Dirac Dumpy

Fissures began to form on the monochrome sphere. A purple fist burst forth, followed by a horned head and a horrid, ear-piercing shriek. Blood surged out of the many cracks as the Twelfth Angel was torn asunder. It collapsed upon itself; its impossibly thin skin unable to hold the vast quantity of blood held inside.

Unit 01 landed crouched on its feet. As it stood, it became clear that something was very different.

"What kind…what kind of monster did we replicate?" asked a horrified Ritsuko Akagi.

This slip-up did not go unnoticed by Misato Katsuragi, who stood to the left of the doctor. She turned her gaze back to the monstrosity, her eyes widening at the change it had gone through.

Evangelion Unit 01 looked more...plump...in certain places.

"Ayo! Unit 01 got a DUMPY!" exclaimed an excited Makoto Hyuga.

"Bruh," added Shigeru Aoba, articulately.

Maya Ibuki let out her lunch at the sight of the Evangelion's impressive new assets, and promptly passed out in her seat.

Half of the rest of the present NERV personnel were cheering, the rest petrified in a combination of fear and confusion.

At the top of the Command Center, both the Commander and Sub-Commander stood in awe of the view before them.

Their silence was interrupted as Gendo Ikari let out a soft "Whoah…"

Followed by an equally soft "No way…" from Kouzou Fuyutsuki.

This was not in the Scenario.

Life was not the same for Shinji after the Twelfth Angel. Both him and Unit 01 came out with a couple of not very easy to hide…upgrades? Everywhere he went, he attracted what he thought to be curious gazes. Was he imagining it, or was there desire in some of those eyes?

Everyone at school was suddenly nicer to him. Even Asuka, who would normally berate him endlessly for the smallest things, was unnaturally quiet. Now, most of their time together was spent with her attempting, and failing miserably, to sneak peeks at his fattened-up rear-end.

Were the changes really causing all this? He couldn't help but feel self-conscious about it as he clutched his SDAT closer to himself.

No matter how others treated him, boys just weren't supposed to have big butts! It just wasn't normal! He would no longer look in the mirror, as every time he did, he couldn't help but wince at the sight of his jiggling glutes.

As he continued to ponder over all this, the door of his room crept open.

"Hey," said Asuka.

"O-oh, hello," Shinji responded, quickly looking away. He didn't want to see anyone at the moment.

"I," she paused, and breathed in, "I wanted to apologize for the way I've treated you so far."

Shinji was beyond confused. Asuka apologizing? And why all of a sudden? It couldn't possibly be his-

"I guess I was just a little jealous at how you're a natural at piloting without any prior training, when it's all I've known since I was little. It doesn't help that you act all meek about it either."

She stepped closer to his bedside, and bent down.

"You should own it, Third," her open hand made impact with his soft, doughy flesh. "Just like you should own that new ass of yours."

What she did, it didn't hurt, but it certainly surprised him. Shinji turned back to see Asuka standing before the doorway.

"Goodnight, Shinji," she sweetly spoke as she closed the door, and he could've sworn she winked.

Maybe…these changes weren't so bad.



That night, NERV was preparing for a very different kind of sync test.

"Commander, I strongly advise you against thi-"

"Just follow the orders you were given, Doctor Akagi," he interrupted, "and thank you, truly. For everything."

The doctor held back her tears and returned to her console, pressing a series of buttons and shouting "All systems nominal. Evangelion Unit 01 is ready for first level contact!"

Gendo Ikari breathed deeply at what was set before him. There, laying face-down at the bottom of the newly-extended Eva Cage, was Eva Unit 01. His beloved.

Perhaps, a deviation from the Scenario was necessary. This would be the start of a new Scenario, a better one, for himself and those around him. For his son, to whom he only seemed to bring pain.

On his face for the first time in years was a determined smile. He stepped off the platform.

"I'm coming honey!" he yelled as he fell, holding out his arms until his form resembled that of a swan dive.

As he made contact with the valley between the behemoth's buttocks, there was no sound denoting an impact. Rather, he gently sank into it.

The doctor took a look at her monitor. He was right. It was just like what he said would happen.

"An increase in activity has been detected within Unit 01's core."