Title: Hair away pro…
Disclaimer: Still don't own them, but hey, I keep trying! ;-)
Note: I'm Dutch so the grammar probably sucks…
Note2: This was written after I had been ill for some days and watched the entire day nothing but Tell Sell commercials…
Hair away pro….
I was about to go to the gym, when I heard the loud noise of someone running. I knew there was only one person in the entire mansion who could make enough noise to wake up the death just by running; Jubilee.
Yup, I was right. Pretending to be oblivious to her yelling I walked on. It was a matter of seconds though when she was next to me. One look at her face was enough to make me realize I was in trouble, big trouble…
I was planning on saying no to whatever she wanted from me, but she put on her puppy dog face which she knew I couldn't resist.
"What?" I barked. But as usual she wasn't at all affected by my growl and glare. Great…
"Wolvie ya gotta help me, please? It won't take long I promise! I'll get ya a beer too!"
I sighed and resigned to the fact that she wouldn't let me go until she got what she wanted and made the mistake of telling her I would do whatever she wanted as long as I got that beer. I couldn't even finish telling her that, because she was pulling me along towards the medical bay.
"Jubes where are we going?" I was suspicious and rightfully so because waiting in front of the medical bay were Jean, 'Ro , Rogue and Betsy, all with a grin plastered on their pretty faces.
"Hey Logan, I knew you would help us out."
"Help you with what exactly?"
"Oh, it's nothing really, just go in and take a seat." That made me even more paranoid, but I did as I was told, my second mistake that day. Before I could react Jean and Psylocke grabbed some restraints with their telekinesis and tied me to the chair.
"What!? Lemme go!"
"Logan relax, you just have to sit real still for this and this will help you accomplish that."
Et tu Ororo? I really got myself in some deep trouble. I was so shocked at first I didn't see Rogue putting all kinds of tubes on the table. "What are ya gonna do with that? I asked suspiciously.
"All right girls, I think we should tell poor Logan what we need him for." They burst out in giggles and they only thing I could think was; Logan, where the hell did ya got yerself into.
"You see Logan the weather is nice."
"In fact it is so nice that we were planning on putting on our bikinis again. But we have a little problem." That was probably the first time I saw 'Ro blushing… "We need to get rid of some…unwelcome hairs."
She blushed even harder which was actually pretty cute on her, but I didn't have much time to think about that because Betsy picked up explaining were Storm had stopped.
"Well as you probably know there are a lot of ways to do that. Yesterday we were debating what the best way of hair removing is. To decide that we need an impartial person."
Were they telling me ta judge whose legs (or even more) looked best? That wasn't all that bad! I was getting pretty pleased with myself when I heard Rogue saying something that almost got me in a cardiac arrest.
"So we decided ta try it out on you." She continued explaining that I was the one with the most hair and a healing factor, but I was too stunned to listen.
"You can tell we really appreciate you helping us."
"Do you have any questions?" Still too shocked to speak… "Good, girls let's get started."
I wanted to protest, but then I felt something warm and sticky on my left leg which didn't even feel too bad. It got even better when Jean started to massage it all over my lower leg. Deciding that this wasn't as bad as it seemed I relaxed and enjoyed the attention. They put some sort of strip on it and told me to wait five minutes, all right, whatever and I laid back again.
"Aaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!" Horrible pain, tears stinging my eyes. Holy shit! What the hell? When I was able to open my eyes again I saw Rogue with the strip full of hair, my hair! And probably a lot of skin too! As I looked down the others were studying my tortured shin.
"Mmmm, the hair is off…but I bet that wasn't so good for his skin since it's all red."
"Yeah! Freakin' briljant Jube!! What the hell was that?? Lemme go! I quit!"
"We're sorry Logan, we didn't mean to hurt you. I promise the waxing was the worst of all the hair removals."
"Yes, that's true. Come on Logan…" Puppy dog faces again, all of them. But I didn't fall for it anymore.
"No." Wrong answer… now I stood face to face with a weather goddess who looked like she could fry me with a lightening bolt every second now, two of the world's strongest telepaths, a teenager with a temper which matched my own and the world's strongest woman …
I rolled my eyes and resigned to my fate with a grunt. Immediately they changed from the hounds of hell to the sweetest girls on earth again.
"We'll try now a crème on your arm, it shouldn't be too painful because it's made for sensitive skin." It reeked like something that was long dead and I felt a weird tingle on my skin.
"This will take ten minutes so in the meanwhile we'll remove some of your facial hair with this device." It looked like something the dentist would use ta hurt little kids. "What does it do?" I asked fearfully.
Betsy got the box and read out loud: " This device will remove your hairs completely; from hair follicle and hair root to tip. Because of the tiny electroshocks the hair will detach itself from your skin in a totally painless and save manner. The hair will never return! Well it will probably return by Logan with his healing factor and all, but we can still try if the hairs really get off that easy. And it's painless too."
They went to work, but they didn't realise that I have an adamantium skeleton which conducts electricity…
"They used me for their little experiment another painful two hours, but I did survive. Hey Gumbo, get me another Scotch." Logan looked at the shocked faces of his male teammates.
"O'course mon ami. Remy don' understand how you survived it but he's sure as hell glad it wasn' 'im."
"Jeez…they really did that?? Is that how you got that rash on your arm?"
"Yup, it still itches like a bitch."
"I can't believe it…The great Wolverine stuck in a chair plastered with chemicals and all the girls fussing over him."
"Ya think that's funny Summers? Should I remind ya it was YOUR wife fussing over me?"
"That's what I thought."
That night when Logan went to bed he thanked whatever god or goddess was out there he wasn't female…
Poor Wolvie… now he knows what we have to go through….
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