Picking Up The Pieces

An ER fan fiction by AbCaLuDa

Chapter 6

**Abby POV**

I roll over and look a the clock. Angry red numbers glare back at me. 6:19. The alarm is set to go off at 6:21. I sigh and throw the covers back. I hit the alarm button and tip toe across the hall to the bathroom.

I notice Maggie's bedroom door is open, but I try not to think about it. She can't be gone again. She just can't. But she is. I know she is. After I use the bathroom, I pull Maggie's door shut, then go to wake Eric.

"I don't wanna," he moans and flails his arms at me.

"Eric, you have to go to school."

"No."

I pull him up to a sitting position, but as soon as I let go he topples over. I growl at him and pull him up again. I shake his shoulders just a little, just enough to make him open his eyes. I help him pick out something to wear, and leave him to dress himself while I get dressed in my room.

"She's gone," he says from my doorway.

"I know." I had hoped he wouldn't figure it out. I should have known better. He always figures it out sooner or later. "She'll come back."

"When?"

"I don't know. Today maybe. Or tomorrow."

He doesn't say anything for a minute while I put on my shoes. "Can you fix pancakes for breakfast?"

"Poptarts." I say. He sighs. "I'm sorry, Eric. But we don't have time for pancakes."

"You could if you wanted to."

"We're going to be late as it is."

He pouts all the way to school.

* * * * * * * *

We pull up to the house and he parks in the driveway. I know he doesn't go in the garage because he doesn't want me to see Mikhail's stroller. I appreciate the gesture, but it doesn't matter really. I feel like I'm living someone else's life. The whole day plays in my head like a movie.

Luka gets out of the car. I open my door, but I can't force my feet to move. The house looks only vaguely familiar to me, as if I've seen it somewhere before, long ago, and I can't quite remember. I don't want to remember.

Luka stands by my door. I look up at him and I think I should say something, but I don't know what to say. There aren't words to say what I'm thinking and feeling right now.

"It's okay," he whispers. "I'm right here. I've got you."

I close my eyes and try to stop the thoughts rolling through my head. My baby is dead. And if I had married Carter instead of Luka…I wouldn't be here now. This wouldn't be my life.

Luka opens the back door and Galen climbs out of the car. Luka picks her up. "Take your time," he says and starts toward the house with Galen.

"No!" I scream. "Don't take my baby!" I feel the hot sting of the tears on my cheeks. My vision is blurred from the water in my eyes. I stumble out of the car, reaching out toward them, toward my baby.

He puts his arms around me, and my face is pressed against Galen's back. I wrap my arms around the two of them and hold on for dear life. I feel like my life is spinning out of control. It has spun right out from under me and I don't know how to take the next step or another breath.

My legs move automatically to follow Luka's lead. He guides me into the house and to the living room. The one room that wouldn't have too many memories. The children never played in the living room.

He eases me onto the couch. I pull Galen down with me. She struggles for a moment, until Luka says something to her in Croatian. She settles against me, her head on my shoulder.

I put my head back and close my eyes. I hear Luka walk away. I wish I could sleep. I want to sleep. I need to sleep. I feel like I will never sleep again. How can I sleep when my son is dead? He's dead because I wanted to sleep, because I didn't want to get up and check on him even when I knew he had been sleeping far too long…I don't deserve to sleep. Ever.

I turn a little, to draw my legs up and hold Galen in the curve of my body. "I've got you, baby. I've got you and I'm never going to let anything happen to you."

"I know, Mama," Galen whispers.

* * * * * * *

I know, I know. I don't update for a few days and when I finally do, the chapter is very short. Sorry about that. It's hard to maintain Abby POV here for very long. She's emotionally exhausting! Hopefully the next chapter will be longer…But anyway, your thoughts are appreciated, but only if you share…please use the review option. It only takes a moment and it means the world to me. :)