disclaimer: i don't own x-men evolution... i pity myself for that... *sigh* thanks to those who reviewed my first fic in this series 'i am' i hope you guys check it out. oh, and the ideologies belong to the songs "if only tears could bring you back to me" by midnight sons, i will be here by gary valenciano and broken vow by lara fabian... i just simply love those songs... ^-^ and please, tell me what you guys think of this...
'Look in my eyes, you'll see a million tears have gone by... and still they're dry...'
Kurt Wagner sat at the back of the room at Chemistry, looking lifelessly outside the window. He sighed deeply as raindrops splattered against it. He was bored. He didn't know how he had made it through his French lesson without even speaking.
His teacher was silently checking their notes for the end of the semester, while taking down the names of the people who were creating too much noise. Everyone was, however, constantly talking and muttering stuff about their lives. He was listening to the constant chattering of the people. *'Zey are like monkeys in ze zoo.* Kurt thought to himself, followed by another heavy sigh. Somehow, he didn't feel like talking to anyone, not even his friend, Evan who was one of the 'monkeys', he described. *Everyone seems to be excited about ze winter break. Zey're going crazy* he again thought.
The environment somehow irritated him. Too much that he might've cursed everyone in German by now. If only looks could kill, everyone in his class would've been dead by now. But he knew better. He wished the winds outside could blow away those chatterboxes with one strong gust. Like those leaves out in the fields he was looking at. Another deep sigh followed. He felt like doing nothing today. "Oh vell..." he muttered under his breath as he shifted his chin to his palm.
The bell rang and time seemed to stop as students rush out of the room, shouting names and blabbing on and on... "Mister Wagner." the teacher spoke as he was about to leave the room. *Vhat iz it now?* he asked himself as he approached the desk.
"Is there something wrong? You seem so... distracted nowadays. Is there something bothering you?" she asked, arranging some pieces of paper in her hands.
Kurt could only shake his head. "Nein, Ma'am." he whispered.
"I've noticed a sudden change in your attitude. Your grades have been slipping since last week. You sure nothing's wrong?"
Kurt nodded slowly. "Okay, then. You better get to class before the bell rings."
"Yes, Ma'am." Kurt replied as he walked out of the room. He hurried on to the next class and sat down in the same position he was in a while ago. The teacher seemed to be late.
Another minute of the clock ticked away. Kurt watched the trees sway silently with the wind and listened to the drizzle that never seemed to stop. People started talking and a hint of annoyance hit him. In a slight way, he wanted to be alone. Pieces of paper flew everywhere and tribes of parasites sprouted abundantly, exchanging answers for today's assignments.
He was almost halfway through the day and he was already feeling sick of it. He could hear his stomach grumble a bit. The burger he ate about two hours ago must've gave way to his irritancy. Then there it was again. The constant borrowing of books for their terror teacher was coming. But Kurt didn't seem to mind.
The teacher ended up to be another substitute. *It seems like I'm stuck here, looking out the window, I guess.* he thought as a sigh escaped from his lips. He looked at the chalkboard and a couple of notes were written with white chalk. Something about a Shakespeare novel.
By this time, Kurt was already fed up. *Zis day cannot get any worse.* he thought. He was only five minutes away from lunch period and he was trapped in his armchair, doodling on his notebook. He didn't seem to care about the stuff that was happening around him. It was unusual for him. But for some reason, he seemed to ignore every single detail running through his brain.
The bell rang and time stopped again. It was the end of Literature period. But it seemed he couldn't stand up from his seat. He just sat there, looking straight into nothing. The bell rang again. That seemed to snap him out of his reverie. He stood up and followed the crowd of students flowing out of the room.
"Have a nice weekend, guys." the teacher called to the students. "Oh, and Mr. Wagner." Kurt turned to his teacher, who was clearing the chalkboard.
"Sir?" he asked.
"Do you have a minute?" the teacher asked as he sat down on his chair.
Kurt approached him slowly with reluctant steps. "Your teacher asked me to give this to you." he handed Kurt a piece of paper. "He says he is very concerned with your dropping grades."
"Vat iz zis, Sir?" he asked, looking suspiciously at the piece of paper the teacher handed to him.
"It's for extra credit. Your teacher says you have to do it or else you fail the course. You just have to write a poem, not necessarily in a rhythmic form, it could be a free verse or anything that comes up in your mind. You can pass it anytime next week, before winter break."
Kurt nodded in acknowledgement. "Thanks." he muttered, finally walking out of the room. "And Mr. Wagner..." called the teacher.
"Sir?" Kurt looked behind.
"Give it your best." Kurt nodded in return.
He walked out of the room, and closed the door. He sighed as he made his way past the school cafeteria. "Yo, Fuzz" someone called from behind.
Kurt looked behind him. "You going to the cafeteria?" Evan asked as he walked towards him, his backpack hanging on his shoulder.
"Nein. I'm not hungry. You go on ahead. I'll catch up vith you in Geometry."
Evan looked surprised at Kurt's sudden actions. "You okay, man? I mean, the fuzzy dude skipping lunch?"
"Ja. Ja, I am." Kurt replied as he faked an elfish grin, hoping Evan would take the hint and go ahead without him.
"Okay. Take it easy, Fuzz." Evan patted his back and entered the door towards the cafeteria.
Kurt remained quiet as he made his way into the empty hallways of Bayville high. He stopped by a window out looking the fields. He watched as the droplets splashed against the glass. The clouds were dark and a couple of streaks of lightning were followed by loud echoes of thunder. He didn't know how long he was staring at the scenery. A bell again rang and time seemed to stop as blank thoughts went in and out of Kurt's head. He blinked once. Then twice.
He then realized that lunch break was over. And he didn't even do anything but stare at the wet window. He started to walk to his next class, wishing he could just 'port in to save his energy. He sat at his usual seat near the window as the room filled in with students. Evan sat in front of him and settled his backpack on the floor.
"The guys missed you at lunch today. Scott kept asking why you would skip your fave period of all. What's up with the fuzzy dude?" Evan asked him as he looked behind. Kurt flashed a fake smile.
"I'm alright. I just had to catch up vith some stuff." he replied.
"Oh, yeah. Kit told me to tell you to return the book she loaned to you a week ago and Jean said 'hey'."
Kurt just nodded and looked out of the window. Evan turned to a couple of his friends and started talking to them. Their Geometry teacher walked inside the room, carrying a stack of test papers. A number of students showed signs of frustration, knowing that it was the results of their recent exams. Some confidently smiled. The teacher asked the class to settle down. "As you all know, these are the exams you took the other week. I have some good news and bad news for you all."
The teacher grinned at the reaction of the people. "The good news is, no one of you have failed the course of this semester." A mad cheering erupted in the classroom. The teacher waited until the liveliness of the class died down. "The bad news is, some of you have failed this exam." He said, tapping his finger at the bundle of paper.
Some groaned, Some cheered. "Okay. Let's get this over with." the teacher said as he adjusted his glasses and looked at the bundle he was holding. "Well, what do you know, Mr. Wagner, you got the highest mark in this exam. The class held and uproar. Kurt was surprised as his fellow classmates patted his back. He stood up and made his way to the teacher's table. The teacher gave him his paper. He smiled faintly and returned to his seat.
One by one, students were called forward. The bell rang again, signaling the end of the class. They had only one period left. He was having a really bad day. He again stood up and walked out of the room. As he was about to step out, he heard his name being called. "Mr. Wagner."
Kurt looked behind him. "Good job." his Geometry teacher smiled at him. Kurt faked a smile in return. In a way, he didn't seem to care if he aced Geometry or not. It seems like he wanted this day over as soon as it possibly could be.
He sat in front of a sketch board at the back of Art class. The teacher went in and smiled at her students. "Today's activity will be sketching. You can draw anything you want." she said. Some boys smiled maliciously. "Be nice boys, this will come out of your conduct average if you do something unusual." she said, as she glared at them. "You have the whole period. When the bell rings, I should see something unique in your sketch boards. Be original. I'll be going around to check the results. You may start."
Some of the students chattered, while thinking of what they should sketch. Kurt just looked out of the window, not knowing what to draw. He picked up a piece of charcoal and started on his work. He wasn't quite sure of what he was going to do, but it seemed like his hand was.
After a couple of strokes, he formed a lined construction of the view he had looked at a while ago at lunch . It seemed like it was stuck in his mind. He closed his eyes as the scenery flashed in his head. He continued his sketching, the drawing more vivid than had been minutes ago. He sighed as he looked out of the window. He again turned to his work and continued.
The bell suddenly rang. The period was over. "Okay, to those students who created the works I have finished checking, you may go." the teacher said. A couple of students rushed out of the room. Kurt waited as his teacher made her way to him.
She stared at his work with awe in her eyes. Kurt could only look at the sketch he drew. "How iz it, Ma'am." he asked as his teacher stared at his sketch for a long time.
"To be honest, Mr. Wagner-" she paused as a tear escaped from her eyes.
"Yes Ma'am?" Kurt asked as she wiped her tear with a handkerchief.
"It is very beautiful. But it lacks positive emotion. It's very sad, adding weight to those who view it."
Kurt raised an eyebrow. "Vat do you mean, Ma'am?"
"Do you have any problems? It seems like your portrait expresses all the emotions that you keep hidden. All the tears you have kept inside you." she replied. Kurt sighed downheartedly. He kept silent as he bowed his head in disappointment, unusually avoiding the topic.
"You can go, Mr. Wagner."
'Tomorrow morning when you wake up, and the sun does not appear... I will be here... '
The lights were all off as Kurt Wagner sat at his bed, looking glummer than he was at school. He looked at his portrait once more. He sighed as he tossed it near the pillows. He stood up and walked to the window sill. He sat at the window seat and looked out to the rain. He heard his stomach grumble. It must have been because he hadn't had the appetite to eat at dinner a while ago. He had literally pushed his food around, pretending to eat.
He again sighed deeply. He was deep in thought until someone came with a knock on the door. "Who iz it?" he asked with a muffled voice.
He recognized Kitty's voice from behind the door. "Vat do you vant?" Kurt again asked, almost as if he weren't interested with what she was going to say.
"I'm like, going to get the book now." The voice seemed to be closer. Kurt came to the conclusion that she phased through the door.
"Yeah, it'z in ze bedzide drawer. You can get it."
Kitty opened his bedside drawer and got a small book from the inside. She noticed a discarded sketch board resting on Kurt's pillows. "Kurt, did you like, do this?" Kurt nodded slowly, not even turning his head to speak.
"Wow, it's a really sad picture." Kitty observed. "You were really down at dinner a while ago. You didn't even like, join us for lunch. Are you okay, Fuzzy Elf?" she asked as she put the portrait down and walked towards Kurt. His image inducer was turned off and his tail was slowly swinging from side to side. He looked blankly outside the window. "Is there something bothering you?"
"Nein." he replied, his voice merely a whisper.
"You know, if you like, have a problem, I'm here." Kitty said, putting a hand on his shoulder.
"Go away, Katzchen."
This was the first time Kitty heard that from Kurt's mouth. "But Kurt-" Kitty said. "Katzchen, don't bother." Kurt cut in, sharply. His voice drowned by the loud splatter of rain on the roof of the Institute. An echoing burst of thunder roared. He looked away from her eyes. Kitty felt something was disturbing him. And whatever it was, it must've been big to make this 'fuzzy elf' upset. She hadn't seen him like this before. His eyes were different, no emotion was coming out of them. Something was bothering him so much- like it was tearing him up inside. But he didn't show it. And even though he didn't, Kitty knew that it was stinging his heart. She didn't want to see him like this. It seemed like it was pulling her spirits down as well. She didn't know why but it hurt her inside.
"Kurt, I'm here to help you." Kitty's voice came in a small squeak, as if stopping tears from coming down her eyes. A deafening silence followed between them. The noise made by the loud rain pounding on the grounds were all Kitty heard. She could've sworn she heard Kurt sigh. She could've bet her life that she saw a teardrop coming down from his eye. She held her breath in for a second and clutched her hand tightly. She was supposed to say something. But Kurt's actions stopped her from doing so. He turned his back on her and diverted his attention to the glass pane. He closed his amber eyes quickly at a thought.
"Nein, Katzchen. I don't need your help. I can handle zis on mein own." Kurt finally replied. With a loud *BAMF* and the smell of sulfur, he was gone.
Kitty gripped her hands tightly as she fell on her knees. The way Kurt looked at her made her feel so blank inside. "Kurt..." a small voice escaped her lips. Her heart was beating fast. She didn't know what to do. There was something bothering him and she felt helpless. Maybe Kurt didn't want to be helped. But Kitty was his friend... or so she thought...
'I close my eyes and dream of you and I...And then I realize...There's more to life than only bitterness and lies...'
Another *BAMF* was heard. Kurt was on top of the Institute's roof. He sat down and hugged his knees tightly. He watched as the rain pounded loudly on his shoulders. His fur was wet and so was his hair. He couldn't differentiate the tears he was crying from the rain that was flowing on his face. Thoughts raced in and out of his head. Feelings escaped from him heart and left nothing but a closed door without a key. More tears stung his eyes as he recalled the incidents that happened last week. It went by so fast that he himself didn't know what hit him. Thousands of questions erupted in his head.
The door creaked open as Kurt entered an empty classroom. It was old and dusty, chairs were pulled to the back of the room.
The shouts of the students playing baseball at the fields filled his ears. He closed the door quietly as he saw someone who was looking below the window ledge. He crept silently towards the person, who seemed to be unknowing of his presence. Kurt put his hands on the person's shoulders.
"Boo." he whispered in the person's ear.
The person jumped, obviously surprised by Kurt's actions. She looked up at him, and smiled softly. "You..." she warned.
"Vhat?" Kurt had his hands up innocently.
"You never cease to amaze me, Kurt." she said, finally looking for the right words to say.
"And you never cease to vonder me, Amanda. You look lovely." Kurt replied with a smile, eyeing her.
As Kurt expected, Amanda giggled slightly. "Just the joker I knew." she said as he scratched his head with a teasing smile.
"Hey, you mean zat in a good way, right?" Kurt asked as he kept his cool, resting an arm on the wall that was behind Amanda.
She just smiled at his actions. "Hotshot." she said, dropping her voice to a mere whisper.
He flipped his hair composedly with his free arm. "Zat's just who I am." Kurt said with an elfish grin.
"I want you to have this, Kurt." Amanda slipped a handmade bracelet on his arm and smiled. Kurt just stared at her as she let go of his hand and showed him that it was the exact bracelet she was wearing.
He sighed as memories filled his mind. Though it may not have all the answers to the questions he asked, though it only brings momentarily pleasure, though it only seems that it lightens his burdens, it felt-
His trance brought him to another heavy sigh. He was drowned with his own self pity. He was afraid of being all alone yet he was afraid of being with others because of his 'unique' appearance. He yearned for respect- for acceptance in this world, his world.
Lightning struck again. More tears stung his eyes as he continued narrating the past few events over and over to himself. He didn't know what had gone wrong.
*It waz a rainy day like zis...*
Kurt stared at a sketch he had done on his notebook in class one day. It was a drawing of some girl who had her back turned towards him. Any onlooker would ask, why draw some girl with her back turned to you when you could draw her facing you?
He sighed as the answer played in his mind. *Because zat's all I ever see.* The thought lingered in his mind. He knew who that person was. It was Kitty. Katherine Pryde.
All he ever wanted was her to look his way, but to no avail. Kitty was too darn pretty for him, he concluded. She was better off with Lance.
'If you love someone, you have to let her go. If she comes back, she's yours. But if she doesn't she wasn't yours to begin with.'
In this situation, she was never his. He was nothing more than a fuzzy blue elf to her. The wind was playing with the soft drizzle as the night fell. Kurt lay on his back, his arm stretched above him. He held the notebook on his hand. She was perfect. She was unlike him. He was a mistake.
A small bracelet skid down his arm. His eyes widened at a thought. He remembered something he was supposed to do.
He stood up, bamfing all over his room, looking for his image inducer as a certain young lady's voice told her, 'Meet me at the fountain in the park at seven.'
He finally got his image inducer on, he looked at it and it was about nine in the evening. He ran outside the door, forgetting he had the ability to bamf out. He ran the streets of Bayville, not caring if the rain soaked him wet.
After a few minutes, he finally got to the place where he was supposed to be. But no one was there. He shook his head in disgust, scolding himself in his thoughts. He held his head up, trying to think. He knew of one place where she could be.
He ran towards that place, the rain was heavily pouring, but he still didn't care. He bumped into a man walking in the opposite direction. He fell face flat on the ground. His bracelet snapped into two, but he wasn't aware of it. He stood up, not even apologizing to the man he had bumped.
When he finally reached the lake, it was almost midnight. He spent three hours looking for her, not caring if he as tired or sleepy. He got to the place, and she was there. "Amanda, I-" he began.
Amanda looked over her shoulder, soaking wet. "I told you I'd wait for you, Kurt." she simply smiled.
Kurt took a few steps towards her with a sad look in his face. "I'm really sorry, it totally slipped my mind." he said, as he reached for her hand.
"Vill you forgive me?"
Amanda took a glance at his arm and noticed the bracelet she gave was gone. She just smiled, as if knowing this would happen. She shook her head. "It's alright, Kurt." she replied. "I have something to tell you."
Lightning struck brightly. It was dark and the moon was covered by thick clouds. Amanda looked away from his eyes with a pained expression. Tears came rolling down her cheeks along with the rain that furiously cascaded down the place. "I'm leaving."
Thunder echoed throughout the place as Kurt watched in horror as it happened. "But Amanda-" Kurt stopped as she put a finger on his lips to silence him.
"I know what you feel inside, Kurt. And I really like you, too." she paused for a moment, then gathering up all her courage, she looked into his eyes, which were filled with tears. "But I don't want to be Kitty's replacement." her voice came to a mere whispered.
Kurt's face was made up of jumbled expressions. "Amanda..." his voice was almost pleading.
She shook her head in return. "I'm sorry, Kurt. It's hard to love someone who loves somebody else. Believe me, I know."
Kurt bowed his head slowly as he mouthed the words. "Vhen iz your flight?" he whispered.
More and more tears welled up in his eyes. What Amanda had said was true. He only went out with her because he wanted to make Kitty jealous. He knew it was a big crime and he knew that Kitty wouldn't fall for it. He cursed himself in his thoughts.
He didn't know how long he was standing there. He looked up to the sky and more tears stung his eyes. That very instant, he wanted to rip his heart out. It was so painful inside. He had caused Amanda pain. He knew he was selfish. But all he wanted was a loving heart he could call home. All he needed as a second of Kitty's precious time. But he had blown it.
He started to feel a certain hot surge from his veins. He tried to focus his vision but everything became blurry, not just because of the tears in his eyes. He sensed something was wrong. His whole body went numb and he couldn't feel his fingers any more. He froze on the spot as he couldn't breathe. He felt every inch of his body like it was pricked by a million needles all at once. He shifted position but could not keep his balance. He fell down on the ground. Unable to use his powers, the fall was severe.
And that same moment, Kitty went outside and found Kurt lying on the ground, half-conscious. "Kurt!" she screamed as she ran towards him. She held him in her arms. "What happened? You're burning up!" she said, as she felt his forehead.
"K-Katzchen..." he mouthed slowly.
"Kurt, like don't move, I'll try to contact the professor." Kitty said, with a worried look on her face.
"Katzchen, I need to know..." Kurt whispered weakly.
Kitty looked at him. "Yeah, like what is it?" she asked. Kurt paused for a moment and coughed.
"If I die... vill you cry?" he asked, faintly.
"Kurt! Don't talk like that!" Kitty said, panicking.
Kurt smiled slowly. "Katzchen, you never answered me."
Kitty gave in to his plea and smiled back. "Of course I will, Kurt. But you won't die, right? Promise me you won't." she said, her voice shaking.
Kurt coughed. "I promise. But there's something else I need to tell you." he said and neared his face to hers. "Ich Liebe Dich." he whispered in her ear. As much as he wanted to continue, he couldn't. As much as he wanted to hold her in his arms, kiss her and tell her all that he'd been feeling since he first saw her, he couldn't. He saw tears coming down from her eyes. He wanted to dry them. He wanted to take away all her pain. But he couldn't.
He felt all his strength leaving his body. He closed his eyes slowly.
"Kurt! Kurt! Don't leave me! You promised, Kurt! Don't leave me!" Kitty screamed as loud as she could. The rain pounded loudly as ever. Her voice then dropped down to a mere whisper. "I love you."
He barely heard these words. *At least... she loves me.... That's all I wanted to know...* he thought. He wanted to jump up and scream it to the world that his Katzchen loved him, but he didn't have the strength to. He felt a cold rush of emotion freezing his body. His body felt numb as raindrops splattered on his limp figure. A certain blankness filled his mind. He could see nothing. He collapsed in her soft support.
"Kurt! NO!" Kitty screamed and held him tight.
And the fuzzy blue elf lay there, unconscious in his Katzchen's arms.
it took me eight whole hours just to finish this! and what a coincidence, it was raining at that time! ^-^ i started at about nine in the evening and finished at five in the morning the next day, non stop! gee, my back really hurts. i just hope you guys read this one... i really worked hard on it, really! oh, and sorry for the lame simulation of Kurt's German... ^-^ I'll try to improve! ^-^
and to my credits! thank you to those who reviewed my fics! you guys rule! to my beta, Joy, to ChinaEyes, -bentesiyete-, Kare, 1mig, Raine, Yasu, Kitzune, Eunice, Bez, Dino, JM, April, pookies, mike, and to my friends at fastgames and pldtplay, and to the guys who know me! ^-^ hehehe... Credits to DBZsista, you rule!! ^-^
and to my twin, Ria, this is dedicated to you. you asked for it, you got it! my very first kurrty... i might even continue, i mean, this cannot be the end right? so, tell me what you guys think. does 'raindrops' deserve a sequel? hmm, how about voting? please *plead*
please R&R... thanks! ^-^
love you guys!
[anyone who wants to contact me, my yahoo id is blacklist_chaos23]