sheeesh i'm suddenly nervous i hope you guys don't think this part sucks.

this part is dedicated to Nurrek because this story is all her fault. Thanks Nurrek

thanks for all your wonderful comments guys I meant it you guys rock!!

(((Group Hug)))

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Dr. Lemieux and Dylan entered medical both were surprise but happy to see the two sleeping friends. Beka had sat on the floor by Harper's bed. With Arm in the air still being held on to by Harper both had fallen asleep.

Dr. Lemieux Jumped as Trance appeared silently at their side as pulled them out in to the corridor.

"Their sleeping." She whispered the obvious.

"Are they talking?" Questioned Dylan.

"Not really Harper is still unconscious I gave him some thing to help him relax. It should wear off soon. Both of them were exhausted."

"Well something happened." Dr. Lemieux gazed curiously through the door at the two sleeping pair. "I mean, he had such horrible nightmares. It could be the drugs but I doubt it. He looks so peaceful. Beka really has been the magic key to opening Harper's box of secrets."

Dylan suddenly looked uncomfortable he grabbed the doctor's arm and directed him down the hall. "Let's give them some time."

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Harper woke slowly. His chest hurt. His throat hurt. He let out a small groan. Slowly he focused his eyes. He was in medical again. Something's never changed. His arm felt sore. He looked down his arm towards his hand. Some one was holding his hand. He pulled him self towards the edge of the bed and gazed over. It was Beka. A sudden joyous smile crossed his face but it disappeared a moment later. She told him she didn't want to see him anymore. He had a vague memory of her saying good bye. The only reason he could deduce that she would want to leave was that she told...she told his secret.

He let go of her hand.

"You promised." He whispered through his sore throat. A tear dripped down his face and over his nose. He rolled over turning his back to her.

She must have woken the moment her limp arm hit the floor. Seconds after he rolled over she was by his side. "Harper?"

"Go away!" he rasped "That's what you want to do anyway isn't it!"

He could hear Beka stifle her gasp with her hand.

He had hurt her. He was afraid and he was angry and he told himself he didn't care. She had treated him badly and he needed someone to yell at. He sat up and faced her. "You told!"

"I had to."

"You promised! You told me that you always kept your promises! I trusted you!" His fury was building.

Dr. Lemieux entered silently behind Beka.

"I know but you are more important to me then my promise.I."

Harper suddenly noticed Dr. Lemieux. "You get the hell out of here! This is between me and Beka."

"I think you're angry and you're taking your anger out on the closest person. Who are you really mad at?"

Harper jumped to his feet. "Get out the both of you!"

Beka stood silent nervous but neither her nor the doctor moved any closer to the door.

"Remember your promise to me Harper?" Continued the Doctor. "Tell me why you're so mad and we'll leave."

Harper looked around angrily maybe he could find something to throw at them. Damn Trance for being so neat! They stood between him and the door he couldn't make a break for it. Suddenly he was feeling very claustrophobic.

Dr. Lemieux took a step forward. He tried to back away. Really, he did. But, the bed was in the way and it was pushed up against the wall. Once again his breath quickened. The past was rushing in to the future.

The doctor took another step forward. "Everyone here cares for you. We've made mistakes and ask you to forgive us. We did what we did because we thought it would help you could get better."

"I'm fine. I'm good." Harper whispered the bar of the bed digging in to his back.

"Harper you're not fine." Beka finally found her voice and seemed to be regaining her strength of conviction. "You saw that girl give birth to the Magog and you killed her just like you killed your cousins. Then you killed all the baby Magogs."

Harper stared at her in utter shock . she told. There it was his deep darkest secrets hung out for everyone to see.

His knees gave way and he sunk to the floor. He wished he could tesseract so he could keep going right through the floor.

The doctor and Beka were right there beside him in an instant. His memories flooded over his brain. He tried to push them away. "That didn't happen. none of that happened."

Beka grabbed his shoulders. "Harper you listen to me right now!" she was using her Captain voice.

He looked up and met her eyes. "No.No, please." He sobbed once again.

Dr. Lemieux whispered softly. Harper tried to ignore him.

Beka shook him. Hard. "Seamus Zelazny Harper! You stay with us that's an order!"

He looked at her. "Where was I going?" It was all so confusing.

"Let it out." Whispered the doctor. "The truth is out. Don't hide from it. Were here."

"And were not leaving. ever" whispered Beka.

"No, please. the little Magog they could have grown up to be like Rev. My cousins. the little girl. I kill children. BEKA, I KILLED BABIES!"

Beka grabbed him pulling him in to a hug. "No. No, you don't kill babies. You helped people.those in pain."

He sobbed loudly on her shoulder. "No! Please.I don't want to do that any more. Not ever again! You promised you wouldn't leave me.you weren't there!"

This time tears sprung to Beka's eyes. She tried to move back but Dr. Lemieux grabbed her arm holding her in place.

"Leave if you're going to leave!" screamed Harper.

Beka's face grew firm again. She looked mad. "Harper...you're the only real family I have left. I can't be with you one hundred percent of the time. I think you know this. But I will never leave you behind when you need me. I ran away from you in the hospital. I - I panicked. I had never seen you like that before and it scared me. Your right I shouldn't have run away then .I'll do my best to never let that happen again."

Harper looked away from her unable to meet her eyes.

But Beka grabbed his face and forced him to look at her. "Now you pay attention to me! I'm sorry I broke my promises but in the end it doesn't matter. I will always do everything I can to keep my promises to you. But, never.and I mean never again will I let anything I promise stand in the way of your welfare! Do you understand me?"

Harper gave a small nod. It was the best he could do with her gripping his face like that. He felt like he was making a fish face. None of this was very dignified. Once again he want to slink off and hide.

Beka let go of his face.

He relaxed a little the anger leaving him. It was quickly replaced by helplessness. He hugged his knees. "What am I going to do? If everybody knows what I've done.I don't want anyone to know the kind of person I am.

Dr. Lemieux looked at him. "You are a very bright young man who has lived through a lot of horrible things. That is nothing to be ashamed of. You have to accept that these things happened. You did what you had to do. What you thought you had to. If anything I admire you for that. It takes a lot of strength for you to have done what you had to do. Those dead children could have very easily be you."

"I wish they had been me."

"I don't. Your friends don't. You heard Beka say she was willing to do what ever it takes to make sure you were okay. It's true your life affects those around you. I only see positives here. You've made your friends laugh and cry and worry. Dylan even told me you were one of the primary reasons the Maru was able to pull him out of that black hole. One life cannot be chosen over another. You lived Harper while other's died. Maybe that was simply just the way it was meant to be. Any of those people you say you killed may have died moments later or years later. But they would have died. You do not control life and death. You were a catalyst nothing more. Do you understand that?"

Harper gave a wry smile. "Understand it yes.believing it a whole other issue. I'm sorry I have been such a pain in the ass to my friends." He looked at his feet and started playing with the laces on his boots. "Sometimes it all becomes a bit much. I go through a week with out thinking about what happened on earth. Then I feel bad. I'm think maybe the people I left behind are mad at me because I don't think of them all the time. Then we went down to that planet and there.was that little girl."

Beka took his hand from his laces and gripped it tightly.

"That little girl. she just wanted to be with her mom. She just wanted to go home. Just like me. I just wanted to go home . I didn't want to stay and help her.it was to hard. But, I couldn't just leave her could I?"

Some people would have." Injected the doctor.

"I thought I would never have to deal with that stuff again. I didn't think about earth because I pushed it out of my mind. I felt safe here. It was almost like earth didn't happen.it wasn't real. Seeing the little girl on the planet made everything too real. I couldn't deal. It was like all the memories I had been denying rushed forth and everything that I had become just got swept aside. I got lost."

"That's why it's important you talk to someone when you get these feelings." Replied the doctor.

"I told Beka but it didn't seem to help."

"Because you made her promise not to tell. It was like she was holding on to those memories for you so you wouldn't have to deal with them. But they didn't belong to her."

Harper gave a small nod. "I burdened her with a lot of my crap. No wonder she ran away."

"I let my self take it on Harper." She squeezed his hand encouragingly. "Your not alone in this."

Harper gave a dry laugh. "Well what the hell do we do now?"

"We remember. we accept.we look to the future .we live"

"You make it sound easy."

"Living is never easy. But, sometimes it's the right thing to do."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++

Three days later Harper was sitting in one of the corridors in front of an open panel. Damn it felt good to be back at work. He looked up as he heard footsteps coming down the hall.

"Hey, Doc." He smiled cheerfully as Dr. Lemieux rounded the corner.

"Hey." He said casually smiling in return. "What are you fixing?"

"A couple a relay's. Rommie is to smart for her own good sometimes. She's always blowing a fuse."

The doctor laughed lightly. "Well I just came to say good-bye."

Harper felt a little surprised. "Already?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure I'm going to be able to...I mean I don't want to."

"Harper relax it's going to be okay. I gave Rommie my contact in call me any time. All you have to do is remember what I told you."

"When ever I feel like the past is to much to bare talk to someone." Harper rolled his eyes.

"Right.and I'm not kidding. And, don't make them promise to keep it a secret."

Harper smiled.

A comfortable silence hung in the air.

"You know what I have decided?"

"What?"

"I want to do something for all the little kids that have been affected by war. I looked around there are a lot of organizations...I don't know what I'm going to do yet but I'm going to help them somehow."

"I think that's a great idea. You'll make a difference."

Harper gave a nod.

"Well keep in touch let me know how it goes." Dr. Lemieux turned to go.

"Doc?"

The Doctor turned back.

"Thanks for everything."

"You did all the work I just listened."

"It meant a lot though."

Dr. Lemieux smiled. Just then a Beka's voice screeched over the intercom.

"Harper get your skinny mudfoot ass down to command! You for got to fix the right slipstream controller."

"Beka I'm working on the relay's." he whined

"Now!"

He smiled and gave a small chuckle. "I have a feeling Doc if I try to forget things ever again Beka will be sure to remind me."

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The end