"My goodbye to you"

Warning: It's raided R for a reason, people. Romance, blood, gore, and angst. 1x2. Oh yeah, and brief language. Plus a couple of grammar errors (sleepy at 3:35 am -_- zzZ)

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, nor did I write the song. It is by Evanescence off of their CD 'Fallen', the song is "Going Under."


"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

//Now I will tell you what I've done for you//

"Heero! Heero! Please stop!" a voice cries out to the receding boy. "Please come back!" A pale, rain soaked hand reaches out from under a long, sleek, black trench coat, begging for the other to return.

"Please don't leave me all alone.. again.." The voice fades off into the sound of rain as it pounds on the asphalt and buildings around them. It rattles against the glass windows and their panes. It was as if the world was crying that day, shedding it's own tears to the sorrow of one. Joining into the grief of many.. and one was standing on the street corner of 32nd and 58th. Alone..

The street lamps slowly switched on with a light buzzing noise that was drowned out by the rain. Each one presented their own glow, the rays shining on the gathered puddles of earths torn heart. The tiny lakes of clear blood were shattered, reflecting the dim lights every which way.

"I.. love.. you.."

The boy called Heero was gone..

And the other.. had no choice but to turn away. He walked with trudging steps toward the sidewalk faintly to the right of him. His long, chestnut brown hair fell out of the braid in loose strands, hanging over the slumped shoulders. The once bright, cobalt blue orbs had been shattered from any emotion; a blank look had replaced the mourning that was earlier.

//50 thousand tears I've cried//

Tears poured down his face, mixing their salty complexion with that of the rain.

How long had passed? It felt like centuries on..

"But.. why?" He said to himself, not bothering to notice any change in the illumination of light. His walk was unsteady, as if his feet were unsure of their footing and he could possibly fall face first easily.


Once he had proceeded to chase after him.. The face trails over to glance behind to the empty road as second thoughts poured through the mind.. There it was, the space ship taking off onto its long journey to the cold, soulless area of black outer space..

//Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you//

His body whipped around to face the shrinking ship. The arms stretched out to his sides, the legs were spread the width of the shoulders, hands clenched in rage.

"Fine Heero Yuy! Leave! Be gone! See if I care you asswhole! I never loved you! And I hate you now! I hate you! You bastard!"

His face turned up towards the rain, eyes closing to endure the cold wetness. The hat points to the heavens as its job is done. It lazily slips off and glides down onto a puddle growing with others on the ground, the sweet smell of rain threading past it. Small ripples spread from it, just like the passing of time. What we all are. ripples in the water of the passing.

//And you still won't hear me//

"I'll love someone.. someone who cares.."

A lone, outstretched hand slowly lowers towards the ground, swinging just a bit before resting peacefully next to the standing figures hips.

//Going under//

"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

//Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself//

Duo outstretched his hand to the sky, reaching upwards as if singing his sad song of vengeance to heaven.

This is to you, hell angels.

This is to you, Heero.

//Maybe I'll wake up for once//

It was another rainy day, the familiar gray clouds hovering over the horizon, spreading their blanket as if to the tips of the world. The natural weather of earth was mourning once again.

His heart had not healed, nor had the past.

But how would it feel if it had, any different? Less pain?

If this is what you call anguish; freezing weather, with the burning fire of hate and loved mingled so far into each other they never parted, this was some hell. It was easy to realize why love lead to hatred, why people left the other..

What's true love?

//Not tormented daily defeated by you//

It plagued his mind, each time he went out for a walk.. To a café.. To the store..

Memories.. Memories..

Fucking memories!! Leave me alone!!

Even the rain was a solemn reminder. And he had once loved the sound of it. The droplets racing down the window, only to crash into the sill with their own physical force mixed with a slight tinge of gravity and gain of mass.

No longer was that sound pleasing.

//Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom//

And when he thought it was all over.. There was a letter.. A message just the other day.

It laughed in his face, pulling together every single displaced memory, tormenting him even more. As they each pieced together forming the grand picture, the anger grew with each reading of the three words.

"I love you."

//I'm dying again//

"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

//I'm going under//

It was hell each time he walked into that house.

//Drowning in you//

Each time he stepped out of his soaking boots with their mud crusted soles.

//I'm falling forever//

Hell each time he reached for the same picture of two instead of one.

//I've got to break through//

And each time he through it back down onto the bedside table to go to sleep with tears.

//I'm going under//

"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

//Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies//

It was no use drinking at the local bar anymore..

It didn't numb any pain, physical or non, but it did take your thoughts to other places..

Like that one time..



//So I don't know what's real and what's not//

His feet weave in and out of stableness with each step proceeding towards home. The images of long ago mix with the present.. It was hard to tell where he was now, hard to see the light of day as it fades away to black. Time passes with no sign of ceasing. A moment will never last forever. It's impossible to love that one true pointless recollection eternally.

Isn't it?

For one that was left, truth doesn't differ from what he lies. He was loved?

Is it possible?

A street kid like him; trash, crap, shit.. and any more words that were thrown at hideous speeds in his direction, only to try and repel. Sure, they bounced off the outside figure, but were kept within.

Only to come about later.

//Always confusing the thoughts in my head//

Thinking was no longer logical. How could someone reflect on what was going on around them, interacting with what they knew, if the one thing they thought they recognized was gone, disappeared from their world, leaving their existence to let them feel small and betrayed.

Eyes played tricks, crossing the two worlds of time, like tides trapped in a whirlpool of death. Spinning round and round is the only way out, churning each emotion into nothing. Becoming what someone so despised was pointless to a blank emotionless person, waiting for his or her trial of life. Where would it take them in the underworld?

Heaven, is there such a thing?

Or are there only black angels, Heero, which descended from a hell, when we all expected then to be heroic and pure?

//So I can't trust myself anymore//

His body was so wrapped up in thoughtlessness, his mind so brainwashed with 'love'; there was no real world. Now what to do?

It waited in the bathroom, behind the mirror.

//I'm dying again//

"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

//I'm going under//

Up the stairs, slam the door shut, eyes trailing around the tiled, white room.

//Drowning in you//

Tears poor down the pail face as a lightly pigmented hand shakily raises up to open the medicine cabinet.

//I'm falling forever//

His mind spins, the other hand clenching the beer bottle to keep grip on reality.

//I've got to break through//

This was the last resort. This is where his new life would begin.

//So go on and scream//

The blade was clean, never before used, new, strait out of the box. It seemed to crave for the silky skin being slowly exposed. The black cotton sleeve was gradually crawling up the arm, being pulled with light force.

//Scream at me I'm so far away//

"Duo! Duo, where the hell are you?!" The scream was not heard as pills were placed into the mouth and a swig of drink was taken. Long locks of chestnut hair fell down into his face and over his shoulders, swaying with each small movement, just like that fateful day in the rain.

//I won't be broken again//

The cold blade was placed to the skin, it's shine reflected back bright white light from above, and the light flesh that was lit.

//I've got to breathe I can't keep going under//

Pressure was placed onto the blade, slowly biting into the skin.

"I just want to wake up.. Wake up from this dream, Heero.. I'm with you.." A smile crosses his lips, "I'm with you right now."

A flick of the wrist and a long swipe.. A hiss is aloud out of the pink, flawless lips as they stretch over the teeth just a bit. He fingered at the cut, opening it just a bit more; then pushed the two separated walls together.

It burned, like the passion in his heart, and the hate that encased it.

Slowly blood formed at the deep wound, it began to gather quickly, rolling down the pale flesh like galloping horses down an appointed track. Then it boiled over at another point, making a new trail.

Drip.. drip..drip, drip, drip.

It began to form small red puddles.. Like the rain.. Rippling with time..

His eyes almost engulfed the site faster then his mind comprehended the images of time past.

The razor was lifted again.

//I'm dying again//

"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

//I'm going under//

Three more cuts just for you..

A grand pool of blood begins to connect the smaller ones, not having time to dry, kept fresh by another supply by the plentiful streams. He sways, his own body liquid thinning.

//Drowning in you//

"Pills must be working." Another drink is taken to ease the shaking boys voice, melting with fear. The razor slowly drops from his hand, landing with a quiet 'dunk' as it hits the thick red liquid spreading on the floor.

The oncoming footsteps are still unheard.

//I'm falling forever//

No longer able to keep his eyes focused, the weak body doubles over itself to land on his side. He didn't move, letting his tears mix and soak with the rest of his sins.

"This is my forgiveness.. Please forgive me.. Heero."

//I've got to break through//

"Forgive my sins."

The door burst open with a familiar figure standing in the doorway, the lock shattering across the room, only to hit the opposite wall.

"Duo!" The voice cried out in utter shock and pain. He hurried over to the body that was of the fragile boy, slowly fading into unconsciousness. "My god."

Duo looked up for a final time, "Heero.. You came back.."

"Of course I did, baka.. I.. I love you.." He hurriedly wrapped ripped cloth from his own shirt around Duo's wounds, "I can't live without you.. Running away again.. made me realize that. I can't run away from it all."

"The first time you've said that.. Don't bother.. I'm dead," Duo's reply was faint. He was fading away right in his lover's arms.

Heero leaned down and kissed the sweat-lathered forehead. "Your going to make it.. You'll live.. or.. Or I'll die with you.."


Heero leaned down close to the boy's mouth; the breathing was starting to obtain a rasp. "What is it Duo?" His voice was gentle and soothing. A finger calmly stroked Duo's cheek tenderly. The other hand compressed the small wrist in its grasp.

This was love.

This is how it was suppose to be.

With a better ending..

Duo pulled his best smile onto his face.

"I whisper my goodbye to you.."

With that.. The body went limp. The cobalt blue eyes drift off to the side, the life extinguished from them. Death left a smile upon his own face.

"D-Duo? D-uo?!" Heero shook the limp body gently with his quiet words. "You can't.. you can't die!" A scream of pain let from his mouth, echoing throughout the house that had once been filled with laughter and joy.

An unsteady hand lifted a sliver pistol up to the teen's head. Two years after the war.. And that's were it was going to end.

"And I.. whisper my goodbye to you.. my lovely Duo."

He leaned down to touch his loves lips for the fist.. the last time. As the kiss faded away, he slowly lifted his head, just enough to see Duo's face, swallowing a lump in his throat.

The kiss of death.

Click.. Bang.

//I'm going under// ________________________________________________________________

How did I do on my first song fiction? Please, let me know!