Summary: Everything has changed for Harry after fifth year. Overcome by feelings of regret and feelings of guilt, he is wasting away at the Dursleys until finally two people read between the lines of his letters and come to the rescue.
Spoilers: Well pretty much building from all the books, but ESPECIALLY BOOK FIVE DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN'T READ BOOK FIVE, IT WILL BE SPOILED FOR YOU.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of JK Rowling, Bloomsbury Publishing, Warner Brothers, and Scholastic. Please do not sue me, I'm not worth much and am going to be a struggling college student next year.
Authors note at the end.
Dedication: To Christina (I miss you soooo much!) who was my first Harry Potter friend, and to Anita (I miss you like mad as well!) who was my first beta reader.
Sleep Walking SEQ CHAPTER \h \r 1
The corridors were dark. That is all he knew. The corridors were dark and he was sliding on a cold floor. He didn't understand how he got there. He didn't understand why he was on the ground. He didn't understand what was happening. His mind was cloudy. The corridors were dark. That is all he knew. All he knew was that he was moving, moving, moving. Where was he going? What was the hurry? His mind was cloudy. The corridors were dark. That is all he knew.
"Harry?" There were arms around his waist, "Harry! WAKE UP!"
Harry snapped open his eyes. He was standing precariously at the top of the staircase of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. His heart was beating wildly in his chest. "Harry! What do you think you are doing?" Harry realized that Lupin had a tight hold on him. His head began to pound in time with his rapid heart rate. His stomach felt very upset.
"Harry? What just happened?"
"I dunno," the words sounded stupid and awkward to his own ears. Blackness was creeping around his vision. There was a strange high-pitched laughing engulfing him. With fear he realized it was coming from his own mouth and he couldn't even control it. He wasn't in control of his own body. Terror struck. He began to struggle in Lupin's arms.
"Harry! Stop struggling, I'm trying to help you!"
"Don't touch me, werewolf!" his voice hissed, sounding foreign to his own ears. Lupin held onto him harder.
"Harry, what?" Harry felt like his entire body was revolting against him, his scar was pulsing so badly with pain that he was afraid it would cleave his head in two. Lupin turned him around and looked into his eyes, "Harry...? Sweet Merlin, no! No! Severus! SEVERUS, I NEED HELP!" Everything was becoming so foggy. He was drifting.
"What is it, Lupin? What on...How long has he been like this?" Harry saw Snape in front of him.
"Potter?" Snape placed both his hands on either side of Harry's face, looking intently into his eyes. Harry's scar burnt with renewed pain, "Listen to me! You have to clear your mind. He's in your mind. Listen to me, Potter! Focus on my voice and fight him out!"
He was in his mind? The maniacal laughter continued from his mind, "Stupid boy! Foolish boy! Your mind is weak, ruled by emotions. Your godfather would still be here if it wasn't for your weak mind. You killed him..."
'No! Get out! Get out, you bastard!' He felt sweat pouring down his back.
Laughter was spewing from Harry's lips. This couldn't be happening, this thing wasn't going to take over his mind, not if he could help it.
'LEAVE.... ME... ALONE!' His scar burned painfully and the laughing stopped. He felt himself fall to the ground.
"Well done, Mr. Potter," Harry was laying on the floor. Snape's face came into hazy focus in front of him. He felt Snape's fingers at his pulse point. His scar continued to burn furiously as he began to gag. Strong hands rolled him onto his side as he proceeded to lose the contents of his stomach.
Snape's voice sounded very distant, "Call Albus..." a hand was on his back, "Take deep breaths, it's going to be okay." His thoughts were becoming muddled and his mouth tasted tinny. The world was blurring around the edges, he closed his eyes and floated into nothingness.
* * *
"It is our worst fears realized, the Dark Lord has been able to access his mind."
Harry heard voices just beyond his realm of consciousness but felt too weak to make much sense of them.
"How could this have happened?" The voice was worried; Harry placed it as Mrs. Weasley.
"His immune system has been compromised after everything that has happened to him in the past month. He also is emotionally unwell. His barriers are down, and he doesn't even realize it," The voice was clinical, and monotone, definitely Snape.
"What about the sleep walking?" Another concerned voice, Lupin this time.
"I believe it is a cause for concern. If Voldemort could make Harry sleep walk, into such a precarious position as the top of the stairs, we have to always make sure someone is with him at all times while he sleeps," this new voice was full of worry and dismay. It was Albus Dumbledore.
"What do we need to do to help him?" Mrs. Weasley asked.
"We have to help him heal and come to terms with things as best as he can. He needs to get stronger and resume Occlumency lessons with Severus," Dumbledore answered.
Harry became enraged. "We'll just see about that," he thought, "I am dealing with things as best as I can and I am doing a fine job of it. What does he care for, anyways?"
"I think he's waking up. Harry?" Lupin was gently shaking his shoulder.
"I must go, I will be in contact with you all shortly. Remus, can I have a word with you?" Harry heard the swish of Dumbledore's long robes as he and Lupin left.
"Just like Dumbledore to run away and not face me like a man," Harry thought. He groaned as he became more aware of all the aches in his body. It felt as if he'd fallen from his broom during a Quidditch match.
"Harry, dear, wake up," Mrs. Weasley encouraged.
Harry cracked open his eyes and immediately closed them again as the bright sunlight that was in the room aggravated his sore head. Mrs Weasley stood up and closed the curtains, as Harry opened his eyes again.
"How do you feel?" Snape asked, his face betraying no emotion.
"Like shit," Harry groaned. Snape handed Harry a phial of green liquid.
"It's for your head." Harry drank it without question.
"I'm going to wrangle up some food for you," Mrs. Weasley bustled out of the room. Snape sat in a chair beside Harry's bed.
"So, Potter, do you understand what happened?"
"Yes, I could hear you talking, you know. I'm not stupid," Harry was annoyed by how Snape was treating him. One of the only constant things in his life was that Snape always despised him. He didn't want that to suddenly change, he needed something in his life to always be the same. He didn't want Snape to start feeling bad for him. It was his fault they were in this mess anyways.
"Potter? What is your problem? Why have you worked into your head that you could have prevented what has happened to your fool of a godfather?" Snape sneered.
"He wasn't a fool! This is my fault. You don't know... you don't know the half of it. And it's my burden to bear."
"As long as it is your burden to bear, you will be susceptible to more of these mental attacks by the Dark Lord. You will be putting everyone here, including yourself, at risk. You have to deal with how you are feeling."
"I am dealing; I'm dealing with it just fine!" Harry raised his voice.
"You aren't as long as you're blaming yourself!" Snape raised his voice to match Harry's.
"I told you, it's my fault that Sirius died!" Harry felt his face getting hot.
"Then SHOW me! Let me into your mind so I can see for myself what happened. Let me be the judge. You told me that if you learned Occlumency none of this would have happened. PROVE IT!" Snape raised his voice even more.
"FINE!" Harry shouted before even thinking.
"Fine! Clear your mind, don't try and block me." Harry didn't realize what he'd gotten himself into. Had he just given Snape permission to break into his mind and see how guilty he was of killing his godfather? Damn it. There was nothing he could do to take it back, so he took some deep breaths and cleared his mind.
"Are you ready?" Harry nodded, "Remember, don't fight me on this."
Harry felt Snape enter his mind. He was reliving it again. There were the numerous failed lessons of Occlumency with Snape. Sirius was slipping Harry the package containing the two-way mirror. His conversation with Kreacher, and Kreacher was lying about where Sirius was. Sirius was fighting with Bellatrix. Sirius was falling behind the veil. "No, I don't want you to see this!"
Lupin was holding him back. He was setting the Cruciatus curse on Bellatrix. It was all rushing forward now. His body being taken over by Voldemort, and he was wishing that Dumbledore would kill him. Now he was in the hospital wing with Hermione and Ron. He was holding the wrapped package of the mirror. The mirror was in his hands. The mirror. And only his face was reflecting back out of it as he called Sirius's name. Harry's mind felt violated. "Stop, I don't want you to see this!" Harry thought pushing Snape out with all his might.
Snape toppled from his chair and stood up quickly looking at Harry, his lips pressing into a thin line.
Harry felt sick with guilt, "You see? It was me. I have caused my own agony."
"Potter..." Snape began.
"No, you hate me, remember? You hate me and this should make you hate me even more! Leave me alone, and go away."
"Potter..." Snape tried again.
"I don't want your pity. I hate you! Go away," Snape looked at him startled, and turned to leave, "GO AWAY!" The glass of water that had been on Harry's bedside table suddenly shattered into a thousand pieces as the door slammed behind Snape.
Tbc (who knows when?)
A/N: My word, I have a lovely set of reviewers. I love you all so much and would thank you all individually but it is 3 in the morning and my vision is going dim. I appreciate you all lots!!! I'm so sorry this took so long. I've started college and the amount of work really cramps my style. Then I worked on the Dean campaign all winter break. Then I got sick on spring break. Then I lost a big hunk of a chapter when my computer got a virus and I lost everything including all my pictures from the Dean campaign. So this chapter is unbetaed and a thoroughly apologize for its randomness. I'm sad because I feel it isn't as good as it was when I first wrote it and lost it to the virus. I'm really sorry if it is crap… I wrote this in limited time tonight and just want to post it, and since my brain feels occluded (lol) it might be utter crap. I'll probably regret posting in the morning lol. Please review (no flames! But I don't mind constructive criticism). I hope all is well w/everyone!