The List
21- Headmaster - Albus Dumbledore
20- Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor - High Inquisitor (1995-1996) - Dolores Umbridge
19- Deputy Headmistress - Transfiguration Professor - Head of House (Gryffindor) - Minerva McGonagall
18- Caretaker - Argus Filch
17- Flying Professor - Quidditch Referee- Rolanda Hooch
16- Divination Professor - Sybil Trelawney
15- History of Magic Professor - Cuthbert Binns
14- Muggle Studies Professor - Charity Burbage
13- Charms Professor - Head of House (Ravenclaw) Filius Flitwick
12- Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor (1992-1993) - Gilderoy Lockhart
11- Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor (1991-1992) - Quirinus Quirrell/Tom Riddle/Voldemort
10- Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor (1993-1994) - Remus Lupin
9- Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor (1994-1995) - Barty Crouch masquerading as Alastor Moody
8- Care of Magical Creatures Professor - Keeper of Keys and Grounds - Rubeus Hagrid
7- Potions Professor (1981-1996) - Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor - Head of House (Slytherin) - Severus Snape
6- Divination Professor - Firenze
- Librarian - Madam Pince
- School Healer - Poppy Pomfrey
5- Astronomy Professor - Aurora Sinestra
4- Ancient Runes Professor - Bathsheda Babbling
3- Arithmancy Professor - Septima Vector
2- Potions Professor - Horace Slughorn
1- Herbology Professor - Head of House (Hufflepuff) - Pomona Sprout
"Miss Granger, could you stay back a moment? There is something I'd like to discuss with you." Minerva McGonagall called out as her students packed up their books and wands and were filing out the door at the end of the class.
Minerva watched as one of her favorite, and most promising, students stopped in the process of sliding her bag over her shoulder. Harry and Ron both stopped to look at her before being waved off by the girl who finished packing and sliding her bag onto her shoulder. "Yes, Professor?"
Minerva smiled, the girl was always polite, never sullen or upset when talking to professors. It was always refreshing for the experienced educator in the woman. She sat down at her desk and reached into the top drawer of her desk, "These were discovered in the library yesterday evening and Madam Pince said that she believed they might be yours." The professor said as she set a pile of parchment on the desk, the top of which contained a list of professors.
The transfiguration professor was unsurprised to see a combination of relief and embarrassment show on her student's face.
"Thank you Professor McGonagall, a first year student asked for some help with a charm and it took me longer than I expected. I came back during prefect rounds and it was gone. I thought the house elves might have grabbed it, but hadn't had a chance to get back to the library today." Hermione explained as she reached out for the parchment, however the professor's hand stayed firmly on top of the stack.
"I admit, I was curious about this list of Hogwarts faculty, Miss Granger. I attempted to read your notes but it was mostly filled with numbers and equations that did not seem to be arithmancy to me… as well as talking about some sort of scale?" Minerva paused and lifted the top parchment with the list as her eyes searched, "A Likert-scale? Now I checked with Professor Vector and she has no idea what this is, but that it seems to be research of some sort. Can you tell me what this is about?"
Hermione hesitated and looked away, "I'd… really rather not, if it's alright with you, Professor."
Minerva watched her prized student look away and refuse to meet her eyes. Minerva's eyes narrowed. Hermione rarely was reticent on something academic, and when she was keeping secrets it usually meant something important they needed to know. "I think I'm going to have to insist, Miss Granger."
When Hermione seemed reluctant to answer, McGonagall furrowed her brow, "Miss Granger, what is it you are researching? Is it something from the Restricted section you're not supposed to be looking into?"
"What? No!" Hermione immediately denied, looking horrified at the accusation. "It's nothing like that."
"Then what is it?" Minerva asked, judging by the girl's reaction it definitely wasn't that. The sixth year wasn't that good of an actress.
Hermione seemed to slump as her resistance crumbled, "I'm doing a mixed methods study on the perceived effectiveness of faculty and staff here at Hogwarts, at least since I've been here, from the perspectives of students."
"And how are you doing that?" Minerva asked, a mix of confused and intrigued.
"Well… I have a survey that lists the position or positions and primary duties of said duties for the staff," Hermione explained, losing some of her skittishness as she was explaining her procedure, "And I've asked students from all houses to take it."
"All houses?" Minerva echoed, a trace of disbelief in her voice.
"Well, yes, that's the best way to aggregate data in as unbiased a way as possible." Hermione responded, looking puzzled.
"And they all took them?" Minerva asked, a trace of disbelief in her voice. She left unsaid, 'Even Slytherin?'
"Oh yes," Hermione nodded, "admittedly, I had some help from someone in each house to distribute. Ernie Macmillian distributed it in Hufflepuff, and they are all about helping one another. Padma Patil distributed it to Ravenclaw, and you know how they are about research and once they understood it was a study they volunteered to help. Daphne Greengrass distributed it in Slytherin, and seems to have gotten them to fill it out honestly, though how she did it without resorting to threats, I'm not sure about."
"And Gryffindor?" Minerva couldn't help asking, impressed despite herself.
"Gryffindor was easy. They either had to complete one or I refused to check their homework." Hermione shrugged, "Of course once they knew it was about the professors, most people were happy to fill one out."
"And the… math?" Minerva asked lifting the top sheet again to glance down at the calculations on the top page of parchment.
"That was me working through medians, averages, standard deviations to determine patterns and such," Hermione explained. "After I came up with the initial lists, I wanted to break down responses by demographics. But… I've just started that. It's more complicated than I thought, so it's slow going."
"And… this list… is the result of your surveys?" Minerva looked again, more closely at the list before looking back at Hermione.
Hermione hesitated, glancing down at the parchment and sighed a little bit before nodding her head. "Yes, Professor."
Minerva's eyes went to the bottom of the list and narrowed a bit. She had seen lists of 'favorite teachers' for years, and this looked to be just another one, no matter how Hermione was coaching the terms. She wasn't stupid, of course the students had favorites. But the list looked completely off to her.
"Miss Granger, while I'm sure you're trying your best, I'm fairly certain that you made a mistake, or someone is messing with your results." There was a definite tone of disapproval in her voice when she spoke, she had little doubt that some of the manipulation was from Slytherin. "I am confident I can say that even if some people are not fond of getting their hands dirty in her class, Professor Sprout is not the worst teacher we have."
Hermione hesitated and looked like she was debating with herself on whether to say anything. A glance at Minerva's disapproving glare seemed to spark a bit of stubbornness from the Gryffindor prefect. "You're reading the information backwards."
"What?" Minerva, asked in confusion.
Hermione explained carefully, in a tone that was clearly braced for a reaction, "The list is descending order from lowest rated to highest."
Minerva blinked and looked at the list again, "... I beg your pardon?" Her eyes traced over the list in disbelief as she straightened, losing her relaxed pose.
"Professor Sprout was the highest scoring staff member. Scoring highly in both her role as a Professor and as a Head of House." Hermione repeated and explained, "The list goes from lowest score to highest."
This couldn't be right. She looked at the list again, with narrowed eyes. "But… Headmaster Dumbledore is at the top of this list." She left unsaid that she was third on the list!
"Yes…?" Hermione said slowly, in a tone that said she didn't understand what the problem was.
"How could he be at the top of a list like this?" Minerva demanded.
"Why wouldn't he be at the top of the list?" Hermione asked, genuine curiosity in her tone.
"He's Albus Dumbledore! The Headmaster!" Minerva sputtered, she wasn't sure where she had lost control of this discussion.
Hermione sighed and slipped the bag off her shoulder, setting it down beside herself, clearly preparing herself for a longer discussion. She looked across the desk at her transfiguration teacher and heaved another, louder, sigh, "What exactly does he do as headmaster?"
"He oversees Hogwarts, the most prestigious school in the magical world! He almost rewrote the transfiguration curriculum, and that's not even getting into his other pioneering research, such as his work with Nicholas Flamel." The awe and reverence she held for the man was beyond evident in her speech as she barely held off scolding her favorite student.
Hermione shut her eyes for a moment, allowing some of the palatable worship in her Head of house's voice to dissipate. "While all that is… nice. Those are his personal achievements. What is his role as the headmaster?"
Hermione's sharp words made McGonagall's head recoil back a couple inches in surprise, she'd not expected her rebuttal to be so wholly dismissed. "He's Albus Dumbledore, his time at this institution has seen it safe through Grindelwald's and You-Know-Who's wars upon the magical world. He's been the headmaster since decades before you were born and kept our sterling reputation in tact with just his presence alone. Hogwarts under Albus Dumbledore has been a bastion against the Dark and a force for Light in the greater magical world."
Hermione wondered how it was possible for such a tenured professor to hear her question and entirely ignore it upon attempting to answer the query. "Those, again, are perceptions and achievements, not his actual role as the headmaster." She saw McGonagall begin to move her lips, to cut off her unruly student who wasn't listening to her, but Hermione beat her to the punch, talking over any attempt at countering the point she had not finished making.
"Miss Granger, the headmaster is incredibly busy with a number of roles in the magical world requiring his attention, as you well know." Minerva reprimanded with narrowed eyes.
"While that may be, the headmaster having multiple jobs does not give him a free pass on the responsibilities of the headmaster of Hogwarts. This research was done purely on effectiveness and student perception. If his other duties make him too busy to effectively do his job as headmaster, that's a failing on his part, not the study." Hermione said. "Like everyone on the list, students were provided a list of duties each job was supposed fulfill and encouraged to focus on the specific duties of that person and whether they felt the person fulfilled them, not just whether they liked the person. I'm sure the results still had bias but I did my best to mitigate it."
"For example, the headmaster has a number of roles that are clearly defined by the Hogwarts Charter. Are you aware of what the charter lists?" Motoring on after asking her rhetorical question, Hermione carried on like a locomotive with a full head of steam, "His largest two roles being with the responsibility of hiring and termination, including any necessary disciplinary measures required for staff and ensuring they adhere to the curriculum. Secondly, he is the supreme authority that ensures the welfare and discipline of the students, fostering a collaborative environment that is conducive to academic excellence, community and magical research."
Hermione paused for a moment, allowing her words to sink in before she went in for the kill, the reason that Albus Dumbledore was the lowest ranked professor on her list. "Strictly through viewing his performance on those criteria, it is only fair to conclude he has an abysmal track record that can only result in a grading of utter failure."
"B- but, that's not true!" The long time transfiguration professor sputtered out in denial before collecting herself for her impassioned rebuttal. "Hogwarts faculty boasts a diverse group with world renowned experts in their field. Pomona is one of the foremost experts in Herbology, Vector a highly sought after consultant on Arithmetic projects, Flitwick a retired dueling champion and Charms Master with dozens of spells he alone has crafted! Those are but just a few of our faculty's achievements." Her chest puffed out as she proudly proclaimed the prestigious qualifications of her colleagues, humble enough to not boast of her own distinguished achievements.
Hermione scoffed, "Firstly for every Sprout, Vector, and Flitwick there has been a Trelawny, Burbage and Lockhart, assuming he is even able to fill every vacancy, leaving the ministry to make up for his dereliction of his core duty by allowing them to bring in a bottom feeding toad like Umbridge. He had to use Harry to lure Slughorn back to the school or we may have required another ministry appointed professor, another failure of the headmaster to do his job." Hermione punctuated the final three words, trying to get the point to sink in.
Where once she would be aghast at speaking back to a professor like this, she'd had her rose tinted glasses forcibly removed by the sheer incompetence of the adults held within the castle walls.
McGonagall's lips were pursed and her eyes narrowed, it was clear she was displeased with the lane the conversation could continue down and pivoted back a step. "Hogwarts has had one of the lowest suspension and expulsion rates across the magical world, discipline simply has not been an issue at our great institution." She stated primly, conveniently bypassing the more poignant points the exceptional student sitting in front of her had brought up.
"You are correct, the yearly reported instances of expulsion are rather non existent, though that does not necessarily reflect discipline." Hermoine conceded with a dip of her chin, though Harry or Ron could have recognized the look on her face as being dangerous. She'd conceded a battle but it was a calculated move that worked to her advantage, allowing her to strike decisively and win the war.
"However," she calmly continued with a strong voice, "it is the staff's failure to prevent prejudice, rampant bullying and create community that has resulted in such low rates. Muttering slurs like mudblood, discriminating on blood status, pilfering from trunks, painful pranks, hexing in the hallways and all manners of acts punishable by the bylaws are swept under the rug. When Snape is allowed to bully all the other houses and protects the students that follow his example…" Hermione cut herself off, her lips coming to a stop as she shook her head side to side in a disappointed manner.
"Severus, yes…" The aged professor's eyes quickly scanned down the list, "Seventh?" She asked in disbelief, "Seventh?" She repeated once more as if saying it again would make it untrue.
"It was quite a surprise, but, with retrospect and the criterion used, maybe it shouldn't have been?" Hermione returned to her calm and thoughtful tone, "As Head of Slytherin his students raved about his care, attentiveness to their needs, and how he always supported them and had their back. Although his general demeanor was abominable to the other houses… the question listed the duties of the head of house. Most students in the other three houses answering the questions were forced to concede despite their dislike that he absolutely stands up for and defends students in his house."
Hermione paused here and pulled out a notebook, quickly flipping to the page she desired. She perused it quickly, running her fingers back and forth along the numbers and calculations before addressing Snape's score further. "I also believe his teaching score was lifted a great deal this year. As a potions professor he was poor, however, as a defense against the dark arts, while his attitude has not improved, his instruction clearly has. It is obvious where his interests lie, when it comes to teaching. He scored the second highest as a Hogwarts Head of House and below average as a professor. After all, one year of good instruction hardly makes up for the rest of poor instruction."
The stern professor wasn't having it, "He cannot be seventh best rated when you admit he acts deplorably to three quarters of the student population." McGonagall retorted quickly with a frown, her eyes scouring the list once more as she awaited Hermione to agree to her assertion.
Hermione sighed, her professor was failing to understand the criteria upon which the rankings are determined. "Professor Snape's behavior has been reported on for years and every verbal and written recrimination has been swept under the rug. His failure to be a decent human being to the minors under his charge has been given tacit approval by the most senior staff's failure to respond and resolve his behaviour. Simply put, nobody has corrected his behaviour so it must be acceptable, his grading is on his two roles, a professor and Head of House." She didn't need to look at her notes when she had ample experience with this.
With pursed lips McGonagall found further issue with the list, "While I agree Filch should be rated higher than Umbridge," she began making her point with a degree of supreme satisfaction, "Lockhart above Flitwick is incomprehensible, absolutely asinine."
Hermione's head quickly dipped as she stole a quick glance at her notes before responding. "Lockhart had a mixture of survey results. As an effective teacher of class material he was a complete pillock. Offsetting this, was his tendency to push for community and his approachability in helping coach and counsel anyone. Now granted, this was likely because he was desperate to be seen as a mentor to as many people as possible." Hermione shrugged, "But once more I wasn't looking at motivations."
"I trust you will recall his bringing in the flying dwarves for Valentines day and his reinstituting of a dueling club?" Hermione smiled sweetly, at her professor, noting, with triumph, the ugly frown forming as the professor realized how a dunce like Lockart had gone above the requirements of his job to be approachable and adding to the student experience at school. "While sometimes they were less than successful, he was seen at least doing something new that was open to all houses. Something none of the other professors have done since the seventh years have been here. So he did go above and beyond his role, propelling his ranking higher than it otherwise would have been."
Hermione's tone shifted somewhat, "Conversely, Flitwick grades really well as a charms professor but is tied for the lowest graded Head of House. From the surveys he is totally absent from the ongoings in the Ravenclaw common room and dorms. He selects prefects based on academic standing alone, leading to prefects that abuse their status to improve their marks instead of police their house. The final issue that lowered his effectiveness as a professor was his absence from his scheduled office hours. Outside of classes he is absent."
Minerva McGonagall was full on scowling, her eyes would light the parchment on fire if they were so able. "Of the DADA professors your list has Umbridge as the worst, followed by Lockhart, both deserve to be where they are, if not below it," she muttered. "However, you have a wraith possessed Quirrell next, then Remus, the only decent fill in for the position, with a Death Eater impersonating a retired auror ranked above him! How could an escaped convict be rated higher than Lupin?" As if other parts of the list hadn't outraged her enough, this one annoyed her a great deal.
"Other than the attempt to kill Harry, which didn't skew too many results as all of our defense professors have had a go at the same?" Hermione's attention returned to her notebook and she turned the page over, finding the table under the enlarged 'DADA' heading. "Crouch Jr taught at a frantic pace and covered on average between 2 and 3 years worth of material during his classes for every level. What is more, even if it is mind boggling, is that he encouraged students and perpetuated knowledge outside of his own class. He lent Neville Longbottom an obscure herbology book and encouraged his skill in the field, and Neville wasn't the only one to admit to having been given sage advice by the imposter."
Hermione's brow furrowed as she further elaborated from her findings, "He also scored rather highly for his complete evisceration of Malfoy's power base by the ferret incident. Surprisingly, that seemed to leave people in all the houses more well disposed toward him."
"While Remus was graded well as a professor he did not cover as much material as Crouch and was only helpful to a few that asked for his help. He did not do anything else to impact the student body or maintain discipline. I'm guessing between a mix of guilt, and beta behavior, but that's just me. Again, I don't ascribe motive. His reviews as an instructor were decent enough but not enough to match the higher ranked faculty."
McGonagall smiled thinly, with nostrils flared. "Really, a Death Eater over Lupin… unfathomable." She huffed out indignantly.
"Actually the two highest graded DADA professors are both Death Eaters that were marked by You-Know-Who, if you include professor Snape's work this year as well." Hermione interjected, trying to keep any recrimination out of her tone as she ducked her head slightly while correcting her professor.
"Be that as it may, Rolanda Hooch is an excellent flight instructor. Some of the very best quidditch players began their lessons with her, including some of the World Cup Winning Irish chasers." There was a trace of smugness as she explained this last part, McGonagall had always taken pride in the fine quidditch players regularly produced, particularly the Gryffindors.
Hermione sighed heavily and brought one her hand up to her forehead, while the other sought to find the woman's survey results. "Achievements professor, achievements are not their role." She tried to keep her usual chiding tone out of it when correcting someone for the umpteenth time and the point was not getting across but she failed to do so fully here.
"Hooch has an average of three injuries that require Pomfrey's attention each month." Hermione read out the appalling statistic before moving into the generalities of the survey. "On the Quidditch pitch, which is under her purview, she fails to enforce the proper rules and spirit of hard but fair competition amongst the houses. The most egregious of fouls, ones that could lead to permanent harm, or death, are brushed off."
Hermione took a moment to rub her forehead before continuing on. "Her role is to instruct students on how to fly in a safe manner. Her duty as the referee is to oversee the games and ensure they are followed. Frankly, her record on safety is so abysmal she could have scored perfectly across the rest of the survey by the students and still not been ranked in the top half of the list."
"If safety is such a concern then how is Hagrid ranked so high on the list?" McGonagall tittered derisively, her chin lifting a little as she spoke, believing she had caught another error on the list.
"Hagrid has performed quite well actually, according to the results. I am still working on collating results; but, I think it is only the Slytherin bias that has him as low as he is." A look of disgust washed across her face before it gave way to the more restrained and analytical inquisitiveness that accompanied her explanations.
"As the Keeper of Keys and Grounds he has performed his duties well and as the Care of Magical Creatures Professor there has been a significant drop in injuries, the rates are higher than preferred but they are still improved since he took over. Hagrid is highly knowledgeable in his subject although his unhealthy focus on the more dangerous creatures has led to examination scores that aren't quite where the distinguished Kettleburn had them, though that may come in time."
"Fine then. Explain how the top professors stood out from the rest." McGonagall demanded petulantly.
Hermione nodded, "Well, a couple of things buoyed their results. First, most of them are only being graded on instruction. They do not have other responsibilities, like being Head of House, that impact overall scoring. All of them have strong survey results for teaching their subjects, not only in how they do it, but how they prepare students and their willingness to meet students and help encourage extra curricular studying or remedial instruction."
"Horace? While he is an excellent Potions Master he caters to favorites and, excuse me for saying this, he is a swine of a man." McGonagall huffed.
"Yes," Hermioned pursed her lips, "admittedly, I'm guessing that's another one where some bias has affected his overall results. After all, all the students surveyed with the exception of the first years have Professor Snape's 'instructions are on the board you have two hours' and constant hovering to compare it to. Therefore his instructive and well meaning approach seems so much better than it might otherwise be."
"He is also the only professor to regularly hold gatherings that consist of all four houses together amicably, and he has done more for to prepare students for their careers than any other on the list. He sets up practice interviews and coaches students on applications of not only his subject both others. He tends to show by example there is more to Slytherin than blood purity and, while you are correct, I am guessing it is his catering to favorites that bring down his scores but only slightly, still being among the top instead of the best, or tied with Professor Sprout."
Hermione's frank admittance cooled some of McGonagall's ire. By this point the elder woman was no longer bubbling over in frustration and indignity, she was becoming resigned to the methodology that has the Hogwarts faculty ranked in list far different than what she had seen before, when students went by favorites and reputation alone.
"Did you know about the long standing tradition for Babbling and Vector to offer gatherings where they have tea and biscuits with their OWL and NEWT students and work with them in understanding the interdisciplinary understanding of Runes, Arithmancy and the wanded subjects? Many of the students who regularly attend attribute their success to those informal gatherings."
"No, I was unaware." She was ashamed to admit. As the Deputy Headmistress she should have more knowledge about it, or have heard about them at staff meetings.
"Pomfrey, and Pince are probably scored where they are because it's likely difficult for their roles to go above and beyond and still be effective. A healer can hardly pour potions down a healthy person's throat, and a hovering librarian who waits nearby to offer assistance would likely be creepy." Hermione shrugged and spread her hands.
"Firenze is also relatively new and teaches a very subjective course. But, while I'm certain being a centaur detracts from him in some responders, the fact that he's sober at all times makes up for it." Hermione was pleased to offer up, glad that it was not all criticism that she was now supplying.
McGonagall's fingers traced over the list and found Pomona Sprout's name again, "Pomona has always cared deeply about her students. What stood out for her to be so highly respected?"
Hermione chuckled a little bit, "Well, she's generally good natured which probably helps. She teaches her subject well, letting students learn at their own pace, and learning from failures without endangering them. She's frequently present in her house spending several hours in the common room during the week."
"Her policy on points is seen as evenhanded, though probably again in comparison to the other house heads. She's willing to offer extra lessons to any student no matter what house you're in. For many female muggleborns she is even a mentor that assists them with adapting, she has a standing offer to meet with any of her badgers at any time if they need. They know where her quarters are and the spell that activates the bell to alert her if they need her late at night." Hermione glanced back at her notebook for confirmation before shrugging. "She also is open to meeting with students from other houses when approached."
"But Umbridge… is the only other one I scored higher than, and Umbridge scored higher than Albus." She shook her head, "No, I can't accept this." She let the parchment fall onto her desk and it landed in between them.
Hermione grimaced, with a heavy sigh she picked up her slumped shoulders and turned her chin to meet the upset McGonagall. "Well, she's one of the more complex responses. There are a couple of things impacting her score."
"As a teacher, and as a human being in general, she was terrible, the same thing with her High Inquisitor position. Though, there was a bit of debate there as she actually audited some of the classes for the first time ever. Whatever her motivations, she did recognize that a drunk teacher was not appropriately educating students. Still, overall she was relatively reviled by the students." Hermione allowed.
"Then how is she and Albus the only ones I scored higher than?" Minerva demanded.
"Well, again remember I'm still collating and summarizing the data. But, the three of you scored really closely together. Your scores were lifted by your evaluation as an instructor, but when it came to the duties and responsibilities of the Deputy Headmistress and Head of Gryffindor… well… your scores were rather abysmal. For example, Umbridge's reign of terror was attributed partially to yourself as it was your responsibility to curb her deplorable actions. When more than one student came to you about the unfair detentions, it was your responsibility to investigate, not admonish them, and refuse to hear them out."
"But Umbridge is only part of it," Hermione continued, "You never spend time in the common room. Students don't feel like they can come to you, because when they do they don't feel like you'll do anything."
"That's not true!" Minerva snapped angrily, sitting forward to glare at someone she would have called one of her favorite students.
"I'm sorry, that upsets you Professor, but it is." Hermione placated but didn't flinch away from the sudden sharp tone, "How often over the past years have people come to you to complain about the treatment of Professor Snape?"
Minerva narrowed her eyes, but Hermione's continued calm tone brought her own tone in line. "There are always a few complaints every year at the beginning of the year. Mostly by first years, until they adjust to being away from home and instruction here."
"Or, until they learn that going to you to complain about being insulted and demeaned either gets them nowhere because you don't believe them or gets their punishments increased by you." Hermione countered, glancing down at her notebook. "They generally give up after first year."
"That's not-"
"How many points or detentions from Professor Snape have you reversed in the past few years?" Hermione cut her off.
"Well, none of course that would undercut other faculty." Minerva answered.
"And yet when Professor Snape calls someone from Hufflepuff an idiot, or takes points for blinking too loud, that student knows they can go to their Head of House. Professor Sprout reverses those points and detentions. Then she has a word with the professor." Hermione said, "And that's just one example. You don't see Hufflepuff or Slytherin isolating students or participating in bullying in their own house. And yes, some of the twins' pranks crossed the line to bullying. Because neither Head of House allows it."
"And Ravenclaw?" Minerva asked, recognizing the admission.
"As I said, there is rampant bullying in Ravenclaw, and people are frequently isolated in that house as well. It reflects in Professor Flitwick's scores." Hermione explained patiently.
"You don't enforce consistent discipline or do anything when students come to you." Hermione explained further.
"Miss Granger, I enforce strict discipline." Minerva said, unable to keep the offense out of her tone.
"Only if it's against your own house. Mostly, the students think it is so you won't look bad." Hermione said. "I can't speak for the other students in this conversation beyond their qualitative responses, but in my own experience, myself and those I know have come to you repeatedly, about Snape, about Slytherin bullying, about the philosopher's stone, about Lockheart, about Umbridge, and we're either not believed, or told to keep our head's down. Either way, nothing is done for us. We stop coming."
"And… Headmaster Dumbledore?" Minerva asked faintly.
"Well, he's lowest because the responsibility for all of this really falls to him. He has a string of failures of which Umbridge is really only the recent one." Hermione answered primly, looking down at her notebook once more, "Looking at the free responses I have, you look at his hiring choices, Lockheart, a possessed teacher, and an escaped convict posing as a professor, and as unfair as this might be, a werewolf, as defense instructors."
"There's also Snape in potions, a refusal to hire a living history professor, a professor for muggle studies who has actually seen muggles in the past few decades, and his hiring of a drunk divinations professor." Hermione listed, "Not to mention the positives on staff are not always attributed to him either."
"What do you mean?" Minerva asked, now just staring at her student.
"Well, look at yourself, Flitwick and Sprout for example. All of you were hired as professors before he became headmaster." Hermione glanced up at her for confirmation, when Minerva nodded, she continued, "So the positions several of you are successful at were not his choice. But he promoted you to Head of Gryffindor, and deputy headmistress, and Flitwick to Head of Ravenclaw House. Which again circles back to those rankings of your performance there."
"Then again we have discipline. People shouting about mudbloods, cursing in the halls," Hermione explained, "So you have people who don't appreciate that."
"Additionally the other Houses don't appreciate his apparent Gryffindor bias, at the awarding of massive amounts of points at the end of the year, the appearance of Harry in the Triwizard Tournament. It's little wonder Slytherin took advantage with Umbridge in charge last year." Hermione muttered the last part under her breath. "Finally, the fact that he seems so unapproachable, and the number of students who can say they've actually talked with him can be counted on one hand. He's mostly viewed as an absentee headmaster who doesn't care about the school."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get into specifics for that situation. When you allow such despicable things to happen and run roughshod over the students you bear the responsibility for failing to do your duty and put an end to it." Hermione shrugged, "I'm also sorry to have to have explained this to you. I hadn't intended you to see that list, at least not this way."
"And how did you intend for me to see it?" McGonagall demanded, a bite to her voice.
"Well, I submitted a rough draft of my research article to the ICW's educational journal. They seemed very interested in publishing the study there." Hermione answered as she gathered her materials into her bag. "Thank you for returning my papers Professor, I have to get to my next class. I'm sorry if this upset you. I hadn't intended for you to see it at all unless you happened to read the journal."
"Why not?" Minerva asked, her brow furrowed.
"I don't expect it will make much of a difference," Hermione answered with a shrug as she hefted her bag over her shoulder and exited the room without a backwards glance.
Minerva McGonagall could only stare as the door to her classroom shut behind her and Hermione's last words rang in her ears.
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I'm not dead. Just capable of writing limited at the moment. This was just a random thing that came to my mind. People probably think it's bashing? But meh. All my work toward my doctorate had me thinking about research and someone determining the effectiveness of hogwarts faculty. Probably not as tight or engaging as my normal writing, and not planning on going anywhere with this. Just, trying to stretch some creative writing muscles
Alternate Titles:
Kat Bashes Hogwarts Staff - Reviewers
Hogwarts Staff Rankings
"Hem hem. I believe the ministry would dispute these findings." - Umbridge
"Yes, well, the ministry would dispute that the sky is blue if Malfoy paid them enough." - Hermione.