I Just Want You to Know Who I Am

by Cooking Spray

*squeals* Another Xel/Fil one-shot! A songficcie this time ^_^ It's the Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris" (Love that song). So, please read and review! Please?

(Disclaimer: Slayers isn't mine, and nor are the lyrics for "Iris". I'm just borrowing Xel and and Filia ^_^)

Oh, and btw, my fics 'Everything But Education' and 'Love Sees Not With Its Eyes' ARE being continued. I'm sorry they haven't been updated for so long! I just got kind of sidetracked, and now I'm majorly into Inuyasha, sooo..... yeah. ^_^0 My apologies! I'll update SOON!

Now, read!


And I'd give up forever to touch you

'Cause I know that you feel me somehow

Her lips were parted slightly in the croon of sleep, breath coming in the peaceful and even rhythm of slumber. Hair resembling polished gold was knotted into a loose braid for rest, and through the impaling whitewash of darkness it gleamed like a radiant jewel in the cloud-smothered moonlight. A figure, half concealed in shadow, watched the woman from afar. If only he could touch her... just once, place his finger to her face... He didn't know why this yearning was so strong, and yet he did. Ever since their first acquaintance, he was intrigued and fascinated by the feisty dragon maiden who caused perhaps as much destruction as his long-time companion the notorious Lina Inverse, provoking her anger time and time again just to watch the short fuse spark. He, being a Mazoku, knew that after a span of time those arguments weren't only excuses to feed off of her negativity, though he did that as well. The interest was deeper... darker, and more compelling. After they parted ways, he still thought of her... and now his appearance at her window only strengthened this fact. He had forever to give... yet, never had this infinitesimal truth of life seem so wide and aching.

Aching? What an odd description for him.

Indeed she sensed his presence, she could not help it. Sighing softly, she twisted in the bed sheets, eyelids twitching. He was so near his aura enveloped her, and in broad day he would have never dared come this close.

You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be

And I don't want to go home right now

He was a Mazoku, regared as the highest evil, a soulless, cold-blooded shell that killed for pleasure without heed to mercy. Of course, if asked to kill, he gladly fulfilled the task, and enjoyed it as well, being as he was. Why not? The negative emotions that resulted were like candy was to a small child. He wasn't ashamed of what he was, because it was impossible he could be anything other. However, the sleeping woman, just a windowpane away, was a Ryuuzoku, a member of a race regarded as the ultimate good. It was odd, for someone such as he to prefer her company. Perhaps the closest to the Pearly Gates he would ever reach.

The night was young. He wasn't satisfied with just returning home. He was waiting, for something, anything. But what? A part of him seemed to know the answers, but he chose not to think about them. He continued his post.

And all I can taste is this moment

And all I can breathe is your life

The wind foretold of something to come, ruffling the endless sea of dew-dappled grass with the impression of a boy petting his dog. Tress danced eerily for a few moments, seeming to watch him, whispering. A barrier held him rooted at the small cottage, as if this were not a time to miss. His thoughts dwindled idly, waiting, waiting. Her own aura, familiar yet individual, tugged at him incessantly. Its godly annoyance was almost pleasing, enticing.

'Cause sooner or later it's over

I just don't want to miss you tonight

Who knew what would happen in the future, far but near, a mere skip for the pair in question. He was a Mazoku, not a psychic. Eons could pass before they saw each other again, according to the will of fate. He wouldn't miss his chance tonight.

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand

What would they believe anyhow? Imagine the darkness in love with the light. Society disliked irrationality, those who defied what they were accustomed to. Those who dared to think outside of the box, creating great inventions. They feared what they could not comprehend.

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am

People passed away, did so every second of every day. He could just as soon die in battle tomorrow, and never be seen in the land of the living again. Things, in one sense or another, were doomed to someday perish, whether it be today, tomorrow, or a hundred years from now. Death was inevitable.

She'd see him tonight. See him for what he was. It was now or never. In a practiced, decidedly dark blink, he disappeared from sight, and set foot in the cottage.

And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming

Or all the moments of truth in your lies

He crept through the tiny dwelling with a feline stealth, the smirk still playing on his lips. Memories, precious memories, flickered in the deep recesses of his mind, those of travel and tribulation. A particular image stood out beyond the rest, that of Filia's tears that day of the battle with Valgaav. Such pure, human emotions. He found himself pondering questions that had never arisen until now:

Had he ever felt the need to cry? Had something he felt valuable to himself ever been ripped away? Mazoku weren't supposed to express such emotions as love or sorrow, he supposed he'd never needed such petty things as tear droplets. Still... the fact that she could cry made her a source of envy, she with all of her good and righteousness... He could change that, he could make her weep for him, grovel at his feet and sob... would that appease him? For once, Xelloss was unsure. When had he given up his charades, his intricate lies? Had that pleasure, too, been lost?

He neared her doorway, her aura assailed him. Perhaps he would embark on a new quest...

When everything feels like the movies

Yeah you bleed just to know you're alive

More memories pushed themselves to the surface, and he knew she was the cause of them. Those days... they gave his current life a dull pallor, like living in some sort of surreal world, every day passing like a cheap imitation of the last. Only the blood of battle reminded him he was living... He needed her now, needed something from her, something no one else could fulfill. Something like...

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am...

He entered her room. All was silent, the flow of memoirs snapped shut. He could see her, just a few short feet away, bathed in moonlight. She shuddered, her breaths abnormal, tossing and turning. He disturbed her, even in sleep... it was amusing, how she turned so fitfully in his presence, innocent and oblivious of the intrusion, eyelids never lifting, yet her body knew it all the same. He could do anything his dark heart desired, with she in this state... the idea was pleasing, but he needed more. Soon would she awake, she could not sleep forever, especially with him so near...

"Xelloss... get away... Xelloss..." she murmured, eyelids flickering.

He raised an eyebrow, entertained. So she did know it was him. It was only a matter of time.

"Na-ma...go-mi... Mazoku filth..."

He smirked, disappearing from sight only to reappear at her bedside. Mere inches separated the two figures. She still did not wake.

"Get... away... you despicable...monster..."

Such obscenities for one barely conscious. He mock-pouted, and then he leaned toward her ear, pointed in the way every Ryuuzoku's were. It was time to shatter her reverie.


She gasped, startled awake, sitting up suddenly. Her eyelids dilated with shock and horror as she saw the face of the one she had tried to forget so close to her own. She was truly helpless, vulnerable. Trapped.


"Hello, Filia," he responded lowly, and there was something dark in his voice that scared her. He moved closer, and her poise wavered.

"You know, this is private property... you have no right to be intruding..." she whispered, though she knew somehow it wouldn't make a difference. This was a situation without an escape.

"But we wouldn't want to do that, now would we, Filia? It wouldn't be any fun that way."

"Xelloss..." she repeated, her words drained out of her. He leaned forward to kiss her, and she didn't protest, just closed her eyes and allowed it.

"Stop..." she whispered unconvincingly. "Don't toy with me like this... why do you still come here to bother me... why do you care..."

He kissed her again to silence her, and she again let her eyes close and played along with his game. He could corrupt her light, her purity, snuff it out like a candle wick. He could, but he wouldn't. Her light was hers, but just knowing he could gave him power. He released her, looked into her eyes so torn between caring and hostility, so pleading. She wanted him to stop. He wouldn't.

"Why are you... here..." she spoke again weakly, close to tears. "Why..."

His own amethyst eyes, those of a Mazoku, stared into her blue ones. "To show you who I am, my dear Filia. To show you who I am."

And this time it was she who began the kiss, forgetting all of her years of denial and turmoil, and gave in. She knew not how long it would sustain, for days or weeks or only this night, but she surrendered herself and let him take her, presented herself so holy to he so dark. For years of searching, two confused and stricken souls found solace in each other, losing identity and forgetting hostilities of the past, seizing the moment in the present.

Xelloss grinned as she lay helplessly in his arms. She belonged to him, he could bend her will to his choosing. She had offered herself, the maiden of the light, to the lord of darkness. He took advantage. He knew who she was. She was his.

Now it was time for her to know him.

And I don't want the world to see me

'Cuz I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am