TITLE: Severus Snape, Computer Hacker

AUTHOR: Davenrood, the magnifique!

RATING: PG-13 at most

GENRE: Romantic Comedy


DISCLAIMER: JK "she's done it again" Rowling owns all the characters, but she doesn't own their screen name! ha!!!



"I don't know if this was such a good idea, Harry. What if resizing messes up the circuits?"
Hermione was staring at the miniature computer monitor and pc that was sitting in the palm of her hand. Ron, who was sitting next to her, turned his attention from the scenery outside the train to the discussion.
"Well, you should have bought a laptop. Mine fits nice and snug in the bottom of my trunk."
Harry grinned at Hermione's look of chagrin. Ron, however, was staring at the computer with wonder.
"Tell me what it does again!" Hermione rolled her eyes.
"It stores information electronically, and you can type on this keyboard-" she held up the miniature "-and the information then appears on the screen...like on a television. You do remember televisions?"
Harry knew by the look on Ron's face that Hermione's explanation was lost after 'electronically.'
"Well, tell me about using it to communicate. Just once more."
Harry sighed. "I'll take this one. Computers can be connected like muggle telephones...or - erm - floo networks, right?"
"Er - yeah. I suppose that makes sense."
"It's called the internet. It's like talking to someone through the fire, except you see the words they type instead of their face. The best part is there's practically no risk of dark wizard interference, or any magical interference for that matter."
Ron squinched his face as he tried desperately to sort out the information Harry had given him. Hermione patted Ron on the arm.
"Don't try to understand, Ron. Just accept that it works, and think of it as a new way to communicate without getting caught."
This, and a peck on the cheek, seemed to cheer Ron up, and he tried to forget about it on the remainder of the trip.

The three friends were terribly antsy as they entered the Great Hall that evening. Hermione and Harry were planning on stuffing their faces and ducking out early to set up their computers without interruption. Ron, however, was not keen on missing out on any eating.
Finally the new first years entered the hall amongst murmurs from the older students.
"I still can't believe that was us six years ago," Hermione said to Ron. "Everything was so different then."
After the sorting, Dumbledore addressed the students and staff briefly, ending with "tuck in." Harry and Hermione, the latter straightening her Head Girl badge, ran out the doors after stuffing their faces, but only after promising Ron that they'd show him how to use Harry's laptop when he joined them.

"We still have to set up the power boxes," Hermione huffed as they ran up the corridor to the Fat Lady's painting. "Assuming they work, that is."
"They'll work, you worry wart. You're just lucky that I'm somewhat of a technical nerd."
"Cow brain," Hermione said.
"Excuse me?" Harry glared at the bushy-hair witch.
"No, stupid. It's the password?"
"Right," Harry said, grinning with slight embarrassment. They climbed through the portrait hole, ran through the common room and up to their respective dormitories. Moments later they rejoined at a table in the common room, Hermione with her computer (which she promptly enlarged), and Harry with his laptop and two plastic boxes. Harry plugged his power cord into one box and Hermione's into the other.
"Now what?" Hermione was grinning with excitement.
"We use the 'unsnuffable-flame' charm to generate power, and Finite Incantum when we want to let it cool down. Are you ready to see if it works?"
Hermione nodded. Both pointed their wands at their respective boxes and said, "Perpetuus Ignis!"
"Did it work," Hermione asked quickly.
"We have to hit the power buttons to see." Harry pushed the button on his laptop and the contraption hummed with life. "Yes! They work. You can say it now, I'm a genius."
Hermione smiled grudgingly. "You're a genius."
"Thank you, thank you."
At that moment the portrait opened and the two remaining Weasley's at Hogwarts climbed through. Ginny walked up to Harry and sat down.
"So it works, does it?"
Hermione nodded. "I can't wait to use it. You can use it, too, Ginny. I'll leave it on my trunk in the dormitory."
"Waitaminute," Ron said with a frown. "She knows how to use it?"
"I learnt when I stayed with Hermione last summer. It's easy as pie if you don't think about it as a muggle thing." Ginny smiled at Harry and Hermione as Ron's frown deepened.
Harry said, "It's alright, Ron. I'll show you how to use it right now. But let's take it up to the dorm so everyone doesn't try to crowd us. And that way we can test the HogwartsNet."
"What's that?" Ginny asked.
"It's a connection that Hermione and I made up. It's based on wireless internet used by muggles. But it only works for computers at Hogwarts, so we don't have outside interference."
Ginny shrugged. "I don't understand in the least, but I don't really care."
"I don't understand, either," Ron said. "And that ticks me off like you will never know."
The boys headed upstairs and Ginny turned to Hermione.
"Oh...I know alright."


4eyes: I'm so glad this works

fuzzbrain: me too!

4eyes: Ron just fell over...I think he is overwhelmed

fuzzbrain: hahaha

fuzzbrain: ginny is fine. she wants to say hello

fuzzbrain: hi Harry

4eyes: ok

4eyes: hi Ginny. is it just you two?

fuzzbrain: Parvati Patil is here...wait...

fuzzbrain: she just ran to get Lavender.

4eyes: great. now the whole school will know.

fuzzbrain: well I don't think there are any rules against this anyway

fuzzbrain: hermione again! there aren't any rules. most likely because this was never considered as a possibility before

4eyes: right. well I told Ron he could try...so here he is

4eyes: hithisisron

fuzzbrain: you have to use the space key, dingbat.

4eyes: hi this is ron

fuzzbrain: better.

4eyes: this is surreal

4eyes: i don't know what to say. here's harry again

fuzzbrain: hey harry...gossip time!

4eyes: oh no...


Later that night, Harry was sitting on his bed with the computer in his lap. Ron was lounging on the bed next to him, lovingly polishing his Cleensweep.
"Are you still talking to fuzzbrain on that bloody thing?"
Harry smiled and laughed. "Yeah. It's fun."
[4eyes: I'm not telling you that]
[fuzzbrain: come on, harry. I won't tell a soul]
"What is she saying?" Ron put down the polishing rag and started examining the bristles.
"Anything about me?" Ron wiggled his eyebrows.
[fuzzbrain: come on...I told you I had a crush on prof. lupin]
"Nope...definitely not about you."
[4eyes: you don't what to know what teacher I have a crush on]
[fuzzbrain: as long as it isn't flitwick, i don't care]
[4eyes: oh you'll care alright]
[fuzzbrain: please...i'll stay quiet. i've stayed quiet about the gay thing]
[4eyes: alright...I'll tell you]
"Persistent ninny," he muttered under his breath. He started to type a reply when he heard a gasp from behind his right shoulder.
"Oh my-"
Harry turned to see Ron with his mouth open. He hadn't even heard the red-head leave his bed.
"Harry...what does she mean by 'the gay thing?'"
"What does she mean, Harry?"
[fuzzbrain: well tell me already!]
[4eyes: hold on]
"There's something I haven't told you..." Harry pushed the computer off his lap and turned to Ron. "I'm gay."
He'd said it. It was easier than he thought it would be.
"You're kidding," Ron said.
"No, I'm not. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but...well, I figured you'd freak."
"But you're dating Ginny!"
"As a cover up."
Ron was silent for a moment, but then looked enraged. "You're jerking around my little sister? How dare you? She likes you and you're just using-"
"Ron! Ron...she knows!"
"She...she knows?"
[fuzzbrain: harry, are you okay?]
"Yes. She's known for a while...she was the first one I told actually." Harry pulled the computer onto his lap.
[4eyes: I need you up here]
"This is...insane."
[4eyes: NOW]
Ron sat down next to Harry. After a moment he shook his head.
"I don't mean to be rude, because you're my mate and all."
"It's alright, Ron. I'm used to this."
Ron sighed. "It's just weird. I thought one thing, and now it's another."
At that moment Hermione dashed through the door. She stopped in front of Harry's bed, panting.
Harry patted the space between him and Ron and she sat down.
"Ron saw what you wrote."
Hermione's eyes grew wide. "Ron, I don't mean it! I don't have a crush on Lupin."
Ron gave her a strange look. "Wait...you have a crush on Lupin?"
Hermione grew pink. "Yeah, but of course I don't really like anyone but you. You know that-"
"Not that, Hermione," Harry said with a chuckle. "He saw the part about 'the gay thing.'"
Hermione turned even pinker on discovering her mistake. Heaving a great sigh, she turned back to Ron.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you?" Hermione sounded very apologetic.
"It's okay," Ron said. "You were keeping a secret for Harry. You were just being a good friend. Besides, it's Harry that should have told me."
It was Harry's turn to sigh. "I'm really sorry. You're right. I should have told you."
"Well, who else knows?"
"Let's see....Ginny was the first I told, a couple years ago. I was feeling so confused and you and Hermione were out on a date. She told me to talk to your mum. So she knows, too, and she helped me a lot. Then I told Hermione a couple months later, but that was because she thought something was up. That's when Ginny said she'd pretend to be my girlfriend...to help me out. That's it. I'm really sorry I didn't let you know, but I thought you'd be grossed out."
Ron gave a small smile. "I'll forgive you, but you should have known me better than that. I'm your friend, and I'll be that until I die. Unless you turn evil, that is."
Harry grinned back at his friend. Hermione looked between them, decided she wasn't needed and stood up.
"So, Hermione, you like Lupin, eh?"
"Oh shut it."
She made for the door and Ron called after her, "Don't I get a goodnight kiss?"


fuzzbrain: that was really pointless, harry

4eyes: what?

fuzzbrain: you called me up there...i didn't do anything, and now ron knows about my crush on lupin.

4eyes: sorry...I thought he was super angry

4eyes: forgive me?

fuzzbrain: ......sure. :)

fuzzbrain: but now you'd better tell me which teacher you like! :(

4eyes: promise not to scream?

fuzzbrain: if i do, i'll wake up the whole dorm.

4eyes: I can't believe I'm typing this...it's Snape

4eyes: Hermione? Are you still there?

4eyes: helloooo!

fuzzbrain: sorry. had a choking fit

4eyes: see? I knew you couldn't handle it

fuzzbrain: why snape? i could see you sharing my crush on prof. lupin...but snape?

4eyes: Lupin is...cute I suppose, but I know him too well. He did take me in after I had no one else. He's like a dad...or older brother at least. Now Snape is sexy.

fuzzbrain: ewww! he's greasy!

4eyes: is not. His hair's just shiny. and he has finesse...style

fuzzbrain: i'll never understand you gay men.


More goodness to come! Intrigue! Deception! Chocolate Cream Pie! Push the go button if you want the next chapter written more quickly ^.~