Warning: Spoilers from the Fifth Book (like who dies! ::Gasp and outrageous sob::) And slash. (i.e. Male on male here, people. Well… they aren't actually on each other in this one. Heehee. Nice image though.)
Disclaimer: Sirius is not mine. If he were mine, he'd still be alive. Alive and well. And gay. So definitely gay. And Remus is not mine. If he were mine, he would have seemed to care more that his boyfriend—um—you know—DIED! And Harry, Hermoine, and Ron, are, of course, not mine either.
Author's Pre-Text Note: I just finished the Fifth Book. I am very unhappy with it. Why? Well, for one, HE DIED! ::Sob! Wail! Cry!:: Also, Harry is trés annoying. I'm sorrie, but he is. Bursts of anger and complaining and so much teenage angst. And… well, forgive me. This isn't a place to complain. I'm just offering an explanation why Harry might see a little… horridly bastard-ish in this, okay? Yes.
Pairing: Remus Lupin/Sirius Black (This paring will NEVER die! NEVER!)
Rating: PG-13 (Some swearing and death is involved.)
Remus and Sirius Sittin' In A Tree
Harry pounded his fist on the table and he leaned over it to thrust his face into Lupin's, which had been turned away from him and was staring mutely at the ground. It had been that way ever since the topic of Sirius had been brought up. "YOU ACT LIKE YOU DON'T EVEN CARE!" Harry bellowed at the older, graying man. "HE'S GONE AND ALL YOU CAN DO IS ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED!" Lupin gave an audible shudder but didn't reply to the accusations presented to him. He had now been silent for over an hour as Harry unintentionally taunted him with reminders about Sirius's unfortunately death. It was the same as every night before it, each getting progressively worse. Remus knew this fight had been coming but he wished to prevent it as long as he could… wished to prevent telling him—anyone—what he really knew.
"Harry, calm down," Hermoine implored anxiously. She could see that Remus was taking Harry's words as harshly as they could be taken. She placed a comforting hand on Harry's wrist and looked at him beseechingly as a warm tear rolled slowly down her pale cheek. "People deal with tragedy in different ways," she whispered meekly.
"NO! NO!" Harry roared as Hermoine. "YOU WEREN'T THERE! YOU DIDN'T SEE! HOW CAN HE ACT LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED? DOESN'T SIRIUS MEAN ANYTHING TO HIM ANYMORE?" He turned his face to Lupin and leaned in farther, asked in a very calm, almost too calm, voice, "Did you stop caring about him when he went to Azkaban or something? How could you do that? How could you not care at all Sirius is dead?"
It was Harry's last inquiry that set Remus off. He gazed up at the black-haired boy, so much like his father in some ways, so completely opposite in others, and tried to explain calmly. "Like Hermoine told you, people deal with death in their own ways," he tried to clarify in a shaky voice. "I—I… This is just the way I cope with his loss."
"BY PRETENDING HE DIDN"T EVEN EXIST IN THE FIRST PLACE!" Harry demanded at the top of his lungs. Lupin, in a rare display of emotion, pushed away from the table, knocking the chair over, and stood up. He paced around the room, jamming his hands into his robe pockets. Harry stared at him unbelievingly, as Hermoine and Ron looked on as well, pale faces moving between Harry and Remus. "How can you not understand his loss?" Harry asked simply.
Lupin's face glared back at him as he paced, anger flashing behind his already somber amber eyes. He ran a hand through his hair and replied as understandingly as he could, "I know you loved Sirius, Harry. I know that. But you are not the only one who lost him! Other people cared about him as well. I…" he dropped off there meaningfully.
"We know," Hermoine said delicately, breaking the silence that weighed heavily between them. "Sirius was you're friend too. Harry know that he was. We all know you guys were friends—"
Remus cut her off, turning away from the group of sixteen-year-olds. "He was more than a 'friend' to me…" he murmured softly to his hands that were fiddling against each other in fret and grief.
"A brother then," Hermoine correct herself, hoping to get on with her point. "What matters is that we all—"
"No," Lupin interrupted her again. He looked up from his hands to the stark, dingy wall. "Not a-a brother either." Hermoine didn't try to offer any more suggestions. The three just stare at Lupin's slender back. He sighed deeply and turned around to face them, all seriousness etched over his tired face. "Sirius was much more than just a friend to me," he told them honestly, solemnly. He told a stabilizing breath and continued. "He was much more to me than anything I could ever imagine I'd ever have in my life. He was my family, my best pal. I told him everything, as he told me everything. James, it is true, was his best friend. And like a good best friend, he supported us, our…our… decision, I guess you could call it. I—he—we…" He didn't seem to know how to go on from there.
"What are you saying?" Harry asked curiously, eyes appraising Lupin with a strict criticism. He was making it hard for him to go on.
"W-what I'm saying, Harry, is… is… Well, I cared about your godfather very much and… N-no. More than just 'cared.' I—I…" He began to stutter somewhat, a very unlike Remus trait, and he was wringing his hands in such a way Harry had only seen Mrs. Figg do.
Hermoine narrowed her eyes, like she was thinking and then turned to Lupin with a look of utmost surprise. "Remus," she deduced quietly. "Are you gay?" Lupin let out a short breath, like he had been punched in the stomach and stared blankly at the clever girl.
Harry stared at him, his face scrunched in a terrible expression. "Is that true?" he question harshly, more abrasive then he meant to. "Are you?" he asked more kindly.
"Um, well…" Remus stumbled over his words. "I've never put a label on it but I guess, yeah. I am." He smiled weakly.
Hermoine beamed and exclaimed faintly, "I knew it!"
Harry still gaped at Lupin. "How—how—how… So, you and—and… Sirius?" he gasped out finally.
Remus shrugged. "Yeah."
"Since when!" he demanded.
"End of our fifth year together at Hogwarts."
"Since then!" Harry's green eyes burst open. He couldn't believe it. "So all this time you two were…" He gestured awkwardly with his hand to get his point across.
"Yeah," Lupin shrugged. "Not all the time though. We, um, we kind of decided to start over last summer. After your fourth year. We didn't get to far though. With the second war and all, it was hard to rebuild." Hermoine nodded sympathetically and Harry just stared.
"I don't believe you! How could you keep this from me, from everyone?" Harry requested vehemently.
"Well it wasn't something we were keeping from you, Harry. We were planning to tell you. You were just dealing with so much. We weren't sure how you would feel about Sirius and I. Not everyone is as accepting as your dad and mum were."
Harry sat silent for along while. Hermoine hummed "Remus and Sirius Sitting in a Tree" to herself, sometimes singing out some of the words as she went to her herself something more to drink or eat. Ron looked nonplussed really about the sudden information, except for the fact that he was ghost white, his large blue eyes wide, and he hadn't made the slightest sound since he found out. Remus sat down near him to try to see if he was okay. Ron's eyes drifted over to him as he sat down and seemed to widen, if that was possible. When Remus tried to place a concern hand on his shoulder, Ron jumped back, causing the chair to crash to the floor, and gawked at Remus.
"Ron, really. I'm still the same person I was an hour ago," Lupin tried to convince him. Ron made no more movement and the only sounds that escaped his lips was a sort of whiny/whimpering moan. Remus sighed and figured he calm down in a few days. When Peter found out, he slept in the Common Room for a month before he got used to the idea, but then he seemed to warm up to the idea, though he never liked when Remus and Sirius would kiss in front of him. No chance of that happening in front of Ron, Remus though sadly to himself.
It seemed like three days had passed of them sitting in the kitchen waiting for Harry to respond. Finally, he did. "You loved him, did you?" he asked soberly.
Lupin nodded. "I did. I still do."
"And he loved you?"
Remus's amber eyes widened a bit and seemed to get a little wetter than he thought acceptable so it took him a while to answer. He finally did when Harry looked up at him. "From what I believed," he said shakily, placing his palms flat on the table. "From what he told me."
Harry nodded and looked down at the table again. " I wish I had known sooner," he muttered into the wood. "I wouldn't have made such an ass out of myself just now and… Well…" He looked up at Remus, his green eyes shiny with unshed tears. "It would have been nice to have seen you guys together. Happy, you know? He was always happiest when you were around." He smiled weakly at Lupin, who returned it as he tried to stifle his mutinous tears. "Now I know why."
Remus nodded as he reached across the table and put a hand a Harry's shoulder. "We can mourn together now," he said comfortingly. This time Harry nodded in agreement. Hermoine let out a high squeal of delight and pressed a tear away from her cheek. She sat down next to Harry and placed a hand on his wrist. Ron, who was pressed up against the wall, expression still looking like he'd seen Aragog again, mumbled something and stumbled forward numbly.
"Y-y-you and Sirius?" He mumbled almost indistinctly to Lupin. All three at the table shook their heads in consent. He seemed to comprehend for a moment and sat down by Hermoine. The drama seemed to be over.
Just before the others came home to headquarters, while Remus was telling Harry and Hermoine more about Sirius and what he was like as a teenager, Ron asked,
"So, where does the tree come in?"
Author's Note: Please review and tell me how much you love and/or hate this fanfic. I had to write it. I was so horridly depressed over the book. I could barely go on. ::Weeps dramatically but abruptly stops to continue:: So, yes. Go and review. Sympathize with me. Help me! This is me getting back on the wagon with my writing, so I continue the happy works I started! (Yes, even Shadows of Death. Sirius was going to die in the end anyway. He can be with Remus then. Poor Remus. All alone now…)
If Rowling kills off Remus next, I'll hurt her! (No, not really. I just won't read the books anymore. She'd better bring Sirius back. Ooh! In your review you can tell me lovely ways on how Sirius will come back! Yes! He will!)