Chapter Twenty: An Entry, An Ending, and a Lot of Whipped Cream


There were a few moments of silence following this proclamation, in which James tried to remember how to breathe and form intelligent speech. Knowing what we know about his character, it is pretty needless to say that he wasn't having much success with either.

After about a minute of James gaping soundlessly at her, Lily stood up very quickly and said, "Well, I should go, then."

Once she reached the door, she stopped, turned around with her hand still on the doorknob and said, "Are--are you going to say anything?"

"Give me a second," James breathed, holding up his index finger. "I'm trying to process that."

Lily switched her weight from one foot to the other, tugged on a lock on her hair that she apparently found endlessly interesting by the way she was examining it, then mumbled, "Do you need me to help you?"

He scoffed. "What is that supposed to mean?"

"We-ell," she said, color rising to her face in embarrassment as she let go of the doorknob and started walking slowly toward him.

James, who was looking down at his lap, didn't notice her. "Well, what?"

"Do you want me to kiss you or not?"

James looked up from his lap so fast Lily was sure he'd broken his neck. "Are you being sarcastic?" he demanded.

"No," she said curiously, pausing directly in front of him; their knees were touching. He squirmed.

"Because," he said, running a hand through his hair, "because if you are...if you are, this is really not the time."

"I know it's not the time," Lily told him, a tinge of exasperation present in her voice. She put her hands on his shoulders. "Which is why I'm being quite serious."

James made a very strange, strangled noise in the back of his throat. "You'll--you'll really go out with me?"

"That's what I said," Lily replied, switching her weight again, drumming her fingers impatiently on his shoulders. "And, as we've already clarified that I wasn't being sarcastic, I meant it."

"Oh." James swallowed, and started to rumple his hair again, but Lily grabbed his hand halfway there.

"I really hate it when you do that," she said softly.

"I know," he responded.

"Don't you even want to know why?" Lily asked, turning her hand over in his to look at his. "You have really small fingernails," she commented, showing him.

"Why you hate it when I do that?"

"Why I finally said I'd go out with you."

"You know," James said, feeling suddenly emboldened and taking the hand that wasn't holding hers, put it right behind her ear, "I don't much care right now."

And, with that, he covered her mouth with his.


Peter looked up towards the boys' staircase, squinting in the dim firelight of the Common Room. "Wonder what they're doing up there?"

Sirius smirked and opened his mouth.

"Sirius, if what you're about to say involves Lily and whipped cream, I'll hex you," Remus warned, not looking up from his almost-finished History of Magic essay.

Sirius sniffed. "What makes you think everything I say has to have some sort of sexual connotation?"

"Because it does?" Peter suggested.

"I'll have you know," Sirius began in a very dignified voice, "that I am not just a veritable sex god. I am respectful and deep."

Remus held up his completed essay to the light and waved it around to dry the ink. "With that in mind, what were you just going to say?"

Sirius smirked again. "I wonder if James thought to get cherries."

Remus nodded to him, still waving his parchment. "Respectful and deep, indeed."

There was the sound of a door closing, and all three boys looked up in time to see Lily, attempting to flatten her mussed hair, coming down the stairs. She glanced at them, ducked her head to hide a grin, and bounded up her own set of stairs, deliberately ignoring their shouted questions.

"She's so difficult," Sirius said contemptuously as he watched her enter her room and close the door neatly behind her. "Where's Jamesie?"

He got his answer when James himself came down the stairs, looking so dazed that his friends weren't entirely sure if he realized where he was. He, too, ignored their questions, but dropped into a chair by the fire, hand in his hair, still looking lost.

"Well?" Sirius asked impatiently. "Was there whipped cream?"

James didn't seem to have heard him. He just kept staring blankly into the fire.

"James?" Remus said cautiously. "Are you all right?"

"What?" James responded blankly, looking puzzledly from the fire to his friend as though just realizing he was there.

"Are you all right?" Remus repeated, enunciating.

"Oh," he said, looking back to the fire as he tugged at his tie. "Fine."

"Well?" Sirius prodded impatiently. "Was there?"

"Was there what?"

"Whipped cream, you dolt."

James threw him a very exasperated look. "No," he said. "And there will never be whipped cream, so stop asking."

Sirius leaned back in his chair, arms folded over his chest. "Well," he said crossly, "if you would play your cards right, there would be whipped cream, but I'm fully cognizant of the fact that that's impossible for you, so you're probably right."

A smile twitched at the corners of his friend's mouth. "Oh, I played my cards just fine."

All three Marauders's heads jerked up.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Remus demanded.

"I am."

Sirius grinned and clapped James on the shoulder. "I see whipped cream in your future, friend."


James and Lily's relationship at school was, like most, full of ups and downs, though it was arguable as to whether it had more ups or downs. Make your own conclusions:

Tuesday, 23 April

9:39 p.m.:Mr. Padfoot is of the opinion that if Mr. Prongs and his girlfriend want to fight within a sixty-mile radius of human life, they should provide earplugs.

Mr. Moony suggests a Soundproofing Charm.

Mr. Padfoot counters with earplugs enchanted with a Soundproofing Charm. Therefore, Mr. Padfoot wins.

Mr. Wormtail wishes to ask how long it's been since the royal couple got together.

Mr. Padfoot says two months. Mr. Prongs is marking it off on Mr. Padfoot's Veelas on the Beach calendar. Did Miss Lily take Mr. Prongs's boxers again? Because if he doesn't want her to have his, she's welcome to some of Mr. Padfoot's.

Mr. Moony thinks Mr. Padfoot should keep his boxers away from Miss Lily.

Keep them away from Mr. Wormtail as well, if we're going to discuss this now.

Oh, Wormtail.


Nothing. That just sounded like it deserved an "Oh, Wormtail".

Hold on, what's she saying?

Mr. Padfoot thinks Miss Lily is breaking up with our friend Prongs again.

How come?

Mr. Wormtail's money says that Miss Lily found the bottle of whipped cream Mr. Padfoot hid under Mr. Prongs's bed two weeks ago.

Hey, Mr. Padfoot put a Preservation Charm on it. It should still be okay.

Does Prongs know you put whipped cream under his bed?

Mr. Padfoot is just trying to help out a friend; Mr. Prongs does not have to thank Mr. Padfoot. Mr. Padfoot would offer whipped cream to his other fellow Marauders, but as they haven't had dates since fifth year, he feels this offer would be a waste of his generosity.

Oh, here they come--they're snogging. Mr. Wormtail is going to bed, as he has a weak stomach.

Mr. Moony agrees.

Mr. Padfoot wonders if there is any whipped cream left.


A/N: ::bows:: Yep, that's the end.

Now, to address the question you're all wondering: Sequel???

Of course. :)

Here's the summary for it, as a matter of fact. You are more than welcome to speculate about it in reviews:

James and Lily have decided to make it official. But between the Order, Gideon Prewett, and the fact that they can't agree on anything; that aisle looks pretty far away...with Jealous!James, Frazzled!Lily, Flirty!Sirius, Traitor!Peter, and that inevitable Marauder-orchestrated bachelor party. There's no need to bring champagne--they've got plenty.

It's not much, but make of it what you wish. The tentative title is, 'Tripping Down the Aisle', but I really hate that title, so if you'd offer your suggestions, that would just be lovely. :)

Massive schnoogles to anyone who ever reviewed this, and who made me feel more funny than I am, and who added me to their favorites' lists (202!!!!!!!!!!!)

::sniffles:: I want a livejournal....does someone have a code they could give me? Please? I'll love you forever...