The Dream that You Chased
Disclaimer: Digimon is not mine. Neither is Gackt's song Kimi ga Oikaketa Yume. Just in case….Sorato warning.
~* I can still remember it now
There's no forever here
I kept gazing with sad eyes at the people who vanished *~
Prologue: But, I Love Him
Mistake. Mistake. Mistake. Mistake.
The thought drummed into her head as she silently slipped out of the bed. Stupid, foolish girl for letting her emotions run away with her. Why, why had she come here? Why had she thought that he could help? She slipped her t-shirt over her head. The red jacket she had worn was still hanging on the back of his chair, still damp from the rain that had fallen outside. Quickly, silently, she pulled on her jeans, not bothering to find her socks, content with sliding her feet into her slightly damp sneakers.
Her parents were getting a divorce, that's why she had come here. To talk to someone who had gone through divorce before. For a shoulder to cry on, a friend who would understand. He had understood. His blue eyes sympathetic as she confessed all her fears, admitting every emotion running through her body. Her hand gripped the doorknob; she allowed herself one last glance at the figure fast asleep in the bed. Well, maybe not every emotion…
But he knew now. He had to, unless this all meant nothing to him.
She didn't think she could handle it if it meant nothing to him.
But still, it was a mistake. A big mistake. How could she have let this happen? Oh, she loved him. She'd loved him as long as she could remember. From the time they had been thrown together by forces outside of themselves. From the time fate – for lack of a better word – had transported them into a world outside their own. She had fallen in love with him then. Back when she hardly even knew the meaning of the word.
She didn't know why she loved him. He was arrogant at the best of times, and downright rude and nasty when he wanted to be. It was those moments when he let the "cool" mask drop, the moments when it was just the two of them that she held closest to her heart. It was then that he was himself. He wasn't scared to be less than perfect with her. There was even the odd moment when he admitted his fear, his worries to her. She loved him even more then. Because he trusted her enough to tell her those fears and insecurities. He trusted her with his dreams.
That was why this was a mistake. He was so close, enticingly close to his goal, to the dream he had striven for. So close. He'd told her tonight, mere hours ago, that a recording contract was in the works. It wasn't just any recording contract either, it was a big one, the one that could propel him and the band into the world of superstardom. He was that close.
Tonight could ruin everything. The harsh light in the corridor assaulted her eyes as she stepped out of the apartment, closing the door with a click behind her. Her hair, half damp and more than a little frizzy, fell in her eyes. Impatiently, she pushed it away.
She didn't want to think about this anymore, all she wanted was to go home and get into bed. But she knew that even there she wouldn't be able to escape what had happened earlier. She wouldn't be able to escape his eyes. Liquid pools of blue, sympathetic, and later, asking her "are you sure you want this?". And she had smiled, a small, pathetic excuse for a smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. It was the answer to his question.
Later, when she had laid there, his arm around her waist she wondered why she had smiled. Why had she allowed that moment of weakness? Why had she thought that he could maybe, just maybe, love her the same way?
She didn't want his sympathy. She wanted his love.
It was too late now. She knew that she could never have his love. She could never allow herself that luxury because it meant that his dream would shatter. Fumbling, she searched her jeans pocket for a key; a relieved look crossed her face when she found it. Home. Stepping into the darkened hall she paused, listening for any sound that might indicate that her mother had waited up for her.
She walked into the darkened kitchen, flipping the light she opened the medicine cabinet. Something to help her sleep, that was what she needed. Just something that would wipe away – if only for the moment – the feelings that overwhelmed her, the world that was crashing down around her.
A single tear slipped down her cheek.
But…I love him…
A/N: I know, I have no right to start anything new. But this idea's been sitting in my head for awhile And I just wanted to see what would happen if I actually wrote it. Another multi-parter everyone. One that's NOT obscured by the mists of time. Maybe it's more mature, I dunno…. Comments & criticisms always welcome. It'll hopefully make more sense soon.