The cold out there
Warnings/notes : Crawford x Nagi, Crawford pov. All references to Nagi's past are based on fanfiction I read and my own imagination ; if Nagi has an official past I don't know it.
Disclaimer : I don't own Weiss Kreuz.
written at 11th march 2003, by Misura
Apologies to those who have read this before ; this chapter was posted a little while ago as well, only it got lost.
At one point of the story I will use the word 'okashi' which is supposed to mean 'small, sweet pastries'.
I'm surprised at how much I still remember about him.
Other things seem to fade with the passing of time, but memories of him only grow stronger.
It's odd really.
I do not consider the earliest things we shared happy ones.
Neither does he.
Whenever I bring up the subject of his past, he looks away.
'I don't want to talk about that.' he will say.
Or 'That's behind me now.'
But it isn't. I can see in his eyes he can't forget the past, that it haunts him like an ugly ghost.
An ugly ghost he keeps running from.
Sometimes he wakes screaming from a nightmare and I know he hasn't dreamt about something his imagination cooked up after reading a book or watching a movie.
Nagi's nightmares are of the worst kind.
Because they were his reality in the past.
Other people find comfort in the thought their dreams can never actually happen.
And maybe it's in part my fault.
I'm not the sort of person to take the blame upon myself for something I had nothing to do with.
Yet I'm not sure if I'm completely innocent in this.
The first time I noticed you, it was winter.
You were standing outside on the street, looking very cold.
Cold as in 'about to freeze' not cold as in 'not giving a damn about the world'.
That second attitude came only later, after I had 'saved' you.
You say I rescued you. That it's not my fault you prefer to show everyone else your cold mask.
'You look very cold.' I said as I walked over to you.
I can't remember what kind of neighborhood it was, or why I was there.
I do remember you backed away from me, like some scared animal.
A fluffy, cute animal, abused by its owners.
I should have gotten you from there sooner, instead of doing what I did.
'Would you like to go and drink a cup of something hot somewhere?'
You nodded, looking at me with still a hint of suspicion in your eyes.
They were still wide and open then.
Why didn't I act to preserve that openness at that moment?
I had never been in that part of town before, but you knew a nice little place where they served all kinds of drinks, as well as small snacks.
I bought you a cup of hot chocolate and a plate of okashi.
You devoured them like you hadn't eaten in days.
The waiter who brought me my second cup of coffee frowned at your table-manners.
I smiled at him and murmured something about 'a youth in his growing period'.
I hate myself for that now.
Back then, though, it was just a convenient lie to smooth over an embarrassing situation.
You thanked me, just before I left.
Because only then you could really allow yourself to believe I would go without hurting you.
Without demanding payment for anything.
I didn't even look back when I left you.