Link is examined by Sigmund Freud

By: Shannon

NOTE: I am NOT a clinical psychologist, nor am I a psychoanalyst or a psychiatrist. This is just for entertainment (and I do not own the rights to the characters in the Freud was a psychoanalyst, not a psychiatrist....but this fic shows him working at a psychiatric center).

Weeks and months have come and gone and Link was still feeling down in the dumps. Everything he loved did not interest him anymore. Even practicing his moves in the courtyard didn't interest him. He just felt plain depressed.

Zelda noticed her husband's depression and realized that it wasn't normal.

"Honey," she said to Link one day as they were sitting in their livingroom one night, before a roaring fire. "Are you all right?"

"No," said Link. "I've been depressed lately. I don't know why, but I am."

"Maybe you should seek some counseling, Link."

"I am. I'm going in to see some doctor tomorrow. I made an appointment at the Hyrule Psychiatric Center." After he said those words, he slunk down in his favorite armchair and stared off into oblivion as Zelda knitted her children sweaters.

The next morning, Link stumbled into the Hyrulian Psychiatric Center.

"Hello, I'm here for my 9 a.m. appointment," the Link said to the receptionist.

The receptionist replied in a thick, Brooklyn, accent. "All right then!" She handed Link a huge stack of papers and a quill pen. "Now honey, ya gotta fill these forms, go down the hallway, take the stairs up to the fourth floor, make a right, go to the second to the last room down the hall, drop off the forms, pick up another packet of forms, fill those out, come back here and drop them off. You got that, hon?"

"Uhhhh...." said Link with his knees nearly collapsing under the weight of the forms.

"Good! Now hurry up....AND DON'T GET LOST, EITHER!" The receptionist then went back to filing her nails and fixing her beehive hairdo.

After going through the tedious task of filling out several forms, Link went back to the reception desk to sign in. Then, he slumped in one of the nogahyde chairs in the waiting room. Five minutes. Ten minutes. Thirty minutes. An hour. Link still waited to be called in by the doctor so he kept himself busy by reading magazines such as "Hyrulian Parent," "Hyrulian BMX and Xtreme Sports," "Hyrulian Teen," "Stars of Hyrule," "Hyrulian Christian Monitor," "National Hyrulian Geographic," and several others.

After about 90 minutes of waiting, Link was called into a session. The receptionist lead him into a room with a couch and a chair behind it. He was instructed to lie on the couch and wait for the therapist to come in. Five minutes later, the therapist came in. He was old and grey. His hair on his head, moustache, and beard were completely white. He was dressed in a three-piece suit with a gold pocketwatch hanging from his vest. He carried a pen and a writing pad and introduced himself (by the way, imagine this guy using a very THICK German accent).

"Ello,' my name is Sigmund Freud. I zee you have a problem?"

"Yes Dr. Freud," said Link. "I've been very depressed lately and..."

"Well, let me zeet (sit....remember, this guy has a German accent) down and you tell me all about it, Leeenk."

"Well, what should I tell you?"

"Pleeeese tell me about your life, starting with zee childhood, no?" He sits in a chair, turned away from Link lying on the couch with a pen in hand, prepared to take notes.

"Okaaay...well, first I was born. Well, if I wasn't born, I wouldn't be here. Anyway, I hardly knew my parents because I spent most of my life living in Kokiri Forest. When I was very young, maybe about 4 years old, I remember being dropped off there and hearing my mother say something like, "I can't stand to give him away." I also heard my father say, "It's best for him. We are too poor to raise a child." Those were the last words I heard them say."

"Ok, go on. Teeeeell me more about your childhood, no?"

"Well, I was raised by the Kokiri people that lived there. I was well fed, and provided a home in a tree."

"A tree?"

"Yeah, a tree. Well, I used to live in a treehouse."

"Oh, all right. Go on."

"Then when I was older, I was sent on a mission to fight Hyrule against Ganon and Ganondorf. After I did that, I married Princess Zelda and we have two children. And up until now, I had a happy life. I have great friends, I love my country and my kingdom and my subjects love me, but I am still depressed and I have no clue why."

"Well, I theeenk I have solved zee problem, Link," said Dr. Freud. "It is because you have had no parental figures in your life. No one to call Mother and Father. That eeezzz why you are depressed. I will subscribe some medication to you and we will meet again in three weeks, same day same time."

"Ok," said Link. "That's cool. In fact, I kinda do feel better already. Ya' know, like I was talking to you about my life and stuff and I feel somewhat relieved."

"That eezz a good thing, Leeeenk," said Dr. Freud. "Now take theeeez prescription to the Hyrulian Pharmacy and have them fill it out for you. The receptionist has the bill for your co-pay for theeezzz (this) session."

"Sure thing, Dr. Freud," said Link going up to the receptionist's desk. "Do you have the bill for my co-pay?" asked Link.

"I sure do, hon. Here it is." She presented him with the bill.

"MY GOSH!!!! ARE YOU GUYS INSANE!!!! This bill is for 100,000 rupees!"

"Well, it's your co-pay, hon," said the receptionist. "The actual doctor's bill will be mailed to you."

"All right, fine!" snapped Link as he handed over 100,000 rupees. "Here! I hope you and Dr. Freud are happy!" He stormed angrily out of the psychiatric center. "I really need to get better insurance," Link mumbled to himself as he stormed off to the Hyrulian Pharmacy.

Three days later, Link got a notice in the mail from the Hyrulian Psychiatric Center.

"Hmm, must be my bill," said Link. As Link opened the envelope, the bill read..........

........500,000 rupees.