking, the people were nice. Excluding the school jocks, they were jerks. The best thing was the freedom that came with being stationed here. When I wasn't officially on the clock, I could do whatever I wanted!
Provided I kept up appearances, I was a dog with no leesh.
Walking up to the diner/bookstore, I picked a pair of small round rimmed glasses from my jacket pocket and placed them over my eyes. The frames were thin, and the lenses were tinted a slight yellow that darkened in the sunlight.
The glasses weren't exactly prescription, but they were standard for exorcists of my kind. It was important to be able to closely observe things, and having glasses did a remarkably good job of hiding where exactly I was looking. At least, it did as long as I wasn't face to face with someone.
"It's way more crowded than I thought it would be…" suddenly, I was regretting not changing clothes.
The door chimed as I opened it, but it was hardly distinguishable over the chattering of the building's occupants. Snagging a solo booth, I ordered my choco milkshake (to go) and began to wait.
I pulled out my phone and sent a message to my handler, for nights like this one I was supposed to fill them in. It was essentially just me reporting to my boss and they would file that away. Every now and then I'd get specific orders and targets to clear, but for the time being my goal was just to make sure no serious spirits or demons began to fuck with the natural order of things.
Oh, and witches were also on the to look out for list. But what're the chances I run into a witch here…? They're rare enough as it is, and surely I would know when I saw one right?
God, I hope there are no witches here. I'm not that kind of exorcist, and I didn't want to be. Those guys had some serious problems, if I never had to see one of them again I'd be more than happy.
"Woah, Damien! Fancy seeing you here!" Hearing my name called out, I instinctually looked to where I'd heard it from.
"Sabrina! Aaaand friends!" I acknowledged the short blond girl that called out to me with a wave. With her, the entourage of buddies she normally hung with. As far as school friends went, Sabrina was probably the closest thing I had to one. Her friends not so much, but that wasn't due to me disliking them or them disliking me (I think). We'd just never really gotten the chance to get aquatinted.
Directly next to her was her boyfriend, Harvey Dent- err, Kinkle. A tall guy with messy brown hair, that was usually a pretty stand up guy.
Behind her were the last two of her group, first was Rosalind. She was a young well spoken African American girl that seemed to have a strong sense of justice. She got brownie points for having circular rimmed glasses, just like me. Unfortunately, I could see that the cause of her poor eyesight wasn't as simple as a natural disease or genetic disorder.
The poor girl was cursed, the type that I wasn't able to dispel. From what I was able to discern, this was passed down to the women in her family for generations. Since she was born with this curse, it had practically bonded to her very being. There was nothing I could do to help with the techniques I knew.
Lastly, a shorter girl named Susie. A real tomboy if I'd ever seen one, but a good person nonetheless. They shared the same plight of being targeted by the football players, so she was cool in my book.
Although, I sympathize with her specifically. Getting picked on was a real bother, but I never really felt scared or anxious by it. It was only an annoyance because, if I really wanted to, I was more than capable of fighting back and winning. The only reason I didn't was to keep up appearances and the fact that I didn't want to make a scene.
Susie wasn't like me. She wasn't combat trained, tested and refined. She was just a girl living her life and was subject to ruthless bullying just because she looked boyish. I couldn't imagine what it felt like to feel that helpless.
"Are you alright?" Harvey asked, "You look pretty rough." He pointed out my filthy clothes and dirty face.
I threw my hands up in a relaxed manner, "No worries, I've never been better! Just craving something sweet is all."
"Are you sure, if you got into some trouble you can tell us. We can help, you know." Sabrina doubled down on her boyfriend's question.
I'd nearly forgotten what a bleeding heart Sabrina Spellman was. It was damn near her defining trait, and I can't say I disliked it. This part of her was the reason we'd actually met.
Sabrina, although small, was remarkably feisty. It was the first week of my high school life and as a freshmen I was an easy target. The jocks from the upper classes had made it a point to haze a few freshies, like I myself am. I was halfway in a locker when Sabrina stormed through and put a stop to it.
Ever since then, we'd chat in the halls every now and then. She even checked up on me to make sure the bullying wasn't going too far (though she insisted all bullying was too far).
Now that I thought about it, maybe that was why I still got picked on to this day? Interesting…
But she took it upon herself as a sophomore to help out me as a freshman and that was much appreciated. I wouldn't exactly call us friends, but we weren't not friends either.
"No trouble at all, I went on hunt! A ghost hunt to be precise."
Harvey shivered and shook his head in disgust, "Eugh!"
Sabrina oh'ed, "Right, you are into that kind of thing, aren't you! You made the occult research club didn't you?"
I nodded with a smile, "That's right. It's not an official club though, I couldn't get a teacher sponsor and it's kinda just me." I clarified.
"So, where'd you hunt? There's been rumors lately that the old office building in the east side of town was haunted." Ros asked curiously.
That's precisely why I investigated it, cursed spirits like the one I dealt with tonight are made by humans when they start rumors like that. There are many types of spirits but the most common ones are vengeful souls of the dead and spirits willed into existence by cultivating a mass belief in them.
It's exactly why I set up the occult research club in the first place. Not only did I have an information network in the gossip that people shared, but I could check it out without being suspicious! I'm a genius!
"I'd heard those too! So I decided to go check it out for myself…" I paused to add dramatic effect.
"And?" They asked in near unison.
"And I can confirm that that building is… not haunted!" Not any more, it wasn't.
Sabrina clapped to herself, "Well that sure sounds fun, maybe one day all of us could go check out one of those spots?"
I chuckled, "I don't know about that, Harvey looks pale just thinking about it. Besides, it's actually pretty boring. Fact is, I've never gotten to see any of the ghosts." I lied. I'd been the one to exorcise them all.
As if on cue, my milkshake arrived in a nice styrofoam cup with a pretty red straw sticking out the top. Standing and taking a powerful sip, I got ready to say my goodbyes.
"Did you come alone? You can sit with us if you want! We're just ganna talk horror films." Sabrina invited the lone teen.
Ros nodded, "Yea we just saw that new flick at Paramount, think of it as a cinematic breakdown of sorts."
If it was another day, I might agree. But considering I didn't see the movie and I'd be 5th wheeling, I'd inevitably be left out.
"I appreciate the offer, but I've really gotta jet. Got a project due that I haven't even started, hopefully the sugar will give me some energy."
Roz and Sabrina frowned, "Are you su-?" Sabrina began, but Harvey was able to read in between the lines for her and helped me out.
"Alright dude, see ya later then. Get that project done, we're rootin' for ya." Like I said, stand up guy.
"Thanks Dent! I'll be sure to ace it!" A slipped out of the store, barely hearing Harvey's confusion.
"Why does he always call me that?" Haha! Poor guy, he's never read a Batman comic!
Sooooo… This is something I've kinda been into. Not really sure how I want this to play out, but let's try to not take ourselves very seriously here.
I want to make it very clear, I don't know all the lore behind Archie comics and Sabrina so I'm mostly writing this along with the Netflix show while adding my own devices and 'lore' (if you wanna call it that) to it. If you're just an absolute savant, I'm sorry if there are any inconsistencies but you've been warned. This is just something fun for me to write when I'm feeling motivated.