Straight from the abandoned WIP files of 2021; another Bloodline scene retold from Renley's POV. Renley's googly heart eyes face off against their toughest opponent yet — Mika's psychological barricade. Or is it the other way around?
90% of this chapter was written 3 years ago and I wholeheartedly forgot it existed until 3 days ago. This is Renley's POV of a scene in…. uhh looks like Bloodline ch17. I sort of put this on the back burner because I reached a point in Bloodline where something clicked and I decided to lock in on that and block out everything else. Now that's done and I'm finally working through the backlog of stuff I wanted to do stuff with but had too much other stuff going on.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. MikaKurda is THE ship, at least for me. But adult relationships can be complicated, and theirs more than most. I actually struggled with how much I was enjoying this spinoff because it was such a contradiction to my ultimate goal of MikaKurda endgame. But I came to understand that multiple things can be true at once. Mika could have grown to love Renley in his own way, if time allowed. It wouldn't have been the same kind of love he had/has for Kurda. But it would have been real. These little moments they shared WERE real. And I grew to love writing them. (I swear it was an accident. I know that sounds so fucking stupid coming from the author but their banter just kept coming and they kept making me crylaugh so here we are). And more than anything I love that Renley got his own happy ending in Bloodline. I'd like to explore that at a later time. But first I need this out of my WIP folder.
Espresso Shots: Is It Insensitive For Me To Say 'Get Your Shit Together (So I Can Love You)'?
Song: Renegade by Big Red Machine
I tapped on your window on your darkest night
The shape of you was jagged and weak
There was nowhere for me to stay
But I stayed anyway
And if I would've known
How many pieces you had crumbled into
I might've let them lay
4 MONTHS AFTER SIRE SKYLE'S FUNERAL
Eight consecutive hours of meetings. Bad news pouring in from multiple sources. Mika spent so much time manipulating troops in the field via the Stone of Blood, by the time it was over he barely knew which way was up. Renley didn't have to ask. He could see straight through Mika's eyes how fried his brain was.
And there was still no end in sight. By the time the crisis was averted, not a single soul in the mountain had slept in over a day and a half. Mika finished strong and got them through it - Paris would have been proud. When he finally dismissed the crowd of vampires that had been gathered in the hall throughout the crisis, he was so strung out it took him a minute to notice Renley had stayed behind.
Because he just couldn't stay away any longer.
Renley approached with an open-door offering he prayed Mika would accept:
"I've received word from one of my General friends. Can we discuss the matter in the meeting room?"
Mika looked even wearier up close — albeit smoking fucking hot as ever. He was slumped sideways in his throne, face pale and eyes half-closed.
He waved a hand almost dismissively and sighed, "Just tell me here. It's fine."
"I really think we should talk in private." Renley insisted, enunciating every word and waiting for Mika to catch up. On the word private, Mika's eyebrows arched so high they practically disappeared into his hairline.
"Ren, whatever it is, just say it." Mika grunted back, gloriously oblivious. Renley shot him a look of pure exasperation, pointed at Mika, then at himself, and drove the point home with a crude, suggestive hand gesture.
"Oh." Said Mika, face abruptly lighting up like a firework as he caught on to Renley's intention. Renley rolled his eyes, but grinned as Mika slowly stood up from his throne and stretched, adding — "Yeah. Let's go to the meeting room. You can tell me all about your... thing."
Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?
And let all your damage damage me
And carry your baggage up my street
And make me your future history
It's time, you've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade
To need somebody
"Alright, that spare coffin barely looks big enough for you, never mind us. So where do you want me?" Renley asked conversationally as he set about unbuckling his belt once the door was shut behind him. "Wall? Table? Chair? Floor?"
"Yes." Mika replied, with a matter-of-fact nod that suggested they were conducting a business meeting. But Renley didn't miss the hungry gleam in Mika's eye as he raked his gaze up and down Renley's body. When Renley caught Mika's eye and chuckled, Mika's expression immediately turned passive.
"Slut." Renley smirked, to which Mika rolled his eyes. Those hurricane-grey oceans that made Renley so fucking thirsty.
"Don't act like you're not into it." Mika remarked disinterestedly as he examined the nails of his left hand.
Renley exhaled a derisive huff, and reached out to slip his fingers through Mika's belt loop and pull him closer. Mika remained unfazed, arching an eyebrow belligerently as though Renley had interrupted something very important.
"Don't ever imply I'm not into it." Renley murmured. Mika held his gaze with that same impenetrable mask of indifference. But it was just that — a mask. Renley understood that now. Mika's default resting bitch face functioned as both a deterrent and a test. And Renley passed the test with flying colours every damn time.
Renley mirrored Mika's expression for a moment, remaining every bit as serious. Finally Renley broke out the most exaggeratedly lascivious grin he could possibly muster, raked his gaze slowly up and down Mika's body and purred,
"So, do you come here often?"
Mika turned away, rolling his eyes. Even by Mika's standards it was a pretty big roll. And the disgusted scoff accompanying the eyeball gymnastics was enough for Renley to abandon the aloof facade entirely and break down laughing.
"I have a lot of words for whoever let you think you're funny, because it sure as fuck wasn't me." Mika deadpanned. But his mouth was twitching, and Renley knew he'd won. It was all over for Mika. Any second now, he'd crack.
"Then why are you looking at me like that?" Renley replied innocently.
"Like what?"
"Oh, give it up, baby. Show me that famous smile. Come on. Fake it like you love me."
For the thinnest fraction of a second, something in Mika's eyes went dark and Renley thought he pushed his luck too far. But then he was certain he'd imagined it, because he finally got what he wanted. Mika rolled his eyes once more to keep up appearances, then his face lit up with that exasperated, enchanting smile that made Renley's heart melt.
Some people say Mika never smiles. The truth is that he smiles quite a bit, just not in a warm way. Typically it's emotionless, calculating, disparaging - just another tool he can use to his advantage.
But this smile was, as far as Renley was concerned, Mika's authentic smile. Most people just don't know his face can do that, because he saves it for the select few who don't need to perceive him in a certain way.
"Oh gods, yeah. Mmmm, that's it. Right there. Oh, baby." Renley groaned with mock lustfulness.
"You're deranged." Said Mika. And he was trying so damn hard to sound disdainful, but that ship had sailed. The words tumbled out as an easy laugh.
"Can't believe I missed you. Maybe I am deranged." Said Renley. Now he was the one rolling his eyes as he pulled Mika into a hug. Mika stiffened on principle, but only for a second before he reciprocated the embrace. Renley slowly ran his palm down Mika's back, taking in every hard-earned battle scar and cord of muscle.
"You see me every day. Don't be clingy." Mika chuckled into Renley's shoulder. Renley sighed and pulled back from the embrace so he could instead hold Mika at arm's length and gently trace his thumb along Mika's cheekbone.
"After almost four months of your royal lockdown, I can confidently conclude that eye-fucking you from across the room during meetings is not an acceptable substitute for the real thing."
"Hmm. So while our clan is out there fighting an uphill battle for our future, General Azerion's in here thinking long and hard with the head in his pants. Truly impressive revelation. I'm flattered, though." Mika replied offhandedly. But not without a wicked gleam in his eye.
Renley laughed again, and lazily pulled out a chair so he could take a seat at the long wooden meeting table.
"What, you wait til you're off duty to think about me?" He teased, not waiting for an invitation to reach across the table and pour himself a glass of whiskey from the tray of assorted beverages that were always kept available.
"I'm never off duty." Said Mika, eyes on the glass in Renley's hand.
"So when do you think about me?"
"I don't." Mika sat down and reached for the liquor, but Renley gently held it out of his reach for a moment before proceeding to pour Mika's glass for him.
"You sure?" Renley asked, lowering his voice and leaning closer to Mika. "You don't lie awake in here after everyone's left, remembering all the times you ended up in my bed or against my wall for a little stress relief after a long night? You don't think about me holding you down and taking you apart piece by piece, til the only thing on your mind was 'Don't fucking stop, Ren'? You're telling me you never think about that?"
Mika shrugged as though Renley was commenting on the weather, and took a long sip of whiskey.
"I mostly just think about work. Guess you're not busy enough. I'll ask Seba if the custodial team needs any extra help. Don't worry, I'll put in a good word for you."
"My hero." Renley laughed, and Mika chuckled too. After a moment, Mika caught Renley's eye again and gave him a wayward smile. Then Mika raised his half-full glass.
"Cheers." Said Mika.
"To anything in particular?" Renley inquired, lifting his glass as well and clinking it gently against Mika's.
"To the first conversation in years where I've made it over five minutes without hearing the word vampaneze."
Is it insensitive for me to say
Get your shit together?
So I can love you
Is it really your anxiety
That stops you from giving me everything?
Or do you just not want to?
Renley sighed and set his glass down and reached out to run his finger down Mika's arm.
"I know you live for this shit, and you're so good at it. But it can't be easy being locked in here night after night." Renley ventured. "How've you been? Honestly?"
Mika looked thoughtful for a moment, but then he smiled. "I'm good. Honestly."
"Would you tell me if you weren't?" Renley asked skeptically.
"Maybe. Probably not."
"Well, you look good. So I'll take your word for it." Renley smiled and leaned over so he could plant a lazy, affectionate kiss on Mika's temple. Of course if you asked Renley, Mika always looked good. But tonight he looked like he felt good.
"I miss my room. And my own coffin." Mika added. "But I've been busy. I like busy."
"Looks like you've got yourself a cozy little escape in here." Said Renley, glancing around the meeting room. "Love what you've done with the place."
It was a lighthearted joke, but Renley wasn't really exaggerating. Mika had taken some time to turn the area into a makeshift sanctuary. The purpose of this meeting room was to provide a place where the Princes could retreat from the main Hall if they needed to talk in private or take a vote amongst themselves. But since Mika was currently the only Prince in the mountain, he didn't need this room to serve its intended purpose.
"It's not much, but it's home." Said Mika sarcastically.
Darren Shan had a spare coffin brought in here within the first few years at war so he could catch quick naps here and there, back when he was running the show with Paris. Since Mika was now locked in this room indefinitely, he'd moved the coffin to the corner of the meeting room furthest from the door. The lid was open so the large collection of pillows and blankets were fully visible - Mika had always been one to embrace comfort whenever the harsh life of a vampire allowed him the opportunity. He'd moved the table a few feet to the left to allow more space around the coffin, and also stacked a few storage crates sideways to serve as shelving units for the collection of clothes he kept here. There was a small nightstand set up by the head of the coffin, upon which sat a stack of paperwork, a half-empty glass of whiskey, and a plate that contained the remains of a bedtime snack.
And finally (Renley felt his heart do that clenchy thing again) there was a string along the wall to which a series of Polaroid photos were clipped. All featured Mika's adopted daughter Gracie at various stages of life, from toddler to college student. And a few also featured a vaguely person-shaped blur which was almost certainly Mika. Or maybe Kurda. Impossible to know.
"I see human tech hasn't figured us out yet." Said Renley lightly, gesturing at the photos.
"It's alright." Mika shrugged, smiling as he glanced to where Renley was pointing. "She's the star of the show anyway."
"How's Mika Junior these days?" Renley ventured. He was taking a gamble broaching the topic of Mika's daughter. While the girl was a celebrity by association in the clan's eyes, it was possible Renley hadn't yet unlocked the level in which he was privy to discussions on Mika's family matters. But Mika's smile didn't falter.
"She's the best." Mika replied simply, eyes on the collection of photos.
"Bet you miss her."
"Every second of my life. But she's exactly where she needs to be."
"Done school yet?"
"Yeah. She's a lawyer now."
"Ah. Good on her." Said Renley with an understanding nod, because somehow that made perfect sense. "Funny how that works. That's exactly what you'd do if you were human. You're so competitive, and you'd get paid to argue."
"The dream." Said Mika, with a breath of hollow laughter. "At this point I'm about ready to leave this place behind and go work for her."
"You? Give up being in charge to go work for someone else?" Renley gently elbowed Mika in the ribs. "Please. You wouldn't last a day."
"Having now experienced both sides firsthand, I can tell you one's easier than the other. Want to guess which?" Mika arched an eyebrow as he turned in his chair to face Renley directly.
"Don't spoil the surprise. You know I'm planning on finding out for myself." Renley replied seriously.
"Right. How could I forget? Have fun with that, Sire Azerion. Gods, I can't even say that with a straight face." Mika rolled his eyes and pretended to dry heave in order to convey the full extent of his disgust.
"Since when do you have a gag reflex? Might as well get used to the way that name tastes in your mouth." Renley smirked. Below the table, his hand rested on Mika's leg.
"Gods, what are you? Do you say shit like that to all your side pieces, or just me?" But even though Mika's words were carried on a snort of derision, he still moved towards Renley's touch.
"See, that's an unfair line of questioning. You're the only side piece." Renley purred, hand now sliding up Mika's inner thigh.
"…Still?" Said Mika, eyebrows raised skeptically.
"Is that such a surprise? Where did you expect me to go after you, hmm?" Renley sighed. Just like that his playful tone was replaced by quiet sincerity, because he really wanted Mika to answer that question for him.
"Knowing you, you'd figure something out." Mika offered after a pause. He seemed caught off-guard, the shrewdness in his eyes registering somewhere between disappointed and intrigued.
"I mean, I could easily line something up. If I felt like it." Said Renley, making a point of sounding a little evasive.
"Then what's the problem?"
"Haven't felt like it."
"I don't buy it. You always feel like it." Mika countered, remaining in the vein of skepticism with one eyebrow raised.
"Me? You're the one who tried to seduce me while you had half a dozen cracked ribs and a concussion, you unhinged sex pest." Renley snorted.
And for whatever reason, Mika seemed to think that was primetime comedy. He crumbled into laughter, but he took Renley with him. Renley pulled Mika closer til Mika was no longer in a separate chair, instead straddling Renley's lap and kissing him roughly. Still laughing. And even though that made it difficult to kiss him properly, Renley wanted to live in this moment forever.
But ultimately this one rickety chair wasn't made to hold two grown adults at once. When the ancient wood creaked a warning, Renley lessened its burden by picking Mika up and throwing him down on the long sturdy meeting table - in the gentlest way possible.
"That's what you wanted, isn't it?" Renley purred. "Wanted me to lay you down right here on this table, yeah?" Renley was lying on the table now too, straddling Mika's hips, fingers running through his hair and kissing him with reckless abandon. Gods, he'd missed this. Mika's lips tasted like fire and felt like physical embodiment of lightning. And best of all he was so focused on kissing Renley back while grinding against hips in a way that felt almost feverish, his only retort was a noncommittal moan.
"That's what I thought. Missed you too, jawbreaker." Renley exhaled into his ear. Then he twitched in surprise at the feeling of Mika's fingertips grazing affectionately across his cheekbone. Mika didn't usually touch him like that. And when Renley paused to study Mika's face, that wasn't the only thing that was new. The softness in his eyes was definitely not a usual feature.
Renley kissed him again, deep and slow. Then he drew back and inhaled, feeling the words "I love you, Mika." burning on his tongue. That's how close the words were to slipping out - and the idea of leaning into that impulse was almost as exhilarating as it was terrifying.
But as Renley inhaled, so did Mika. And he watched as the compelling look in Mika's eyes morphed into resignation.
"Ren?"
"Mmhm?"
"I'm tired."
"Too tired?"
"Yeah."
Renley exhaled slowly, letting his body relax as he shifted gears. He cupped Mika's face in his hands and placed an affectionate kiss on his forehead before disentangling himself and sliding off the table.
Mika sighed too, and it sounded strangely disappointed. "Sorry."
"You know that thing everyone has in their brain that indicates the appropriate time to apologize?" Said Renley reproachfully. "Yours is right fucked."
"I was apologizing to myself, actually." Mika replied. "You think I wasn't looking forwards to getting laid for the first time in four months?"
Renley rolled his eyes, unable to keep himself from laughing. "Can we reschedule?"
Mika sat up, but didn't immediately climb off the table. He reached for the almighty notebook that contained his schedules and to-do lists, and flipped through a few pages before presenting it to Renley. The page he'd landed on was dated three days from now. He had a couple of meetings scheduled, but overall it looked like a low-key night.
"Pencil yourself in wherever you want. I'll be there." Said Mika seriously. Then added, "Actually, I'll be here. In this room, specifically."
"Can I scratch out those two meetings and just book myself in for the whole night?" Renley asked just as seriously.
"Fuck, you're needy." Mika countered with the most incredulous side-eye Renley had ever seen in his life.
"I have an addictive personality. You're my new substance of choice."
"Aw, Ren. No one's ever compared me to hard drugs before. We really do have something special."
"Don't you forget it, angel face."
They sat side-by-side on the table, laughing and talking in circles for… honestly, Renley had no idea how to even estimate. It had to have been well over an hour by the time Mika yawned and rested his head on Renley's shoulder. That felt better than sex. No, seriously. If you know, you know.
Renley waited to be dismissed. Instead, Mika glanced at him, face unreadable, and informed him — "If you want to sleep over, it has to be the floor. I could summon someone to bring in a second coffin… but I won't. For obvious reasons."
"Don't look at me like that." Renley pushed back gently, recognizing the confliction in Mika's eyes. "You know I'll take this to my grave if you want me to. And I would be honoured to sleep on the floor beside you."
Mika laughed wearily and rolled his eyes as he slid off the table and gathered his blankets and pillows from the coffin. And to Renley's shock and awe, he proceeded to assemble a makeshift bed for both of them.
"You should have the coffin, even if I don't fit." Renley insisted. "I'll just sleep on the floor beside —"
Mika shot him a look of scathing exasperation. "Then what's the point of you being here at all?"
Renley had no argument for that.
I tapped on your window on your darkest night
The shape of you was jagged and weak
There was nowhere for me to stay
But I stayed anyway
You fire off missiles 'cause you hate yourself
But do you know you're demolishing me?
And then you squeeze my hand as I'm about to leave
Renley's wake-up call came in the form of Mika's voice, deep and raspy from sleep.
"You're still here?"
Renley exhaled a chuckle and lazily kissed his forehead. He was on his back with an arm around Mika's back and Mika's head on his shoulder.
"Good morning, gorgeous." Renley murmured, running his fingertips up and down Mika's spine. "And yeah. Magic doors, remember? I couldn't leave even if I wanted to. I wasn't about to wake you up just to let me out. I'm not a cat."
Mika laughed at that; the sound of it vibrated softly through Renley's body.
"What's so funny?"
"Don't worry about it." Mika snickered to himself. Renley rolled his eyes but didn't push it.
"Whatever. And for the record, I didn't want to leave. I missed this, you know. Missed you." Said Renley.
"Wow. And I didn't even put out." Mika's face slowly cracked into a devilish grin as he blinked Renley into focus. Gods, there was nothing like those eyes first thing in the morning. But Renley exhaled a soft sigh of exasperation as he ran his hand through Mika's hair. Renley's confession of missed you had been an experiment in vulnerability, and Mika deflected it seemingly without a second thought. Renley wasn't buying it. Mika could play it off all he wanted, pretend he hadn't been starving for a shred of affection if it made him feel better. He was still laying here with his arm and leg draped across Renley's body like he was staking a claim.
"You can just say you missed me too. It's only you and me in here. No one's going to judge you. And I won't tell." Said Renley, fighting the instinct to one-up Mika's sarcasm. That would've been the easier thing to do, but he wanted to see how Mika would respond to something a little more direct.
"Imagine having enough free time to think about anything but work." Mika retorted. "Must be nice."
So much for that.
"You almost had it. So close, yet so far." Renley sighed.
"Maybe next time." Said Mika after a pause. There was a shadow of wariness in his eyes, and Renley backed off.
"Yeah. Next time for sure. I believe in you." Said Renley
Mika let out a sigh that almost could've passed for disappointment. In moments like this, Renley swore Mika knew exactly what he was thinking. How could he not? How could he not feel the adoration radiating from Renley's entire heart and soul?
Maybe he did, though. Maybe that was why he was resting his head so comfortably on Renley's chest.
"I don't want to work today." Mika mumbled after a few minutes.
"Well, you have to." Renley chuckled softly, running his hand down Mika's back again.
"I didn't say I wasn't going to. I said I didn't want to."
"I know. Trust me, if I had my way, I'd spend all day here on the floor with you."
"And if I had my way, I'd take a six month vacation, far away from this place. Alone." Mika shot back, without so much as breath of hesitation. Like he didn't even have to think about it. And he said it with such conviction, Renley couldn't help but picture Mika sitting on a tropical beach beneath a shade canopy, wearing nothing but shorts and sunglasses. He'd have a trashy magazine in one hand and a coconut full of hard liquor in the other. Maybe a novelty sun hat with a crude saying. It was an image so innocently endearing that Renley couldn't help but laugh - hard enough that his shaking body disturbed Mika's rest. He sat up to shoot Renley a disapproving glare, as if Renley had literally invaded his private beach.
"Are you done?"
"Yeah, yeah... sorry." Renley chuckled ruefully. He sat up too, eye-level with Mika. They sat there for a moment. Still side-by-side, wrapped up in blankets on the floor.
And Renley realized he'd never wanted anything as much as he wanted to be on that hypothetical beach with Mika. The only thing that terrified him more than telling the truth was letting this moment pass; spending another night living in a world where Mika didn't know. He deserved to know. And what he did with that knowledge was up to him.
"I love you, Mika."
Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?
Let all your damage damage me
And carry your baggage up my street
And make me your future history
It's time, you've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade
To need somebody
There it was.
Renley braced himself for heart palpitations and regret. But all he felt was an overwhelming sense of relief, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. Whatever happened next, he'd never again like awake and ask himself what if?
But as unexpectedly as it hit him, that same sense of relief was quickly tempered by guilt as he watched Mika tense up. Mika was eerily skilled at masking his emotions, but right now the mask was slipping.
Renley kind of knew Mika wasn't going to say it back. But there was a tiny part of him that held onto baseless hope til the last second.
"I'm... crazy about you." Said Mika at last. He was holding Renley's gaze, but seemingly not without difficulty. There was a tremor in his voice that gave away how hard he was fighting to speak calmly. To brush this off like he did with all of Renley's pickup lines.
Renley didn't say anything, he just reached out and stroked Mika's cheekbone - an earnest attempt to soothe the shadow of betrayal in those stormy eyes. Then he wished he hadn't, because Mika visibly crumbled. He inhaled shakily, all pretences finally abandoned. But he didn't pull away from Renley's touch.
"I told you so many times, Ren. I told you I wasn't going down this road. Not now, possibly not ever." Mika forced out, shaking his head and stumbling over the words. "I told you I couldn't handle it. And you said you understood. We agreed. It was just sex."
"Of course I understood. But that was months ago... it hasn't been just sex in a long time." Said Renley. "I thought you were starting to figure that out."
Only then did Mika's gaze shy away from Renley's. He looked up at the ceiling for a moment, blinking a few times. And when he looked back at Renley, he wasn't really looking at Renley. It was as if he was looking through him.
"I'm trying, okay?" The words seemed to fight Mika with every syllable, punctuated with an inconspicuous hitch in his throat. Charna's guts, this could very well be the most rawly candid, genuine sentence Mika had ever spoken in Renley's presence.
"I know you are." Renley whispered at last. And he did. He knew exactly. Mika nodded shakily, as though he found a bit of relief in that revelation. And Renley added - "I didn't mean to alarm you. I just thought you should know."
Mika nodded again, and for a moment he said nothing. Then he looked up, and without a shred of warning he shattered Renley's heart when he choked out,
"Don't give up on me."
Is it insensitive for me to say
Get your shit together?
So I can love you
Is it really your anxiety
That stops you from giving me everything?
Or do you just not want to?
And if I would've known
How sharp the pieces were you'd crumbled into
I might've let them lay
Renley wanted to cry. Wanted to break down and sob, because Mika had no business thinking anywhere near that direction. How dare he? Did he not understand how grossly offensive it was to imply that Renley would even consider that?
"Give up on you? Fuck, Mika... Are you crazy?" Renley spat. He resented the way the words tasted on his tongue. "I'm not going anywhere. You may have convinced everyone else that you're this bulletproof, cocky, heartless bastard... but I see right through you. You can't scare me away."
Mika shook his head almost imperceptibly. Then closed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair. Renley couldn't help but admire the way those jet-black strands shimmered in the Hall light as they slipped through his fingertips.
"Hey... don't stress yourself out. I'm sorry I sprung that on you. Look at me." Renley added. "I know it's sudden, and it's okay if you're not ready to say it back. I just didn't know when I'd get another chance to have you to myself... so I had to tell you."
Mika didn't speak for a long time. He held Renley's gaze with dead-eyed exhaustion that hurt to behold. Renley didn't look away. He hadn't come this far to look away.
"You must really, really want an investiture nomination." Said Mika at last.
Renley let out a harsh, angry laugh as he shook his head in exasperation. He wouldn't change a single thing about Mika, honest to the gods. Except the part of him that had turned him against himself so viciously.
"Don't you ever get tired of hiding behind that sarcasm?" Renley protested. "How do you not understand that you're so much more than your power? Not everybody wants something from you."
"Well, I don't exactly have a lot of redeeming qualities, Ren. I work with what I've got. And I have to say, is that I'm really starting to question your taste."
"Excuse you?"
"Everyone knows you have your eyes on an investiture someday." Said Mika.
"I've never denied that." Renley shrugged.
"So naturally, at first I figured you were just... you know, trying to sleep your way to the top." Mika continued, arching an eyebrow while Renley rolled his eyes. "But that didn't bother me. I'd never give you preferential treatment, and I needed the distraction."
"You had that little faith in me?" Renley groaned in dismay, swatting Mika's shoulder lightly.
"You had a good thing going." Mika replied tonelessly. "Unlimited sex. No strings. No baggage. No responsibilities. But now you're telling me you want to be part of my chaos? I don't even want to spend time with myself. But you're here voluntarily. I don't get it."
That one left Renley's ears ringing. For a moment he had no words. A heartbeat later, he had all of them.
"Alright, you impossible prick." Said Renley, knowing exactly what he had to say now and willing his voice to hold strong til he said what needed to be said. "You asked for it. Now I'm going to make you sit there and listen, while I tell you exactly how good my taste is. Got it?"
"I think I'm ready to go to work after all." Said Mika bluntly, starting to stand up. Renley immediately pulled him back down. The way Mika collapsed back into his arms without resistance almost gave the impression he'd wanted to be there all along. Renley sat with his back against the wall and Mika curled up against his chest, just like the night after Paris died.
"Here we go." Renley began, adrenaline steeling his heart and his tongue. "I love your independence, and your confidence - even though you're secretly a train wreck, you still wear it well. I love your attitude. I love your wicked sense of humour, and I love watching it go over people's heads while you sit back and enjoy their confusion. I love your drive. I love watching you work, how fucking smart you are, how you lean into me when you're tired. I love your eyes, especially when they get that determined look in them. Could stare at you all day. You're smoking hot, and I love that you know it. And don't you dare deny it-"
"Wasn't going to." Mika spoke up.
Renley laughed hoarsely, kissed his temple, and held on a little tighter as he delivered the closing statement:
"...And for reasons that don't make sense to me, I love how that was your response to everything I just told you."
Mika slowly twisted his body so he could peer up at Renley with an expression of utter incredulity. Either Renley had finally gotten through to him, or he was so beyond appalled he was already plotting Renley's execution. Probably the latter. Worth it either way.
"Give me a minute, I'm working on it." Said Mika bluntly, taking Renley completely by surprise. He didn't know what would happen after he gave his dissertation, but he hadn't been expecting any sort of response that required Mika to gather his thoughts.
"Okay, here we go." Mika added a moment later. "You... well, you're mainly pleasant to be around. You bring me food sometimes. You haven't stabbed me in the back yet, so you've got that going for you."
Renley cringed, trying not to laugh. "Could you lower the bar any more? My gods. You're making me sad."
"I'm not done! You're good in bed, bonus points there. Easy on the eyes, I guess. You talk a lot, but nobody's perfect."
"Know what? You're right. You're irredeemable."
"Stop interrupting me."
"Sorry."
"What I was going to say..." Mika continued. This time there was a new gravity in his voice. "…was that somewhere in all that chaos, you became something I didn't know I needed. You were my lifeline when I didn't even realize I was drowning. You saw me at my worst, and you stayed. You... you've been my fucking hero. That's the truth. Even if I'm never able to say those three words back to you... it won't be because you weren't enough."
Renley's soul ascended. He grasped Mika's jaw and gently tilted his head back. At just enough of an angle so that he could press a lazy, sensual kiss into his lips.
"Gods, I wish you could see yourself how I see you." Said Renley after a moment, pulling back from the kiss just far enough to get the words out. "Then maybe you'd understand why I fell for you."
Mika sat there for several long moments. His eyes were unreadable but Renley swore he almost nodded. That had to mean something, right?
When Mika kissed him again, Renley could taste the reckless lust on his tongue. But he could also feel the confliction and anxiety radiating from Mika's frame. They sank into each other with filthy purpose. Mika's body language made it clear he was done talking. Still, Renley almost shut him down. Preserve the emotional integrity of the moment or whatever.
But it's so unprofessional to reschedule something twice.
Are you really gonna talk about timing in times like these?
And let all your damage damage me
And carry your baggage up my street
And make me your future history
It's time, you've come a long way
Open the blinds, let me see your face
You wouldn't be the first renegade
To need somebody
To need somebody
I should've just pulled the trigger and posted this 3 years ago because it's kinda meant to be the last one in the series. Right after this part is the major plot event that redirects Mika and Kurda's paths back to each other. In less vague terms, immediately after this part is when Gracie gets attacked by vampaneze. Everything after that is dominoes. If those dominoes hadn't been tipped, Kurda would have stayed in exile and MikaRenley would have been endgame. Well, at least for what little future remained for the clans before Destiny ran its alternate course. It also goes without saying that I love writing strong characters at vulnerable times and this particular era of Mika's life is basically just that.
I'm going to mark this story complete I think. One step closer to clearing out my WIP drafts.
Thanks for being here,
- roxy