Barbarian Love, By Shalamarke

This story has been posted by popular demand...

WARNING: The following story is not for the weak of heart. If you are easily offended (or even not easily offended) I encourage you not to read it. You have been warned, and I will hear no complaints. (and this is the mild version, btw :P )


'Twas a clear dark night beautiful as they come, when I decided to take a walk out to the commonlands for a bit of a stroll. It was such a wonderful evening that I thought it a good night to commune with nature and spirit.

As I strolled through the land, I saw many creatures tending to their businesses in the lands. The majestic puma, pouncing on its prey... The filthy Orc, grunting and groping for food... The powerful giant spider, drooling from its fangs as it searched out its next victim...

Then out of nowhere it came... A large black figure came running at me. Fear filled my veins, but when it reached my heart - I stopped it cold - For I am the great and fierce Barbarian, and nothing but a Troll in the Ocean will ever cause me to run.

As it came closer, it let out a hearty "ROAR!" and it was then that I knew what it was... and I began to smile. The beautiful young kodiak bear.

I hadn't come out looking for any action that eve, but I was delighted to have found some. It had been several moons since my last romp of this sort... My loins were indeed in need, and I quickly whipped out my velcro gloves and put them on.

As the bear came at me, I quickly chanted the magic of drowsiness, to help the bears muscles relax. This would make it more enjoyable for him, you see, and easier for me.

He began with a mightly maul with his claws, and this made my blood begin to boil with anticipation. I quickly slammed him and circled around to the rear. In one smooth motion, I picked up his rear legs, planted his feet into my boots to hold him steady, slapped my velcro gloves on his back, and began to work it like he'd never been worked. mmm yeah...

Oh, the air was sweet that night... By the time I had finished, the once great Kodiak lay motionless on the ground. I guess that good Barbarian Lovin' was just too much for his poor heart to take.

With that, I skinned his hide, ate his flesh and ground up his claws and smoked them in my best gnoll tooth pipe. The stroll back to town was especially envigorating after my lovely time with the Kodiak... A frosty mug of ale at the town pub polished off the night perfectly, and then I went to sleep and dreamt of more good Kodiak times. *smile*


Traveling Drunkard Shaman

The Nameless