Yes, there are a lot of answers to questions at the end of this….not all of them….just the ones I had pasted a while ago….and yeah, I'm kinda REALLY busy with school and shit right now so it's awfully hard to write really good chapters and update daily for me…I'm just not multi-task enough….so please….don't hound the writeress….
Inu Yasha's Guide to Mating
The Date (Part 2)
Well aren't we special? If you're reading this part, it either means that you've decided to read the whole book through before you try anything, or it means you've made it through the first phase of your date.
(Shippou: Thank god that's over.)
(Inu Yasha: Shippou, you have not yet begun to write.)
You might be like me – where you don't have any money. Do I look like I have money? Do you have money? I don't have any money. No really, do I look like I have money??
(Shippou: No! You look like a hobo!)
(Inu Yasha: *whacks him on the head*)
If you're like me and you don't have any money…you have to be able to improvise. Spur of the moment creativity. Nothing like it…
(Shippou: sounds like the definition of "procrastination".)
(Inu Yasha: Shut up, Shippou! Who died and made you Webster's Dictionary??)
If you're a snooty rich person with your nose in the air and your pockets full of gold, you can take your date to one of them thar' Chinese theaters, or Cloves, or the opera house where they use those balcony binocular thingies….
(Shippou: T_T Wow. It sounds like a second grader Eminem wrote this…)
(Inu Yasha: EAT THE RICH!! ^_^V)
But if you're a poor bum you can't take your date to those rich places where they sell bags of popcorn at five bucks a grande size.
(Inu Yasha, Kagome and Shippou: Approach a home made outside theater. With two large silk pillows in the audience for them to sit on and two tall screens on either side of the stage.)
(Kagome: oooh…. *looks all interested*)
(Shio: *jumps out dressed in a sexy silk kimonos making everyone jump in shock and fear* Welcome young lovers!)
(Sango: *also jumps out in a fancy Yukata* Looking for excitement?)
(Miroki: *comes out in colorful male kimonos* Looking for fun?)
(Rin and Sumiko: *come out on either side of the two screens and twirl around in their yukatas with a closed fan in each hand and their hair in two buns. They do the American spits and open their fans.* Welcome to the Little Romantic Theater!)
(Kagome: ^_^ Yay! *claps* )
(Inu Yasha: *blink and sweatdrop*)
(Rin and Sumiko: Please! *pushes Kagome and Inu Yasha over to the two pillows in front of the screen* Sit down! ^_^ *They shove them into the large cushions and run back behind the screens with the others*)
If you're a moderately hard working joe – or jane – and you live in the suburbs with your parents, you might be able to find a cheap Sony theater, a multiplex, something of the like.
(Sumiko: *runs to the center of the stage and holds up an upside down sign with the words written in black permanent marker: Act 1.*)
(Kagome: ^ ^ *giggles*)
Try to get your tickets ahead of time, because god help you, if you get there six minutes before the commercials break, there will be this long line of procrastinating losers in line for tickets and if you don't have your own, you will have to stand in line with them and someone else who is reading this book will come along, see you in line with them, and call YOU a procrastinating loser! WHICH YOU WILL BE!
_(Shippou: ….wow….somehow….I'm not sure how…..I found that awfully disturbing…..)
Another very important detail that you should remember about your date at a movie theater….the mood of the movie, makes all the difference.
(Rin: *like a quick change artist, walks on stage wearing a different yukata, smiling and tilting her head back and forth happily*)
(Sesshomaru: *Walks on stage and stands near her with his arms folded and a deadpan expression on his face* No pictures please.)
(Rin: *starts doing a Mexican hat dance around Sesshomaru*)
(Shio: *from off stage* There once was a little girl named Cinder.....Cinda……Cindy….Cider…..*whispers* who the hell wrote this script?)
Kagome, Inu Yasha, Shippou: *sweatdrop*)
(Someone: *whispers back*)
(Shio: Now don't tell me, I can figure it out……Kidney….Sidney…… Sensei? Cinderella! There once was a little girl named Cinderella!)
If you take your date to a really sad movie with a bad ending….she might get put down enough to not be in the mood for cuddles later....
(Shippou: Oh, so you're saying it's okay to cuddle on the first date?)
(Inu Yasha: *smirks evilly from Shippou to Kagome. You can almost see the devil horns behind his ears* Shippou, I plan on doing much more then cuddling later….)
(Shippou: Oo ;;;;; Be afraid…..be very, VERY afraid!)
Little known fact for the guy readers….girls can be easily turned on….That's what mushy, chick flicks are made for. It's porn for girls.
(Shippou: *rolls his eyes* I love my job….)
If you take your girlfriend to a scary movie, you have an excuse for holding their hand. And girls have an excuse to cling to the guy. It works out very well. Now just make sure you're sitting in the very back row, where there is the least amount of light…..
(Shippou: Oh snaps, I think he's getting horny…;;;;)
(Inu Yasha: The last time I checked Shippou, you were a stupid kid who wasn't supposed to know what "horny" meant!!)
Have you ever mated in a movie theater?? It's even more exciting when it's a horror flick…..I don't know whether it's the creepy music that makes it more exciting and dirty or what…..
(Shippou: Gods, I should never have asked that cuddling question! T_T)
(Sesshomaru: *watching Rin skip around him*)
(Shio: *from off screen* Cinderella lived with her *pause* noble father……whom she loved very much…)
Would you hurry up? I'm getting dizzy….)
(Shio: Well then stop watching her rotate around you!)
(Sango: *Whispers* Shio, just read!)
(Shio: But then one day, her father died.)
(Sesshomaru: suddenly walked off stage and Rin stopped skipping and looked confused*)
(Rin: How did he die?)
(Shio: Uh….from alcoholism. When her father died, she was sent to go live with her step mother and step sisters.)
(Sango and Sumiko come out dressed in different clothes just like Rin did. Sango is the step mother, Sumiko is a step sister, and she is holding the hand of the second step sister, who is a little white monkey dressed like she is)
(Rin and Kagome: Kawaii!!!)
(Miroku: *from offstage* Sumiko? Why did you dress Naraku up like a step sister?)
(Sumiko: His name isn't Naraku! It's Chocolate Monkey Man!!)
(Inu Yasha: ;;; Ahem!)
(Rin: *to the step sisters and step mother* Hi! Rin is Cinderella!)
(Sango: *in her best actor's mean voice* Get to work, Cinderella! We have lots of chores for you!)
(Sumiko: Yeah! Lots of chores!)
(Chocolate Monkey Man: *shakes his fist and screeches angrily*)
(Rin: *looks at the monkey terrified and runs off stage crying*)
(Sango: Oo uh-oh….;;;;)
(Sumiko: *runs after her* Wait! Rin! Chocolate Monkey Man didn't mean to scare you!)
(Inu Yasha and Kagome: *sweatdrops nervously* ;;;;;)
(Shippou: Wow. This is amazingly bad.)
(Inu Yasha: *stretches out his arm with his hand balled into a fist and drops it down on Shippou's head*)
Yasha: Go get us some popcorn Shippou,
and when you get back I'll give you some more notes.)
(Shippou: *reaches behind his back and pulls out a bag of popcorn which he hands to Kagome*)
(Inu Yasha: Oo Where did you get that?!?!)
(Shippou: I found it.)
(Inu Yasha: ………………….)
Yes, movie theaters. There's nothing like making your move in the dark, you know what I'm saying? ^__^
(Shippou: Again, I don't know…and I probably don't want to…)
Some people will try to hold their partner's hand as explained in above. But there isn't always a good scary movie playing. And the person you're with may not like scary movies. So you'll have to rely on how lucky you feel. If you feel lucky and you're right, you'll be on your way to make out city. Make out city has little or no street signs…uh huh….
(Shippou: I'm not sure what that meant….but it sounded sick somehow….)
If your wrong, you'll either get slapped or shoved away hard. Usually you can tell by if your partner is in the same situation your in where they're hesitating about whether to hold your hand or not, or pretend to yawn then put their arm over the back of your chair. But remember, movie theater make out sessions always start with a hand hold. ^_^ Oh yeah…..
(Shippou: Now don't get too excited, I'm a minor….;;;;)
(Inu Yasha: Just warming up….^___^)
(Shippou: I think Sango might have put too much of that stuff in him…;;;;)
(Rin: *Somehow they had convinced her to come back and she was okay now. She had changed her clothes to look like a begger child scrubbing the floor with a slightly sad expression on her face*)
(Sango: *comes out and says in her fake mean voice again* Alright Rin – ooh! I mean Cinderella! Go fill our jars with water!)
(Rin: *stands up and give her a polite bow* yes stepmother. *Goes over to the jars, looks inside the one that stands out the most and gives a dramatic gasp* A frog! There's a frog in the jar! *There's some ruckus "backstage and they hear Miroku clear his throat*)
(Miroku: *sticks his hand up behind the jar with a frog puppet on it and says in a voice that resembles Yoda's* Hello, Cinderella! You are a good girl, so I will fill these jars with water for you!)
(Rin: *gets really excited and wrings her hands together* Thank you, Mr. Frog! I am very grateful!)
(Miroku: *pulls his hand and the frog puppet back and crawls back behind the screen*)
(Shio: *from off screen* the step mother came to see how far Cinderella had gotten and tell her to hurry her ass up-)
(Rin: *gasps* Sesshomaru-sama!! He said a bad word!!)
(Sesshomaru: *walks behind the screen, while cracking his knuckles and there is a loud WHACK!)
(Kagome: *gasps and puts her hand up to her mouth*)
(Sesshomaru: Walks back over to where he was standing before*)
(Shippou: So when are you going to "make your move"?)
(Inu Yasha: T_T Are you kidding? This is like a friggn' G movie!)
(Kagome: *looks interested in the show*)
If you do decide to go for the hand hold. There's a certain "moment". Where it has to happen. If your seeing a comedy, that moment is somewhat hard to recognize…..unless there's like a really dirty part in it…..no wait, never mind…..not everyone sees comedies as incredibly romantic, but if your with a guy, they'd pretty much be in the mood for the hand hold, and even the kiss in the cool, dark movie theater. But with girls, there's a certain "moment"….it's really hard to tell – it's like during sex…some women will fake an orgasm….
@_@ OH OF THE GOD DAMNED!!!)
(Inu Yasha: *bops him* Shut up, Shippou! Rin's sensitive to bad words!!)
(Shippou: T_T I can't believe you just told me that!! I'm probably scarred for life now!!)
(Sango: Cinderella! There is no way you could have been able to fill up these jar with water so fast!!)
(Rin: A froggy at the bottom of one of the jars helped me! He filled it up with his froggy magic!!)
(Miroku: *off screen snickers*)
(Sango: *Goes over to the jar and peaks inside*)
(Miroku: *shuffles over to that side of the screen and gets behind the pot again. He holds up a squirt gun and shoots a stream of water at her face*)
*jumps in shock and wipes it off of her face*)
(Sumiko, Inu Yasha, Shio, and Shippou: *cracks up*)
(Miroku: O0 Whoops! ;;;; *says quickly* I'm so sorry, Sango!)
(Sango: Grrrr!!! *runs behind the screen and there is the sound of priest pounding*)
(Shippou and Inu Yasha: *grabs a handful of popcorn each and tosses it into their own mouths*)
Another good thing about the movies, is that after you go there, you have an instant conversation starter! It isn't as awkward if you're planning on going somewhere or doing something else and you can both talk about that part where the cars explode or the main characters took a shower together, or the pigeon took a dump on the bad guys head….and if your really lucky, it might turn into sex!
(Shippou: - - ;;; Is it going to be like this the whole time? The closer we get to the end of this date, the hornier you get?)
(Inu Yasha: I'm still not sure where you learned the term "horny", but for an answer – No I won't get "hornier", but at the same time, I will. *nods*)
Question and Answer!
Question #1 from Ishizu Sango Halliwell: Hey Inuyasha, is it bad to love somebody who isn't real?
Answer from Inu Yasha: Well let's see. Are you real? If your not real…and they're not real, then it actually makes sense to date them…but if your real and they're not, they might just be pretending to not be real, unless they aren't and…..@_% whoa! Confusion!!
Question #2 from Soudesuka-Shurikens: *bows* oh great inuyasha how are you so wise?..
Answer from Inu Yasha: Let's just say I've had a messed up life -_-….
Question #3 from Soudesuka-Shurikens: I'm a very picky girl and what advice can you give me to help me not be so picky?
Answer from Inu Yasha: Like how picky? I mean it's one thing if your against picking up carnies and guys with mirrors on their shoes, anyone can understand that. But if you don't like a guy just because he wears white pants after labor day, well that makes you compulsive and a prep! Or if you don't like a guy because he smells like kitty litter well – actually, I can totally understand that. Tell him to go wash his friggn', scratch and sniff shirt! _
Question #4 – also from Soudesuka-Shurikens: -is it strange to like guys when you observe them from a far...and then hate them if they come too close to you?...seriously
Answer from Inu Yasha: Have you ever seen the t.v. show Hey Arnold? There's that Helga girl with the unibrow who likes that guy with the treasure troll hair and she's like obsessed with him, yet she treats him like shit when he's within a five foot radius of her. Yeah….if you're livin' a life like the unibrow girl….then maybe your in a cartoon on nickelodeon!! O_o
#5 from Mr. Snoogie: What is there that can be said?
Hah, you're quite clever, and clever is always good. Now I won't have to spend
money on Dating For Complete Idiot's since I've read
this. The first chapter was quite funny, and the second one does well to follow
up the first.
I especially found the comment about church's holding single's night's to simply increase their business in marriage quite amusing. I've always thought basically along the same lines when it comes to that. Everything else was quite funny as well.
Shippoou: Somebody vote me off this island, I wanna get off!
^_^ Oh, that's a classic line right there. The restruant bit where a guy will offer a girl a seat only if she's cute was another high-point. I could go on, but I'd better stop. In conclusion, this is a very creative story.
Keep on writing.
Answer from Scorpiogal: ^_____________^ HIIIIIIIIIIII SNOOGIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEE!!!!!!!
Question #6 from Moo-Moo-chan: Inu-Fluffy, Do you have to go on a 'date' to be boyfriend and girlfriend?
Answer from Inu Yasha: Does a women have to wear lipstick to be sexy? Hell no. Nuff' said, moo-moo person….
Question #7 from Moo-Moo-chan: What do guys like women to wear on dates?
Answer from Inu Yasha: Depends on they guy…I personally…well, it can be pretty much any thing….as long as you don't come dressed as my brother or something! _ EWW!!! BAD IMAGE!!!! What do girls see in him any way?!?!
Scorpia: Waii waii! ^^
Question #8 from Moo-Moo-chan: Have you ANY experience in this or is this just the hormones of man talking?
Answer from Inu Yasha: let me check….*looks at the vial of liquid that Sango injected into him*….well techniquly, it's both…
#9 from Moo-Moo-chan: How many licks does it take to
get to the center of a tootsie pop? (if u kno what i mean, lol
Answer from Inu Yasha: 245….what?
Question #10 from Moo-Moo-chan: Sus, when are you going to send me that letter??
Sus: Get off muh back woman, I'm driving!! @_X
Question #11 from Ashi: How can we stop fan girls from glomping us?! I've tried EVERYTHING. It's insane! THEY STOLE MY SWORD!!
Answer from Inu Yasha: Are you kidding?? You're going to be hounded all your life, pal! The more bishi you are, the more hair they'll rip out of your scalp!!! _ If your bald, they'll just go for your "hidden" hair….
Change is inevitable…except from a vending machine….
Advice from Cloud: Oh, yeah, and Inuyasha, here's some of MY advice: NEVER try those kind of pick-up lines. NEVER. Also, the best thing to do to get a woman is just to act nice to them, do nice things for them. Take her out to lunch (you pay), help her carry her books (or overly large yellow bag), even make breakfast in bed for her! It may be emabarrassing at first, but believe me, it works!
Answer from Inu Yasha: *reads the letter* If you know all of this…then why the hell are you reading my book??? *crumples up letter and tosses it over his shoulder*
Question #12 from neo8: If to different breeds of demons are in love like a honyo and a kitsuen what could happen if they had children? My Mom told me that love can be more powerful than time.
Answer from Inu Yasha: well let's put it this way, miz neo person….if a "HANYO" and a "KITSUNE" were to get together and have children there would be one of two different outcomes. Let's pretend that the human trait is "h" and the demon trait is "D". The hanyo is "Dh" and the kitsune is "DD". In a chart between them, there is a 50% chance that the child will be hanyou, and a 50% chance that it will be full demon.
Kagome: Inu Yasha knows biology! OO
Miroku: The planets are aligning!! OO
Sango: Hell froze over!! OO
Kirara: Mew!! OO
Shippou: Naraku's dead and the series ended!! OO
Shio: Bill Clinton had sex with Osama Bin Laden after he had a sex change!! OO
Kaede: I got younger!! OO
Scorpiogal: He found my biology notes from two years ago!! OO
Comment from Dark Whispers: If I never need 'mating advice' I know where to turn to. ^-~
Answer from Inu Yasha: True dat, girlie….
Question #13 from Whitney Lin: What happens when you love the one person you cant have? You know they are the one but they will never love you. Life is confusing..-sigh-
Answer from Inu Yasha: Well, that's amazing that you know they are the one…but there is one thing that you two seem to have serious conflict over that sets you far apart. How do you Americans say….."being an item"?....
You can either spend your time trying to convince them, which there is a chance that may never happen….or you can find someone else who is "the one"….trust me on this….you sound like a teenager, you'll fall in love and date at least six more guys before you get married….
Question #14 from Biganimefan1: If you mated with Kag how many pups do you think/want to have?
Answer from Inu Yasha: How the hell should I know??? Do I look like a biologist to you?!?!
#15 from Aamalie: You mentioned you've been with 3
women out of love... Could you name them? Cuz the
only one I can think of is Kikyou, since you're still
working things out with Kagome, and I'd be scared if you said you had gotten
together with your mother. Ew...
Answer from Inu Yasha: Before I answer, I'd just like to say that I am sickened and disgusted by the comment about my mother you made. You're lucky I'm only an anime character or I'd kick yur ass….
Anyway, the three women….the most recent as you know is my date in this story, Kagome…..and about fifty years ago, it was Kikyo…….and about oooohhhh, *counts on his fingers*….maybe sixty or so years ago, I fell in love with my fighting instructor…..she was perky, and liked short skirts, and carried a huge pack around with her, and had nice legs, and she was freakishly clever!! Didn't look as powerful as she actually was…….
Question #16 from Aamalie: Does Kagome know about those prostitutes you mentioned? Hm?
Inu Yasha's Answer: *looks upward thinking with his hands resting behind his head* No….not really….unless Shio told her or something….*unusually calm*….
Question #17 from Aamalie: And if a guy likes you, and you don't like him, HOW THE HELL DO YOU GET HIM TO LEAVE YOU ALONE?!
Inu Yasha's Answer: That's easy! Kill em'!
(An: I do not promote death in my stories….unless it's painful and unusual……muwahahahaha….)
Comment from Foxterr: I like your advice. Unfortunatly, my little interest did get fired... Through no fault of mine, thank you very much! *Sweat drop* The whole... him having a girlfriend thing still applies.
Inu Yasha's Answer: Really? How'd she get fired?
Scorpia: Are you hot and available?
Question #18 from Silver Magiccraft: Here's a qestion for Inu-chan. Why the hell are all guys perverted? Tell me please...
Inu Yasha's Answer: Two words: Testosterone.
#19 from S@an-ch@n: Why do you keep ignoring the
subject when someone asks you about Kagome and Kikyou,
I mean surely it's your weak spot but you're being so honest with us... Can't
you just tell us the truth?
Inu Yasha's Answer: *reads letter* the answer is 66! *nods* ^_^
Question #20 from Keito-chan: Can i ask a question?
Inu Yasha's Answer: Yes, yes you may. As long as it's about dating or mating.
Question #21 from Keito-chan: what if u love a guy/girl but he or she is an asshole, but u still love them?
Answer: O_o well Keito, I have two questions for you! By calling them an asshole, do you mean literally? And when you say guy/girl, does that mean you can't tell?? O_o
I'll assume that you mean that this person (sex unknown) is a jerk and that's what you mean. You're confused as to why you like them though they probably call you names and other crap like that that girl/guys your age do. Well the answer is the adrenaline rush you get from your little battles. You see, people communicate in different ways. Some people like hugs and kisses, some like sign language…and then there are those who are turned on by shouting and fighting. That's you. If you see them smiling and stuff while your fighting them or blushing, or looking away a lot, that means they feel the same way. They want your attention as much as you do….you know you want their attention…
Question #22 from Keito-chan: what if you love the living dead...to the extention of not rightness...
Answer: What like a nymphomaniac? I wish you would have given a little more information on this one….but if you mean nymphomaniac, then yeah, that is wrong….not very respectful to the dead person either….
Question #23 from wouldn't_u_like_2_no: Aren't u a little old for kagome? I mean how old are u really?
Inu Yasha's answer: Wouldn't u like 2 know?
Question #24 from wouldn't_u_like_2_no: how does it feel to be shot with an arrow and be pinned to it for 50 years?
Inu Yasha's answer: Well after the first few minutes of consciousness, you don't feel a thing…then it's like being asleep for a really long time and waking up to Kagome's scent. But otherwise, try imagining jamming an electric sewer nail threw your chest at the force of seventy miles an hour.
Question #25 from SuPeiNGo RuuKii: Why the hell do you throw away every single question involving Kagome and Kikyou?
Answer from Inu Yasha: *doesn't even read it, just crumples up paper then says sarcastically,* Oops.
Question #26 from SuPeiNGo RuuKii: It's already totally, utterly, and very obvious that you're insanely obsessed with Kagome, so why not just say that you love her?
Answer from Inu Yasha: *sets crumpled up letter on fire* Oops again.
#27 from Firebeauty: Okay, what do you do when you
like the other person, and you know that the other person likes you too, but
they are either too shy/hardheaded/retarded to let you know that they like you?
How do you make that first move?
Answer from Inu Yasha: Well, sounds like the person your referring to is either hard, or stubborn….I'm going to assume he or she is stubborn…You meet that person at a place that's not specifically suggestive or intimating, not crowded with a lot of people. You know, try to make it easy for them. And don't seem worried or nervous yourself or they'll get nervous. Whatever emotions you portray will have an impact on their fight or flight thinking responses.
Question #28 from Lil' Yahiko: Why don't you just admit that you like Kagome and finally give up on Kikyo?
Inu Yasha's Answer: *crumples up letter and tosses it over his shoulder* Oops, I loose a lot of letters that way….
Questiong #29 from okami-chan: Can you set me up with your brother?
Inu Yasha's Answer: Heck no. I don't even know if he likes women! _
Question #30 from okami-chan: And do you have a tail?
Inu Yasha's Answer: ;;;; How about in the next answer you ask me what my dick size is…..;;;;
Question #31 from okami-chan: Do you like eggs?
Inu Yasha's Answer: ….is this a dirty question?? ;;;
Question #32 from okami-chan: Who do you love more,kikyo or Kagome?If your not going to answere why?
Inu Yasha's Answer: *tears out the question, rolls it up into a little ball and flicks it at Shippou's head*
Question #33 from okami-chan: What are you going to do with the Shikon no tama?
Inu Yasha's answer: Protect it. Please ask questions about romance and mating….
Question #34 from okami-chan: Did you know Naraku's a hanyou?How do you keep your hair so white in battles?When your full demon,do you turn into a huge dog?What was your mothers name?Since your a dog demon,are you color-blind?What's your favorite colour?Are you jealous of other bishonen?Is Kurama your role model?How's your relationship with Kagome?Is is cool to have sharp senses?Have you ever gone on a sugerhigh?Are you acoholic?What's your fave Ramen flavour?Why do you hate Sesshomaru?Do you have any other family members?Am I pissing you off with all of the questons?
Inu Yasha's answer: You know what? Few or none of these questions are about mating or dating, so I'm just going to answer the very last question. Yes, you are totally pissing me off!!!
#35 from Kaoma: Is Sesshomaru
single? Cuz I have this friend...
Inu Yasha's answer: Is your friend a man?? -_- ;;;
Question #36 from Kaoma: When the series ends, who do you think you'll be with?
Inu Yasha's answer: I think that that information is so secret that not even the writer knows!!
Question #37 from Kaoma: Why don't you just hook Miroku-sama up with some prostitutes?
Inu Yasha's answer: That's Shio's bag, sweetheart….
Question #38 from Momentum: What do you do if you like the person you're supposed to hate?! Or you do hate?! AND WHAT IF IT'S CUZ A SOME DRAMATIC RUMOR THAT'S NOT TRUE?!
Inu Yasha: O_o wha? You've confused me in less then a paragraph of words!!