Disclaimer: Not my show or characters.
A/N: REUPLOAD of a very old fic which became known as CubVerse. It was a bit famous on here way back when ;)
She's trying not to think about it. Put it out of her mind. It worked for awhile but it isn't working anymore - probably because he isn't distracting her. Or in the case of tonight, she's stopped distracting him. Ice cubes - she knew it would work. She knows she's lying here in the dark with a silly grin plastered on her face but she can't stop it. She isn't exactly trying either.
She's number one on his bucket list. Just thinking about it makes her heart go crazy and she needs to share her secret because it's about to burst out of her. This adorable, sweet, loving, childish man. This is his fault. She's overly emotional and yet she can't blame him because he doesn't have a clue. He's just lying next to her, halfway to sleep and it's her turn to do the creepy staring. Her eyes sweep over his face in the dim lighting of the moon - his eyes are closed, brow relaxed, but there's still sweat lingering on his skin.
He can't go to sleep. He mustn't, she needs to tell him what has her so worked up. It's been on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be released and now she knows the truth. It needs to be said - he needs to hear it. She's the type that never thought she would have this chance in life. But she does, thanks to him and she's excited and nervous and just everything. And how is it that he's drifting to sleep at a time like this?
She almost let it slip - before she knew. It's just so hard to keep something a secret from someone involved so deeply - someone as invested as she is. She remembers, she almost let it go in front of an audience. Her defenses had been down and the moment presented itself.
"Castle, that's so sweet. You want me to outlive you?" She knows there was a ridiculous smile on her face - knows her heart fluttered and twisted and rolled.
"Of course. Who else is gonna tell my tale of sacrifice and selflessness?" That's when it almost came out. It was on the very tip of her tongue even though she hadn't even found out for sure. It was still there, haunting, looming. She'd played it off at the time with an eye roll - she'd kept it from escaping.
Now she wants - needs - it to be out in the open. Plus she wants him to know that she might've momentarily forgot when she tackled someone but it's new and crazy and she isn't sure if it's real. But it is - her logical side knows.
She shimmies closer, wraps her leg around his beneath the sheet but he doesn't stir. He isn't asleep just yet - she can tell. He just clearly isn't aware of the secret trying to burst out of her every seam. She leans close, nudges her nose into his cheek until he grumbles. His lips quirk up and she finds herself smiling another goofy smile into his skin. This man. She inhales, lets his scent wash over her. He smells of sweat, cologne, and her. The mix is heady, arousing. Sometimes she thinks he doesn't get it - doesn't fully understand how she wants him - how she needs him in every way imaginable. He's so very deep in her entire being that there's no way she can be without him now.
"Castle." She lets her voice take on that husky tone he loves so much - the one that comes naturally when she's warm and in bed and thoroughly loved. Her lips ghost over his cheek, land below his eye. She feels his lashes flutter as he opens them but she doesn't want to pull back just yet so she indulges a little, slides down to steal an open mouthed kiss from his lips.
She's a little scared. This is big. They haven't discussed it and she just wants this moment to last. He's obviously still a little dumb from dozing - let's her take all she needs and then some. His hand lazily strokes over her hair, pushing back the waves that are tangled and knotted but otherwise, he doesn't move.
The kiss is slow, easy, and she ends it quickly. She isn't about to let herself get distracted - she has a mission. Her lips stay against his, not moving for a few seconds before she pulls away. When her eyes open, he's staring up at her and her breath sticks in her lungs, unable to escape. He's so expressive that it physically tugs on her heart sometimes - okay, all the time.
It's those blue eyes. Always hopeful or excited or loving or...the list can go on and on. His fingers move to rest on her cheek, light and barely there. She bites her lip, hopes nothing every changes between them...besides maybe her last name. That's a topic for a different night.
"Kate, not that I don't love having you naked and pressed against me but you're thinking."
"Astute observation." He beams up at her, that eye crinkling grin and she fights back one of her own to nibble harder on her bottom lip.
"Never thought the word 'astute' could sound dirty until now." He's playing, she can hear it in his voice as well as the very beginnings of arousal working it's way back to the surface.
"Wordplay will have to wait till another night." Time to put on her brave face and just tell him. Everything will be okay, she knows that but it's still something they haven't talked much about so it still puts that nervous pit in her stomach. "Listening?"
This time she feels the full pressure of his palm against her cheek, caressing. Men like this shouldn't exist but he does and she's never been happier with someone than she is with him.
"Always." It calms her nerves a little just to hear him say it. She wants to be close - as close as possible and she finds herself trying to scoot closer. It's impossible. They're already plastered together but her nails still dig in to his shoulders and she slides her foot along his calf. "Everything okay?"
"Yes." He's too good at reading her. "I'm pregnant."
The air leaves his lungs, she can feel his chest cave in as his expelled breath fans her face. She isn't surprised by his reaction or the fact that his hand drops from her cheek - hits the mattress with a dull thud. She remembers her expression in the mirror when she found out. It was almost the same. The open mouthed, fish imitating, brow furrowing reaction. It doesn't make sense. The words are clear and crisp - nothing confusing about it but she understands because she did the same thing.
"K-Kate?" She isn't sure what he's asking but the words start spilling out and she can't stop them. She's developed a rambling habit.
"I found out for sure this morning but I kinda already knew. I wanted to wait till the perfect time to tell you and then I saw that I was number one on your bucket list and I just -" She wants to say burst but doesn't get the chance because he's sitting up, crushing her in a hug that makes it awkward to move and just as quickly he's shoving her away.
"Wait, you were drinking wine tonight." She feels her face flush in embarrassment and isn't sure how to say what she needs to without it sounding completely childish and stupid.
"Maybe you aren't as astute in your observations as I thought. You poured it and I didn't want to say anything yet so I was pretending to sip it."
"Why?" He raises a good point and she expected the question but it's still one she doesn't know how to answer. She isn't sure but she has an idea.
"I wasn't ready. I think I just needed a little more time to wrap my head around it and you were stuck on waiting till midnight. I wanted to wait until you knew you weren't gonna die." He's quiet and staring at her but it isn't uncomfortable. He's letting her say what she needs to. "I was scared. I am scared."
"It's terrifying but it's also the most exhilarating and rewarding thing you'll ever do, Kate."
"Alexis?" She's having a hard time asking the one question that has been stuck in her brain the entire time. How will his daughter handle this? It's always been just her and her dad. Now Kate is here and she's carrying a plus one. "Do you think..."
"I think she's an adult, Kate, and I think that even if it bothers her, she'll get over it. She loves you."
"I love her too, Castle." It's true and it's strong - no waver in her voice or in her gaze as she states it. Both of them sit for a few seconds in silence, staring at each other, still tangled in the sheet. All bare skin and white fabric. She's not sure it's really hitting him yet but she waits it out.
Finally, his eyes drop and she can practically feel them on her stomach. Like a laser beam through the layer covering her. She almost chokes on the emotion bubbling in her chest when he reaches for her with a shaky hand. She goes willingly, letting him tug her along until she's lying back on the mattress and he's moving to rise above her. She wonders if he knows that she loves when he cages her in, hovers over her. She may be a cop - tough as the rest - but she's a woman first and she loves when he does this.
The sheet disappears, cool air hits her skin and she inhales a harsh breath through her nostrils. Just before she opens her mouth to complain, his palm settles below her navel and she chokes on her words. She stares up at him while he stares down at his hand in wonder. This - the way he's treating her, the way she feels, the way things are - all of it is perfect.
"We made a baby?" It's so soft she barely hears and it strips her heart in the best way possible. It leaves her raw and wanting. She never thought it'd be like this. Her reply is just as soft, just as filled with amazement.
"Yeah, we did."