I Long for Love
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and the characters belong to J.K. Rowling.
A/N: Just a brief one-shot about Ginny and her longing.
There were a lot of things I wanted. Money, beauty, friends, good grades. But there was only one thing I longed for beyond all.
The world, as I slowly began to learn, was an unfair, unjust place, where people often had more than others.
Oh, all right. Not often.
Some people had more money, and that wasn't fair because those people didn't need it. They weren't on the verge of starvation, and they didn't have ten kids desperately waiting to be fed. My family did not have ten kids, nor were any of us desperate to be fed, but there were third and fourth world countries out there, right?
Those rich people, they often had only two members in the family, with one of them officially the heir of the money, and with the other person only staying with that heir because of the money.
Money, I believed, would someday be the end of this wretched world.
Speaking of world…
Beauty was another thing people had more than others on this earth. I seldom saw girls who were ugly with boyfriends.
Maybe 'ugly' was too strong a word…
I admit it, it wasn't very well accepted, in a modern world where teachers and parents are trying to teach their children that beauty counts on the inside.
Ask anyone. Take my brother for instance. Ron was the one who'd refused to take Eloise Midgeon to the Yule Ball in fourth year. Why? Because her nose was off centre. And the fact that she had acne.
So what? I happened to be a very good friend of Eloise. Eloise was nice, funny, and generous. She wasn't the type who'd refuse to go to a ball with a guy just because he'd tried to curse his zits off and gotten an off-centred nose in return. Eloise would agree with me on this one, although she would never admit it; she's too nice.
Man, we should start a campaign. What shall we call it?
Death to all Beautiful People.
Sounds great. Malfoy would be horrified at the thought that Hogwarts would be run by a gang of plain students.
I chuckled at the thought of kicking nasty people like Malfoy and Cho out of the school.
Cho wasn't nasty. But to me she was. She never returned Harry's feelings. She'd stolen his heart and never given it back.
She should be gloating in everyone's face now that Harry's gone. Hah. Let that imperious little witch regret what she'd said to him. Emphasis on the little, because that was what she is. Little.
Yes, the campaign sounded great. No doubt it'll be a success. We could recruit all the ugly and the plain. Hermione's stupid elf-campaign had not worked. Will mine? Screw that thought. Mine will work, because this time, brains were behind it. It was actually worth something, kicking out all the nice-looking people and replacing them with our kind.
I suppose you're thinking that I'm bitter and ungrateful.
Going to tell me now that it's unfair to speak like that about ugly people? I'm one of them; I know how it feels like to be unwanted.
Now, don't go giving me shit about how my family cares about me, and how my friends love me, and especially don't tell me that I will become a lovely, lovely girl, and that I'll have men throwing themselves at me in no time.
I don't want a man throwing himself at me because I'm a lovely, lovely girl. I want him to throw himself at me because he loves me.
Which brought me back to my point. Love.
Why the fuck does love go to the people who didn't do a goddamn thing to deserve it?
Malfoy had groups and lines of silly, foolish girls all tangled in a catfight to see who got to sleep with him. Did that make men feel powerful, to have flocks of girls fighting to sleep with them?
It sounded disgusting to me.
People like Malfoy didn't deserve love. People like me and Eloise did. I volunteered at the hospital wing, washing and scrubbing the sick patients, and I'd spent long hours in St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, reading aloud to all those who could not read on their own anymore. Eloise and I both took summer volunteer work in Hogsmeade, helping Madame Rosmerta wash dishes and carry drinks to the customers. I did not ask for anything in return.
Except for someone to love. For someone who will love. Love me for who I am, not just for my beauty, because I possessed no beauty.
And every girl who did not posses beauty did not posses love, because the cruel, dark world seemed to have laid down a set of rules: if you were not beautiful, prepared to live without a man's love.
I despised that rule, and whoever made it and spread it all over the men's minds, I'd sworn when Harry died that I would hunt him down, and stick that rule right up his ass.
Why had I dragged Harry into this, you ask?
Well, now and then, when I watched these cute couples snogging in the common room, my own brother included, I would think of Harry.
Harry, who did not have a chance to really love, Harry, who'd given his life into saving our world, Harry, whom I'd loved with all my heart once.
It seemed so long ago that I'd sat in the common room and had been obsessing over him, and I remembered the pain I'd felt when Harry had confessed his feelings he had for Cho in a Truth-or-Dare game. And Ron had agreed and even said that Cho was a 'foxy chick'.
And then I had thought about choosing Truth myself and confessing my feelings for him, but I'd decided against it.
I wasn't pretty. Not pretty like Cho. And I'd figured that if Harry fell in love with Cho, who was beautiful and smart, he would never fall for me, because I wasn't beautiful.
I'd never told him how I felt. Till the day he died, I didn't say a word about my feelings for him. All because I'd thought I wasn't beautiful enough for Harry. It's all because of that stupid rule someone set. No doubt it was a beautiful person who said this, to annoy the ugly and the plain.
That Death to all Beautiful People slogan really could've been helpful in that common room that day. I'd had to clutch the armrest of my chair to keep myself from crying.
I know perfectly well now that that was not true. Nobody ever said that you needed to be beautiful to love, but it just seemed to me at the moment that the prettier you were, that the richer you were, that the flirtier you were, the more men you will have going for you.
Again, I feel disgusted by this.
No one deserved this treatment. No one. I felt alone, isolated, and angry and sad all at once every time I gazed at a couple. Everyone, it seemed, had a partner. Ron and Hermione were together, for one, they've been together for a long time. Dean and Parvati were together, kissing every chance they could get in the hallways. My own best friend Marianne was together with Colin, and they seemed happy with each other.
I remained alone. I didn't mind being alone, it felt wonderful. But…
I wanted to love someone. I wanted to find out what it feels like to love someone so much that it ached. I have never known that feeling, that feeling of happiness when you're with someone you love. Was it even possible?
Yes, it was possible. God bless whoever said that quote: Anything is possible. May all hell break loose on the fool who said that other quote.
Could love be possible too? Could it be true, that every one out there had a soul mate? Were soul mates possible?
I did not know. I had never known any of these things. I'd always just sat in a corner and watched. Watched Ron gaze at Hermione with his eyes shining; watched as Hermione gazed back with flush in her cheeks. I'd always watched people find their soul mates, and never having one for myself.
Why is love so hard? I've seen girls running back into the common room, crying their eyes out, undoubtedly having broken up with their boyfriends, and I would wonder what good a guy was for if they made you cry.
Then again, when I find love, I would make sure that it didn't make me cry.
Where was love, anyway?
Mum once said that love would find me when love finds me. What if love never found me? What then? Should I go looking for it myself? Look where? Love is not playing hid-and-seek. People don't go looking for love for no reason.
But I have a reason. I'm in love.
Was it possible to fall in love with love?
I've dreamed of it so much that I've begun to fall for it itself.
Anything is possible, isn't it?
What if love found me, and it turned out to be a beastly man? Well, if he were kind to me and if he really loved me, I would not mind. We could have a little house somewhere close to Hogwarts, and we'd raise beautiful kids.
I have not yet experienced love. Never in my eighteen years have I kissed somebody. I wanted, more than anything, love. Kill-beautiful-people slogans no longer mattered to me. Telling Ron off for refusing Eloise no longer seemed such a big deal to me. Kicking Cho Chang out of the country no longer had its stronghold on me.
What mattered was love.
I long for love.
~ Short, I know, I apologize! This little fic just popped into my mind, and I just had to get it up. It might seem really rushed, I'm sorry, I did this in an hour. REVIEW PLEASE!!! I love all reviewers! *hugs* The next story will be out soon. It will be H/S, and my very first time writing a slash. But my friend Koenta's given me a brand new idea to try out, and I've decided to do it. Maybe I'll start posting in a few weeks. That's it!