Special Bonus Chapter: Welcome to the Moulin Raoul!


"Hang on," the Author said, as she entered a darkened room. "I thought the fic was over!"

"As did I," Erik remarked, stopping just behind her. "Doesn't this door lead to the exit?"

"Yeah, usually. But I'm not the author of this fic, so…"

"Wait a minute," Raoul said, stopping himself just before he stepped on the back of Erik's shoe. "Since when is there a stage in the middle of your living room, Mademoiselle Author?"

"Um, there isn't," the Author replied. "If I didn't know any better, I'd swear…"

"…we're in for another random musical number," Christine finished, stepping up next to Raoul.

"Right you are, madame!" Meg's voice shouted from somewhere beyond the stage."Sit down, and make yourselves comfortable while we get this last musical number out of our systems."

"Why now?" Erik asked.

Estella's voice piped up. "Because she wanted to put it up with this fic, and she couldn't think of any other place for it! It's kind of a long number."

"Thanks a heap, Stella," Meg muttered under her breath. After taking a moment to ponder her affronted dignity, she suddenly cried:

"Welcome to the Moulin Raoul!"

"Oh, Lord," the Author said, but grinned anyway. She loved Moulin Rouge.

Meg's voice dissipated into the darkness of the theatre, and a moment later the lush velvet curtains opened to reveal a backdrop that looked suspiciously like the set of Phantom of the Opera. The spotlight appeared overhead, illuminating several women decked out in an array of brightly colored cabaret costumes, consisting of different combinations of feather boas, top hats, corsets, can-can skirts and high heels. Of course, this look was completed by more glitter than one could shake a stick at.

 
"Please, please tell me Christina Aguilera isn't going to appear," Christine whispered fearfully. Raoul reached for her hand, and she took it.
 
The music began to play from somewhere offstage, and the Admirers began their rather scandalous dance sequence.
 
"Hey, vicomte, go vicomte, soul vicomte, flow vicomte
 Hey, vicomte, go vicomte, soul vicomte, go vicomte"
 
 We met our vicomte down at the Opera Populaire
 He was lookin' so fine on that street
 We said, "Hello, stylish man with lovely blond hair"
 You wanna give it a go? Oh!
 
 All we want is Raoul, da da (hey, hey hey)
 Any other boy just won't do 
 Better than a cappuccino mocha
 Vicomte Raoul de Chagny!
 
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce soir?
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce coir?
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce soir?
 
"Wait," Lexie said, suddenly halting her dance. "What does that mean?"

"It means, 'will you rescue us tonight'," Meg replied. She brandished her baton in a violent manner. "Unless Babel Fish lied to me…"

"Um, ladies, we are in the middle of a number, in case you forgot," A.J. put in.
 
"Oh, right."

The dancing resumed.
 
Well, Raoul saw Christine as she freshened up
After that gala event, he didn't even need wine
'Cause right then he knew, she was the girl he would seek
No matter what those others say, WE know he's not weak!
 
"Raoul, honey, what's the matter?" Christine asked, handing Raoul handkerchief. 

Raoul brushed the moisture from his eyes. "I…just had something in my eye, that's all," he said huskily.

"How sweet. The vicomte is touched by his fans' gesture," Erik said with a smile.
 
"Oh, be quiet."
 
"All we want is Raoul, da da (hey, hey hey)
 Any other boy just won't do 
 Better than a cappuccino mocha
 Vicomte Raoul de Chagny!
 
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce soir?
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce coir?
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce soir?
 
The melody changed a bit, as it took on more of a rap feel. The Admirers' dance sequence changed accordingly, as they hip-hopped around the stage. 
 
 "Oh, yeah, aw,
  We love our vicomte with his hair of gold
  And we don't care what others say, Raoul is not gay!
 We're Raoul's women, don't need to say more
 Erik's all right, but we love Raoul to the core!
 Disagree? Well that's fine, and we're sorry
 E/C is more played out than Atari
 We'll wear our high heeled shoes, get love from that vicomte so cool
 The badass chicks of the Harem Raoul!
 Hey, vicomte, soul vicomte
 Gotta take off that shirt, vicomte
 Hey, Raoul, you better move fast
 'Cause we don't want to wait, so you better not be late
 We want Raoul de Chagny, da da
 Better than cappuccino mocha! 
 Vicomte Raoul de Chagny!
 (One more time, come on)
 
R.D.C...
Vicomte Raoul de C....
R.D.C....
 
 
Manon and Rusty took center stage, as the other Admirers struck poses around them.
 
"Hey, hey, hey!
 He dreams of her touch, oh so silky smooth
 The color of marble and ice, alright
 Makes our savage beast inside
 Realize we need to write
 
 More, more, more!
 
 Now he's watching at that old opera house 
 Living his aristocratic life
 But when he goes to sleep, his harem creeps
 
 And they continue to write, more, more, more!
 
 All we want is Raoul, da da (hey, hey hey)
 Any other boy just won't do 
 Better than a cappuccino mocha
 Vicomte Raoul de Chagny!
 
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce soir?
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce coir?
 Nous sauverez-vous ce soir, ce soir?
 
Meg took center stage, twirling and spinning.
 
 "Come on now!
  Sing it, Manon!
  Let's go, Sharon!
  Cheryl and Nicole...
  Kim, Gypsy… 
  Julie, Sharon
  Alexis…
  Rusty…
  Rock on, ladies!
  Estella!
  Mlle. Meg here...
 
 Vicomte Raoul de Chagny! 
 Ooooh, YES!"
 

"Take that, Mister Holmes!" L'Ange de Folie and Lexie cried.

(A/N: Why did I write this? Because I can can can! Um, anyway, the song parodied here was "Lady Marmalade" from Moulin Rouge, as performed by Lil' Kim, Pink, Christina Aguilera, Mya, and Missy Elliot. On a related note, I want to take this opportunity to post an important warning: beware of this strange red-haired person masquerading as Raoul de Chagny in Sam Siciliano's Angel of the Opera. He bears no resemblance, physically or personality-wise, with the original character from Gaston Leroux's novel. If spotted, the book should be immediately turned in to the nearest People for the Ethical Treatment of Raoul station, so that this identity thief might be apprehended. The color code for this alert  is vermillion. Meanwhile, the Society of R.A.O.U.L. is doing all it can to find and viciously maul this offending author. Unoriginal Phanfic is one thing. Charging for unoriginal Phanfic is unforgivable.)