This oneshot was written for the Harry/Luna April Fools Collection on SalTalStudios discord. Check out the other submissions by looking in the FFN community or the AO3 collection. Please feel free to join using this link: discord. gg / hq5ZvYYMA7 (remove the spaces).

Thank you to Nauze for being our beta!

Ravenclaw!Harry Post Hogwarts.


Harry sighed as he leant his head against the door, knocking it back every so often in the hopes that it would finally open.

He was seated in the corridor outside Luna's flat, waiting for her to finish creating her new feng shui arrangement in her sitting room. It wasn't something to be disturbed-as she'd reminded him on several occasions. But at nearly an hour in, he was beginning to grow impatient.

At one point, he let his head fall back with such a loud thump that she knocked on the wall right back.

"Two more minutes!" her muffled voice sounded through the door.

Rubbing the back of his head with a wince, Harry stood back up to stretch his legs. And exactly two minutes later, the door finally swung open to reveal the welcoming smile of his best friend.


He walked right past her without a response, heading straight for the newly-positioned couch and all but flinging himself face-down upon it.

"Your aura is very chaotic at the moment," Luna said, sitting down near his feet.

"My life is very chaotic at the moment," he said into the cushion. "I'm doomed to be alone forever, I just know it."

Luna let out a thoughtful hum but didn't reply.

Not that it mattered. After so many years, Harry had learned to translate her little hums perfectly. This one said: "You're being a dramatic sod."

With a long sigh, Harry sat up and ran a hand through his hair. "It's Gabi," he said, the weight of her name heavy on his tongue. "It's over."

They stared at each other for a moment, Luna's lips pinching together in disappointment. "I'm sorry, Harry."

He swallowed back a lump in his throat and nodded. "Me, too."

At the tender age of 26, Harry was no stranger to failed relationships. After the war had ended, he'd gained some perspective on life and had decided that if he was going to date, he'd want to be in it for the long-haul. But thus far, none of his relationships had lasted more than six months.

He'd never dated much at Hogwarts, too busy focusing on Voldemort and the war to have anything more than a quick first snog in a broom cupboard with Cho Chang during fifth year. And that certainly never developed into anything more at the time thanks to that wart of a friend of hers, Marietta. It only took overhearing one whispered conversation about Luna for Harry to dismiss her forever.

But that was the thing about being in Ravenclaw and best friends with Luna Lovegood. It was a House filled with uptight wankers who didn't care about going after one of their own.

After years of being bullied by Dudley and his half-wit friends, Harry had refused to stand by and watch it happen to little Luna Lovegood with her big blue eyes, bright red radish earrings, and admittedly odd cork necklace. He'd taken it upon himself to settle her scores, hexing more than one student in his Hogwarts career and suffering many a detention.

But none of that mattered. He'd have done it a thousand times over, and he always would.

Friends like Luna Lovegood were few and far between.

"Shall I put the kettle on?" Luna said, bringing him out of his thoughts.

Harry smiled up at her. "Please."

Sitting back against the couch, Harry let out a long sigh before reaching into his trousers and pulling out an old folded up piece of parchment. He opened it up and smoothed it out with his hand, taking a moment to read it over for what must have been the hundredth time.

"Oh, Harry," came Luna's voice from behind his shoulder.

She sounded slightly disappointed, and he could guess which part she'd just read.

"I can explain," he said at once.

Raising her eyebrows, Luna stared at him for a moment and waited.

He opened his mouth, then closed it, then opened it again. "Right...maybe I can't," he said finally, avoiding her eyes.

With a small sigh, Luna walked around the couch and took a seat next to him. "Tell me what happened, then," she said, turning to face him. "What disaster was it this time?"

From anyone else, the words may have sounded sarcastic, but Luna merely looked at him with a curious expression that made him smile.

He leant closer to her and tugged lightly on the blonde plait resting on her shoulder. "I dunno what I'd do without you, you know," he said.

"Certainly mope about, more," she said, considering the idea. "The Wrackspurts would have taken hold of your head completely."

Harry widened his eyes in exaggeration. "Thank Merlin I have you, then."

"You're mocking me."

"I am."

Luna shrugged. "As long as you're aware," she said. "Now, get on with your story. I have other things besides you in my schedule today."

"Oh?" Harry said, smiling in interest. "Such as?"

But she merely shook her head and gestured for him to begin telling his tale in the same way she'd always done. This was not the first time Harry had come to Luna with his girl problems, nor would it be the last. She was a great listener and showed him new perspectives he would have never even thought of, no matter how mad some of them were. Above all, though, she never, ever judged him.

That mattered more than he could say. Because he'd definitely done some things in his past that warranted judgement.

The memory of Harry's first relationship formed unbidden in his mind, making him cringe.

Ginny Weasley.

He could definitely remember coming to Luna after that disaster.


"And don't even think about keeping my broom servicing kit!" Ginny said, her hands on her hips, nostrils flaring.

Nostrils that were uneven. He could see it as clear as day now and had to move his eyes to her forehead to focus back on the conversation.

Harry clenched his jaw hard and tried to control his breathing. "I thought that was a gift," he said, watching as she placed it into one of her boxes.

"Yeah, a gift from Ron to us," she said, using her wand to summon other various items around the room. "Who's going to need it more, Harry? The professional quidditch player or the much-too-busy auror who can't even make it to one bloody birthday party, no matter how much advance notice his girlfriend gave him!"

At this point, Harry'd had enough. He'd never considered himself a hot-tempered person. But Merlin did Ginny have a way of pressing all his buttons. "Take it, then!" he practically shouted. "Take everything! See if I bloody care. This stuff means nothing to me."

Ginny picked up several books and dropped them into the box before whipping around to face him. "Yeah? Maybe nothing means anything to you," she said, walking towards him and pushing him hard in the chest. "And maybe that's the problem!"

Without another word, she levitated her box in front of her and walked out the front door, slamming it hard.

The sound echoed in Harry's ears for seconds afterwards before he fell back onto the couch, his head hanging behind him, eyes to the ceiling.

She'd been the one.

He'd thought for certain she'd be it for him.

Everyone had seemed to agree. The Weasleys had welcomed him with open arms, Luna had loved her. She had loved Luna.

What was he supposed to do now that she'd been the one? And she was gone.

Harry wiped at the tears that had escaped his eyes in frustration. And without thinking, he walked over to the fireplace, dropped some floo powder and stuck his head in.

"Luna?" he said to the empty sitting room before him.

No response.

He felt his heart sink.

"Luna!" he tried, louder this time.

He was just about to give up when he saw a figure dressed in what looked like a periwinkle fencing uniform-jacket, mask, gloves, sword and all-walking towards him.

Without a second's hesitation, Harry stepped through the floo and into Luna's sitting room.

The figure took off their mask, and he was unsurprised to see Luna's head appear underneath it, her long blonde hair falling onto her shoulders.

"Taking up a new sport?" Harry said, giving her a thorough once-over.

Luna looked at him in confusion. "No."

She didn't elaborate, and Harry didn't expect her to. Instead, she welcomed him in without question, and they both took a seat on the couch.

Harry let out a sigh at once, causing her to eye him warily.

"You look very unpleasant at the moment," she said.

"Yes, well...I feel rather shit. That may have something to do with it," he said, rubbing a hand down his face. "Ginny and I just broke up."

Luna frowned at once. "Oh," she said, her voice dipping with disappointment. "I did like Ginny very much."

Swallowing hard, Harry nodded. " too."

She reached over and placed a hand in his, giving a gentle squeeze of comfort. "But I two have been off with each other for some time, now."

It was more of a statement of fact than anything else, but Harry still looked over at her in question. "You think so?"

Laying down her mask and sword, she turned to him with a shrug. "Well, Ginny's complained to me about you enough."

Harry sat up quickly at that. "Wait, what?" he said, his mind reeling with this new information. "When was this?"

"All the time," Luna said as though commenting on the weather.

"Why didn't you tell me what she was saying?" he said, starting to feel betrayed. "I could have done something about it!"

Luna stared at him for a moment, her face unnervingly placid. "Would it have sounded different in my voice than hers?"

The words doused Harry's indignation like a bucket of ice-cold water. And he froze for a moment, his lips parted.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, leaning forward against his knees and staring down at the floor.

If he'd felt bad before, he was feeling utterly terrible now. And it was no one's fault but his own.

"What if…" he said after a moment, his voice coming out strained. "What if she was the one, Luna? What if I've ruined everything? I mean...she was perfect...everything I wanted in a girl."

"And what was that?"

He turned back to see Luna's head shifted slightly to the side, staring at him with her brow furrowed. The intense stare he was so familiar with.

"Well...I don't know, she was…"

Luna nodded for him to continue.

Straightening up in his seat, Harry considered her question for a moment. "Well, she was hot, to be honest," he said with a small laugh.

He was grateful that Luna didn't scoff at him for being so shallow. But Merlin, Ginny was incredibly hot.

"Anything else?" Luna said.

Taking a few more seconds to think about it, he shrugged. "She was funny. Had beautiful red hair...a great family."

Sometime after Harry had started talking, he realised that Luna was writing down everything he was saying.

He gave her a questioning look, and she merely shrugged.

"You wanted to know if she was the one," Luna said as if it were obvious. "I thought it might be best to figure out what exactly 'the one' would look like for you."

With a grateful smile, Harry nodded. "You're the best, Luna."

"The best what?" she said, looking up at him.

Harry let out a chuckle. "The best friend."

She nodded in understanding and then glanced back down at her parchment. "Now...what were some things you didn't like about Ginny?" she said, her voice taking on a rare business-like quality. "So you know what to avoid in future."

Blowing out a long breath, Harry fell back against the couch. "Where do I begin…" he said, shaking his head. "The temper on her...I've never seen anything like it. She just had this ability to make me…"

"Lost for words?"

"Infuriated," Harry said finally, shaking his head. "She always knew just what to say to get my blood boiling. was constantly a battle with her. We couldn't ever just have a disagreement without getting into a bloody yelling match."

He cut off to take a deep breath in. He was getting riled up just thinking about it.

"Maybe everyone's right about the fiery redheads thing," he added.

Luna looked up at that. "Red hair was in the positives column," she said. "Shall I switch it?"

Harry rubbed his temples. "Add it to both."

"That doesn't really help with the research…"

"Just add it to both."

The sound of Luna's quill scratching away on the parchment had a calming effect on Harry. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting the day's events roll over him.

He and Ginny had broken up.

He thought she'd been the one.

He was wrong.

"Last question," Luna said, bringing him out of his brooding thoughts. "You said what you liked in Ginny. But what do you think you'd want in...the one."

She put air quotations around the word.

It was a question Harry had never really considered before, despite how obviously vital it was. How could he find the love of his life if he didn't even know what he was looking for? It was times like these he wondered why he'd been sorted into Ravenclaw in the first place.

"Well, I dunno. I guess I'd want her to be…" he said, picturing a vague form of a woman in his mind. "Brave...clever...tenacious...loyal...and...well, beautiful of course. Beautiful to me, anyway."

Luna looked up from where she was scribbling all this down. "Any specific hair colour?"

Harry stared at her for a moment, his eyes travelling down her plait. "I'm not sure," he said quietly before adding: "Just not red."


Thoughts of Ginny faded as Harry smushed down the edges of the parchment and focused back on his current predicament. "I've come to a realization…" he said, shifting awkwardly in his seat. "I've been a bit of a...well…"

Luna quirked an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"I've been a bit of a prat," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Her eyes shifted down to the list again, and Harry cringed as she read over the negative column for Gabi.

"'Not as hot as Fleur," Luna said aloud.

Shooting her a strained smile, Harry cleared his throat. "A lot of a prat, then," he said.

Luna nodded in agreement.

Before she could say more though, the kettle whistled from the kitchen, and she got up to pour them some tea.

While he waited for her to return, Harry scanned the list again, pausing on each attribute and giving his head a shake at some of the comments he'd jotted down in the past.

Blimey, he never learned, did he? He wasn't a shallow bloke, he knew that he wasn't. But all the signs continued to point to it.

Luna came skipping back into the room then, her wand tucked behind her ear and cup and saucer in hand. "Where were we?" she asked, placing it on the table and sitting down again.

"We were on me being a prat."

With scrunched eyebrows, Luna swallowed some tea and then placed it down on her lap. "You're not a prat, Harry."

He opened his mouth to argue but Luna continued.

"You just do prattish things sometimes."

That shut him up quickly.

She took another sip of tea. "Why did you date Gabi if you didn't find her attractive?"

"Wha-I did-I do," Harry said at once.

"Just not as attractive as Fleur?"

Shaking his head, Harry couldn't help but protest. "I do find Gabi attractive. It's just...Fleur's hotter and has got bigger..." he said, before pausing and using his hands to cup his chest.

Luna looked at them for a moment, and then back up to his face. "Your perception has been skewed since the Second Task," she said, causing Harry to raise an eyebrow.

"Perception of what?" he said.

Blinking, she turned in her seat to face him fully. "The Dabberblimps of the Black Lake are known to warp the perceptions of mating pairs," she said, tilting her head a bit and giving him a pleasant smile. "You only think you like large-breasted women, but every woman you've dated has been the opposite."

"What-that's..." Harry blurted out. "That's not-"

But as he thought back through his dating history, he realized just how right she was. "Huh…" he said, furrowing his eyebrows. "I suppose you have a point..."

"The cognitive dissonance fades after a minute," she said, taking a sip of her tea. "You can always eat ghost peppers to help burn off the residual magic of the Dabberblimps, as well."

Harry let out a sigh as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "Ghost peppers, eh?" he said.

With a supremely serene smile that only Luna could pull off, she nodded. "It only makes sense, if you think about it," she said with a shrug. "If the cure was something simple like pumpkin juice, then Hogwarts students wouldn't be nearly as fascinated by well-endowed girls as they are."

After years of having to acclimate to Luna's leaps of logic, he didn't bother trying to argue that point. "Well, I'm glad there's a reason for my fascination with staring at women's chests," he said. "You'll explain that to Padma for me?"

"No," Luna said as she took her wand out from behind her ear and then floated her tea away.

"No?" Harry said, crossing his arms. "You know the whole Padma thing wouldn't have even happened if it hadn't been for you. It's the same with Ginny's uneven nostrils. As soon as you pointed out Padma and Parvati's oppositely-lopsided breasts, it was all I could do not to stare at them. There was no other bloody way to tell those two apart!"

Giving him that same serene smile, Luna sipped her tea. "I thought it had been obvious. All it took was a single glance," she said with a shrug, before looking down at her own chest. "See, mine? Mrs Right is a little more full than Miss Left."

It was the first time he'd ever noticed but he was not about to admit that to her. "Well, I'm sorry, but it takes more than a single glance for me," he said, dragging his eyes back up to her face.

She gave a dismissive wave of her hand. "It was doomed from the start, anyway," she said with a sympathetic look. "Double consonants. Wasn't until Padma that we realised, so I suppose it wasn't all for nothing."

Harry refrained from rolling his eyes. "Right, PP for Padma Patil," he said.

"And double N for Ginny," Luna said with a nod. "Utterly doomed."

Staring off into space, Harry winced as memories of that relationship began to flash in his mind's eye.

One memory in particular.

"It was those damn matching saris," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes with his fingers. "Impossible to tell them apart..."


"Are you almost done yet?" a muffled voice said.

Looking down, Harry quickly did his pants up and shot one last desperate look into the mirror. He had no idea how he was supposed to look. He'd just put on the clothes like he was told to and showed up at the correct time.

"I'm coming in," the same voice called out through the door.

Harry turned his attention to it, watching as the traditionally-clad woman walked in, her red and black sari flowing behind her.

She flipped her hair over her right shoulder and tutted before approaching Harry and readjusting everything.

Although being treated like a manikin was annoying, it was not the most pressing issue. The most pressing issue was that he was unaware if the woman fussing over him was his girlfriend or her sister.

They were going to be wearing matching saris today, as Padma had so graciously informed him earlier. And while he could tell them apart-mostly by how they dressed-he sometimes got it wrong.

There was little to no hope for him today.

Fred and George had nothing on these two. The Patil twins looked alike, acted alike, and sounded alike. They could mimic each other's voices perfectly when they wanted to.

And while identical twins could normally be differentiated by their little habits, Harry had yet to find a single, unique one between the two of them. And it was not for lack of trying

When Padma was annoyed, she'd use her right hand to flip her hair off her right shoulder. When she was frustrated, she'd use her right hand to flip the hair off her left shoulder. And when she was properly irritated, she'd use her right hand to flip her hair off both shoulders.

But nothing compared to when she'd use both hands to flip the hair off both shoulders. That's when he knew he'd screwed up big time.

Harry had studied her habits to the best of his ability, but none of it had mattered. Because Parvati had the exact same habits.

It had been easy at Hogwarts, Parvati in red and Padma in blue. But now he was attending a wedding with them, and as Parvati was currently between boyfriends, they'd thought it would be funny to both take Harry.

Identical twins dressing identically. Brilliant, just bloody brilliant.

Padma/Parvati scrunched up her nose and frowned. "A little off around here," she said, pointing her wand between his legs.

Harry let out a small yelp as his hand shot towards his crotch when he felt the fabric start to constrict. But then it released, and he saw the contoured outline of his body fade away.

She grinned at him. "Relax," she said, giving his thigh a pinch, "it's nothing I haven't seen before."

Whether she was referring to him, specifically, or men, in general, he had no idea. And that definitely wasn't helping his current predicament.

He'd just have to go for it.

Luna had been the one to point out the difference to him, and it had been a godsend in situations such as these. But it was going to be difficult to tell in these saris.

He tried to be casual about it, glancing down when she wasn't paying attention. It looked like the right might be bigger, but he felt as confident about that as he was in Neville brewing a complicated potion.

"Stop staring at my sister's chest, Harry," Padma said, coming in and flipping her hair over her left shoulder. "Just because she's your date too doesn't mean you can ogle her in front of me."

Feeling his heart skip, Harry turned around, looked up, and tried to smile at Padma. "Er-you look beautiful."

"Thanks," she said before giggling behind her hand. "Maybe tell Pads first, though."

"Pad-what?" Harry said, looking between the two.

He met Padma's eyes again and felt as though her glare was going to burn him to a crisp.

"You didn't have any issues telling us apart when we were at the beach," she said, flipping her hair off both her shoulders with her right hand. "Though I did notice you staring at Parvati's chest as much as mine."

Right hand...both shoulders...not good.

Harry let out a small groan as he ran a hand across his face. "How else am I supposed to tell you two apart..." he said under his breath.

Both women shot him identical glares.


"I knew it!"



Harry was pulled out of his thoughts. "Clever?"

"It's on your list," Luna said, tapping her finger on Harry's parchment. "Padma is more clever than what she lets on."

Raking his fingers through his hair, he nodded. "She is, but it was always more towards academics," he said, scrunching up his nose. "Parvati was the one who finally figured out I was staring at their breasts to figure out who was who, not Padma."

Luna hummed in agreement.

"Anyway, I doubt that relationship would have lasted even without the boob-checks," Harry said, frowning down at his tea. "I just found her a bit boring, to be honest. Not to mention the constant fear I was going to end up sleeping with the wrong twin..."

Suddenly popping up to her feet, Luna put her hand forth and then pulled Harry up as well. "Let's go bake."

He didn't bother questioning this turn of events and stood up to follow her into the kitchen. "What are you baking?"

"We're baking lemon-cinnamon-caramel biscuits," she said as she pointed her wand at the cupboards, causing them to bang open and ingredients to litter the counter.

"Did you say lemon-caramel biscuits?" he said, his mind still catching up. "Or was it cinnamon-caramel?"

Giving him an emphatic nod, she turned to stand before him, apron in hand

With a sigh, Harry lowered his head. She placed the apron around his neck and wrapped her arms around him, tying the back up.

"Mum used to say that lemon-cinnamon-caramel biscuits helped to give clarity," she said, tossing something in the air at him. "Here, put these on."

Harry caught it and glanced down at the familiar necklace before shaking his head and dropping it on the counter. He then reached into his pocket and withdrew an older, battered butterbeer cork necklace.

"Why would we be worried about nargles right now?" he asked, slipping the necklace on.

Luna tilted her head and blinked. "Nargles don't just steal items," she said, returning to supervise the eggs that were cracking themselves on the bowl and dropping their contents into it. "They can steal intangibles too, like the flavour from our biscuits. You want them to taste good, don't you?"

Chuckling, Harry shook his head and followed the directions, beginning with measuring out the exact amount of flour needed.

"Do looks matter so much?"

He added the correct amount of sugar and then glanced over at Luna. She'd placed his worn parchment on the counter in front of them and was currently staring down at it.

"Looks don't hurt," he said, frowning. "I think you'd like to be attracted to the person you're going to spend your life with, don't you?"

Giving him a sideways glance, Luna kept whisking her ingredients. She let out a hum and nodded.

"Why do you ask?"

"Well, you have different types of physical qualifiers here. Red-hot for Ginny, hot-bod for Padma and athletic-hot for Cho," she said, turning her eyes on him.

Scratching the back of his head, he continued mixing the dry ingredients. "Cho was athletic-hot, yeah," he said with a small grin. "I think if it wasn't for the Law of Double Consonants, she might've been the one."

Luna shook her head. "Your ideal girl list is a mess," she said, levitating the bowl away from him, mixing the dry and wet together now. "You liked that Ginny was brave but found her too fiery. Padma was clever but too boring, and Cho was tenacious but too emotional?"

Letting out a sigh, Harry nodded. "Her emotions were one thing, her choice in friends was another," he said. "But for the life of me, I couldn't get over her ears."


"Too expressive."


Harry had been worried about the selection of venue, but this was their second whole month together. And as he'd learned from their first whole month together, every month needed celebrating with Cho.

So, he'd asked where she'd wanted to go for their not-actually-all-that-big-of-a day that was actually-all-that-big-of-a-day, and she'd picked Hogsmeade.

Madam Puddifoots, of all places.

The two hadn't ever officially dated at Hogwarts, so they'd 'missed' this particular relationship benchmark, as Cho had explained to him.

Which was a bloody good thing, too. He'd heard nothing but horror stories about this place from Terry.

But even being well-removed from his Hogwarts days, he hadn't escaped this particular tradition. It was just another thing to add to the list of places he'd been dragged along to for the sake of his relationship with Cho.

And it had only been two months.

The door chimed to announce his entry, and as soon as Harry stepped inside, his eyes were assaulted.

Everywhere he looked, there were decorations, balloons, streamers and photographs of him and Cho.

And through the haze of it all, he spotted the real Cho at a centre table, waving at him. He ducked his head and made his way over.

Harry kissed her forehead and greeted her with a tentative "hey" as he took another look around.

Why on earth did the place look like a lovey-dovey, overly-girly, teenage-girl's wet-dream for torturing her pubescent boyfriend?

"Do you like it?" Cho said, anxiousness dancing in her eyes as her ears perked up. "Madam Puddifoot was so sweet about it. She closed the entire shop, just for us…"

Rubbing the back of his neck, Harry plopped into the seat across from her. "It's, er…" he started before trailing off.

He scrambled for something positive to say, and he could see Cho's ears droop. Or was that just his imagination?

Harry blinked and tried to focus but he was really struggling here. This whole thing seemed mad to him. "Did-did you do all this alone?"

She shook her head. "No," she said, placing her tightly clasped hands on the table. "I had a little help."

Looking around the room once more, he forced a smile onto his face. "Well, you've really outdone yourselves," he said, leaning over to place a hand on hers. "Must've been a lot of work."

"It was," she said, her chest lifting as she beamed up at him. "I'm just so happy we finally got to come here for something special. I...always wanted to while we were in school."

Bobbing his head, Harry couldn't help but wonder if there was something else 'special' about today's date that he'd forgotten. But somehow, he doubted it.

Shaking his head, he glanced down at his menu. "Know what you're having?" he said, frowning at the options.

Didn't they have any lunch?

Cho giggled as her ears moved forward. "The Love Platter For Two. You'll share it with me, won't you?" she said, leaning forward across the table. "Madam Puddifoot is famous for it."


"Yeah, sure," Harry said whilst rubbing his temples. The moving pictures of him and Cho were starting to give him a headache. They were plastered everywhere and their movements were erratic.

As soon as the words left his mouth, he noticed her ears move up as she smiled, and he couldn't help but stare.

Had they always been so...emotionally expressive?

"So...I was talking with Marietta," Cho said, pulling his attention back to her face. "And since she helped me plan all this...she wanted me to invite you to something in return."

Harry let out a tired sigh. Marietta always turned every little thing into an opportunity for a favour.

If he had to name the biggest downside to dating Cho, Marietta would get the top spot with second place being about as close as Lockhart's ability with a wand to Dumbledore's.

Heedless of his inner thoughts, Cho prattled on. "Her mum's friend's aunt's brother is throwing a little get together," she said, her ears pulling back as she shot him a smile. "Would you be able to come, Harry? It'd mean the world to Marietta...and me."

Harry's mouth opened to reply but snapped it shut before the rude rejection could come out. The last time he'd gone to something like this, it was for what Cho called 'an impromptu get together with old Ravenclaw dormmates.

But that hadn't been the case. Not even close to it.

Goldstein had tipped him off-after he'd already shown up. The entire thing was put together so Harry would attend and be introduced to some ministry flunky he'd purposefully avoided, all so Marietta could win favour with her boss.

"When is it?" he said finally.


"Can't, Quidditch."

And thank Merlin for quidditch with the boys.

A tear slipped from her eye in response, rolling down her cheek. And though he felt horrible for making her upset after all the work she'd put into this 'anniversary', the only thing he could focus on were those damn ears. They were drooping low now, reflecting her mood as she began full-on crying.

At this point, Harry knew he was screwed. He'd have to say yes and have all his mates upset with him for ditching last minute. But he had no other option. He wasn't keen on dealing with a sobbing Cho while pictures of their faces smiled down on him from every inch of the room.


"...and as if being friends with Marietta wasn't enough," Harry said, following Luna out of the kitchen and back into the sitting room, "I had to be dragged around from one pointless event to another by Cho because of her. She still hated me at that point too, you know."

Luna took a bite out of a lemon-cinnamon-caramel biscuit. "Because you didn't want to date her best friend after snogging her."

Harry let out a small huff and crossed his arms.

Yes, he'd snogged Cho in sixth year, and yes, he'd fancied her. But he'd refused to entertain the idea of a relationship. Cho could have won the Quidditch Cup for Ravenclaw that year and ran into the common room to snog him, but he still wouldn't have changed his mind. Dumbledore had just told him about the horcruxes, about his place in the upcoming war, and Harry knew he wouldn't be able to handle a relationship on top of everything else.

"You know why I had to do that, Luna," he said, feeling a familiar sense of weariness overcome him.

"I know why, yes," she said.

The unspoken words hung in the air:

But did Cho?

"She wouldn't have been able to handle it," Harry said, responding anyway. "You saw what happened to her after Cedric. Even while we were dating, she was always too sensitive, too...emotional."

Luna hummed but didn't say anything which only caused Harry to frown at her.

"I know what that means," he said.

She raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Your little humming noises. You're disagreeing with me," he said, folding his arms again.

Taking another bite of her biscuit, Luna merely shrugged. "I wouldn't call it disagreeing, I'd call it being curious."

Harry raised an eyebrow at her. "And what are you curious about?"

She glanced down at his list again, her face impassive. "Cho was too sensitive," she said, as though processing the words aloud. "She wore her emotions on her sleeve."

"Okay…" he said, slowly. "Yeah, so what?"

Her blue eyes met his for a moment before travelling over his face as though studying him.

"Where do you wear yours, Harry?"

He blinked a few times and shook his head. "What?"

"Where do you wear your emotions?"

His lips parted as he considered the question. "I...don't know that I do," he said.

Luna nodded but didn't say anything.

Swallowing hard, he shook his head again. "What exactly is your point here?" he said, prodding her along the conversation as he often had to do.

Luna merely shrugged. "Mum used to say that emotions always have to travel somewhere," she said with the soft smile she always wore whenever she spoke of her mother. "And just like a bad set of plimpy eggs, they're always better out than in."

Harry stared down at the uneaten biscuit in his hand. "Yes, well...I'll keep that in mind," he said before placing the small plate on the table in front of him and leaning his elbows against his knees. "But like I said wasn't just her emotions or even Marietta that bothered me. It was those ears."

"Ah yes...the ears," Luna said.

"I just couldn't stop staring at them," he said, raking his fingers through his hair. "They kept moving...with every word she'd say. Every feeling. Angry, happy, sad, scared…They were just too bloody expressive."

Luna set her teacup on the table as well and turned to face him. "You have a habit of fixating on things, don't you," she said.

With a long sigh, Harry leant back against the cushion. "You're probably right," he said, rubbing his eyes.

Going through his romantic history with Luna was beginning to wear on him. He needed a break from all of this, a chance to clear his head.

"Can we get out of here?" he said after a moment. "No offence to your feng shui but this flat still feels stuffy to me."

With a small frown, she mumbled something under her breath that sounded like, "Perhaps it's not the flat".

He ignored it, knowing better than to insult Luna's decor. But he couldn't stand to be inside a second longer. "Why don't we go to the marsh you wanted to visit last weekend in Kent?"

"Hmm, yes, I've heard it's recently been infested with a population of will-o'-the-wisps," she said, her eyes alight with the possibility. "That's a good idea. Let me grab my waders."

Harry nodded and stood up to stretch, taking a closer look at the new setup of the room as he waited.

It didn't take long for Luna to walk back in, dressed in lime green wader overalls with her long hair pulled back into a bun.

He smiled at the sight of her. She didn't wear her hair pulled back very often, but it always caught him by surprise how beautiful she looked when she did. Not that she wasn't always beautiful, but it was a rare sight to see and one he appreciated.

"You ready?" Luna said.

With a nod, Harry took her arm in his and let her apparate them away.


He cringed as soon as they reappeared, his trainers submerged in murky water, reaching up to his ankles.

Luna gave him an apologetic look. "I tried to land on the...well, land," she said as she led them towards the grass which wasn't much drier. "I didn't manage it."

"No, it appears not."

Pulling out his wand, Harry transfigured his shoes into lime green wellies to match Luna.

"All better," she said with a pleased smile.

He smiled back before conjuring his usual recliner that had been a godsend to him throughout all of Luna's little expeditions. She had a habit of losing track of time when she got really into her work, and Harry had a habit of growing bored out of his skull. He'd found the solution early on to use the time to catch up on some well-needed rest.

Transfiguring a nearby rock into a fluffy pillow, Harry leant back and observed Luna at work. She had a long landing net in hand that she used to skim through the surface of the water. A journal floated in midair before her with a self-inking quill that took down the notes she was speaking aloud.

Luna's voice alone was enough to lull him to sleep. He'd once said that aloud to Ginny who'd frowned and called him rude for it, but she clearly hadn't understood what he'd meant.

Hadn't understood anything I'd meant, really.

Harry sighed and shook his head, not wanting his mind to travel down that path again. Instead, he focused back on Luna's calming voice. It was melodic in a way. Steady. Gentle. In all the years he'd known her, Harry could count on his fingers the number of times she'd actually yelled.

Which wasn't to say she never got angry. No, she did. But it was just different with her. She would get short, abrupt, matter-of-fact. And she would only ever yell when it mattered, when she needed to be heard.

Dealing with Luna's anger was like a walk in the park compared to Ginny's. Dealing with Luna's anything was like a walk in the park compared to anyone.

It was just so easy with her. So simple. Like being alone but with another warm presence beside him. A presence that made him happy, bewildered, amused. That made everything else in the world just disappear. Just matter less.

Harry smiled to himself as he continued to watch his best friend at work. At some point along the way, he felt his eyes begin to droop.

He didn't bother trying to fight it.


It could have been hours or perhaps only minutes, but when Harry opened his eyes once more, it was to find Luna in an identical recliner right beside him.

"Hey," he said, blinking up at her. "How long was I out for?"

"One hour and seven minutes," she said without missing a beat. "Did you rest well?"

Stretching his body out, Harry nodded with a yawn. "Weather was nice, sun was out, best mate here. What more could I ask for?"

Luna smiled at him before glancing back down at her lap where the infamous piece of parchment lay. "I took another look at this while you were asleep," she said in answer to his unspoken question. "You're missing someone."

He frowned as he leaned in closer to her to read. "I am?" he said, wracking his brain for any missing girlfriends he'd somehow forgotten.

Luna nodded. "Pansy Parkinson."

If Harry had been drinking something at that moment, he would have surely spit it out. "I did not date Pansy Parkinson."

"Well, I never said date," Luna pointed out in a mild voice.

"I didn' anything with her either," Harry said, feeling revolted at the very thought. "We went on one single outing together, and it was clearly a mistake from the start."

Luna didn't say anything, but he still felt the need to defend himself.

"I was desperate, alright? I'd just broken up with Cho and before that was Padma and before that Ginny!" Harry said, beginning to wish he'd never told Luna about it at all.

"Well, there must have been a reason besides desperation," Luna said, readying her quill.

He shook his head. "There really wasn't."


They stared at each other for a moment, Harry's jaw set and Luna's eyebrow raised until he finally let out a loud exhale and spoke. "I ran into her at work one day," he said, rubbing his face. "She was reporting a theft at her shop, and I completed the paperwork for her. She seemed...different than she was in school I guess."

"How so?"

Harry shrugged. "Funnier, I guess? In a sarcastic sort of way," he said, trying to think back to that meeting. "Cute in's-cute kind of way."

Luna let out a small hum. "Anything else?"

He crossed his arms and took a moment to actually consider Pansy Parkinson for the first time.

It didn't take very long.

"I suppose she was...always loyal," Harry said finally. "To Slytherin, to her housemates. Even if she was wrong."

"So loyalty is important to you?" Luna said to confirm.

He nodded. "It is, yeah," he said, staring at her as she wrote the word down. "Very important."

Luna looked back up and caught his eye. "And the negatives?"

Blinking a few times, Harry shook his head and then let out a small laugh. "Oh, where do I begin…" he said, starting to count off on his fingers. "She was rude, had no filter, was absolutely mental, and just...she was just...well, she was Pansy Parkinson."

"Shall I write down 'don't be Pansy Parkinson' in the aspirational column?"

"Please," Harry said. "And don't forget loyal."

Luna nodded and wrote it down. "Yes, loyal."

After setting her quill back down, she looked up from the parchment and back to him. "It makes sense why you sought her out, you know," she said. "Besides the desperation, I mean."

"Oh?" he said, not particularly interested either way.

"The Law of Double Consonants," she said. "PP, for Pansy Parkinson. Just like CC, Cho Chang-"

"And PP, Padma Patil," Harry finished for her. "Yes, I remember. The Law that dictates my life. I've never understood why you believe so strongly in it, Luna. It feels a bit...hokey to me, if I'm being honest."

As Luna's best friend, that was definitely saying something.

But it wasn't so much that it wasn't possible or within the capabilities of magic, it was more that he refused to believe his life was preordained. Yes, there'd been the ridiculous prophecy made by a drunk Trewlawny, and yes, it had come true. But the thought of him having no control of yet another area of his life left a sour taste in his mouth.

When it came to the prophecy, his parents had made their choices, Riddle had acted on it and Dumbledore had chosen to believe in it. But that was life. And he wasn't going to let his own life be dictated by others once again. He made his own choices.

So this Law, one that operated on the basis of a person having double consonants in their name, wasn't the master of his fate.

He was.

His dating life wasn't going to be run by some quirk in magic. And whether Luna felt she had an explanation for it or not, it'd never sit right with him.

"Hokey?" Luna said, peering over at him. "Larry Lovegood wasn't hokey."

He raised his eyebrows in response. "Larry Lovegood?"

She gave him a stiff nod. "My father's great grand-uncle's cousin."

"Right," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose and trying his best to remain open-minded. "What does he have to do with this? Other than also having two sets of double consonants in his name."

"Well, he fell afoul of the Law, of course," she said with a shrug. "How else would we know so much about it?"

"How else, indeed."

Setting down the parchment, Luna turned to face him and began her explanation. "Larry Lovegood was the serial dater of his time, always courting women but never able to tie the knot," she said, the unspoken 'just like you' loud and clear. "He courted double consonant-named woman after double consonant-named woman."

"Okay…" Harry said. "And how did he finally make it work?"

Luna paused for a moment before shrugging. "He kept trying," she said with a small frown. "He made it his life's work to journal and study his experiences which culminated in the famed Law of Double Consonants."

"And...what exactly does the Law state?"

She shook her head. "Oh, we've never read it. Anyone who does risks falling under the Law's purview," she said in a matter-of-fact voice. "Us Lovegoods only know of it through oral history."

Of course, Harry thought with a sigh. Nothing was ever straightforward with Luna's family.

"But according to Daddy who told me what his father told him, and what his great-grandfather told him…" she said before taking in a small breath, "If you ever meet someone who continually dates people with double consonants in their name, you must warn them that all of those relationships will be doomed."


After another long week of work, it was with a dejected mood that Harry returned to Luna's flat.

It had been a month now since his relationship with Gabi ended, and he was no closer to finding 'the one'.

Harry collapsed onto the couch and looked over at Luna. She was sitting in the chair across from him, her legs crossed, her quill behind her ear and her messy hair let down. He groaned as he saw the parchment in her hands.

"I thought we'd exhausted that," he said, voice glum.

Pulling her quill out, she tapped it against the bottom of the parchment. "I thought we could take another look. We didn't really discuss the problem with Gabi…" she said, turning to face him. "Shall we try the ghost peppers to remove the Dabberblimp magic?"

He rubbed his face, feeling even more tired at the prospect. "Let's face it, Luna," he said, dropping his head back onto the armrest. "It's just another fixating thing like you said. Gabi just wasn't the one, even if she was just as hot as Fleur or more."

She let out a hum and glanced back down at the list. "What shall I add in the positives column?" she said.

Thinking about it only made Harry feel more dejected, but he listed them off anyway. "Sweet...cute French accent, and...exotic-hot looks?"

After receiving a nod from her, Harry thought back to the reason he'd broken up with Gabi. He'd initially told Luna it was about Fleur but even then, he'd known he'd been fooling himself. It was more than that, it always had been. Just like it had been more than Ginny's nostrils, Padma's uneven breasts, or Cho's expressive ears (though, in hindsight, that had definitely been weird). It just was easy to blame the tiny things rather than facing the bigger ones.

The truth was, every woman had had their faults just as he'd had his own. Ones he'd learned from after some heavy self-reflection. And though he'd not yet admitted it to Luna, the discussions with her after the breakups, even her suggestion of writing the list and objectively looking at what he had and hadn't liked in a woman, had helped, greatly.

"It wasn't about Fleur," Harry said, shaking his head. "It was just...Gabi was so…"

"So...?" Luna said.

He let out a long exhale. "Docile," he said, at last. "She was so docile. Like she couldn't get over the fact that I'd saved her in the Second Task. Always doe-eyed and waiting for me to take the lead."

Luna nodded in understanding. "You hate taking the lead all the time."

Glancing up at her, Harry felt his shoulders relax. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, it's...exhausting making every single decision alone."

"Relationships are supposed to be built on teamwork," she said with a shrug. "Two people becoming more together than they were apart.

Harry swallowed hard as he took a moment to consider her words.

"Shall I mark doe-eyed as a negative, then?"

Snapping out of his thoughts, he shook his head. "No," he said at once, meeting her eyes, wide, blue, and innocent as they always were. "No, doe-eyes can be rather cute."

They stared at each other, a soft smile playing on Luna's lips.

Harry cleared his throat. "Regardless," he said, glancing away. "Reading Gabi's Quibbler columns always weirded me out."

Luna quirked her head to the side. "How so?"

"Well, some of them were pretty funny, like the Conceivably Cocky Cockatrice," he said, chuckling. "But the Rampaging Randy Roomba...that was just deranged, demented...disturbed, really."

"I liked the Pathological Pontificating Pygmy Puff," Luna said. "It'd be quite cute as it pontificated."

He shook his head. "That particular edition also had the Scintillatingly Salacious Sacred Saharan Slinky, though," he said, huffing again. "How could a slinky be scintillatingly salacious?"

She shrugged.

"Got to be a bit mental to come up with that one."

Though, come to think of it, one would have to be a bit mad to publish that article, let alone write it. But that was the Quibbler. There was no use trying to make sense of it. Lovegoods just had a way of making illogical things, logical while rational things somehow became irrational. It never stopped him from reading, and it certainly never would.

And anyway, the Quibbler never failed to leave him with a big smile on his face afterwards, and a feeling that the world was somehow a better, happier place.

"So where does that leave us?" he said, looking at the parchment in Luna's lap.

"Well, her next article is going to cover the Yachtsman's Yokelish Yellow Yaffingale Yearling and the Zesty Zoftig Zoophagous Zimbabwean Zebra-"

Harry smiled in amusement. "No, I meant on the list," he said, trying not to wonder how a zebra could have a round, plump, and somehow spicy figure.

Luna shrugged and placed the parchment on the table. "That's the end of it."


Harry watched as Luna worked, her eyebrows knit together. Every so often she'd quickly circle something, and as she got toward the bottom of the list, she smiled. Well...half-smiled, half-grimaced.

"Just as I thought," she said as she pulled out her wand and duplicated the list.

"What?" Harry said, snatching the parchment out of the air and scouring it.

She gave him a sympathetic look. "The Law of Double Consonants simply cannot be overcome," she said, shaking her head. "You can't date anyone whose initials are the same consonant or who has a double consonant in their name."

Harry slumped back against the couch and let out a small groan. She'd looked so busy at work on his list, that he'd really been expecting something new. "What about Gabi then?" he said, throwing his hands up. "One G, one B, and last I checked, her surname isn't Gelacour."

Raising an eyebrow at what he assumed was his tone of voice, Luna took the list back from him. "Gabi is short for Gabrielle," she said. "Two L's."

He closed his eyes at his own stupidity. "Right…" he said before looking over at the names again. "Then what about Ginny? Short for Ginevra. No doubles."

"But she's never gone by Ginevra," Luna said wisely. "Ginny's been her name since before she could talk. Gabi actually goes by Gabrielle."

With a long sigh, Harry slumped back against the couch again, his fingers massaging his temples. He'd really thought he'd cheated the system with Gabi. Or perhaps, he hoped he might have.

The first time Luna brought up her Double Consonants theory, he'd laughed at the very idea. It certainly wasn't the oddest thing he'd ever heard her say, but it was definitely so bizarre that he hadn't paid it any mind thereafter.

But then Padma happened. And Pansy. And now Gabi. Slowly, but surely, Harry seemed to be subconsciously seeking out double consonant-named girls and swiftly coming to regret it. There had to be some sort of explanation. And as mad as Luna sometimes was, there always seemed to be just a bit of truth to her words.

But neither the Law of Double Consonants nor fate would be having their way with him. He refused to let it happen.

With clenched hands, he focused back on Luna. "So what does this all mean, exactly?" he said, slamming a fist against the couch. "Am I doomed to just keep dating double consonant-named women with horrid results for the rest of my life?"

"Of course not," she said.

"Well, what then?" Harry said unable to keep the desperation out of his voice.

"The law says you can't date one before marrying them."

He knitted his forehead in response. "Er...okay?" he said, at a loss as to how that helped. "So...what, I'm just supposed to find a random girl with the right type of name, portkey to Las Vegas and hope it all goes well?"

"No," she said, putting emphasis on the word. "You're supposed to find a double consonant-named girl that meets the requirements of your list and then marry her."

Harry blinked. " it's that easy?"

"It is," she said, with that supremely serene smile of hers.

He raised an eyebrow and gave her a long look.

"You marry me."

Raising both his eyebrows now, Harry opened and closed his mouth a few times before finally uttering the word, "Pardon?"

"Marry me," Luna repeated.

Luna had said many a mad thing in Harry's presence but never had she shaken him so much to the core.

"Luna, that's...I...I mean..."

He floundered around a bit while she brought the paper to his line of sight. "Take a look at the qualities again, Harry," she said with a small smile. "The qualities you want in a woman."

Still feeling shaky, Harry took the paper from her hands and scanned the attributes that were circled. His most aspirational qualities in a woman.





"Blonde…" Harry said to himself, glancing back at Luna who was staring at him with a thoughtful expression on her face.

"Do you think I'm all those things, Harry?" she said, her voice curious. She leaned in to take a look at the paper. "Hot, as well?"

Harry shook his head. "You're beautiful-gorgeous," he said before he could stop himself. "Much better than hot."

Luna smiled at that before slipping her wand out and summoning something from her bedroom. A scroll of parchment then floated towards Harry and landed in his lap.

He looked at her in question but she only gestured for him to unfurl it.

"My list," she said, as his eyes took in the words on the page.





Then finally, at the bottom, one single name circled.

Harry Potter.

Feeling a sudden well of emotions overcome him, Harry carefully put down the list and looked back up at Luna. "You, don't think I'm hot?" he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering.

A grin appeared on Luna's face as she summoned a quill and then proceeded to add on the words 'beautiful, gorgeous, much better than hot' in big, bold letters.

Harry could feel his heart fit to burst as her big, blue eyes met his. "Do you think it would be weird to kiss your best friend after all these years?"

Luna licked her lips. "I suppose...there's only one way to find out," she said, her voice more vulnerable than Harry had ever heard it before.

Without a second's hesitation, he leaned forward to place his lips on her, his hands cradling the back of her head.

It felt more amazing than Harry ever dreamed it could be. And he had dreamed, though he'd never dared admit it aloud. When they were teenagers at Hogwarts and he'd had the weight of the war on his shoulders. And all throughout his adulthood, the desire sat on the backburner, simmering, not daring to boil over lest he ruin the only good thing he'd ever had in his life.

But now Luna's lips were on his. And this, this was better than any fantasy or dream he could have mustered, any reality he'd dared wished for.

Aside from one...small thing.

"Luna...what's on your lips?" he said, pulling back finally with a surprised laugh. "Tastes...interesting."

Luna's eyes were glazed over, but she blinked a few times and shook her head. "It's my chapstick for attracting Moon Frogs," she said, a small wrinkle in her brow. "Elderberries mixed with whale blubber."

He bit back a smile. "And do you always wear it?"


Harry let out a small hum. "I think I can learn to like it if it means kissing you more."

With a grin, Luna leant back in to meet his lips once more.

"We'd better get married if we want this to last," she said into the kiss.


The word came barreling into his mind, wiping out all other thoughts. He could barely comprehend the idea of getting married. A wife, family, and soon to follow, children. If he'd been told a week ago that he'd be marrying someone, let alone his best friend, so soon, he'd have laughed in their face.

But now...he couldn't imagine how he'd ever thought he could spend the rest of his life with anyone else.

"Let's do it," Harry said, placing his hands on Luna's arms. "As soon as we can. We could elope to Vegas like the muggles do."

Luna's eyes widened a bit before her face relaxed into a smile. "Okay," she said. "But not Las Vegas. Daddy always said if you wanted to get married, you should do it in Eucla."

Harry simply nodded. He had no idea where that was, but it didn't matter. He was going to marry the beautiful blonde before him. Magic, fate, and the Merlin-forsaken Law of Double Consonants that had frustrated all of his other relationships could go bugger themselves.

He'd found his true love.

"So...Eucla?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. "What's so special about it?"

Her face lit up like it always did when she was eager to explain something to him, and Harry simply grinned as he listened.

"They say that in Eucla when a couple gets married and spends their first night together," she said, taking his hands in hers, "The women's womb will take to the man's seed like Nargles to mistletoe and give the couple an abundance of powerful offspring."

"Powerful offspring?"

"So Daddy says," she said with a shrug.

While powerful offspring didn't sound bad, he knew he'd have a heavy dose of scepticism when the source of knowledge turned out to be one of Luna's family members. He would never think poorly of the dead, but Xenophilius wasn't exactly a paragon of truth. Nor any of his ancestors, it seemed. His great grand-uncle's cousin was quickly going to be proven unreliable when Harry finally circumvented the Law of Double Consonants and married Luna Lovegood.

"Hey, Luna?" Harry said.


"Did Larry Lovegood ever find his true love?"

She looked up at him with a frown. "Who?"