The author would like to note that he is not making fun of Scottish accents with the green dwarves, he is making fun of the accents used by the stupid green dwarves in Final Fantasy 9 which resemble an exaggerated version of Scottish, thus he is making fun of stereotypes.
Disclaimer: I don't own Ranma, Final Fantasy Nine, any King Arthur movie/book/game or Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

A Dragon Named Ranma
Chapter Five; The Final Battle! Say 'Goodbye' Ryoga!

Deep in the Bog of Fantasy . . .
Ryoga wandered for what felt like days, until finally he found what he'd been looking for . . . wait . . . no . . . ahh who cared? The Tendo Training Hall, only now it said the Hibiki Training Hall. He walked in and there was his wife, Akane Hibiki. Their five children—all of whom were boys who'd inherited their father's passion for martial arts and thankfully their mother's sense of direction—were all playing some child's game and enjoying themselves. Ryoga came into the house and Akane smiled warmly, "Aha, Ryoga, you're home, how wonderful! Because guess what—Ryuko needs a diaper change, Ryunosuke needs help with his homework, Ryoga II was playing with knives, and you need to give Ryomasa the birds and the bees chat because Mousse and Shampoo called and it seems little Perfume just grew breast."
"Perfume? Mousse and Shampoo named their kid after Perfume? Why?" Ryoga blinked.
Akane stared at him. "Who are you?"
"What? It's me, Ryoga."
"Ryoga? Oh I haven't seen you in years! You must come in for tea! Ranma! Ranma, your friend is here!"
To Ryoga's shock a fat balding version of Ranma came down stairs, the children all sprouted pigtails and started calling him names, and there were at least three more of them. Akane was also suddenly looking nine months pregnant again.
"AAAAHHHHH!" Ryoga turned and ran away.

Ukygo wandered through the high mountains, she had the spatula, but what was Japanese Pizza?
Then the giant head of the thunder god appeared. "Ukygowain . . . Ukygowain . . ."
"Eh . . . that's me."
"You shall have a quest, a quest to bring a new sort of food to the world. You will invent the Japanese Pizza!"
"Invent what?"
"Silence! And after you have invented it you shall raise a family of ninja, trained in the art of the Battle Spatula, and you shall pass down your spatula to the most powerful generation after generation."
"If you say so."
"And you will get a nose ring."
"A nose ring?"
"The Thunder God has Spoken!" The thunder god drifted away.
"Hmm . . . if I have to start a family, I will need a husband . . . but who? I know, Ryoga, he's big, strong, and lacking in the brains department, he's perfect!"
Ukygo had a brief vision of her future . . .
"Okonomiyaki! Okonomiyaki!" A merchant would say.
"You there! I will invent your Okonomiyaki!" Ukygo would cry.
"I don't know how, seeing as how it's been around for years." The merchant would say, sounding a little confused.
"Oh yeah? Tell me how to make it, then introduce me to everyone who knows how to make it, then introduce me to everyone who frequently customers them."
Within the year the population of "ancient" Japan plummeted, but it was mostly blamed on Fires, Earthquakes, Floods, and Rebellions, of course few of any of these events actually happened.

Ranmorgan and Arkane shared a fantasy, it was a long drawn out love song sung in Japanese with lots of musical instruments but no apparent musicians playing in the background, but since that's not my thing I'm going to skip that. ^ ~ ^

Nabiatrix was having the most unusual fantasy of all, she was queen of the entire kingdom, Kunobir was her husband, but that was okay because he was strong, attractive, but also stupid enough for her to still run the show. And she had Sir. Ryoga as her secret special friend anyway . . . hey wait a minute!
"Sir Ryoga?" She asked. "Why am I having a fantasy about you?"
He didn't answer, he looked as if he hadn't heard. He swept her off her feet and kissed her far better than anyone ever had before, his arms wrapped around her tightly, protectively, she felt safe and warm and happy and then—
The real Sir Ryoga ran by screaming hysterically, he was closely followed by a horde of little black piglets with bandannas tied around their necks. However the chase stopped momentarily for Ryoga to backtrack, look at Nabiatrix and the fantasy version of himself, and scratch his head.
"Well? What are you looking at?" Nabiatrix demanded uneasily.
"Is that me rounding second base on you?" Ryoga blinked.
"I know nothing of these bases, and . . . and . . . and you only think it is you, because that is your fantasy." Nabiatrix said. "I'm actually in the arms of . . . eh . . . someone else."
"My fantasy?" The little piglets were now attacking Sir Ryoga, they were chewing on him all over, but he was oblivious.
"Yes your fantasy . . . eh . . . I mean Oh No! Get off of me!" She reluctantly kicked away the fantasy version of Sir Ryoga, just as he moved to kiss her again, and he disappeared into thin air. "Aww! You've ruined my fantasy!"
"Eh . . . sorry?" Ryoga offered, holding his hands out in surrender . . . several little piglets were holding onto his long sleeves with their teeth . . .
Nabiatrix wondered for a moment if kissing the real Sir Ryoga would be as good as kissing the fantasy version of him, and decided since he was real it should be even better, she advanced towards him only to be stopped at the last moment by a little wizard.
"So . . . you fools got lost already eh? Well I'll help you out . . . we're going to need to give Ranmorgan and Arkane a few minutes though . . ."
"Why? What are *they* doing?" Nabiatrix demanded. "He had better not be ruining my sister's purity!"
"No . . . they are . . . singing."
"Gah! Okay, let's keep a wide girth around them and find Ukygowain." Nabiatrix said firmly.
"But I like the way Akane sings!" Sir Ryoga said.
"This is Arkane, not Akane," Happerlin said, "trust me, you don't want to hear her sing."

Kunobir stood high atop the wall of the great Rubadub gate, he watched as the invading mass of green things advanced. He frowned.
"What is that?" He scoffed.
"It is an army of green dwarves!" A soldier cried.
"Hah! Then those dwarves do not know that I am Tatewa-Kay Kunobir, the cream of Rubadub's fighting crop! I will destroy them single handedly!"
An arrow struck his shoulder and he feel from the wall. He survived, but then he was trampled by an army of dwarves. Surprisingly, he survived that too.
But he wasn't too pleased.

The palace itself shook, Sounthur groaned. "G-guards?" He squeaked, the two armed guards said and did nothing.
His wife, queen Nodokavere walked by with a big chest of gold strapped to her back, following her was Sir Genmalot with an even bigger chest of gold strapped to his back.
"Where are you two going?" Sounthur cried. "Sir Genmalot, my first Knight, you must guard the walls!"
"Eh . . . no." Genmalot said.
"Forget you, we're going to run off and elope!" Nodokavere cried. "And the gold is to ensure we have a comfortable life!"
"Oh the world is just crashing down around me!"
"Sir, a soldier looking through a telescope discovered that Sir Ryoga is returning, with your daughters, a monk, a wizard and Prince Ranmorgan of Dirt."
"And has he brought Ranmorgan's army?"
"We can only hope sir, these dwarves simply will not be denied, our soldiers cannot seem to defeat them." The soldier said.
"Then let us pray that Ranmorgan's Elite Rainbow Knight Corps haven't become his Elite Rainbow Knight Corpses."
"If the knights were defeated then surely it would be the death of us all."

"Look, the Black Knight didn't even put up a fight!" Ryoga said, "and the Red Knight? He was a push over."
"They were some of my best!" Ranmorgan spat.
"Well your best just weren't good enough for Sir. Ryoga." Nabiatrix sneered, sticking her tongue out at Arkane. Now that Arkane had her Fiancee along, Nabiatrix apparently wanted to compete, but since Ukygo wasn't willing to pose as a man she'd chosen Ryoga to be the temporary object of her affection, the Wizard had been rejected.
"Well I could have taken him." Ranmorgan scowled, "I just didn't want to stay a dragon forever."
"Yeah right." Nabiatrix scowled back.
"Can you let go of me?" Ryoga asked.
"No."
"Oh yes you can!" Ukygo scowled, grabbing the princess and shoving her away from Ryoga. "Keep yer hands off, sugar."
"How dare you? Cant you see I was just massaging his shoulders? I am a princess, we know how to do that, as opposed to you monks who just know . . . ah . . . junk . . . stuff . . . anyway. You should not treat me so roughly!"
"I shouldn't, but I did." Ukygo said in mocking realization.
"I'm sensing something going on here that I don't know about." Ryoga sighed.
"They both want you." Arkane shrugged.
"Alas, I can get any woman, except the one I want." Ryoga sighed.
"What do you mean 'except' the one you want?" Nabiatrix scowled. "A princess isn't enough for you? Huh!?"
"Eh . . . aww crap." Ryoga sighed. Ranmorgan and Arkane laughed. Until they saw the fires.
"Hey . . . what's that?" Ukygo asked.
"That's the direction our kingdom is in!" Arkane cried.
Ukygo shoved Nabiatrix. "Hah! You're not a princess anymore!" Nabiatrix was too shocked to retaliate.
"Oh no!" Ranmorgan cried. They looked, for indeed they were too late, the dwarves were laying siege to Rubadub.
"If we had . . . say . . . an *army* this wouldn't be a thing." Ranmorgan pointed out.
"Shaddap." Ryoga growled. "They put me up to it!" He pointed wildly from girl to girl.
"Oh sure, blame it on us!" Arkane cried.
"Be a man, take responsibility for your own actions." Ukygo said.
"Well fine, I beat the knights, but you two had to have your five hour love scene, we could have been there by long ago!"
"Might I remind everyone that the castle is on fire, which is a bit of a trick because castles like that don't usually burn so magnificently, ooh look, there goes the south wall, they're doomed." Happerlin said.
"In that case, let's go back to the Bog and have more fantasies." Ukygo offered.
"My home is on fire, my family and friends are being slaughtered, and you want to go get high in a bog?" Nabiatrix demanded.
"Well . . . yes. I mean, hey, my condolences sugar, but I'm not about to go die for your crummy kingdom. C'mon Sir. Ryoga."
"No . . . no I have to stop those dwarves."
"Oh thank you! I love you!" Nabiatrix cried, throwing her arms around Ryoga's neck.
"So that I can complete my quest and return to my own time." Ryoga explained.
Nabiatrix scowled and let him go.
"Well then . . . I guess we gotta go bust up some dwarves." Ranmorgan said.
"Alright! Let's do that thing where we all put our hands in the middle and lift them up and shout!" Happerlin cried.
"We don't have time for that!" Ryoga cried, drawing out his umbrella and charging into the fray, with Ranmorgan—sword drawn—close behind, Ukygo following with her new spatula, and the princesses followed as well, though unarmed. They came mostly so that they could see if they could find a way to get captured and become damsels in distress, as was the ambition of every unmarried, unsullied princess. Incidentally damsels in distress did not often remain unsullied.

"Stand firm!" Kasumian commanded, standing just behind the line of Rubadub archers. Arrows seemed to be the only thing effective on the dwarves, swords tended to slice them in half and that would result in new dwarves growing from the two sides, and any gash large enough to kill would cause the dwarf to split.
The dwarves were advancing, coming for her, screaming insane things about pints and bar maids, the princess could hear her teeth chattering, she ordered another volley but the dwarves were upon her soldiers, hacking madly at them, there were shreds of armor, blood and guts everywhere, the princess did the princessly thing and fainted.

"We ash de bar maid!" The head dwarf (Bolgott) announced.
"Then let us return to our keep, where she ken serve us the pints and then entertain us wit her dance of drunken jig." The Supreme advisor dwarf (also called Bolgott) nodded.
"Not so fast!" Ryoga growled, he lunged forward and smacked the dwarf on the head with his umbrella, the supreme advisor dwarf fell over unconscious. Ranmorgan lunged forward and chopped the head dwarf in half.
The two halves regenerated two more dwarves. The dwarves turned to each other and shook hands and introduced themselves to one another. "I'm Bolgott!"
"Aye, I'm Bolgott!"
"Aye, I be Bolgott too aye!"
"Did ye ken we caught the bar wench?"
"Aye, I ken that!"
Ranmorgan and Ryoga watched in confusion, then Ukygo lunged forward and flattened them both into dwarf Okonomiyaki with her spatula.
"Okay . . ." Ryoga scratched his head. "This seems strangely familiar."
"No time for that, let's save the kingdom!" Ranmorgan cried.
"Who do you think the 'bar maid' is?" Ryoga asked.
"Nobody important, I bet." Ranmorgan scoffed. The two ran off and fought on, though only Ukygo was having any success.
Soon they fought their way through the ever thinning lines of dwarves, until they reached the remnants of the remaining defenders.
"Prince Ranmorgan!" Cried sir Genmalot, stepping away from efforts to get a horse to pull a wagon full of gold. "You've come with your armies? We will trap the enemy between us and justice shall prevail!"
"No, I could not rally my armies, my knights were annihilated." Ranmorgan said bitterly.
Ryoga scoffed. "Well if they weren't such pus–"
"Well, if we're all doomed anyway, the former queen and myself were planning a get away. Any of you lads want to come with?" Genmalot asked.
"What?" Ukygo cried. "I'll hear nothing of the sort! Press onward, victory or death! Let them suffer! Throw heavy rocks over what remains of the wall!"
The soldiers cheered and did so. Some of the rocks landed on Sir. Kunobir, he became very displeased.
Ryoga left Ukygo at the walls, and Ranmorgan arguing with Genmalot, he rushed in to meet with King Sounthur!
"Lord, I have come, the dwarves seem to be retreating, your kingdom is safe for now. Moreover I have returned with Prince Ranmorgan and–"
"Yes, yes I know! But where are my daughters?"
"Hmm . . . I forgot about them . . ."
"You WHAT!?"
"Well . . . it wasn't my fault, there was a battle going on."
"You should have protected them!" The king began to weep.
"Fear not, dear dad, for I, Arkane am safe."
"What of your sisters, Kasumian and Nabiatrix?"
"Well last I saw Kasumian was being dragged off by dwarves, I left Nabiatrix back at the battle field. She said she wanted to search all the bodies throughly for identification."
"Surely she heard the news that lord Tatewa-Kay Kunobir fell over the wall, and seeks out his remains so as to mourn." The king sighed.
"No, we found him outside the gates . . . she kicked him and then stole his coin purse."
"Well, since he's dead she may be awarded to lord Ryoga, for the defeat of the dragon and for assisting in saving our kingdom!"
Ryoga sighed and shook his head. "Where is the wizard?" He asked.
Happerlin appeared. "Hello!"
"Ahh! The evil pervert wizard!" the king cried.
"No, he's a good pervert wizard again." Arkane said.
"I've got good news, and bad." The wizard said.
There was a scream from the walls. "The dwarves are back!"
"Is that part of the bad news?" Sounthur frowned.
"No, that's the good news."
"What?"
"Good news, the dwarves have returned to attack and we're all going to die. The bad news--"
"How is that good news?" Ryoga demanded.
"Well compared to the bad news . . ." The wizard mumbled.
"Tell us the bad news." Sounthur said.
"You'd better come see . . ." The little wizard frowned.

Nabiatrix had just gotten to the gate, weighed down by the dozens of coin purses she'd stolen from the dead. She looked back and saw an army of green dwarves led by . . .
Kasumian?
It was her sister, dressed in a black leather bikini with high heel boots, with tattoos all over her body, she had a long whip and rode a large black horse.
"W-what happened to you? You were gone for ten minutes! Eleven tops!"
"I have come over to the dark side, and you my sister must join me!"
"Do I have to dress like that?"
"Yes."
"Uh . . . no, I don't think I will." Nabiatrix scoffed. She turned towards the gate in time to see the guards hastily locking her out. "NO! You scum!" She cried, standing in place there for all of the five minutes it took to close the large gates.
"Nabiatrix!" Sounthur cried. "Kasumian!"
"No! No longer am I maid Kasumian, I am Dark Queen Kasumian, the leader of this organization, and I cordially invite you, Nabiatrix to become my second in command, in charge of plunder and spoils."
"An offer like that . . . for the mere price of dressing like a harlot . . ." Nabiatrix shook her head. "No! I cannot, I will never betray Rubadub, I will die for my country!"
"NNNOOO!" Arkane cried.
"Forward! Destroy them!" Kasumian cried.

Ryoga glared down at the sight, Nabiatrix about to be taken by the dwarves. He glared at them, and scowled. He thought of what it'd mean for the dwarves to destroy everything, for him to fail to save the kingdom. He briefly thought of how he'd feel if Nabiatrix was taken away.
Happily–oops, unhappily it gave him the depression necessary to wipe out most of the dwarves with a lethal version of his favorite–er least favorite attack. The wave of energy swept through their ranks and decimated them, then he leapt down from the wall and stood in front of Nabiatrix . . . then he collapsed.
"That was impressive. Until you fainted!" Nabiatrix kicked him.
"H-hey, I did it to save you!" Ryoga protested.
"Big deal, we're still going to die." Nabiatrix scoffed.
"Not today!" The Red Knight shouted.
"Hmm? I thought I killed you!" Ryoga shouted.
"No, I just got knocked out." The Red Knight said. "Now, men, prepare for battle!"
"No! You fools, cutting them only makes them reproduce!" Nabiatrix cried.
"That's okay! Do you know what the red legion is famous for?" Ranmorgan chuckled.
"No, what?" Ryoga shouted up the wall.
"Fire!" The Red Knight shouted, his red legion fired their catapults and rained fiery doom down upon the dwarves!
And Nabiatrix, Ryoga and Dark Queen Kasumian as well, the three ran around in circles to avoid the great boulders of flame.
Everyone on the wall laughed and cheered as the dwarves were wiped out, then the Red Legion ceased fire and came up to the gates, Ranmorgan and Arkane came out to meet them.
The gates opened, Nabiatrix ran up to and began to scream at the man in charge of the gate. "Your princess was out there, I could have died, or worse! You are so fired! From now on you're the janitor! You hear me?"
"Hurrah! I finally get my dream job!" The man hugged Nabiatrix and ran off singing.
"Eh? Hey, you're not supposed to be happy!" Nabiatrix yelled after him, he didn't listen.
"Good work Red Knight!" Ranmorgan said. "You've saved us all."
"What about me?" Ryoga asked.
"Shut up." Ranmorgan scoffed.
"Sir. Ryoga blasted them, if not for him there would have been too many for your Red Legion." Ukygo pointed out.
"Oh fine. Here." Ranmorgan scoffed, passing Ryoga a medal. "The Dirty Star of Valor! Our greatest honor. If you weren't already a knight of Rubadub I'd make you my new Blue Knight."
"Uh . . . no thanks, I'm more interested in getting home. Where is that wizard?"
"Take the medal anyway." Ranmorgan said. "For saving me, if nothing else."
"Uh . . . okay, I guess." Ryoga said. "Thanks."
"Don't mention it." Ranmorgan grinned.
"Let us celebrate our victory!" Sounthur cried.
"Wait a second. Ranmorgan, I thought your army was on vacation." Arkane pointed out.
"When we learned that our prince was in danger we gladly sacrificed our vacations to come to his rescue!" A soldier cried.
"And when we are certain that this crisis is dealt with," Ranmorgan said, "I will give you all three months vacation, one month to replace the one that has been interrupted, one for your valor, and even more vacation time in honor of my wedding to beautiful princess Arkane."
The troops cheered.
"And the soldiers of Rubadub will have a vacation, in honor of my wedding to beautiful princess Nabiatrix!" Kunobir said, getting up and dusting himself off as if he'd never sustained any injuries.
"What soldiers?" Ukygo asked. Except for the gate guard and the king's own body guards, there were barely any left who weren't lying on the ground, groaning.
"Uh . . . well we shall recruit an army just to give them vacation time." Kunobir sighed.
"Actually, I've decided to test the theory that a woman can be unmarried and still successful." Nabiatrix said simply.
"Uh . . . what a lot we have to celebrate. . . heh-heh" Sounthur said nervously. Kunobir groaned and keeled over, the soldiers cheered.
"I'm so happy!" Nabiatrix said.
"He's got a pulse!" Ukygo noted.
"Curses." Nabiatrix sighed.

"This is the biggest party held in Rubadub since . . . well, since the last war ended." Ukygowain said. "Or so I've heard."
"I don't really like formal get togethers." Ryoga said.
"Me neither, sugar." Ukygo scoffed, she wore male cloths, just like Ukyo. Her formal outfit was far more extravangant than Ryoga's own normal yellow shirt and olive pants.
But then Ryoga didnt care if he wasnt properly dressed, he wanted to go home. "Where is that wizard? I don't want to grow old in the middle ages."
"This home of yours, is it very far away?"
"I had to ride a tornado to get here." Ryoga admitted.
"Sounds fun." Ukygo shrugged. "So, I guess you've got family back there?"
"Yeah, but I never see them." Ryoga said simply.
"A wife?"
"Huh? No, not that." Ryoga chuckled.
"Uh . . . I want you to have this." Ukygo said, giving him the fourth book of spells. "To remember our adventure when you get back to your home."
"Uh . . . thanks." Ryoga said.
"Don't . . . uh . . . don't mention it." Ukygo said. "You ah . . . you don't . . . need wife, do you?"
"Huh?" Ryoga looked up from the book she'd just given him. Had he just heard her right?
"N-nothing!" She said. "Just forget it." She quickly leaned forward and kissed Ryoga on the cheek, then disappeared in the blink of an eye.
Ryoga scratched his head. "Didn't see that coming." He decided.
"Ready?" Happerlin asked.
"To go home? Yeah! This place is confusing!" Ryoga said.
"No you stupid boy! I mean, are you ready to party! Lets go and try to pick up some pretty ladies!"
"These two dimensions are too similar, are you sure your real name isn't Happosai?" Ryoga asked, the little wizard perched on his shoulder and went on and on about the various names his parents had picked out for him. B ut despite the small talk he and Happerlin exchanged on the way to the ballroom he kept thinking about Ukygo.

Ryoga sat with Happerlin at a triangular table, there was a grand ball going on, Ryoga didn't have much interest though. He wanted to go home.
Besides, Ukygo–who didn't seem any more keen on attending than he was–was avoiding him, and it was just as well, he had no idea what to say to her.
Nabiatrix came by a little while ago, saying that he was the only person to talk to since her father was talking to Ukygo about knighthood, Kasumian was being deprogramed, and Ranmorgan and Arkane were too . . . mushy to be anywhere near. Only for them 'mushy' also involved quite a bit of arguing. But Nabiatrix had only stayed a moment before the strikingly attractive Red Knight–who, without the helmet resembled Kinnosuke–managed to lure her away for a moment that had probably lasted a half hour now.
"Wow, this party is great . . . but y'know, I'd really rather be back home." Ryoga observed.
"ARF!" Checkers agreed.
"Really? Are you sure? Life will be much easier for you here."
"How so?" Ryoga asked.
"You'll be a war hero. And you'll have the love of a princess, and a fellow knight of the realm." Happerlin explained.
"You must be joking."
"I kid you not. Nabiatrix is trying to make you jealous, and Ukygowain keeps glancing at you."
"I still want to go back." Ryoga said.
"Why?" Happerlin asked. "Just think, if you stayed here and became the new first knight you could inspire the troops to be more loyal to you than they are to Sounthur, rise up and conquer the realm with your beautiful queens, and appoint me your prime minister in charge of human resources!"
"Human resources?"
"Slavery."
"I will not!" Ryoga cried.
"Aww man." Happerlin sighed.
"Listen, I'm grateful to you for showing me this terrifying alternate reality, but I have to go back to my own world." Ryoga said.
"Are you certain?" Happerlin asked.
"Yes." Ryoga said.
"Well . . . alright." Happerlin said.
"And you said you'd cure my curse?"
"Right . . ." Happerlin waved his hands and there was a magic flash. "Now, when you get splashed with cold water you wont turn into a girl."
"Great!" Ryoga said. He frowned . . . something wasn't right.
"Now . . . let's get you out of here." Happerlin said. He led Ryoga out to the balcony that Ryoga hadn't noticed before. Ryoga looked out at the kingdom. It was aglow with bonfires, people celebrating their victory, there would probably be a shortage of beer in the morning, and no shortage of hangovers.
"Is it not a magnificent sight?" Nabiatrix asked. "So many people have died, it is as if the survivors plan to replenish the number with a single night of wine, women, more women, and then maybe a bit of song before even more women."
"Yeah . . . well that's the way it goes." Ryoga said.
"You know, since Genmalot deserted the only other knight of this realm is Kunobir. Thus he is guaranteed first-knighthood by default."
"So your wealthy fiancee becomes wealthier. That must be exciting." Ryoga forced a grin.
Nabiatrix shrugged. "I do not plan to marry him, no matter how wealthy he becomes." She said simply. "I've fallen in love with someone else."
"Right, Red Knight." Ryoga said, then coughed under his breath 'pushover.'
"No, I was talking about the only other person with a chance at the title of first knight." Nabiatrix said softly. The ignorant lost boy failed to detect the seduction in her tone. "I've fallen in love with Sir. Ryoga of the Wolf's Fang."
"You've done what?!" Ryoga gulped. He'd thought Happerlin was just lying to try to get him to overthrow the kingdom! Ukygo and Nabiatrix!"
"It's true." Nabiatrix said, moving a little closer to him. "And if you were to remain here in Rubadub, rather than returning to your own land you would become the first knight, the head of our diminished military, the defender of the weak and innocent. Just try not getting engaged to a princess then." Nabiatrix laughed weakly.
"Well . . . to be honest, knighthood isn't my interest, I just want to go home. Right Checkers?"
"RUFF."
"Ryoga . . ." Nabiatrix trailed off, Ryoga turned to her, she lunged forward and wrapped her arms around him. "Will you return?"
"Huh? I don't think I will." Ryoga admitted.
"What if the kingdom were in great peril, would you return then?"
"Uh . . . I guess so." Ryoga said. 'Wait . . . I shouldn't have said that . . .' he thought.
"Then . . . until we meet again, for we shall meet gain." Nabiatrix said, Ryoga was about to ask what she'd meant by that, but she leaned forward, her lips coming closer and closer to his . . .
And Happerlin chose that very moment to send him back to his own time.

Ryoga opened his eyes, his head hurt a great deal, but the last thing he remembered was that he was about to kiss Nabiatrix . . . and so he did.
"Ugh!" Nabiki gasped and shoved him away. "Very funny!"
"Huh? What?" Ryoga looked around . . . he felt groggy. He looked around . . . Ranma was there . . . Akane was there . . . Nabiki was there . . . even Ukyo was there! "You guys . . . I had the most wonderful dream . . . except you were there . . . and you . . . and you!" He said. He rubbed his head.
"Are you okay?" Akane asked.
"Where am I?" Ryoga asked.
"At the renaissance fair." Ranma said. "You got blown here by a tornado, yer dog too but she went off to find a paramedic. Ya look fine though."
"I don't feel fine." Ryoga groaned.
"Well you landed right on top of my Okonomiyaki cart," Ukyo said, "luckily the calamari broke your fall."
"That's . . . good."
"You weren't breathing, so Checkers went to get help, and we drew straws to see who'd give you mouth-to-mouth." Akane added.
"I wasn't breathing . . . so you drew straws to see who would have to save me?" Ryoga blinked.
"Not just that, we tried Rock, Paper, Scissors, but it kept coming out a tie, we tried playing hands on the bat, but some people," Akane jerked her thumb at Ranma, "kept cheating, so we drew straws and it fell on Nabiki."
"You jerk!" Nabiki spat. "It'll be all over school that I kissed a younger guy!"
"You guys did all that before making the attempt to save my life?"
"Don't misunderstand sugar," Ukyo said, "it's not that we wanted you to die, it's just Ranma Honey wouldn't do it, I cant do it because I'm engaged to Ranma Honey, Akane probably wouldn't do it right, and Nabiki wanted to know what was in it for her if she did it."
"My friends." Ryoga said a little sarcastically. But then it didn't matter, after his adventure it was just so good to be back! Ryoga laid back and stared at the sky. "I'm back . . . this is great! And I'm cured! No more Ranko . . . eh? Wait . . . I'm not Ranko, I'm P-Chan . . ." he whispered. He paused and remembered what Happerlin said. "THAT RAT!" He cried, leaping up. "He cheated me!"
"Huh?" Ranma scratched his head.
"Uh? Oh nothing." Ryoga sighed. "Just a dream that felt really real." He shook his head and threw his pack over one shoulder and felt weighed down. "What the . . ." he opened it up and found his armor, Ukygo's spell book, his medal . . . "Impossible . . ." Ryoga said, taking the singed helmet out of the pack.
"Hey you!" A fair official said. "It's about time you showed up! We called and said we needed a replacement jouster like two hours ago, you sure took your time!"
"Huh? What? But I–"
"C'mon, let's go!" The guy said, dragging Ryoga off.

"Wow! C'mon Ranma, lets go watch Ryoga joust!" Akane said.
"If we have to . . ." Ranma sighed.
"Well thanks to Ryoga my cart is ruined . . . Konatsu, clean this up!" Ukyo said. "Wanna see him joust, Nabiki?"
"Sure. There's nothing better to do." The older girl shrugged. She moved her index finger across her lips . . . "Y'know he's a pretty good kisser. Don't you dare tell him I said that."
"Your secret is safe with me, sugar." Ukyo grinned.
"Now lets go see Ryoga get the stuffing beaten out of him on horseback!" Nabiki smiled.
"Cant think of a better way to spend the day." Ukyo agreed.

The End . . .

A/N: Yes, that's the end, I want to thank everyone who reviewed this story and tolerated the ridiculous amount of time it took to finish. Now that you've read the whole thing, treat yourself to milk and cookies, and any leftovers in your fridge before they come to life.