Beware of LOTS of OOCness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And a whole bunch of weirdness.
Just a Normal day: Part one of two.
It was a bright and normal morning. Oh yah, It was. Let me tell you, the sun was shining and the clouds floating and doing whatever the hell they are supposed to do, the bird were singing some chirpy fuck-dee-da song and a young blond-haired boy by the name of Naruto had just woken up.
Now seeing as it is a NORMAL morning, Naruto would obviously do his normal morning things. But it's a little different today, because Naruto was in an unusually grumpy mood today. It must have been the bad ramen he ate yesterday.
We zoom into the kitchen where spilled ramen soup and little pieces of noodle are on the table. On the ground, we see the container and go a little closer now. See? What did I say? The noodles had expired over 2 years ago.
Wait a minute? Does ramen expire? We look at the container suspiciously.
Back to the subject: Naruto had just entered the bathroom and--- AWWWW… everyone, pinch your noses and do your best not to breath, your life pretty much depends on it.
*20 minutes later* We've been waiting for a pretty long time now and all we've been hearing is long torturous groans and slightly splashing. I realize some of us are getting restless now…
To hell with privacy, let's just go in.
Ok… yaaaaaaah…. BIG mistake… Oh yah… Damn… that must have been some preeetty bad ramen back there.
Shit… it's coming towards us now… everyone! Fucking duck for your life!
Now that we've cleaned ourselves off… and I realize some of the readers have already run away. Yes, this is rather strange and vaguely scary. But that's a good thing right? Besides, Naruto is already heading towards the front door, so we follow him outside. Like I said… everything is normal and nice and there's a bee buzzing around me… shitty bugs.
We see a boy with a stern looking face with black hair pulled back in a small pony tail. Could it be Shikamaru? Looking for Naruto to make fun of him again? Call him stupid or slow? We all wait patiently.
" Yo Naruto." Shikamaru says calmly, a wave of indifference around him. Yes people, brace yourselves for the official definition of "cool." " Wassup?"
" Huh?" O yeah, smartest reply in the world Naruto. Some of the viewers shake their head at the ditzy reply.
Shikamaru doesn't seem to notice this though, instead, we realize as we inspect him a little more closely, He has a sheen of sweat on his head and his eyes are kinda darting around… like he's nervous or something.
Woaaah… Gasp and other expressions that clearly define our shock. Shikamaru? Nervous? Has the world finally come to an end?
Nope, just another part of what we call the endless circle of life. Note how I say the word endless with a certain sort of dryness.
" Naruto, you want to go out to a movie or something?" Shikamaru suddenly asks and we are suddenly stunned by how it almost sounded like…. Holy shit?? Is he asking our dear blue-eyed boy out for a date? Shikamaru?? Are we trapped into some alternate dimension?
Naruto of course does not realize this, instead, he does his blond version of the famous I'm-suspicious-eyebrow raise.
" Is this a trick?" He asks slowly, his eyebrows burrowing adorably in confusion. Aw how cute, some of our readers faint in bliss. We notice with our own unique versions of eyebrow raises that Shikamaru has a bit of drool at the corner of his mouth, his eyes slightly glazed as he stares at Naruto with his mouth hanging open.
Don't go in and try to bash Shikamaru's head in with a hammer, my wonderfully over-protective viewers. Remember, we are only watching this. We cannot change the course of Naruto's daily life.
"No." Shikamaru replies, suddenly remembering to act cool in front of Naruto again. " Just the two of us, your choice for the movie. My treat."
Just as we had expected, Shikamaru has used his last resort. No one, especially Naruto can turn down a movie where someone else is paying. Naruto grinning like the idiot he is nods quickly in reply and he jumps down his steps to stand beside Shikamaru as they begin to walk towards the town.
We notice with shock that Shikimaru has slyly slipped his arm across Naruto's shoulders. Some of the readers grit their teeth in attempt to stop themselves from ripping that arm away from our dear boy.
Suddenly, as they are walking, we notice as most of our attention is centred upon that arm that it is starting to lower slowly. Backing down every once in a while to carefully rest against Naruto's waist, Naruto doesn't notice as he is thinking too much on what movie to watch.
Damn. That sly boy.
But Naruto does notice, when Shikamaru gives him a firm squeeze on his ass. Thank God you puny blond, we were thinking it would have to be in the after-affects of sex when you realize your so-called friend has been hitting on you.
Yes Naruto, jump up in that cute way you do, and give your little yelp. We turn our attention towards Shikamaru, whereas he gives an irritating sort of superior smirk. The kind that goes like, "What? I'm not doing anything!" when it's plainly obvious you are.
Some of our readers prepare to launch at Shikamaru to strangle him to death when we see Neji run over instead and kick Shikamaru in the ass.
We laugh in triumph as Shikamaru grabs his sore bum and glares angrily at Neji. Neji gives his own, "What? I'm not doing anything" look ( even though he looks SO MUCH more sexier when HE does that) and grabs Naruto's elbow to steal him away before Shikamaru could sexually harass him again.
Naruto at this point is mortified at the fact that Shikamaru had just squeezed his ass, and was currently thinking about how he would have to rub his butt with soap for about 5 hours before he could even start thinking about sleeping. But by then, he would be plagued by nightmares of Shakimaru and his butt-squeezing techniques and that isn't exactly any better.
While he is thinking about this, he doesn't realize that Neji had suspiciously led him into a little dark alleyway. Some of us, despite how much we love Neji are beginning to feel a little anxious about this. Neji was quiet, and you pretty much can't see his emotions in those blank white eyes of his, he also saved Naruto from the evil Shikamaru! Why should we be vaguely suspicious?
But for some one to lead you into a dark alley for no apparent reason at all, even if it is Neji, causes for some of us to panic and worry for our poor Naruto's safety.
Naruto doesn't know of course, because he is just so utterly clueless sometimes. And like the other time, he notices at the last moment when Neji suddenly slams him against the brick way of the dark alleyway and leans so close to him even a blind man would notice.
He also realizes that Neji's two arms on either side of him has also trapped him. Yes people, this would be something you can label as a bad situation.
" Naruto… do you know you've been the subject of desire in my wet dreams for the past few months after I saw how sexy you looked all sweaty and exhausted when we fought?" Neji suddenly whispers into Naruto's ears. It sounded like he had been practicing this line over for the past few weeks.
Some of the viewers collapse in laughter at how lame that sounds, and even Naruto is able to manage a little snort.
" What the hell are you saying Neji?" Naruto says with a laugh. I guess people; Naruto can only be so simple-minded as to accept the fact that Shikimaru has been hitting on him. But come on? Are most of us willing to believe that our Neji would do something like that as well.
Neji flushes indignantly when Naruto does and pouts a bit. He stands back and folds his arms over his chest as he begins to mumble to himself.
" Damn… I though this was supposed to work. He wasn't supposed to laugh at me, he's supposed to fall for me for my charms and my— ." At this point, all the viewers decide to ignore him and we focus instead on Naruto as he sneaks away from Neji before he comes up with some new plan to capture Naruto's heart.
I'm sorry Neji, there are some things that just isn't possible. We feel a twinge of sorrow and pity for Neji along with our relief that Naruto had once escaped physically unscratched though scarred for life.
At this point, Naruto decides to go and let Iruka bribe him with ramen. There was enough excitement for one day already, he felt. It was too bad for him though, when two girls by the name of Sakura and Ino happens to spot him. He was quick enough to realize this before disaster strikes by the shrill screams of " Oh My God!! It's Naruto!!," " He's SOOOO cute today!!!!" and "Stupid Ino, he's cute all the time!!"
What the hell?? The readers shake their head in dismay? What the hell is happening?? Aren't Sakura and Ino fans of Sasuke!! GO AWAY stupid girls!! Go flock around Sasuke instead of our wonderful adorable Naruto! We all stick our tongues at them and cheer at Naruto as he runs at top speed away from those crazy girls.
By now, some of us are struck speechless by what was happening right now at this point. So much that we fail to notice the two men in the middle of the road jostling at each other only a few feet away from Naruto.
We scooch in closer and gasp in surprise when we find that it is in fact Itachi and Orochimaru that are slapping at each other's faces and grabbing at each other's impossibly heavy dark clothes that they have a habit of wearing even when it's like a million degrees outside.
" He's mine!!!" Ouch. A slap on the face. Point one for Itachi.
" Fuck you, he's mine!! That beautifully delicious boy!!" Ooh, a point for Orochimaru for a nice kick at the shins.
" The chair!! Give him the chair!!!!" A reader screams shrilly and Itachi stalks over to the side to grab a chair that happened to be there for no apparent reason… well except for the obvious fact that it is a plot device, like everything else in the story…. Wait a minute! Does this thing even HAVE a plot??? Errr…. no.
Anyways, back to Itachi slamming the chair against Orochimaru's frighteningly sexy face. And yes, the fight has come to an end with Orochimaru being the victorious winner.
Why? Because he happened to spot Naruto staring at them incredulously first while he was bleeding on the ground. Naruto at this point was pretty much too stunned to do anything else except stand there as Orochimaru slithers over behind him to hold Naruto's chin in his slim snake-like fingers and licks his ear lobe.
That is before Itachi races over with a determined expression on his face to push Orochimaru away and hold Naruto's face to preparation to crush his mouth against the young boy's. But by then, Orochimaru makes a come back by shoving Itachi to the ground and slapping his a few times on the face.
This is the part where most viewers look away for fear of blinding their eyes, because Orochimaru and Itachi seemed to have come to the realization that the other person was actually really hot and they were stupid for not realizing that. Thus, they suddenly slam their lips together and it's a war of tongues, limbs and sweat and—Hey!! Naruto is running away.
WE MUST FOLLOW!!!! (despite the fact that inside our hearts, we really did want to see Itachi and orochimaru getting it on.) Some of the readers groan in disappointment when they cast a lingering glance back at Itachi and Orochimaru to see them tearing each other's clothes off.
What's wrong with Kakashi and Iruka and what's with the bottles of chocolate sauce and whipped cream in their hands??
And oh my god?? Is that a CHERRY hidden inside Kakashi's right palm???
Also, Hinata doesn't seem to be the sweet girl she looks to be on the outside.
Will Sasuke come to save the day with his own surprise?? Or would he make it even worst?
Stay tuned for the second and last part to Just a normal day.
Which will come when Cheryl-chan doesn't feel as bored as she is now.