"So, you're a god?" asked Taylor Hebert.
"By some people's reckoning," noted the cat. "In some worlds I'm considered a god, or a demon, or an ancient horror beyond space and time. Some consider me an archfey, a minor if persistant annoyance, or a figment of a particularly twisted imagination."
"So, what do I get if I worship you?" asked Taylor.
"Well, most who consider me a god ask me not to pay attention to them or what they're doing," said the cat. "On the worlds where there are clerics, they usually get something relating to luck or pranks. Here, I think it would be..."
[MARK OF THE PRANKSTER]
[Stealth capability. Thinkers cannot predict you, Masters cannot grasp your mind, and Tinker-tech tends to go wrong when you focus on it. Results vary but tend to be angled towards nonsensical when possible.]
"Oh, that might be handy," noted Taylor.
"As a cleric, you'd also get access to clerical spells. As you'd gain experience, you'd be able to access more powerful magic." The cat shrugged despite anatomical differences from a human body configuration. "Standard sort of thing. I'd probably do something like the Gamer overlay. I'm not above copying something if I think it would be entertaining."
"I see. No safes falling out of the sky to land on me?" asked Taylor, remembering the priest-dressed fellow from earlier.
"No. Maybe on your enemies," said the cat.
While the image of Sophia Hess being flattened beneath an industrial-sized safe was quite intriguing, Taylor thought there might just be legal consequences to such a thing. "Maybe put that in the 'maybe' column."
"We could do world-walker like that Harris fellow," said the cat, pulling up a video of a guy hanging around ninja on a spaceship. "Slow to start, rapid rise in power levels?"
"Downside?" asked Taylor.
"You might never make it home due to the sheer number of alternate universes," said the cat.
"Pass," said Taylor.
"We could do the Lite version where you invoke the effect on Magic The Gathering cards," suggested the cat.
"Never played that," said Taylor.
"What about..." The cat thought for a moment and then waved a paw.
"A Star Wars novel?" asked Taylor as she found one in her hand.
"Open it, reach in," suggested the cat.
Taylor opened the book, reading a section, then noticed one thumb had actually sunk into the page. "What the?!"
"Libromancy," said the cat. "You can reach into novels and pull objects out of the story."
Taylor stared at the cat for a moment, looked back into the book, then pulled a light-saber out. "Okay. THIS has possibilities."
"It's similar to those novels on Earth Aleph by Jim C. Hines," said the cat. "There will be limits though. Different limits from the book. You'll notice that I haven't limited the size of the objects you can pull out of the book."
Taylor looked as innocent as she could as she sat on the cockpit of an X-Wing. "Really? Hadn't noticed."
"If you go with this there would be a mass vs time limit," said the cat. "Small handheld objects being once a day, while larger take more and more time for your power to 'recharge' from."
"That makes sense," said Taylor as she tried to hide a blaster in her shirt.
"Adding a Tinker/Breaker skillset so you could fix the things or build support mechanics sounds like reasonable, doesn't it?" asked the cat.
"Entirely," said Taylor as she tried to look completely innocent.
"So, put this in your 'maybe' column?" asked the cat.
"Yeah, let's go with that," agreed Taylor.
"Hmmm," hmmmed the cat as he thought for a moment. There was a brief yelp as the small heap of items (and X-Wing) that Taylor had managed to pull out of the book vanished. Naturally, this involved Taylor falling onto her buttocks.
"Maybe this then?" asked the cat.
"Whoa, I'm buff? Why do I have a TAIL?!" asked Taylor.
"Your race is now half-Saiyajin. Or Saiyan depending on the translation," said Toltiir. "Warrior race. Lives to fight and train and test themselves. An entire race of battle maniacs or blood knights trying to find a worthy fight to jump into. Reflected in several realities by being part of a fictional franchise titled 'Dragon Ball' or something similar. If you go with this one, you'd have some Brute/Striker abilities to start and eventually add some high Mover, Blaster, and a Thinker ability based on martial arts."
"I have a tail?" asked Taylor, grabbing the appendage.
"Maybe not then," said the cat with a sigh. "What about THIS?"
"A book?" asked Taylor, hoping it was like the Star Wars book, but then noticing details that seemed to indicate this was not the case. "Is this weird leather what I think it is?"
"Human skin? Yes," said Toltiir. "This allows you to summon Great Old Ones to destroy and devour your reality while protecting you from their direct influence. Snazzy, huh?"
Taylor carefully put the book down on the ground. "Let's put this one down in the 'absolutely not' category."
"You sure? You could have revenge on anyone who has ever wronged you?" pointed out the cat.
"I'm sure," said Taylor. She still had SOME hope for the human race in general.
"How about this then?" asked the cat, his tail blurring through some odd patterns.
Taylor watched the book poof out and another book appeared near the same spot. She slowly picked it up. The title of the book was "My First Spellbook" which certainly seemed to indicate what the book was about.
"The path of the wizard," said the cat. "Spells. Throwing a lightning cage up around your three little tormentors would certainly provide some interesting shifts in the timeline. Maybe turning Lung into a newt? I don't think that's been done very often. Just imagine the possibilities of using a Truth Compulsion hex on someone."
"Won't the Christians start talking about burning me at the stake or something?" asked Taylor.
"No, that's a very loud but small minority, and frankly your world has enough problems that they're not given a lot of positive feedback via your news agencies," said the cat dismissively. "If you want to dress the part of an evil witch, that might encourage them but otherwise they're just a minor distraction. After all, if you've got to worry about the Simurgh or Leviathan - who has time to deal with some parahuman who calls her abilities 'spells' or something?"
"Might be a point in there somewhere," said Taylor, though she had her doubts. Besides, what would happen if someone took the book away?
"Well, let's see," said the cat, pulling a rolodex out of his butt and flipping through various options. "Hmmm. Maybe..."
"I'M A GIANT ROBOT?!" asked Taylor.
"You're a transforming giant robot," corrected the cat. "Your other form is a UNSC Warthog."
"No," stated Taylor, making a cross-armed X gesture as emphasis. "Do you have any idea how that Leet and Uber would be after me?"
(Poof!) went Taylor back to normal.
"Maybe Hero Summoning where you could summon heroic spirits from history, myth, and fiction but only summon a particular one once?" asked Toltiir, considering for a moment. "No, looks like a 79% chance of you getting killed before you can pull out one that works in a specific situation. Maybe..."
(Zorp!) went Taylor.
"Cosplay girl!" declared the Chaos Kitty. "You gain the powers of whatever your costume depicts. Oh, wait. That's basically that 'Dial H-for-Hero' setup and that didn't work at all well last time I tried it."
(Poof!) went Taylor back to normal again. "Just as well, being an anime catgirl would lead to some problems later on."
"I suppose Changer to a dragon-form is out then?" asked the god of mischief.
"Lung would see that as a challenge," said Taylor. "I wouldn't last a week. So, no."
"Oh, I don't know about that, but fine," said the Incarnation of OP. "You're providing a challenge I suppose. Maybe Vector?"
"What's the vector, Victor?" asked Taylor.
"You were put in a locker with medical waste including stuff from the school nurse's biohazard container," pointed out the cat. "Having disease vector powers would fit, don't you think?"
"That sounds bad," said Taylor.
"Imagine hitting the trio with Mime Disease," suggested the cat.
"'Mime Disease'?" repeated Taylor.
"Causes albinism - their skin turning pure white, disables the language centers of the brain so they can only communicate through pantomime, and hair color changes," said the cat. "It's not fatal, except maybe to their social life."
Taylor pictured Sophia with bright pink hair, chalk-white skin, and trapped in an invisible box. The image was strangely appealing. "So, non-fatal diseases?"
"Where would be the humor in that?" asked the cat. "Normal diseases are boring. Giving someone a yeast infection is dull. Giving them a yeet infection is much more interesting."
"'Yeet infection'?" asked Taylor.
"Frequent rocket-propelled sneezes that tend to cause them to exit their current location," said the cat.
"No, I think I'd likely be shoved in a containment unit for community reasons." Taylor did think there might be some entertainment value, but just mentioning disease vectors might cause a public panic.
The cat put up an image of Sophia Hess as she might look like after being infected. Chalk-white skin, frizzy neon-pink hair, flailing her arms around and looking quite frustrated. Taylor found herself smirking at it, but ultimately shook her head in a "no" despite the appeal.
"Maybe a Varga..." considered the cat. "No. That's been done. Huh. With wonderfully chaotic results. Hang on, I'm sending that Higher Power a case of Oreo Smores."
"Oreo Smores?" asked Taylor, before finding a pack of the cookies in her hands. "Oh."
"Let's see," said the cat. "Let's try this."
"Lemmee finish," said Taylor through a mouthful of cookie.