Disclaimer: The great J. K. Rowling owns all...I own nothing. :) I get no
money from this...just fun!
AN: OK...I love J. K. Rowling and her characters, for sure. OotP was AWESOME. However, I'd like to go from another point of view and change some of her characters a little bit...OK, OK, a BIG bit! lol You'll notice some differences in the boys here and in the girls...this will take place in their 7th year, so hormones are raging. lol I don't actually think Ron and Hermione and everyone are like this...just wanted to have a bit of fun. *wink* BTW, this is gonna be a silly story, so don't take it too seriously...there are gonna be serious parts, but few and far between. Plus, you're going to see some American influences here (ha ha!), but you'll get over it. It's just fun. lol Oh, and I have to mention that Ron and Harry aren't really friends with Hermione here...they just know each other. Let the wreckage begin!
Chapter One: You Bet
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Ronald Weasley stretched out his long arms and yawned. He was utterly exhausted from the events of the night before and wished he had just stayed in bed. Casting a sleepy look around the Gryffindor common room, however, he knew that straying from his wonderful, warm, cozy bed was worth it. He smiled wickedly as his friends made their way over to where he was near the tower window, eager to begin his bragging and to breathe in the smell of jealousy.
Harry Potter, Ron's best friend since they were in their first year, slapped him on the shoulder and grinned. "You dog. Thinking about last night?" As the man in question smiled, Harry couldn't help but think how lucky Ron was. He had transformed from this lanky, too tall geek to a good- looking sex god almost overnight. In their fourth year, he had begun doing sit-ups and push-ups every evening before bed. At first, he had only been able to do three, maybe four, a night. Now, he was adveraging 500. The training had paid off, increasing his agility and strength in Quidditch and improving his luck with the ladies. Every girl he knew wanted Ron in the worst way and he had a constant group following him everywhere he went. Yes, Ronald Weasley was a lucky man indeed. Harry couldn't help but feel a little jealous, as he was still short, skinny and had a head of hair that always looked a mess. Harry couldn't complain, however, for it was these attributes that helped him win his beautiful girlfriend Ginny over in the first place. She loved his messy hair.
Harry sat down in an nearby armchair, impatient to hear Ron's latest escapade.
The armchairs near the window were quickly filled. Ron sat on a table facing his friends and quickly made sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom and Harry. Yes, everyone was present. The gang was ready for another Weasley tale. As he made to begin his story, his eyes caught sight of Parvati Patil walking by. She smiled seductively at him before walking away toward the common room door, her short mini-skirt clinging to her curves in an arousing way. Ron licked his lips and gazed after her as the other men made cat calls and obscene comments.
After the commotion had died down, Ron told his fellow Gryffindors about his night spent with Parvati in the Prefects bathroom. There were many sniggers and grins as Ron finished, looking mighty proud of himself. Ron closed his eyes, waiting for the compliments he knew were going to be thrown at him any second.
"You're disgusting, you know that? What an egotistical prat."
This was not what Ron was expecting. He frowned as he opened his eyes and looked around the room, trying to figure out who was speaking to him in such a manner. His eyes fell upon a pompous girl who was standing behind Harry's chair with her hands on her hips. Hermione Granger. Ron grimaced and rolled his eyes.
"No one asked your opinion, Granger. This is a conversation for men only, not cold fish who have their noses permanently stuck in a book." He glared at her, daring her to think of a comeback.
Hermione's nose shot into the air and she gave Ron a look that clearly said she was better than him. "I'm sure Parvati would love to know that you were discussing your little rendezvous in the bathroom last night with your friends here. How did that go again?" Hermione crossed her arms and looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled evilly, "Oh yes, I remember now. You had her bent over so far that she could have been a human pretzel. I'll have to ask her about that sometime." Hermione glanced once more at Ron's angry face before walking away.
Ron was so furious, he could have spit fire. "Yeah Hermione, you do that. Maybe you can pick up some pointers on how to obtain a man, since you don't seem capable of doing so!" he yelled after her. Hermione, who gave no indication that she heard him, continued up the stairs to her room, disappearing from sight. Ron fumed. She had no right to talk to him like that! He was Ronald Weasley, after all!
Ron sighed in defeat and ran his hands through his hair, glancing at Harry. He looked like he was going to explode from laughter. "Oh, shut up Harry. Just forget about that wench, guys." Ron smiled triumphantly. "I do believe that means I have had every girl in Gryffindor! I am the man." Ron got up from the table and did a little victory dance. "Who's house? RON'S HOUSE! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh --"
"Shut up Ron, will ya?" Seamus said, laughing at Ron's display of happiness. "It just so happens that you're wrong."
Ron was now doing the Running Man. "Oh yeah! Oh - WHAT? What the hell are you talking about, mate? I can't think of ONE girl in here who I haven't had! And my sister does NOT count."
Dean exchanged an amused look with Seamus. "No, your sister doesn't count, but I can think of one other, and she's one you'll never have."
Ron looked confused for a moment, but rose to the challenge. "Is that so? I'd be willing to bet that I COULD have her!"
Seamus examined his nails as he asked, "Is that so?"
Ron straightened to his full height of 6'2 and looked down at the rest of the guys. "What are you proposing, Seamus?" He smiled grimly.
Seamus grinned at the rest of the guys in the group before saying, "I'm willing to bet 50 Galleons that you won't be able to get this girl into bed with you."
Ron's face fell. "I haven't got 50 galleons."
"Well then, your end of the bargain will have to be something else. Let us see...if you lose..."Seamus looked around thoughtfully, scratching his head. Suddenly his face lit up. "You have to come down here in the common room while it's busy, wearing nothing but a pair of Parvati's underwear, a pair of chaps and a cowboy hat, bow down before all of us and say, 'Seamus, Dean, Neville and Harry are my sex gods. I serve them only. I am not worthy of any woman and I like men.' Then you have to do a strip tease while singing 'I'm Too Sexy' and give Colin Creevey a lap dance."
The rest of the group's mouths were hanging open. They all turned to see if Ron would step up to the plate. He stared at Seamus for a moment, contemplating. He suddenly nodded sharply and said, "Done," stepping forward and shaking Seamus's hand.
Ron looked smug. "I have no doubt in my capabilities to do this. Now, who is this lucky girl that has been sadly deprived of Ron 'The Sex King' Weasley all this time?"
Neville looked ready to burst at the seams with laughter. "Hermione Granger."
Ron's mouth fell open in shock. "Surely you don't mean...that little...you don't want me to...that's horrible! All she ever does is study! She thinks she knows it all and she's dreadful! Not to mention I am sure there is absolutely no feeling or passion in that woman!" Ron scowled. "She's so cold. Such a prude. She's like winter...the ultimate ice queen."
"Well..."Harry said thoughtfully, "Give her a nice Weasel coat and I'm sure she'll warm right up." The guys lost control of their laughter at that point, rolling around on the floor and in their chairs. Harry had his face in his hands, wiping away his tears of joy. He looked up at Ron, whose frown had grown even deeper. "What's the matter, Ron, don't think you can do it?"
Ron's eyes snapped to Harry's face, a look of determination etched into them. "I WILL do it. I am going to show little Miss Granger the time of her life." Ron smiled in a wicked way and set off toward his private Prefect's room, rubbing his hands together.
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Hermione Granger sat on the bed in her private room, her eyes glued to a page in her book. She had curled up amongst her many pillows and was currently caught up in the fifth book in the Larry Water series, "The Order of Phoenix fries." She was biting her fist to keep from screaming as she read Chapter 67, in which Lord Callmedork had just killed the waiter at the restaurant where Larry Water was with his friends, Don Measley and Slimy Danger. Lord Callmedork was descending upon Larry with a bottle of ketchup, threatening to squirt Larry's new white Gap shirt, ruining it forever. Lord Callmedork laughed evilly as he pointed the bottle and -
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed, tossing her book. Someone had just knocked on her door. Hermione panted, trying to calm herself down before calling out, "Come in!" The door opened and Ginny Weasley came bouncing in. Hermione breathed out in relief. "Ginny. Phew. You scared me when you knocked."
Ginny smiled at Hermione, a puzzled look on her face. "Yeah, I kinda noticed." She glanced at the book Hermione had thrown, which was now laying in the corner of her room. "Ah!" Ginny exclaimed. "You must have been reading Larry Water. That explains the scream."
Hermione smiled at Ginny as she sat down at the end of her bed. "Yeah, I had it pre-owled. It got here early Saturday and I haven't been able to keep my hands off it."
"Do you know who dies yet?"
"No," Hermione sighed, "but I sure hope it isn't Magrid. He's a great character." She grinned at Ginny, then asked, "So what's up?"
Ginny looked at her feet as she kicked them back and forth. She leaned back onto one of Hermione's large, fluffy pillows and looked her in the eye. "What do you think about me and Harry?"
Hermione raised one eyebrow. "What in the world do you mean?"
"Do you think that Harry and I make a good couple?"
She pondered this for a moment before answering. "Yes. I think you guys are adorable. Harry is always looking at you with this expression of awe on his face, like he can't believe he has you. It's so cute. Why do you ask?"
Ginny looked sheepish. "Just wondering. I want my friends to like Harry too, because I know it's important, what your friends think. They see things you don't. Do you really like Harry?"
Hermione smiled and smoothed Ginny's hair from her face before answering, "Yes, of course. He's a really great guy. He just has bad picks for his friends." Hermione scowled deeply.
"Who's a bad pick?"
"Your brother, Ronald 'The Sex King' Weasley." Both girls giggled. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued. "I don't see how someone has nice as Harry ended up being friends with Ron. He's such a womanizer. No offense to you or anything. You should have heard him talking about his fling with Parvati Patil a little while ago. Oh please, like it's anything new to that girl. Little does he know she's been to the Prefect's bathroom with eight separate guys before him!" Ginny looked shocked. "Don't be so surprised. I learned a lot about Parvati when we were roommates. She was always talking about her 'dates'. Too much information, if you ask me. Ron was just one more man on her list to do."
Ginny smirked at Hermione. "Yeah, Ron can be quite a geek. Almost all the superficial girls at Hogwarts want him and he thinks that he's king of the world. You should hear him at home, listening to 50 knuts and M & N! He raps along with them, pretending he's cool and that he's a great rapper. He has some of the worst rhymes. 'I like them hoes who wear tight clothes. I bring my flows while you wipe your nose.' Honestly, sometimes I think I'd like to put the poor dear out of his misery! He's driving Mom absolutely mad with his behavior. She can't stand the music he listens to, or the way he dresses. George and Fred support him, of course. I guess they need to find a good laugh somewhere. I don't know though Hermione...sometimes I think that maybe if he found the right girl, he'd straighten up. I worry about him." Ginny frowned at the wall. "Course, he'd probably find some way to ruin that as well."
Hermione playfully hit Ginny with a pillow. "Come on, don't let your brother ruin your good mood. He's not worth it. Now shoo. Go find Harry and let him put you in a better mood."
Ginny laughed at Hermione and jumped off the bed, heading for the door. She opened it and looked back at Hermione. "One of these days, Hermy, you're going to find a man who will put YOU in a good mood...someone who might actually be able to get your nose out of a book!" Ginny closed the door as a pillow came flying at it.
Hermione chuckled and shook her head. "Don't count on that, Ginny."
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A/N: Well, I hope ya'll liked the first chapter. :) Like I said, this story isn't supposed to be taken seriously. There will probably be a bunch of fluff because I be loving the warm fuzzies! *grins*
AN: OK...I love J. K. Rowling and her characters, for sure. OotP was AWESOME. However, I'd like to go from another point of view and change some of her characters a little bit...OK, OK, a BIG bit! lol You'll notice some differences in the boys here and in the girls...this will take place in their 7th year, so hormones are raging. lol I don't actually think Ron and Hermione and everyone are like this...just wanted to have a bit of fun. *wink* BTW, this is gonna be a silly story, so don't take it too seriously...there are gonna be serious parts, but few and far between. Plus, you're going to see some American influences here (ha ha!), but you'll get over it. It's just fun. lol Oh, and I have to mention that Ron and Harry aren't really friends with Hermione here...they just know each other. Let the wreckage begin!
Chapter One: You Bet
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Ronald Weasley stretched out his long arms and yawned. He was utterly exhausted from the events of the night before and wished he had just stayed in bed. Casting a sleepy look around the Gryffindor common room, however, he knew that straying from his wonderful, warm, cozy bed was worth it. He smiled wickedly as his friends made their way over to where he was near the tower window, eager to begin his bragging and to breathe in the smell of jealousy.
Harry Potter, Ron's best friend since they were in their first year, slapped him on the shoulder and grinned. "You dog. Thinking about last night?" As the man in question smiled, Harry couldn't help but think how lucky Ron was. He had transformed from this lanky, too tall geek to a good- looking sex god almost overnight. In their fourth year, he had begun doing sit-ups and push-ups every evening before bed. At first, he had only been able to do three, maybe four, a night. Now, he was adveraging 500. The training had paid off, increasing his agility and strength in Quidditch and improving his luck with the ladies. Every girl he knew wanted Ron in the worst way and he had a constant group following him everywhere he went. Yes, Ronald Weasley was a lucky man indeed. Harry couldn't help but feel a little jealous, as he was still short, skinny and had a head of hair that always looked a mess. Harry couldn't complain, however, for it was these attributes that helped him win his beautiful girlfriend Ginny over in the first place. She loved his messy hair.
Harry sat down in an nearby armchair, impatient to hear Ron's latest escapade.
The armchairs near the window were quickly filled. Ron sat on a table facing his friends and quickly made sure everyone was where they were supposed to be. Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, Neville Longbottom and Harry. Yes, everyone was present. The gang was ready for another Weasley tale. As he made to begin his story, his eyes caught sight of Parvati Patil walking by. She smiled seductively at him before walking away toward the common room door, her short mini-skirt clinging to her curves in an arousing way. Ron licked his lips and gazed after her as the other men made cat calls and obscene comments.
After the commotion had died down, Ron told his fellow Gryffindors about his night spent with Parvati in the Prefects bathroom. There were many sniggers and grins as Ron finished, looking mighty proud of himself. Ron closed his eyes, waiting for the compliments he knew were going to be thrown at him any second.
"You're disgusting, you know that? What an egotistical prat."
This was not what Ron was expecting. He frowned as he opened his eyes and looked around the room, trying to figure out who was speaking to him in such a manner. His eyes fell upon a pompous girl who was standing behind Harry's chair with her hands on her hips. Hermione Granger. Ron grimaced and rolled his eyes.
"No one asked your opinion, Granger. This is a conversation for men only, not cold fish who have their noses permanently stuck in a book." He glared at her, daring her to think of a comeback.
Hermione's nose shot into the air and she gave Ron a look that clearly said she was better than him. "I'm sure Parvati would love to know that you were discussing your little rendezvous in the bathroom last night with your friends here. How did that go again?" Hermione crossed her arms and looked thoughtful for a moment, then smiled evilly, "Oh yes, I remember now. You had her bent over so far that she could have been a human pretzel. I'll have to ask her about that sometime." Hermione glanced once more at Ron's angry face before walking away.
Ron was so furious, he could have spit fire. "Yeah Hermione, you do that. Maybe you can pick up some pointers on how to obtain a man, since you don't seem capable of doing so!" he yelled after her. Hermione, who gave no indication that she heard him, continued up the stairs to her room, disappearing from sight. Ron fumed. She had no right to talk to him like that! He was Ronald Weasley, after all!
Ron sighed in defeat and ran his hands through his hair, glancing at Harry. He looked like he was going to explode from laughter. "Oh, shut up Harry. Just forget about that wench, guys." Ron smiled triumphantly. "I do believe that means I have had every girl in Gryffindor! I am the man." Ron got up from the table and did a little victory dance. "Who's house? RON'S HOUSE! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh --"
"Shut up Ron, will ya?" Seamus said, laughing at Ron's display of happiness. "It just so happens that you're wrong."
Ron was now doing the Running Man. "Oh yeah! Oh - WHAT? What the hell are you talking about, mate? I can't think of ONE girl in here who I haven't had! And my sister does NOT count."
Dean exchanged an amused look with Seamus. "No, your sister doesn't count, but I can think of one other, and she's one you'll never have."
Ron looked confused for a moment, but rose to the challenge. "Is that so? I'd be willing to bet that I COULD have her!"
Seamus examined his nails as he asked, "Is that so?"
Ron straightened to his full height of 6'2 and looked down at the rest of the guys. "What are you proposing, Seamus?" He smiled grimly.
Seamus grinned at the rest of the guys in the group before saying, "I'm willing to bet 50 Galleons that you won't be able to get this girl into bed with you."
Ron's face fell. "I haven't got 50 galleons."
"Well then, your end of the bargain will have to be something else. Let us see...if you lose..."Seamus looked around thoughtfully, scratching his head. Suddenly his face lit up. "You have to come down here in the common room while it's busy, wearing nothing but a pair of Parvati's underwear, a pair of chaps and a cowboy hat, bow down before all of us and say, 'Seamus, Dean, Neville and Harry are my sex gods. I serve them only. I am not worthy of any woman and I like men.' Then you have to do a strip tease while singing 'I'm Too Sexy' and give Colin Creevey a lap dance."
The rest of the group's mouths were hanging open. They all turned to see if Ron would step up to the plate. He stared at Seamus for a moment, contemplating. He suddenly nodded sharply and said, "Done," stepping forward and shaking Seamus's hand.
Ron looked smug. "I have no doubt in my capabilities to do this. Now, who is this lucky girl that has been sadly deprived of Ron 'The Sex King' Weasley all this time?"
Neville looked ready to burst at the seams with laughter. "Hermione Granger."
Ron's mouth fell open in shock. "Surely you don't mean...that little...you don't want me to...that's horrible! All she ever does is study! She thinks she knows it all and she's dreadful! Not to mention I am sure there is absolutely no feeling or passion in that woman!" Ron scowled. "She's so cold. Such a prude. She's like winter...the ultimate ice queen."
"Well..."Harry said thoughtfully, "Give her a nice Weasel coat and I'm sure she'll warm right up." The guys lost control of their laughter at that point, rolling around on the floor and in their chairs. Harry had his face in his hands, wiping away his tears of joy. He looked up at Ron, whose frown had grown even deeper. "What's the matter, Ron, don't think you can do it?"
Ron's eyes snapped to Harry's face, a look of determination etched into them. "I WILL do it. I am going to show little Miss Granger the time of her life." Ron smiled in a wicked way and set off toward his private Prefect's room, rubbing his hands together.
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Hermione Granger sat on the bed in her private room, her eyes glued to a page in her book. She had curled up amongst her many pillows and was currently caught up in the fifth book in the Larry Water series, "The Order of Phoenix fries." She was biting her fist to keep from screaming as she read Chapter 67, in which Lord Callmedork had just killed the waiter at the restaurant where Larry Water was with his friends, Don Measley and Slimy Danger. Lord Callmedork was descending upon Larry with a bottle of ketchup, threatening to squirt Larry's new white Gap shirt, ruining it forever. Lord Callmedork laughed evilly as he pointed the bottle and -
"AHHHHHHHHH!" Hermione screamed, tossing her book. Someone had just knocked on her door. Hermione panted, trying to calm herself down before calling out, "Come in!" The door opened and Ginny Weasley came bouncing in. Hermione breathed out in relief. "Ginny. Phew. You scared me when you knocked."
Ginny smiled at Hermione, a puzzled look on her face. "Yeah, I kinda noticed." She glanced at the book Hermione had thrown, which was now laying in the corner of her room. "Ah!" Ginny exclaimed. "You must have been reading Larry Water. That explains the scream."
Hermione smiled at Ginny as she sat down at the end of her bed. "Yeah, I had it pre-owled. It got here early Saturday and I haven't been able to keep my hands off it."
"Do you know who dies yet?"
"No," Hermione sighed, "but I sure hope it isn't Magrid. He's a great character." She grinned at Ginny, then asked, "So what's up?"
Ginny looked at her feet as she kicked them back and forth. She leaned back onto one of Hermione's large, fluffy pillows and looked her in the eye. "What do you think about me and Harry?"
Hermione raised one eyebrow. "What in the world do you mean?"
"Do you think that Harry and I make a good couple?"
She pondered this for a moment before answering. "Yes. I think you guys are adorable. Harry is always looking at you with this expression of awe on his face, like he can't believe he has you. It's so cute. Why do you ask?"
Ginny looked sheepish. "Just wondering. I want my friends to like Harry too, because I know it's important, what your friends think. They see things you don't. Do you really like Harry?"
Hermione smiled and smoothed Ginny's hair from her face before answering, "Yes, of course. He's a really great guy. He just has bad picks for his friends." Hermione scowled deeply.
"Who's a bad pick?"
"Your brother, Ronald 'The Sex King' Weasley." Both girls giggled. Hermione rolled her eyes and continued. "I don't see how someone has nice as Harry ended up being friends with Ron. He's such a womanizer. No offense to you or anything. You should have heard him talking about his fling with Parvati Patil a little while ago. Oh please, like it's anything new to that girl. Little does he know she's been to the Prefect's bathroom with eight separate guys before him!" Ginny looked shocked. "Don't be so surprised. I learned a lot about Parvati when we were roommates. She was always talking about her 'dates'. Too much information, if you ask me. Ron was just one more man on her list to do."
Ginny smirked at Hermione. "Yeah, Ron can be quite a geek. Almost all the superficial girls at Hogwarts want him and he thinks that he's king of the world. You should hear him at home, listening to 50 knuts and M & N! He raps along with them, pretending he's cool and that he's a great rapper. He has some of the worst rhymes. 'I like them hoes who wear tight clothes. I bring my flows while you wipe your nose.' Honestly, sometimes I think I'd like to put the poor dear out of his misery! He's driving Mom absolutely mad with his behavior. She can't stand the music he listens to, or the way he dresses. George and Fred support him, of course. I guess they need to find a good laugh somewhere. I don't know though Hermione...sometimes I think that maybe if he found the right girl, he'd straighten up. I worry about him." Ginny frowned at the wall. "Course, he'd probably find some way to ruin that as well."
Hermione playfully hit Ginny with a pillow. "Come on, don't let your brother ruin your good mood. He's not worth it. Now shoo. Go find Harry and let him put you in a better mood."
Ginny laughed at Hermione and jumped off the bed, heading for the door. She opened it and looked back at Hermione. "One of these days, Hermy, you're going to find a man who will put YOU in a good mood...someone who might actually be able to get your nose out of a book!" Ginny closed the door as a pillow came flying at it.
Hermione chuckled and shook her head. "Don't count on that, Ginny."
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A/N: Well, I hope ya'll liked the first chapter. :) Like I said, this story isn't supposed to be taken seriously. There will probably be a bunch of fluff because I be loving the warm fuzzies! *grins*