AN: For Stellarys, who won't give Percy a Maserati in his fic! Let's not forget it is his dream car! By the way check out his fic, 'Of Water and Salt'. It's a PJO/Marvel crossover and one of the best ones!

Also, crack!fic.

Percy x Maserati, cause why not? Pertemis, if you squint.

crack!reviews for a crack!fic, but flames are welcome!

Percy POV:

I looked at the car in front of me. This was unbelievable. She was my car. The car of my dreams. The one that saved me from my nightmares every night. The only thing that Kronos could never take from me.

(Well he could take it, but then I could always buy a new one.)

A red convertible Maserati Spyder.

She seemed to glow as if hit by the most divine of lights, giving it an ethereal look as the metal of the car started cooling down.

Wait. Cooling down?

Oh. The car wasn't glowing, it was just really hot.

Really, really hot. Maybe add another 'really'.

I felt drool escape from my mouth.

Then the moment was broken as a guy got out of my car. I felt jealousy stirring inside of me.

Who was he to interrupt me and my love?

The driver smiled. He was around seventeen or eighteen will sandy hair, an ageless face, and the all-around good looks of a god.

But no one could compare to my Maserati.

Then I realized who he was. It was Luke.

Of course. He would be the one ruining everything like he always does.

A cold wind swept in, stinging me after the warming effect my car had exuded.

She was very hot. It was a natural effect she had on her surroundings.

"Wow," Thalia muttered next to me. "Apollo is hot."

Realization dawned upon me. Not Luke, Apollo. Then the full implication of Thalia's words sank into me.

Heresy! Everyone knows my Maserati is hotter!

"Little sister," Apollo called out to Artemis, "You never call. You never write. I was getting worried!"

Worried about a goddess but not the beauty in front of us? You don't deserve her!

I gritted my teeth. Apollo hadn't even noticed that the car, which I should rightfully have, had lost its warmth, looking cold and desolate.

Why should he get to feel her touch every day when he doesn't even value her?

"I am fine Apollo," Artemis sighed, "And I am older."

"I'll let you believe that," Apollo replied while winking.

He was insufferable! How could my love deal with someone so annoying!

Artemis grimaced. "I need you to take my hunters to Camp Half-Blood. And these demigods too."

"Sure, sis!" Apollo grinned, his white teeth almost blinding me in the process.

How dare he? He would have paid heavily if I couldn't have seen my Maserati again.

"Wait," Apollo's tone was suddenly serious, making everyone pause. I feel a haiku coming!"

Haikus aren't as serious as my love for the sun chariot, you dumbass! Let me go to her!

"Green grass breaks through snow.

Artemis pleads for my help.

I am so cool."

This was the final straw! The idiot didn't know how to write a haiku, much less a good one! He didn't deserve the Maserati at all!

I ran towards the Maserati, climbing into the driver's seat and cradling the steering wheel. "I am back, my love. It is okay. The foolish god will never take you from me."

I could feel everyone staring at me in shock.

"Uh... Percy," I could hear Thalia whisper-shout, "What exactly are you doing?"

But her words were not processed as I had the feeling that something was not right.

It felt wrong to hold the sun chariot, my sun chariot, this way.

But why was this so? We were made for each other!

I cried in anguish, as my love rejected me. I felt my hands being burned by the wheel, but I didn't feel the pain in my sadness.

That sadness turned into anger. I stumbled out of the car and ran at Apollo, up-capping Riptide as soon as I got near him.

With a yell, I stabbed my sword into his chest, looking up to see his expression of shock, horror, terror, and... amusement?

I was shaken out of my thoughts as golden power seemed to emit from Apollo, rushing through Riptide, into me.

My entire body seemed to be glowing white with divine light as the power of the sun flew into me, granting me the power of a god.

The world before me faded away as I saw Helios hand me a whip, his face having a smirk on it.

Then there was Apollo, handing me the reins to the sun chariot, my love.

And then the world came back into focus, as I saw myself seated in the driver's seat of the Maserati, with the keys in my hand.

"You need to change it into something bigger."

I blinked and frowned at Artemis. "Huh?"

"The car won't fit them all." She replied gesturing to her hunters.

I realized what had just happened and my eyes went wide with fear.

"You are not angry?" I asked, getting ready to run away.

Or can I flash out now?

"No. Apollo will be back. And it's not like the domain of the sun was what made him an Olympian. The extreme case would be that Dionysus gets replaced by the new god of the sun which is good in my opinion." Artemis looked thoughtful.

"So, I am the god of the sun now?"

Artemis rolled her eyes and muttered something about dumb mortals being turned into dumber gods.

"I'll take that as a yes," I grinned. "This will take just a minute, my love. You'll be back to normal in no time."

"Just get on with it!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

"And don't get any funny ideas about sun and moon deities being consorts!"

"I assure you, I won't," I winked at her. "No funny ideas, only serious ones."

Artemis blushed, and I was thankful for being a god because how else would I have managed to remember that down to the exact detail?