A.N- hi readers this chapter is edited, posting more chapters soon!
People often wish for eternity, never thinking of the consequences. I guess I humored the idea when that question was asked. "Who would you spend eternity with?" Now I wonder if I'll spend eternity alone, or if someone could love me. I guess eternity isn't all that glorious.
"Ellie, you don't have to do this. I'm sure Bella's fine."
I turn my head. My golden eyes hold no emotion, just a strained sense of hunger. Things had changed since the...incident, and I didn't know how long I could keep sneaking out at night to feed on bunny rabbits and raccoons.
Sighing, I closed my eyes, trying to drown out the world around me. But all I kept hearing was My mother's blood pulse through her body.
"Mom it's fine, I kinda need a change of scenery Ya know...after Erin died..." I cringe from the vivid memory that slides into my brain. Leaning my head toward the window. The traces of sunlight that touch along my skin that sparkle and glimmers. At least I don't have to worry about sunburns anymore now that I am a disco ball. I chuckle darkly at the thought and staring out the car window.
Hearing Bella sigh from the seat beside me brings me out of my thoughts and back to the sounds and smells of my family. I pop my headphones back in my ears. Blasting the music, and holding my breath to fight the hunger eating away at me.
This is my reality.
Ever since that summer night, my life has become a nightmare. Though I am not the type to wallow in self-pity. No, I am more pissed than anything. Angry at the one that made me what I am. Angry at the world for causing this to happen.
Change is something I have never seemed to be able to handle well. Ever since I was a kid, if there was any disconnect to the routine I had set in mind, it would cause me copious amounts of anxiety. I guess that same anxiety crossed over to my immortality.
For the past few months I've had to stay holed up in my room, from fear of myself, the only time I find calm is when everyone is asleep in the house, hunting was becoming a form of copping, ripping something to shreds, relieving that toxic burn that runs down my throat, going back to my animalistic instincts makes me sick to my stomach but I can't help but feel better every time I walk into the crisp dry Arizona night.
I tap my leg, a nervous tick I've always had. The heavy beat of metal music somewhat soothes the anger that crept up my skin.
"Where he-" I rush out of the car wanting to get this over with.
my face scrunched as my senses are bombarded with carbon admissions, sweaty people, and garbage. Phoenix international airport, where I would spend the next couple of hours with Bella in a plane, cramped inside a tin can like a bunch of sardines.
It seemed the fates didn't totally curse me though. Thankfully, my dad lives in one of the wettest places in the continental US. Since my mom has a new sugar daddy "baseball boi" to spend all her time traveling with! Finally, after this, I can be left the hell alone.
Grabbing my forest green backpack and duffle, I make my way with my family toward baggage claim. The stewardess smile, Checking Bella and me in. She keeps glancing at me, puffing her chest and trying to get those subtle touches as I hand over my suitcase. My eyes wander to her neck hearing her blood ring through her ! I look away, swallowing the venom pooling in my mouth.. I refuse to be the monster I have become.
I practically glare at every being in the room. My body stiff, clenched. I haven't been in a room with so many people in months. It is overwhelming and this woman is not helping.
my only sanity came from that anger I hold on to. Anger is my motivator. My anchor. The more I think about ripping the stewardess's jugular out, the more determined I was to prove to myself that I could be normal again. If only I tried more.
When we reached security my mother gave me and my sister a big hug. I breathed in her scent one last time. It was enticing, yet comforting, like a floral rose and vanilla. It reminded me that I would always have a home even if Renee was moving herself. Even if I outlived her as an eternal sixteen year old. I would always find a home in her scent.
I smiled. Something I haven't done in months.
"Bye, mom," I said to her.
"Be sure to call, Ellie." She pointed to Bella. "And you make sure he calls."
I rolled my eyes as they gave each other a tight hug. I hear Bella say "I will."
"Come on bellsprout. We got a flight to catch." I stated as calmly as I could, but even I winced at how harsh my voice sounds.
Bella nodded. We wave to our mother while walking toward security. I took off my headphones, placed my clunky iPod in the plastic carrier and slid my backpack off. My eyes glanced quickly all around to each point of glass where light could seep through. Thankfully, security was heavily guarded and no windows were present until we made it through.
I slid my hoodie off, knowing it was just protocol and heard the person beside me gasp, her heart racing. I sent them a glare, which made the woman gasping beside me a signal that I wasn't impressed by her gawking. I looked at Bella who looked equally as flabbergasted.
"What?" I glare.
Bella bites her lip, sliding her hair behind her ear. "Nothing. I just didn't know you worked out?"
I sigh at Bella's comment. I have always been the more athletic of the two of us but I never went seeking sports teams or anything like that. When I became a vampire, my muscles became more defined. Sturdier. Now my once decent arms bulged out of my white tee. My hands and forearms were more veiny. Why I need veins, I didn't know.
I was considered average as a human you could say, I had a bit of an ache problem, a bit of a crooked nose, with an average build and an above average height. When I became a vampire all those imperfections seemed to be corrected with subtle changes and enhancements to my appearance. My eyes for instance were a change, when I first saw My eyes as a new vampire they were a crimson that over time morphed into a topaz. I don't like my newfound appearance though. I don't like the superficial thoughts that came with it. I don't like gawking. And I sure as hell don't like the hot vampire stigma I knew my life had become.
"Yeah. It's been getting me out of my head. Ya know? With all the trying to be sober, and all that." I shrug. Imagining myself sinking into Bella's head...seeping in odd memories of me running outside or doing push-ups in my room.
Bella nods, placing her parka and shoes inside the plastic bin beside mine.
I don't like using my gift if I don't have to, but in these moments it was best for my family to think I was a recovering addict. A troubled teen whose "friend" tragically died at a party. I sighed and, shaking my head, proceeded through the line, successfully making it past the loud machines and gawking looks from others.
I hastily put on my hoodie, headphones, and Doc Martens. Pulling my hood up, shielding my
body from the windows as Bella and I pass on our way to the gate. Once we reach our gate we have about an hour to spare. Bella pulls out a book from her parka while I lean back in my seat, blasting music.
My leg bounces at an intense rate. "Whatcha reading, bellsprout? I ask. I needed something to distract me. Pull me out of my head for once.
My eyes were undoubtedly consumed by darkness. I would need to feed by tonight if I want to be able to deal with the crowded hallways of Forks High. I was not excited about school.
I haven't gone in about a year. I had to pull some tricks to get Renee to sign off for me to go to a charter. Online work was the simplest option for me, being a newly added bloodsucker.
"Wuthering Heights." She blandly stated.
I smirk. "Bella Swan. Reading her favorite book. You're shitting me." I jest sarcastically.
Bella gave my shoulder a slight shove. The contact made me stiffen. I could smell her. She smelled like Renee with the hints of vanilla, but with lilac instead of a rose. Her scent was stronger than Renee's ever has been. That's why I avoided her a big majority of the time. Her blood smelled so sweet it reminded me of a vanilla cupcake. My favorite.
I sucked in the tart venom oozing from my teeth. My throat burned as it slid down. I gave an awkward smile.
"You okay?" Bella asked, noticing my odd behavior.
I nod, turning back to my iPod. "Yeah. I just realized we haven't really talked in a while." I shrug. I could feel Bella's guilty stare on me.
Bella was a kind person. Whether she'd admit it or not. She was a stupid kind person though. Often blinded by her selfishness. Something she and I shared. We swan siblings are stubborn and have a knack for inviting danger into our lives. I at least try to avoid danger, whereas Bella couldn't keep her nose out of things sometimes.
Our silence resumes for the remainder of the wait, and the board, and the flight.