Cursegiving

When I opened the door of my old house, the delicious smell of cooked turkey and pumpkin pie assaulted my nose. This is bliss, I thought wistfully. After a long and exhausting day at the police station and solving a quarrel between stubborn neighbours, the perspective of eating a full Thanksgiving dinner made by my wife was very appealing. Of course, she wasn't as good a cook as... Stop, I scolded myself severely, ignoring the pang in my heart. She left. She disobeyed you. She's dead for you.

"Sue?" I asked, removing my boots and my holster gun.

"Hello, dear," she said, emerging from the kitchen, apron around her waist and a large smile on her gracious features. She came right in front of me, still wiping her hands on a towel, and we kissed. We had been married for only a year, but she was everything to me. All I had left... I forced myself to think about something else, where my thoughts weren't dangerous.

"Is everything ready?" I inquired.

"Almost," she smiled softly. "I just need your help with the table. Go shower."

I obeyed, and put on casual clothes. Then together we put the table in the living room, pushing the couch out of the way, and set all the chairs. For the first time since B... she left, three years ago, I would host a Thanksgiving dinner at my place. Or rather, Sue would host, and I would assist her. It was our first Thanksgiving here, and I wasn't feeling too confident. Seth and Leah would be here, and although they were Sue's children, our relationship was quite tense. They were living at La Push, in their old Dad's home, and they didn't like me, but for different reasons.

Leah was... well, Leah. Twenty-three and behaving like a harpy. She was attending the community college, studying to be a nurse, of all things, and was always complaining about something. In her mind, I had stolen her late father's place and was an intruder. She didn't really blame her mother, but I was the bad guy who made her live with me and abandon her children. I had offered her a room here, B... her old room, but Leah had adamantly refused. Something about a horrible stench and other nonsense. And she was old enough to live on her own. Well, better for everyone, in my opinion. I didn't need another hothead under this roof. I had had enough with...

And Seth, he loathed me. Loathed me. I truly didn't know why. As far as I knew, I hadn't said or done anything wrong, except maybe marrying his mother, but since the beginning he had kept his distance, ignoring me for the most part, and spitting monosyllabes when asked a question. I knew that he spent a lot of time at Sam and Emily's place, and they were distant with me too. He had preferred living with his sister rather than with Sue and me. His mother had been deeply affected, of course, but he was eighteen now, and attending some New York university since fall. Talk about some distance. But he seemed happy there, according to the rare phone calls he gave Sue.

"Emily called," Sue said, shaking me out of my thoughts. "She and Sam were invited at the Atearas', so they won't come."

"What a surprise," I muttered angrily. Sam had been less than enthusiastic when I asked the Quileute elders about marrying Sue, and I still had a hard time accepting it. Young fool. As if he knew better than me. Like B... like her. An idiotic, ungrateful little brat who ran away and left her father, disobeying him and wasting her life with her useless husband...

I hadn't heard a word. Not one. Since the whole Cullen clan hastily left three years ago, I hadn't had any news. They had gone to Alaska, that I knew. I had tracked them, unofficially of course, as far as Anchorage. But then, they had disappeared. No trace. Vanished in the wilderness. I suspected something fishy, of course, but since she didn't want to come back, I had quit the search. I didn't care anymore. Even though sometimes, at night, I thought about her. Was she happy? Was she regretting her hasty marriage? Was she a mother? Did she miss me?

The doorbell rang, shaking me out of my musings again. Sue was finishing setting the table, and I went to open the door. "Hello, Jake! Vanessa, please come in."

"Thank you, Charlie," the boy said, letting his girlfriend in then ducking his head to pass the doorframe.

"Thank you for inviting us," Vanessa said with a kind smile, and I felt a jolt of uneasiness as I answered some nonsensical words with a fake smile plastered on my face. She was a nice woman, with auburn hair and bright blue eyes, delicate features and a small frame, but she wasn't B... her. And I couldn't help the feeling of betrayal from Jacob. He was supposed to win her heart. He was supposed to marry her, and give me Quileute grandchildren. But he ran away after their wedding, he didn't fight enough. And when he came back, he came with Vanessa. I couldn't forgive him. Inviting him was Sue's idea, since we invited Billy. I didn't want him here.

The doorbell rang again, saving me from saying words I didn't want to say, and it was Seth and Leah with Billy. They gave him a ride, since Jacob and Vanessa lived in Forks, near Dawling's garage, where Jake worked as a mechanic. Fortunately for me, Billy's daughter Rachel was spending time with Paul at the Lahotes', otherwise we would've been really cramped in my living room, had Sam and Emily turned up.

"Hi, Billy!" I said with a genuine smile this time. "Hi, kids!"

"We're not kids," Seth growled, shooting me a dark look, and I couldn't help a shiver running down my spine. He was towering over me, almost as tall as Jacob, and had impressive muscles. He could knock me out cold with a swipe of his hand, I was sure of it.

"Sorry," I grunted, averting my eyes. Rebuffed in my place. The evening was going to be long. Leah ignored me, as usual, and the two of them went straight to the kitchen, to their mother. That left Billy. "Wow," I muttered unhappily. "That went well."

"Don't mind them," Billy told me gently, but shooting me a sad look, like he had done for the past three years. I didn't understand that look. I didn't want to understand.

"Come on," I finally said, sighing. "I need a beer."

I led him at the head of the table, where he had the largest space for his wheelchair, and went to fetch some beers. The Clearwater kids were huddled in the kitchen around their mother, and ignored me completely. I was starting to feel aggravated. They were under my roof. They were going to eat at my table. But I let it go. I had better things to do.

I came back to the living room and handed Billy and Jacob a beer. Vanessa shot me a questioning look, and I arched an eyebrow. I had put iced tea on the table, and Sue had told me that she drank that shit. She frowned, and turned towards Jacob. "You want a beer?" he asked her, and she nodded with a smile. Without commenting, he handed her his own, and got up, striding towards the kitchen. When he came back with another beer, I felt a blush coming on my cheeks. I hadn't thought about offering alcohol to Vanessa. B... She never drank alcohol, and neither did Sue.

"I'm sorry," I said through gritted teeth, feeling angrier by the second. "I didn't think you would drink alcohol."

"It's nothing," Vanessa said, but her smile was forced, and her hand was squeezing Jake's thigh tightly.

I sat down, shaking my head. I dimly wondered if it had been a good idea, inviting all these people. It had been a long time since I had so much friends and family around me, and I felt awkward and... weird. Something was missing. Someone. I gulped my beer angrily. I wouldn't think of her anymore. She had made her choice.

Billy broke the thick silence by asking me about my last fishing place, and we talked for several minutes, ignoring Jacob's obvious uneasiness and Vanessa's bashfulness. When I rose to my feet and asked if they wanted another beer, I almost snapped when Vanessa said that she would have a glass of iced tea this time. Stupid woman. In the kitchen, Leah and Seth were scowling at each other, but they stopped talking when I entered. Brats. I took three beers and went back to my conversation with Billy. We talked about football, and Jacob joined us. Vanessa liked it, to my surprise, but she didn't speak. She was irritating me.

At long last, Sue arrived, carrying the potatoes. Seth was holding the turkey, the scowl still on his face, and Leah had the rest of the vegetables. They lay the food on the table and sat down. I was waiting for Sue to start serving, but she was looking at me expectantly. "Did I forget something?" I asked her.

"Will you start the thanking?" she ventured. I frowned. I wasn't used to this. Especially not since B... since she ran away.

"I'm thankful for you and your children," I said after a few seconds. Only the first part of that sentence was true. "I'm thankful for our house and my job. I'm thankful for my friends."

I stopped there. I had nothing more to say, except curses. Across the table, Jacob was grimacing, and Seth's eyes shot daggers at me. What was their problem?

Billy and Sue followed with their thanks, and Vanessa came next. I learned that she and Jacob were engaged, and I swallowed down the acrid bile rising in my throat. He was supposed to be engaged to B... to her. He was supposed to marry her, and live in Forks with her. He was supposed to be my son-in-law, and the father of my grandchildren. I hated her. More than ever. I would never forgive her. She had ruined her life, and mine. I had had plans for her. But she had run away, and eloped against my will. I hated him. That Cullen bastard who had stolen her from me.

Jacob went next, and he was thankful for his fiancée – I wanted to retch in disgust – and his job, his dad and his sisters, even Paul. And his friends, Sam among them. I hardly suppressed my sneer.

And then it was Seth's turn. He looked straight at me and gave me a scornful look. "I'm thankful for my mother and sister, even if she can be a pain in the ass." Leah ignored him, Sue chastised him. He shrugged. "I'm thankful for my scolarship and my friends. I'm particularly thankful for Bella and Edward, who helped me find a job and a place in New York."

I was stunned. He dared speak their names? Here? He knew it was utterly forbidden. I didn't tolerate it. Wait. He saw them? They had helped him?

"What?" Leah screeched, glaring at her brother with a furious expression that matched my own. "They helped you? How? Do you speak to them? Do you see them?"

"Yes, they helped me," he said proudly, shooting a disdainful look in my and his sister's direction. "And of course, I speak to them. We write mails. I saw them in August, and that's when they helped me."

"How could you?" Leah yelled in fury. "After all that happened?"

"I don't see why I couldn't!" he retorted angrily. "It wasn't Bella's fault, or Edward's!"

"It was!" she countered him, jumping on her feet. "You, Seth... you betrayed us! You..."

"I didn't, you bitch!" he shouted. "Just because you're a bitter harpy doesn't mean..."

"Enough!" I finally bellowed, slamming my fist on the table, rattling the plates and glasses. "Seth, why did you do this? You know what B... what she did!"

"Yes," he said, staring right at me with intense eyes, and I couldn't help a shudder. "I know what she did, which is nothing wrong. And I know what you did, Charlie. You harmed your own daughter, you made her leave, and you disowned her. Well, luckily for her she's very happy with Edward and her family, and she doesn't need you."

"Shut up, you stupid brat!" I yelled, fury boiling in my veins. "Don't you dare say her name under my roof, and tell those awful lies! She ran away with her punk, she disobeyed me!"

"You're a delusional old fool," Seth told me coldly, rising to his feet. "You're not worthy of your daughter. Stay in your little bubble of denial, then. I won't come back under your roof again, Charlie. And you," he turned towards Leah, who eyed him warily. "You're just a jealous hag. You're green with envy, longing after a love as strong as Bella's and Edward's. I really hope you'll find someone soon. But until then, stay away from me."

He strode towards the door, but stopped before opening it. "Sorry, Mom," he told Sue who had her lips pursed, torn. "I'll call you soon. And Jake, tell Charlie. It's more than time." Then he walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

I was fuming. How dared he make a scene here? In my home? I whirled towards Jacob, who was wincing. "What did he mean? Tell me what?"

Jacob heaved a sigh, shot a strange look at his father who nodded, and gripped Vanessa's hand tightly. Then he squared his shoulders and looked at me. "I was a fool three years ago, Charlie. I made mistake after mistake. But the worst one..."

He exhaled, a pained look on his face, and Vanessa nudged him gently, kissing his cheek. "The worst one was thinking that I was in love with Bella."

I froze. He would never cease to betray me, then? He went on, ignoring my rigid stance. "When Bella married Edward, I was enraged and angry. I was hurt. I..." He swallowed uneasily. "I attacked... a member of their family. I... hurt them. Badly. That's why I left for a year. And then I met Ness," he said, eyes softer when he looked at her. I wanted to puke. "She was the one. I understood then that I had acted badly. I was young and stupid. Bella had told me that I would meet someone who would mean the world for me. She was right. I regret how I acted towards her and Edward. Now I understand their relationship. I can't make amends to them. They won't speak to me. But I can tell you," he said, locking eyes with me. "I was wrong, Charlie, and so are you. Bella didn't deserve what you said and did to her. She's still your daughter. It's not too late to make amends too."

I didn't believe my ears. How... how could he...? I was shaking in fury. "Get out," I hissed menacingly. "Get out, and never come back! How dare you take her side? I... I trusted you! I wanted... You..."

I couldn't speak, so great was my anger and resentment. He rose calmly, Vanessa's hand still in his, and shot me a look of commiseration. "I pity you, Charlie Swan. You'll lose everything with you misplaced pride. I was never meant to be Bella's. Accept it before it's too late."

"Get out!" I bellowed, pointing at the door and spitting in rage. I was being betrayed by everyone around me. I could trust no one.

Jacob and Vanessa thanked Sue who looked on the verge of tears, told Billy goodbye, and left. I sat down on my chair, my appetite gone. I was trembling. I was cold.

"I think I'll go back to my place," Billy said after a long silence, exchanging a pointed glance with Leah. I didn't like it. Were they talking behind my back too?

Leah guided Billy to the front door and they told Sue and me goodbye before leaving. What a fiasco. My wife and I were alone, on Thanksgiving, with an assortment of full dishes and empty chairs. I exploded. "Damn Bella! This is all her fault! Even away she's ruining everything! Why couldn't she be an obedient daughter and do what I told her?! Why did she have to marry this Cullen bastard?! Fuck! Damn you, Bella!"

Sue didn't say anything. She just put the dishes away and in the kitchen, she transferred the food in small containers. We would eat Thanksgiving turkey and its side dishes for weeks. I was left alone in the deserted living room. Alone. I sat at the table, putting my head in my hands.

"Go to hell, Bella," I muttered lowly. "I miss you, but... go to hell. And fuck you, Edward. You ruin everything."

I went to fetch a beer, and drank it in front of the television. Sue was busy in the kitchen. We weren't talkative people. I left her alone. She left me alone. I cursed my daughter again.